Should we give in and get married?

[Daddog]

I'm not married (but 'coupled' for 12 years) with one son and another on the way. Just spent several weeks recently going through all sorts of legal hoops to clarify our relationship - getting a will made, signing a parental rights agreement, looking into pension rights, next of kin agreements etc. - all stuff that would just be sorted if we just got hitched.

Dislike all of the historical baggage which goes with marriage - even the words husband and wife get my back up - but wonder if it wouldn't be easier just to go down the registry office grab two stangers off the street and get everything straightforward.

Any experiences, attitudes to share?

oh well, am not doing it for that but would've been nice..and a tax position did have certain appeal to me..
are you..are you and missus daddog style going to do it then? i am, we are after long time, getting sort of into it now..v strange!

Was just talking about this today with "I'm not Mrs Daddog", while wandering after wee boy in very chilly park, and have kind of decided that maybe, perhaps, possibly we should. And not not tell family, but only mention it if it comes up.

If (see still hedging bets) we did, then short and sweet at registry office. "I'm not Mrs Daddog" suggested asking mumsnetter volunteers for witnesses, but probably a couple of friends. Might wait and do it on the same date that we currently mark as our anniversary - although that isn't until Nov so will just have to try very hard not to die between now and then.

The reason would be entirely the legal stuff, and maybe the idea of pensions going begging. Seems logical as we've being looking into trying to get it sorted without getting married and it is so complicated, and tedious, that well...

On the "Mrs Husband's Name" thing I'm always surprised at how many of my friends have changed their name when they've got married. But there has probably been a long MN thread about that in the past.

good for you guys..once you think about it does make sense! you can do whatever you like on your day yeh beats family hell crisis that could be the day!
why dont you do it in February 6 months before your real anniversary? a la queens two birthday type thing. ours is in august bank holiday weekend but now have made up mind to go ahead am not caring or waiting...

i've just posted bans for very very secret do..
quite interesting and am strangely getting into it..

Congratulations Suzy.

Are you going for the strangers as witnesses? Any celebrations at all? Jeans or some kind of fancy dress?

My husband wore a suit and tie and I wore a nice shift dress.

We just went and had lunch afterwards and a bottle of champers between the two of us.

We have photos that our stranger witnesses and the staff took.

The staff were great!

They're used to this sort of thing.

They were professional and lovely.

Definitely agree that getting married is much simpler and will safeguard you legally and finacially much better. There are also far more things you are entitled to, should the worst happen and one of you dies, if you are married. You lose out on many things if not married.

fishie - Surely a civil patrnership is pretty much the same as a civil wedding, bar name?

Message withdrawn

daddog its a scream ..me and pal all dressed up dp & bm in cycling suits = v sexy; no family no friends, no gifts, no hassle, no ring, special token of my choosing! and no gobbing off, its a secret ssshhhh..back to best tapas place and ours for champagne followed by our own private celebration to follow once the guests leave! go to it, cant wait!

Oh no, please don't. Just say no.

Whole idea makes me cringe. I can genuinely feel the hair rising on the top of my head

It just all seems so wrong, though, if your only reason for considering getting married is in case one of you dies. We think about it too, very reluctantly, but I can't see how people who approve of marriage could approve of me and DP considering doing it against all our impulses not to, just so that if one of us dies the other will be better off.

am wishing we lived in one of the countries where there was a decent alternative.

in the end it comes down to what it actually ends up representing to you and your - here and now it makes sense legal financial etc and is not religious in any way..its necessary evil but still wont stop me enjoying it an having a larf..

I know Fennel, in some sense it comes down to 'doing for the money', which does seem kind of grubby, although doing it for simplicities sake might be equally true. Don't particularly care about other people's attitudes towards why you get married or not (although noticed recently that my Granny has just decided to assume that me a dp are married, suddenly I've got a mother-in-law...) It is primarily the feeling that if the worse did happen then you don't to be tied up in legal knots...

Random train of though continues... went to find out about life insurance in November and was more of less told by the bank manager that we were irresponsible, unsuitable parents for not being insured up to the eyebrows...

Anyway, also wish there was a better alternative. For some reason I do feel there is a difference between a civil partnership and a civil wedding. One of us could dress up in drag...

Yorkiegirl, we're in Edinburgh...

bank managers are there to do that sort of shit..

had a friend married in leith registry was nice if i remember rightly..

just do it, your little secret ..

oh and if youre in edinburgh..stop havering

Well, then, I recommend the Leith Registry.

The staff were brilliant!

And we had a lovely ceremony and it's a gorgeous old building.

We didn't tell anyone for a few months, either, and that's why I'm glad we didn't have close friends or that as witnesses.

We did end up having to wait a bit longer than the normal waiting period, but that's only b/c we wanted to have it on DH's day off - Tuesday - so as not to arouse any suspicion.

Saturday services are available, but they're significantly dearer.

We got the rings in H Samuel new, but I've seen plenty in Cash Converters and you can opt for a ringless ceremony, too.

IIUC, civil partnerships are for same sex couples, who cannot legally marry - yet - to allow them the same rights as married heterosexual couples.

interesting expat..and no ring for me, lookin for something just now, bracelet perhaps..

A friend of mine palmed her baby twins off for the weekend, went to the registry office with their 2 best friends then they all had a great time at a local very posh hotel for 36 hours getting very drunk etc etc.

They still haven't told their family 3 years on etc.

I think they did it for the legal reasons.

I rather like my ring.

But then, I like being married, too, FWIW

has anyone linked to this thread ?

did you change your name? expat
too much of giveaway for me i guess..

It was hard, the first few months, remembering to take off our rings.

Better now that we can just be our married selves.

hmmm.. dp doesnt want anyone to know and i kindof like it like that too, our secret! he'd go nuts if he knew what i do on here!