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Original poster

How much (if any) financial help do you get from your parents?

130 replies

Signoritawhocansway · 21/02/2015 15:42

Just wondering whether I have unrealistic views on this subject.

My parents are both pensioners, and we are just reviewing their finances because my lovely Dad needs to go into full time care. It's shown up that they have a significantly higher income than us, and has made me wonder what they do with it all. Especially as we are living hand to mouth.

Please don't flame me. I DON'T want anything from them, and wouldn't dream of asking. They have been generous in the past, and I don't begrudge them their luxuries. But it HAS made me wonder how much regular/sporadic help other families get from their parents (or even grandparents). Like money to help kids with swimming/music lessons, petrol money for when you go to visit etc.

OP posts:
plannedshock · 21/02/2015 17:15

Left home at 17, with my partner. Both of us have had no help at all from parents, more the other way we treat them. I wouldn't expect anything either!

Preciousbane · 21/02/2015 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Baddz · 21/02/2015 17:27

Gosh.
I couldn't watch my kids suffer if i could help.

Weebirdie · 21/02/2015 17:31

We give all the time, and I say 'give' because we dont see it as help - our children are all able to help themselves. The reality is that we can give, and give we do, because we enjoy it. This year its seeing a daughter through her masters, we pay her fees and all other expenses associated with it, and we pay her a salary because she left full time employment to do full time voluntary work related to her masters. She has also had a new car this year, a Range Rover, because she deserved it. Her previous car was a small Mercedes bought by us when she graduated. Her and her husband, a newly qualified Dr, also live rent free in an apartment I own, they pay the service charges, and the house they bought recently was bought by my daughters MIL and they are paying her back over 10 years. My other children have all had more or less the same things done for them and there isn't a spoilt brat amongst them. Life is hard enough as it is, and we know first hand how hard it can be, without making it difficult for your children just for the sake of it and I think this notion of people having to struggle in order for it to be the making of them is highly over-rated.

Barbarella · 21/02/2015 17:36

None at all now although I did have help with buying a house when I was 29

WipsGlitter · 21/02/2015 17:43

Now - none. My dad paid the deposit on my house (paid him back though) and gave me bits and bobs of money over the years. We've discussed my mum spending down her capital by giving my sister a me a tax free gift each year. But she's not done it yet. She gave me some money when I was on Mat leave thus us to come out if my share of the "inheritance".

FIL takes us out for dinner regularly and is generous with presents. He is very well off. DP refuses to take advantage. BiL and SIL are less reluctant to ask for money. Pisses me off.

expatinscotland · 21/02/2015 17:46

Zero.

sweetkitty · 21/02/2015 17:48

Absolutely nothing Hmm when I was at uni I had to buy my own dinners and toiletries and give my mum £5 towards electricity. Don't get childcare or anything either.

Philoslothy · 21/02/2015 17:49

None, we support our parents

CtrlAltDelicious · 21/02/2015 17:49

My mum often lends me £40 or so in the week before payday but it's no longer the "loan" she'd offer when I was younger - nowadays it actually has to be paid back!

expatinscotland · 21/02/2015 17:49

No childcare, either. My parents live abroad. The ILs are in poor health and also live fairly far away.

Bowlersarm · 21/02/2015 17:53

Well I suppose that I'm coming at your question from the opposite side (parent rather than children), but I am not anticipating giving my children much help financially beyond the age when they finish at uni. They are currently teens. We have saved money since they were born, paid for their education, paid for them to have a fairly lovely existence so far. Once they are adults, I expect them to take care of themselves.

FluffyMcnuffy · 21/02/2015 17:57

We got a large sum towards our wedding and generous gifts on birthdays. My parents also bought me a starter car at 17 and helped me with a deposit on my first (rented) flat.

Other than that nothing, which is fine by me as I'm a grown adult and I'm proud to support myself.

I suspect I will come into a roughly six figure inheritance, although hopefully that won't be for a while! (With the usual caveat of care home fees).

As an aside I would be embarrassed to drive round in a car my parents paid for. I funded my own Range Rover and it gives me a bit of a thrill to know I achieved that.

MeganChips · 21/02/2015 18:00

None from either set, we help my parents out on occasion though because they rarely have a pot to piss in.

FIL is quite well off and doesn't help any of us. We're actually fine for money and wouldn't need anything from him anyway but DH has 2 brothers in far worse circumstances.

One was made redundant years ago and has never managed to find a proper job in his industry since. They are also trapped by having a child they now can't afford childcare for so it's even harder. They are in a lot of debt just from trying to survive.

The other is self employed and going through a divorce. That was manageable until he was in a serious accident. Both struggle to live through no fault of their own.

FIL is always talking about how he has far more money than he can spend, which he does. I know it's his money to spend as he pleases but I personally couldn't sit back and watch my children struggle if I could help.

FireflySerenity · 21/02/2015 18:06

None, we are both adults so why would they need to? PIL give nice gifts for birthdays and Christmas to all the grandchildren but don't pay for lessons etc as that's down to us parents.

lucymam · 21/02/2015 18:10

My parents are not wealthy, they live in a rented house and rely on their pension. But they do help with the cost of their grandchildren's classes, clothes and the like. My partners side have more money and don't help at all.

balia · 21/02/2015 18:16

My parents helped me out a lot when I was younger and a single parent after my useless ex fecked off. We're still very close now (I remarried, have another DC) and they do my childcare and they stay with us in the week. I know they regularly help DD out now she is at Uni. They tend not to do big birthday or Christmas presents but pay for stuff when needed instead.

About 7 years ago my DF said did I want an inheritance or 10 years of really good holidays, and I chose the holidays. We all go together, have 2 weeks in the sun that DH and I would never be able to afford, it is the highlight of our year.

Seems like I'm in the minority though, which surprises me. Is it cultural? (My family aren't from the UK originally).

Auburnsparkle · 21/02/2015 18:16

Mine gave me a bit each year to avoid inheritance tax but it has sat in an ISA and I cannot bring myself to spend it. I have never asked for a penny. They didn't give any while I was with the ex as I have since found out they had serious misgivings about him. Since Mum went Dad keeps giving me little bits of cash for a takeaway and such like. I tell him I am a grown up and I don't want anything, he argues he loves sharing. Bit of a stalemate really. They had a very good life and he has plenty - but I wish they had enjoyed it more when Mum was alive. They were always very generous grandparents and I am very grateful for that.

nippey · 21/02/2015 18:17

My parents have helped us lots in the past, deposit for house, giving us their old car when they brought a new one, small amounts of cash when we have hit tough times, and an interest free loan to help us consolidate our debts, which we are still paying back.

They are also generous with random things, my dad often pops round with a bag of shopping and flowers.

I appreciate the material things but what I appreciate the most is how supportive they are, when my husband was in hospital for nearly 2 years they visited him every single day (his mum visited him twice!) looked after our dog as we couldn't at that time and are always there when I need them.

I am adopted and i feel so very blessed to have them as my parents.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 21/02/2015 18:21

I wouldn't say I get any. However other family members have given me suns of money as gifts/early inheritance. I'm grateful they love me and can afford to do this but equally wouldn't care if they spent it on themselves. In fact I often try to persuade them to with little success.

I would never refuse outright as they would be very hurt and offended.

My parent have offered to buy me a couple of pieces of furniture when I move into my new house. I'm not sure why as I'm not in need or anything. Not have I asked. In fact I have a special find just for furniture. It's more of a gift I think.

My mum also often buys my food bits when she's out if she sees something on offer and always refuses money for it.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 21/02/2015 18:23

It may also be relevant that I am an only child and other relatives have no children either.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 21/02/2015 18:25

IL's much wealthier than us. They live abroad and will pay our flights to visit, and will also treat us to meals out etc when we are there. SIL also livea abroad (close to them) and she gets significant financial and practical help from them. They are retired.

My mum has a fairly low income and although not poor has nothing to spare.

My Dad (parents divorced) is still working but much higher income than us. He has just had a bit of an unexpected financial windfall (about £5000) and wants to give it to us to help out. I told him to spend it on himself. He hasn't mentioned it again but he knows our car is on it's last legs and he worries about me driving it so I suspect he might attempt to spend it on a new car for us. However much better than any financial help he can give us is that he is always willing to give practical help. We are moving back to my hometown soon (currently 150 miles away) and he has helped to organise removal vans and is viewing properties on our behalf to scope them out before we can get up there ourselves. He will also drop everything and rush down if I need him.

We are very lucky.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 21/02/2015 18:25

In the interests if full disclosure I also know the contents of my parents will and know I will inherit the house and all other assists quick is a fairly decent sum. I hope it will not be for a very long time yet.

I also suggested the spend the lot but so far they haven't.

NapoleonsNose · 21/02/2015 18:25

When my DF was alive my parents often helped out by giving us a bit of cash when we were a bit brassic but since he died when I was in my 20s (now early 40s) my DM can't afford to help at all financially. She's had a few mental health problems and got herself into a massive amount of debt, so I tend to help her now. PIL are generous in times of need. Recently they lent us £5K for a new car on an interest free basis, and I am very grateful. They are not massively generous at Xmas or birthdays but I wouldn't expect them too anyway. They are comfortably off, having never had a mortgage, but certainly not rich.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 21/02/2015 18:27

So perhaps I do get a bit of help ? Although I would be able to support myself fully without it IYSWIM.