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Original poster

How much (if any) financial help do you get from your parents?

130 replies

Signoritawhocansway · 21/02/2015 15:42

Just wondering whether I have unrealistic views on this subject.

My parents are both pensioners, and we are just reviewing their finances because my lovely Dad needs to go into full time care. It's shown up that they have a significantly higher income than us, and has made me wonder what they do with it all. Especially as we are living hand to mouth.

Please don't flame me. I DON'T want anything from them, and wouldn't dream of asking. They have been generous in the past, and I don't begrudge them their luxuries. But it HAS made me wonder how much regular/sporadic help other families get from their parents (or even grandparents). Like money to help kids with swimming/music lessons, petrol money for when you go to visit etc.

OP posts:

sooperdooper · 21/02/2015 15:43

None now, they have helped me in the past, when I was in my 20s, but not on an ongoing regular basis

dementedpixie · 21/02/2015 15:44

absolutely nothing. If anything I help my mum out as she has very little money to live on. Dh's mum is also not in a position to help out. Luckily we don't need monetary help from them.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 21/02/2015 15:47

None,I'm an adult and wouldn't expect it. I do financially help my elderly dad at times though (state pension and zero money sense left,bless him!).

mousmous · 21/02/2015 15:49

none

JellyBelly10 · 21/02/2015 15:49

I don't get any help financially from either my parents or my husband's parents. They give our children money at Christmas and birthdays but that's it. My parents are in their 80s, I'm in my 40s. They are considerably better off than me in that they have no mortgage and have a few hundred thousand in the bank but I would never expect them to give us money. I assume that if I needed help I could ask, but I just wouldn't. My husband's parents are not so well off financially but are younger so what they give us that is more valuable than money is occasional babysitting of the children.

CallMeAntigone · 21/02/2015 15:49

No regular money but both sets of parents are generous at Christmas and Birthday's. They will also pay for the odd meal out etc. I know if we were in dire straits though they would give us whatever they could and I feel very lucky for that.

flowery · 21/02/2015 15:50

None. I'm almost 39! Haven't had any financial support from parents since I was 18.

nooyearnooname · 21/02/2015 15:51

None at all, and my DM is very well off. When I was in my 20s and single she did help me out quite a bit, but not for many years now. I don't need it luckily, not quite sure if she would help out or not now if I did!

mandy214 · 21/02/2015 15:52

i think its uunreasonable to expect them to contribute to children's lessons or petrol for going to see them.

My parents treat the children all the time and have lent us money (for big things like house deposit which we paid back) but I wouldn't expect help, especially day to day expenses.

Coconutty · 21/02/2015 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FortyFacedFuckers · 21/02/2015 15:58

Nothing at all of DP's parents even although they are very wealthy. Nothing of my parents but they are probably only slightly better off than us but my mum occasionally will buy me some stuff from the supermarket ie some fruit that DS likes or maybe get some extra in her butcher order & send round a steak pie or some sausages and usually before we go on holiday in the summer she will buy Ds some trainers or a football top for his holiday.

Original poster

Signoritawhocansway · 21/02/2015 16:00

Mandy214, I'm not expecting help with anything. I was merely wondering whether it's normal or not for parents/grandparents to help out. And the responses to this thread confirm what I thought.

We chose to live as we are; sometimes it's difficult when we don't make ends meet, but I'm not expecting help. Doesn't stop me wishing, though (bit like I wish for a lottery win!)

OP posts:

PastPerfect · 21/02/2015 16:11

Nothing now, although they helped significantly in my 20s (university, wedding, house deposit).
They will always try to pick up the bill if we go out - even though I suspect I'm significantly better off than they are.

Duckdeamon · 21/02/2015 16:16

Mine were always very generous with money when I and siblings were under 21. Helped us substantially to get through university with minimal debt. Contributed £6k towards weddings and now provide free childcare for my sibling 2 days most weeks and for me a few days' childcare several times a year. Have helped my sibling with £10k interest free loans (always paid back). We're very lucky.

I know a few people whose parents pay all or most of the school fees for the GC.

AGirlCalledBoB · 21/02/2015 16:18

None. My father died when I was still a child and my mother has less money than me. Bless her though she does buy little things like sweets or a cheap toy/book for my son now and again.

Turquoisetamborine · 21/02/2015 16:32

They help us all the time. We live rent free in a house belonging to my dad, along we should have bought it from him (at full market value) by June. He did this as we couldn't sell our smaller house so we had to rent it out.
My mother and stepdad are very well off and have just given us a 5 figure lump which we are doing the above with and always insist on paying the bill in restaurants. My other stepdad will insist on paying for car repairs and giving us money to spend when we go away for the weekend.
My mother or stepdad would rather give us interest free loans to buy cars and we pay them back over a couple of years than us taking out a loan.
None of them have any money problems or I wouldn't accept their help. We get nothing much from my in laws at all, nor do I expect it.
We already plan to be very financially generous with our children and plan to gift them the rented house between them to set them up financially. It's just the way I was brought up.

HoppityVoosh · 21/02/2015 16:42

All the time. My parents pay for DS's swimming lessons, that was meant to only happen for a few weeks until DS was awarded DLA but my mum insisted on continuing to pay. My dad will occasionally take my car out and fill it with petrol when I'm at their house, he also has paid for my cars service and MOT. They buy a new car and swap me their old one every few years too. They've also paid for my wedding, a lot of things for DS when I was pregnant and gave us some money to help with our house deposit. They're also generous with Christmas and birthday presents for my family. I'm so incredibly grateful for my parents.

HoppityVoosh · 21/02/2015 16:43

And the biggest thing although I don't pay them it saves me money. They look after DS while I work two days a week.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/02/2015 16:45

My parents used to pay for DS's music lessons but that became problematic when he wanted to quit and they tried to guilt-trip him into continuing. My DB is a lot more grasping forward than I am and has managed to wrangle quite substantial sums of money out of them, pleading poverty usually. I don't have a lot of respect for my DB.

Pyjamaface · 21/02/2015 16:47

None bar lending me a tenner here and there.

But they watch DS so I can work so that's more than enough

shitebag · 21/02/2015 16:47

None from either set of parents.

Neither are any better off than us though.

Nolim · 21/02/2015 16:47

Not at all since i finished ini and moved out and it is ok. They did more than their fair share.

NickNackNooToYou · 21/02/2015 17:07

We are really lucky in that both sets of parents help out with childcare to enable us to work. We do randomly treat them to meals out, flowers etc as a thank you but they both say they do it so they can spend time with the GCs. All the grandparents have a fab relationship with the DCs as a result.

We've also had interest free loans over the years which have always been paid back plus some more as a thank you.

Our siblings have both had way more cash never paid back. I hope to be in a position to be able to help out our DCs in the same way.

treaclesoda · 21/02/2015 17:11

I was going to say that we get none but I've just remembered that MIL insists on paying a few pounds each week towards the cost of my 3 year old's pre school place. We have a bigger income than PIL but she adores being Granny and it's just something she really want to do. We tried to refuse to let her, as we felt awkward about it and then realised we were hurting her feelings by refusing. So we let her.

So, actually we do get financial help in a way.

IamMummyhearmeROAR · 21/02/2015 17:12

My mum gives me free part time childcare although both my girls are at school now so her days are freeish. She helps out with clothes and shoes regularly and buys them treats. My dad will also treat the kids and will slip me a twenty now and again. My dh's folks have given the dds a healthy savings account and they gave us 4 grand 12 years ago when we married. I'm ok with that. None of them are extremely well off and I like to see them enjoy what they have

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