Can't afford to feed my husband

[Prusik]

Gah, the title sounds pathetic! Please don't rip me to pieces for the fact that he should be feeding himself but it's the simplest summary I can give.

DH is 6ft7 and skinny. He eats a lot to maintain his weight. He's both milk and egg free (milk is allergy, egg is intolerance as his gut tends to get inflamed). He also tries to avoid sugar as he was finding he was getting major energy slumps during the day and reaching for sweets.

Ok, so here goes. I did the food shop last night and it was £100. Haven't bought any luxury items apart from I bought four cartons of supermarket brand apple juice and haven't yet bought meat for the week.

Try to fill him up on protein, ie nuts, chicken wraps, etc as empty carbs just don't seem to cut it. I rely on cheap meat where I can, we eat a lot of mince. And I bulk things out with cheap veg and potatoes. We cook chilli with beans, pulses, etc and I make my own humous as that's a good fix and so much cheaper than the supermarkets.

I'm just at my wit's end. For various reasons we're now at the arse end of poor. We're going down to one vehicle and are really struggling. We don't buy coffees out, don't go anywhere which costs parking... everything we do is free. But I'm still struggling to afford to feed DH. I do buy fruit in for the baby and am starting to cut corners with what I eat just so DH and Ds can be fed. I'm not going without but will just have jam on toast for lunch rather than anything better as I don't want to use food up. This is far from ideal as I'm 28 weeks pregnant change in circumstances happened after I conceived

We get tax credits and child benefit.

Any tips for feeding a very hungry person on the cheap?? He's not greedy, he genuinely needs the food. ds is beginning to look like he will be the same

Becotide has written a great list
Yours is full of snacks - dates , rice cakes , oatcakes , nuts , sultanas , crisps but very little to make a good meal with .

He needs to adjust his diet and reduce or cut out costlier things.

* Have you thought about visiting your local food bank? I think you might need to get a referral note from a GP (possibly?) but that might help you pad out your budget a little*

Erm. Is this poster on crack? If you’re spending £100 on food then you don’t need a food bank and it’s not for ‘padding out your budget’ anyway ffs. Sorry, had to address that as I was horrified.

I believe Morrison's pricing strategies is to run standard items at higher prices than shops like asda, It then offer deals to offset this. It may be worth running your shopping list through a comparison site and seeing which supermarket works out cheaper for you. It is also worth trying a cheaper or non branded product for everything that you haven't already tried this for. Unless the brand in on deal and therefore cheaper than the unbranded item. It may also be worth seeing if any product you want to buy has a similar item that is on a deal and therefore cheaper.

Plenty of veggies, pulses, or pearl barley in a pan , if you can add meat it’s a stew, add lamb shoulder it’s irish stew, add dumplings (dead easy to make) and it’s filling and should serve 6.

Pasta with tomato sauce, tinned tomatoes, herbs, onions, garlic, (red wine when your flush) a tiny grate of cheese on top, and it’s a good sauce, add the cooked pasta. If you want to bang it in the oven with extra grated cheese it’s a pasta bake.

Beans on toast. Nice thick bread.

Shepherds pie with extra veggies added to the meat, plenty of potatoes on top and 500gm of meat can feed 4. Make it in a huge oven proof dish with loads of veggies (I use frozen peas and or mixed veg) and it’s a one pot wonder.

If you have the time (and inclination) to make a home made steak and kidney puddding you can use a small amount of cheap beef, cook it for about 4 hours and it will be super tender and the suet pastry is filling. If you like kidney (not everyone’s taste I realise) they are ridiculously cheap.

Veggie ragout, soften onions, add tomato paste, add chopped veggies, (carrot, aubergine, peppers, courgette, sweet corn, and anything else) simmer until soft, add plenty of garlic and its great for making veggie lasagne or bolognase. If you can afford red wine it’s great, if you can’t, you won’t miss it. It’s also great if you can use up a rasher Of bacon. (Makes one of two rashers I to a tasty meal.

Jacket potatoes with cheese, spring onion, or whatever you prefer, a blob of sour cream and some chilli (add some chilli powder to leftover ragout or shepherd pie.

Risotto, soften onions, add aboria rice (cheap) add stock, stir whilst simmering, add mushrooms, bacon, veggies, whatever you have that needs using up and garlic to taste Grate a little cheese in and it’s lovely and filling. I like mushrooms, peas, chorizo or bacon but not all together obviously.

Home made veggie soup, cheap and cheerful. Chuck a selection of winter veg (onions, carrots, leeks, celery) and anything that needs using up.

Squash or pumpkin soup, squash cooked until soft (roast or simmer) add onions, garlic, carrots and stock. Cook until soft, add a tin of coconut milk, lemongrass and chilli and it’s a lovely warming spiced squash soup.

Sorry if I missed it but you mention coeliac runs in the family too, has DH had that ruled out? DH wasn't diagnosed until 38! It's just that it can make you feel hungry a lot, the gut gets all gummed up so you don't absorb as much nutrition from what you're eating. It would be worth asking for a blood test (but do NOT cut down or stop gluten before that - it will screw up the test). Sorry if you've already done all that and I'm teaching you to suck, erm, eggs. Just thought I'd mention it anyway.

I am now craving lentil soup thanks :o

@Bumdishcloths Thanks for pointing out my mistake. I have to admit I have no experience with food banks.

I think we've down the kids to death (though I will say that lidl sells them loose which could help massively).

But your snacks stick out to me, like the rice cakes and the hula hoops. You could easily drop these to own brands and notice no difference.

It's hard when you're tired and pregnant so don't want to shop around but it is (usually if you're not driving miles) the cheapest way of doing things. Though only if you can resist impulse buys!

I disagree on the food bank, they are for people who for whatever reason are finding it hard right now. You've got a long term plan with the car so a couple of food parcels in the meantime could make all the difference. I'd still make but changes but I would think you would be eligible. It's not for a bunch of strangers on the internet to judge that.

I know it's been said but cooking on a bootstrap is excellent

Stupid question but have you got a match and more card for Morrisons? Make sure you use it! I watch out for products that are "reduced" by them having a "buy this and get 500 points" as it's effectively 50p off because of the £5 vouchers you get back

My family have tall thin people with hollow legs - I think its hard to understand if you haven't fed people like this and if they have food allergies its even more difficult.

I remember my DM talking about the weekly food bill - I never understood this until I had my own houseful of hollow legs.

I use beans a lot, combined with grains sometimes. You take a fairly generic many bean soup/stew recipe like this one and change it regularly by different herbs and spices (we loved Middle Eastern flavours, also Latino chilli type species). Use different veg depending on what is in season, small amounts of meat if you eat meat, and grains such as pearl barley as available.

I pretty much permanently had a pot of this on the go when feeding growing kids and teenagers. Both to have as savoury after school snack or as main meals with salad/bread/potatoes etc. You can increase the fat content if desired more oil, some types of nut (added to the bowl) or meats. It reheats well if you have a microwave in the workplace.

Its very nutrient dense and its good for stretching the pennies.

I had one of the morrisons wonky veg boxes this week, it had about 8 good size baking potatos, a large cabbage, a caulifower, 3 good sized parsnips, 5 or 6 good sized carrots, and some small onions, oh and a swede. For £3 it was excellent value, and really not that wonky either. I was hugely impressed.

What did his mother feed him? Assuming he wasn’t born that size, she’s overcome this issue at some point...

I buy the veg box and it's great, 8 potatoes, 4 carrots, 4 parsnips,4 onions, a swede, cauliflower, cabbage all large and not had one bad item. I buy every week and make soup with whatever I don't use before the next shop.

Honestly you should give him two wraps, you have two wraps and then make HIM fill up on jam and toast!

I would stop with the wraps altogether to be honest, replace them with a supermarket own brand wholemeal loaf, I think Morrisons is 47p for a big one, he could have a few sandwiches at much less cost. Also stop with the nuts as they're expensive even when you buy them in bulk. Second a previous poster who suggested buying jars of cheap peanut butter and making him sandwiches, and vegan recipes for things like cookies and cake which would be relatively cheap and he can eat.

Please look after yourself as a priority though!

These are the things we tend to buy on a regular basis:

1 loaf bread
potatoes
carrots
milk
sausages x 1
chicken breasts x 1
mince x 1
eggs
pasta
pesto
tuna individual tins
Weetabix
porridge
sultanas
rice cakes
cheese
spinach
plain yoghurt
tinned tomatoes
baked beans
Other types of veg on a rotating basis
apples
bananas
satsumas

I am a fridge watcher and will aim to get to a bare fridge before our big shop arrives.

None or only as an irregular treat:

Any kind of crisps
Snack crackers
Fancy bread - no wraps, sorry!
Fancy yoghurts
nuts or other snack food
Fancy out of season fruit

He, quite literally, needs to tighten his belt.

I think you need to be a lot more responsible with your diet OP. Your baby needs you to eat a balanced and healthy diet, not jam on toast . To be prioritising your family budget to what your husband needs to eat is madness when you could give birth to a low birthweight and poorly baby. We are what we eat. Stop worrying about him and focus on what matters ie your growing child. And I'd chat to your MW so she's aware of any potential health issues for either of you. And that is meant very kindly, you sound very kind to be concerned over his needs but they aren't what you should be focusing on. You need the nutrients far more than he does at this stage .

Have you got an aldi near you? I use them for all my cupboard stuff and its so much cheaper. Youve also got quite a few brand names in there can you substitute them like weetabix? I get a big batch of different meat for £25 from the butchers and it lasts us 3-4 weeks. We have switched to tinned mackerel rather than tuna too.

One thing to remember if you short yourself on food, is that your new passenger is, in the nicest possible way, a parasite. It's you who'll have the calcium taken from your teeth and bones.
It's evolution.
Look after yourself! (if for no other reason that extensive dental work is both horribly expensive and no fun at all. If I'm spending that much money, I want it to at least be some fun.)

It looks like you are leaning towards low ish fat. Fat is filing, tasty, cheap, nutritious, dairy free. Definitely shop for chicken thighs and wings (a tray of seasoned baked wings are cheap and delicious) over breasts. Adding veg oil to anything wet ish (mince, chilli, curry) will up the calories. And potatoes are your friend, can be eaten cold. He could try a cold potato salad with oil and herbs, with a couple of cold wings in the tub, alongside a thermos of hot lentil soup (also with extra oil). So he’s got hot and filling food. And all that can be made in large bulk and portioned over the week.

What are you eating for your evening meals. You say your chicken does two dinners and you have pies for a dinner what about the other four nights a week.

On a £100 food budget he just shouldn’t be hungry. It makes no sense. Can you have him write a food diary for a few days and see what he actually eats as it sounds like he just is eating snacks (rice cakes are not going to fill up anyone)!

I also second potatoes and root veg. Make a massive stew, have some for dinner with a massive jacket potatoes and save the left overs and make a pie the next day.

Can anyone imagine a man worrying or caring for a second about how to feed his wife and get enough calories and nutrients into her, given her many and varied intolerance and dislikes?

Why can't he do the food shopping and cooking? Let him manage the budget. How can you even care about this nonsense?

strange are you my obstetrician, she said almost the same thing to me.

Can anyone imagine a man worrying or caring for a second about how to feed his wife and get enough calories and nutrients into her, given her many and varied intolerance and dislikes?

Yes, very easily. Sad for you if you can't.

@prusik I am sorry most people have jumped on the battering your dh here. But in part I agree with them in so much as you need to stop ignoring your needs.

I am by no means a medical expert, but the pain in his side, food sensitive and gut issues could indicate gall stones. I would definitely get him to a doctor and explain everything.

In the meantime both dd and I are diary free and I would recommend swapping from alpro to supermarket own brand soya stuff. It may also be worth looking at cutting it out completely from dh's diet as it is very common for cmp to also cause soya sensitivity. Maybe switch to rice or almond milk for a couple of weeks and then reintroduce the soya and see if there is a change in his symptoms?

I haven't had a chance to look at your shopping list, will do when online rather than phone but £100/week without meat is mental! We are a family of 5 and even with meat our shopping is only ever about £70.

I've had a.long chat to DH tonight. It's very unfair that he's had such a battering on this thread he can't tighten his belt "literally" any more as he already has a 30 inch waist

Our chat was very interesting. He said it's my responsibility to make.sure I'm eating adequately. I guess he's labelling it as martyrdom. Which I guess is a fair shout.

The plan is he'll eat some porridge when he gets to work and then mid morning will have a handful of nuts (rather than half a bag) along with some flapjack. We're going to buy some bread to go with his lunch.

I'm not massively worried about evening meals. We have things like cottage pies with loads of veg and chilli with things like chickpeas or a curry with lentils and chickpeas. We have stuff in the freezer so haven't really had to buy stuff for evening meals this week.

I guess with crisps I tend to buy labelled brands because own brands tend to contain milk. Same with the bisto gravy. It's not snobbery.

I've just realised from my chat with dh that ive made.dh some overnight oats but none for myself. I'm going to have cereal for breakfast and scrambled egg on toast for lunch, I think - it's too late to.make myself any oats tonight and I'm going to go to bed in a minute