Can't afford to feed my husband

[Prusik]

Gah, the title sounds pathetic! Please don't rip me to pieces for the fact that he should be feeding himself but it's the simplest summary I can give.

DH is 6ft7 and skinny. He eats a lot to maintain his weight. He's both milk and egg free (milk is allergy, egg is intolerance as his gut tends to get inflamed). He also tries to avoid sugar as he was finding he was getting major energy slumps during the day and reaching for sweets.

Ok, so here goes. I did the food shop last night and it was £100. Haven't bought any luxury items apart from I bought four cartons of supermarket brand apple juice and haven't yet bought meat for the week.

Try to fill him up on protein, ie nuts, chicken wraps, etc as empty carbs just don't seem to cut it. I rely on cheap meat where I can, we eat a lot of mince. And I bulk things out with cheap veg and potatoes. We cook chilli with beans, pulses, etc and I make my own humous as that's a good fix and so much cheaper than the supermarkets.

I'm just at my wit's end. For various reasons we're now at the arse end of poor. We're going down to one vehicle and are really struggling. We don't buy coffees out, don't go anywhere which costs parking... everything we do is free. But I'm still struggling to afford to feed DH. I do buy fruit in for the baby and am starting to cut corners with what I eat just so DH and Ds can be fed. I'm not going without but will just have jam on toast for lunch rather than anything better as I don't want to use food up. This is far from ideal as I'm 28 weeks pregnant change in circumstances happened after I conceived

We get tax credits and child benefit.

Any tips for feeding a very hungry person on the cheap?? He's not greedy, he genuinely needs the food. ds is beginning to look like he will be the same

Soya milk isnt better for you. It messes with the hormones. It has a chemical compound in it that mimics oestrogen. It's bad for men and bad for women - especially in pregnancy. That's one I can't compromise on and thats for me

OP: I note that you say there are gluten issues within the family. Has your DH been tested recently for gluten intolerance or even coeliac disease?
It does seem as if he is consuming a lot of calories with little to show for it which makes me wonder if he has a nutrient absorption problem. If he is eating gluten every day he may not notice that the symptoms are exacerbated by it. I know that when I was eating wheat I felt 'off' regularly but it was only when I stopped eating wheat completely for a few weeks that I noticed a huge reaction when I introduced it.
Being unable to have dairy and egg and still having problems does suggest that something else is the issue as well.
Take care of yourself. I hope things get better soon for you.

No idea why you’re getting such a bashing Op, you’ve asked for advice because you what to improve things!
Your DH sounds fine, he probably just had got into certain dietary habits without thinking about how expensive they are. And if he didn’t know you were cutting back to accommodate them he can’t be bashed for that.

The key to me is that he definitely needs to get himself to the Dr. I know how hard that is to hear as you can’t make him, but he can’t lecture you on not being a martyr if he won’t take responsibility for his own health.

Wraps are just very expensive compared to a loaf. One lunch is a quid possibly more on wraps if he is having four. You could get a whole loaf for a quid which would do him for three days. Get sacks of spuds from a grocers or butchers. We don't eat a lot of spuds but a whole sack is £4.50 in my butchers.

You sound like me op. I live on a diet of bread and butter whilst the rest of the family eat well.
I just can't justify the cost in my head for me. It goes to clothes, petrol in the car, everything. I just don't know where it comes from. My dh would be mortified if he knew the truth. But he has so much going on I can't add to it

Anyway I know the bread maker was offered to you please take that up. A small portion dinner and big slab of home made bread. Lentil soups etc will also be nicer with home made bread. If he turns out to have a diet issue with wheat it's also a lot cheaper and nicer to make gluten free bread.

No probs Prusik you will sort something that works for you all I’m more than sure of it. I laughed at your 10 month old hollow legs predicament, it’s so good that he had a decent appetite though. I’m also with you on the Soya front.

Longestlurker, feel for your dh, I’m the same and often if I slip up just a tiny bit my body is very good at telling me . Eating out is near impossible. I’m the same though I still get sick from time to time without real reason. How worrying if his weight is still dropping off him having to watch food like this really does rob you of a basic joy. I hope they get him sorted soon.

Sorry you’re in such a tricky situation OP but I’m pleased the chat with DH went well. There’s loads of good advice here and please try and look after yourself first! A few thoughts:

• DH needs to start eating breakfast (Irish farmhand reference from a pp was excellent, they wouldn’t have had a snack option)
• unless you can get absolutely everything on offer, Morrison’s is not a cheap supermarket. If you don’t have an Aldi nearby, even Tesco is cheaper
• sorry to point it out, but £8 for a fancy can opener? That’s a lot.

All the best.

I have to agree with a pp. You are making bad choices as a couple, not just him and not just you.

Do you think you enjoy feeling like you are sacrificing for your family on some level? I ask that because you say you share one piece of fruit with your DS at breakfast and one at lunch, like you are on strict rationing, but you buy an £8 tin opener.

You've been given some great advice on this thread. If I were you I'd sit down, take notes, and put it into action. In fact I'm probably going to do that too!

You know what, you guys are right. I'm going to cancel the bloody tin opener. The thought of it has even pissed me off now

To be honest I even baulk at buying squash and it's only me that drinks it.

I really have taken everything on board and dh and I will continue our work in progress.

I need to seek out a decent market. Our local farm shops are all "fashionable" and generally twice the price. I think we have a farmer's market in town on a Saturday morning, I might check it out this weekend.

I'm going to text the person that offered to lend us the breadmaker. I'm seeing her in a couple of weeks

I think farmers markets can be very overpriced due to the ‘trendy’ overtones . I actually think the supermarkets are the best place for veg , just look out for the offers and buy stuff that is in season . I also think Morrison’s is more expensive than Tesco and no better quality .

It’s not an easy situation but you can improve it and get through it! Well done you.

I have to say I agree with other posters though, both of you need to start acting like you value yourselves properly. This means him going to the doctor and you eating actual food. You can support each other in this.

A tin opener is not a bad investment, cheaper tins don't have ring pulls on them.
But a wilko one will do.
Im another Lidl voter, i bloody love it. A lot of your list will be cheaper in Lidl,/ Aldi. I do Lidl (my lidl is nicer than my local aldi, but i know some prefer aldi so check both out if you have both) and a top upon sold out / bits you can't get in my tesco / sainsbury's. The trick is to go for Lidl / aldi own not brands. Also expect the car park and tills to be shit, but if you expect it you can just chuckle (in your head!) at all the irate people. Or go at 8pm at night!

Ive always found farmers markets expensive, but proper markets cheap and the quality of every day stuff comparable. You might not get your artisan cheese, but you'll get a bowl of oranges for £1.

I agree with Lidl - local farmers markets/shops are great IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT. and truthfully you cant. You have to accept that you need to budget and budget properly. Look for the cheapest deals, find stuff that it is on offer. Make your own stuff. But accept that some compromises need to be made and it should not be in the amount that you eat

Iceland is great for frozen fruit and veg if you have freezer room (things like corn on the cob, you get 6 cobs for the same price as 2), i also love marvelling at things like hot dog stuffed crust pizza and hula hoop oven chips. But they also do good couscous and that sort of stuff.

@Prusik you’ve had loads of good advice, but we’re on a tight budget & my DS has Food allergies so I wondered if our meal plan might help as DH is skinny with hollow legs too!

Breakfasts: Everyone has porridge with fruit made with Oatly. DS has toast/ crumpet/ hotcross bun. DH has a breakfast muffin that I batch cook and freeze individually wrapped - egg, sausage in a muffin - maybe your DH could have egg free?

Lunches: DH has leftovers, or a hefty pack up - wholewheat bread, with ham sarnies, sausage rolls. Chopped apple with peanut butter, homemade cake (Bara brith is so easy to make dairy and egg free) banana, cheese, dried fruit for snacks.

Suppers:

Mon: Chicken, veg and rice noodles in a soya free sweet and sour sauce. Loads of veggies so there’s leftovers to have with rice for lunch

Ties: Chilli - mince, onions, carrots, mushrooms, peppers, kidney beans all bulk it out. With rice & grated cheese tonight (DH has it for lunch the next day)

Wed: Leftover chilli with baked potatoes (if there’s more leftovers then lunch again)

Thurs: Tomato veg (onion, carrot, mushrooms, peppers, broccoli, frozen peas, frozen sweet corn) & lentil pasta with garlic bread (leftovers for DH lunch)

Fri: Pasta bake using sauce above with those bake at home rolls

Sat: Sausage casserole (bulked out with tin of mixed beans), baked pots & broccoli/ frozen peas & sweetcorn. Leftovers frozen for midweek freezer surprise

Sun: Shepherdess pie (uses lentils & mushrooms instead of mince, with normal carrots & mushrooms. Topped with mashed potatoes & any other root veggies. Served with veg

Then there’s leftovers for lunches/ next Monday’s lunch. It’s so much cheaper than how DH used to eat which was ham sarnies, crisps, mars bars etc and he was ALWAYS hungry!

This comes in at about £40 at Aldi - if DH stays out of the aisle of shame that is!

Not sure if that’s a help - hope it is, I find foodbloggers like UtterlyscrummyMummy a good source of budget recipes, and Penelope’s Pantry is great fo allergy friendly meals on a budget.

Don't go to the posh farmers market OP. Our local market is very very cheap. Spuds, onions, tomatoes: the basics are sold in bulk for cheap. There are multiple ethnic shops as well so there is tough competition and things are invariably priced cheap. We also have a farmers market which is 10 times more expensive. Think 6 eggs for 4.95.

eatnotspend.wordpress.com

On a different note, I think your debt strategy may be wrong.

I think you should get some advice now, you may even able to get the interest frozen and that could help before you are able to clear part of it. Debt advice is always free, try CAB or Stepchange. Your DH will need to be there for the first phone call, to authorise you to act on his behalf. After that you can deal with it and Stepchange I think are open in the evenings.

Can I just claim slight victory this evening please...

Had another chat with dh. The porridge went down a treat - I used grated apple and cinnamon and some random flax seed I had left in the cupboard. He enjoyed the lentil soup and had it with six (!!!) Slices of bread. He said he was so full up it gave him indigestion he then said he's been looking online to source some peanuts and has found some really cheap redskin nuts.

Think we're onto a winner all round.

I'm feeling motivated now I know its going to work!

Well done OP

If he like peanuts roasted he can put his redskinned ones in a hot oven for a few minutes - think they are a bit nicer (and easier to digest) roasted rather than raw.

Well done Prusik. You've clearly got a good dialogue going.

That's a positive step OP.

He can have a go at roasting some at the weekend. He'll probably add either cinnamon or salt just for fun.

We're pretty good at talking things through. He's not the ogre that previous posters made him out to be

You want a non farmer's market if that makes sense.

You also might want to look at your eating and if you use it as a way of establishing a sense of control in an uncertain time? I wouldn't dream of trying to diagnose anything from brief online posts but I wonder if there is anything deeper going on with your not eating very much and not looking after yourself? Take good care of yourself and nurture yourself as well as baby and husband.

Little tip with the peanuts. Do keep an eye on them in the oven. I did my pumpkin seeds and fucked it right up.
I kept a close eye, literally went to get something from the car. Came back and they'd burnt. Pissed me right off they'd smelt delicious (I put cinnamon on) and I just missed when they were done! I also think they continued to cook on the tray as it was still hot so further burning them.