Should we give in and get married?

[Daddog]

I'm not married (but 'coupled' for 12 years) with one son and another on the way. Just spent several weeks recently going through all sorts of legal hoops to clarify our relationship - getting a will made, signing a parental rights agreement, looking into pension rights, next of kin agreements etc. - all stuff that would just be sorted if we just got hitched.

Dislike all of the historical baggage which goes with marriage - even the words husband and wife get my back up - but wonder if it wouldn't be easier just to go down the registry office grab two stangers off the street and get everything straightforward.

Any experiences, attitudes to share?

fennel - they (tax/government depts) are not there to make it easy, help modern life be alittle fairer, they are there to make money and when possible make life annoying petty and inconvienent.
marriage - it is what it means to you ..not anyone else;
do you think it hurts them if you are not married and have to jump through hoops to sort things out when laden with grief and emotion?

grouchyoscar..am v LAS VEGAS; for me, perfect place to get hitched ever..
welcome to the thread never too late to join

well, I know, there's an element of cutting off your nose to spite your face in stubbornly sticking to not getting married .

but I dislike being financially coerced into something which is simultaneously presented as a moral or even a religious choice.

btw we are terribly organised, we have wills, proper parental responsibility, next of kin arrangements, even a "cohabitation contract" which is for if you split up, a bit like a pre-nup. so our affairs are in order. but only as far as they can be, as Freckle says further down the thread, you can do quite a bit but not as much as you might want.

fennel, i know where you are coming from dr creamcheese and i together for nearly 20 years i was adamant this matter..
and on religious stuff..dont get me stared, as jonathon miller says, flaunt your athesism at every chance it is your duty..
the booklet given at registry states 'this is civil marriage, no religious material permitted'

MI I'm going to be SO annoyed when I get married and you are still waving the burning bra for wimmin's rights

I'll be sulking on my knees scrubbing the floor in my pinny, doing my wifework

sm - who does the wifework at the moment/
burning your bra, am too young to remember all that but did benefit imo..thanks ladies, but its time to come in from the cold and put your remaining underwear to some good use

mp i mean, ms where did that come from?

oh there IS no wifework

wifework only happens to WIVES

it's a magical transformation that happens after you marry the Prince and just before you are taken back to his Kingdom

hiya very interesting thread DP and I are seriously thinking about going up the registry office one fine day this year ourselves. Big family wedding is out mostly for cash reasons, my personal opinion is that big weddings are a waste of money, the minute you say wedding everyone adds an extra nought on the end of their bill, coupled with all the family hassle and not inviting great aunt Hilda who you have never seen it's just not us.

I have always been anti-marriage up to a point but the other day I was teaching DD1 all our names, so was saying you are AR, DD2 is TR, Daddy is DR and Mummy is SK different surname when I realised I want the same name as my children!

Crazy I know!

nah its sweet kitty really..your own reason is as valid as anything...good luck, go for it guys..

i say its housework and as a sexy sahm if its done and out the way during day them our free time is uncluttered and ours for other activities..
you never did say what happened to the rest of your undercrackers...

Wifework is more than just housework, it's all the emotional work and kinship work that wives are expected to do which brazen hussy cohabitee women aren't expected to do so much.

eh, such as?

My partner would be hard pressed to choose between fantastic sex and a diet of cava and crisps. Offered both, he'd think he'd died and gone to heaven.

Typical wifework includes writing his christmas cards for him, phoning his mother to arrange visits, also sort of caring (ugh) for him and soothing his ego, sorting out his aches and pains. In the sociological literature where the term was coined.

Of course if DP does pop his clogs and I lose out financially the quality of bra around here may drop (as may my bosoms) quite substantially.

lol MI

batters..like your style..but i need some fresh veg, fish, fruit, nuts..but with you in spirit!

ps was LOLing about the cava and crisps comment not about MI's bosoms. just in case anyone was wondering.

yes, it true, i am the social secretary but came from family of men allergic to phones gen communication always women ime
they get it all wrong anyhow, he booked the train tickets this xmas to PIL - i'd rather be in charge, too long way too long oh we stayed way too long

i dont mind feeding him, and certainly have to dress him or we get laughs in the street..but he cares for me, sick or not, and feeds me and makes me laugh so the odd soup or scrap of sea bass is okay,.. was doing it for myself anyhow!!

Re. Fennel's point about being 'terribly organised'.

It was while sorting out this issue of wills, parental responsibility, next of kin arrangements and so on that this whole thing came up... somewhere the feeling arose that if we were immersing ourselves that much into the financial/legal web (and therefore could no longer class ourselves as no-strings free radicals) and still wouldn't have everything covered well, then maybe it was time to take a deep breath and get married.