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Original poster

How much (if any) financial help do you get from your parents?

130 replies

Signoritawhocansway · 21/02/2015 15:42

Just wondering whether I have unrealistic views on this subject.

My parents are both pensioners, and we are just reviewing their finances because my lovely Dad needs to go into full time care. It's shown up that they have a significantly higher income than us, and has made me wonder what they do with it all. Especially as we are living hand to mouth.

Please don't flame me. I DON'T want anything from them, and wouldn't dream of asking. They have been generous in the past, and I don't begrudge them their luxuries. But it HAS made me wonder how much regular/sporadic help other families get from their parents (or even grandparents). Like money to help kids with swimming/music lessons, petrol money for when you go to visit etc.

OP posts:
teacher54321 · 21/02/2015 21:51

Both sets of parents lent us money to help with our stamp duty when we bought our first home last year. We are paying them back a set amount a month and it should be cleared within 18 months. Dh's family are much better off and occasionally give us random money for things eg holiday spending money/pay for a car service for dh. I recently borrowed £100 off my mum to treat my sister and paid her back after payday. Things have been tight since I had Ds and we moved house, but going full time again later in the year-can't wit to have a bi t more
Money again

nottheOP · 21/02/2015 21:58

I'm 29 & all my friends get help with haircuts, clothes, food and car expenses such as mot and insurance. I was shocked when I found out.

I was very supported at uni and my parents are comfortable but as soon as I was working I've paid for everything day to day. We've had cash gifts of a few hundred pounds at our wedding, house purchase and baby.

I'm surprised at the level of support provided by my friends parents. None of them have kid's yet but dhs friends who do all seem to get free childcare too.

I'm not sure how we'll be when ds is older. It would be nice to help especially in the broke early twenty something times wwhen clothes are a luxury.

trilbydoll · 21/02/2015 22:01

Meals out here and there, and bits for DD. The odd "big" present, ie when DSis went to uni my Dad calculated it was going to cost him £3k so bought me a car for the same amount.

I always say I don't want any money now if it means we are going to have to fund care home fees in 25 years Grin hopefully both sets of parents will manage a nice retirement, plenty of holidays, no regrets and then peacefully die just as the money runs out!

chocoshopoholic · 21/02/2015 22:07

None from my parents, but my Grandad still insists on giving me £10 petrol money for the 300 mile trip to visit him, & also pays my rac breakdown cover (& has done since the first wreck I brought home 17years ago!)

rhetorician · 21/02/2015 22:09

nothing - and never has. It's almost a point of principle with my mother not to give me money, and whilst I don't expect anything, I sometimes feel slightly upset that my mother has never provided anything in the way of support. My MIL is as generous as her means allow - but doesn't spoil girls, but will buy them something small from time to time. Neither provides childcare.

Wigeon · 21/02/2015 22:18

None. But then we don't have any money worries (although not rich rich). If we did have significant money worries I think my mum would offer to help with things. And my mum is very generous with her time, by looking after my DC for a whole day a week, every week of term time, which is a significant gift-in-kind and certainly saves us ££s.

CremeEggThief · 21/02/2015 22:20

My mum always gives me and DS some money for Christmas and birthdays and once she gave me £200 when I was really skint, but that's it.

LetticeKnollys · 21/02/2015 22:33

I am in my 20s at the moment, they gave me a little while I was at uni but I made up most of my living expenses (which weren't covered by my loan) through part time work.

When I announced I was pregnant with DS last year they bought the travel system, that was very much an impulse buy though because they were excited to be grandparents!

I'm learning to drive at the moment (put it off for years, that was a mistake!) and they offered to get me 10 lessons for my birthday, which is very generous, they normally just get me something smallish since I moved out.

They loaned my OH money to buy a car when he got a job in a new place and needed to get one very quickly to start.

Often when they visit/I visit (not that often, we live a few hours away) they treat me to food out, my mum sometimes offers to get me something if we go clothes shopping together but I often don't accept.

That is all I can think of. I am very thankful for the help they have given me and don't expect it to last forever.

LetticeKnollys · 21/02/2015 22:35

Oh yeah, I don't get any childcare from them (or anyone else, for that matter!).

mineofuselessinformation · 21/02/2015 22:48

None.
And I don't expect them to. Their money is for their retirement. I have told them (and really mean it) that I don't expect a penny from them in inheritance if it means they went without while they were alive.
My grandad didn't have a colour telly for years because he was worried about paying the license fee.... How sad. He loved snooker and it was one of his few pleasures in life.
Maybe that sounds harsh, and yes, it's lovely to inherit a little bit of unexpected money - but remember it was earnt somewhere along the line by the people who left it to you.

coffeeslave · 21/02/2015 22:49

None. They paid my rent when I was at uni but nothing after a no house deposit, not been married so no wedding costs etc. I don't want an inheritance from them because I want them to spend their money on themselves. If anything, I feel I should give them money, as I now earn more than my dad ever did!

MaeMobley · 21/02/2015 22:52

None. We help both sets of parents.

GoooRooo · 21/02/2015 22:55

My mum and dad gave us £1,000 each and MIL £500 towards our wedding.

My mum also loaned us £9,000 towards the deposit on the house we now live in as our flat was in negative equity and we couldn't sell it. We are repaying her over five years with shit loads of interest - loads more than a bank loan would've cost.

DH is an only child and us set to inherit his dad's house whenever his step mum passes away. He'll get nothing from his mum as she has nothing.

I'll inherit half of the houses my mum and dad own. Assuming it doesn't all get spent on care costs which is quite possible. My parents are very young so I don't expect that to happen any time soon thsnkfully.

GoooRooo · 21/02/2015 22:57

Oh - my mum paid for an 8 week scan recently after I had a miscarriage last year. I tried to refuse but she snuck the money into my bag!

avocadotoast · 21/02/2015 23:00

None at the moment. They have helped us with gifts towards wedding costs and our house deposit though (from both sides), for which we're obviously incredibly grateful. I'd give them the money back in a heartbeat if we had it (but I doubt they'd take it).

BikeRunSki · 21/02/2015 23:10

None
I am 44 and was the last year to go to university on a full grant - maintenance and fees.
I have been properly financially independent since I was 18 and went to university. Have lived on my grant, scholarship, wages, salary etc ever since. Saved for house deposit with DH, although we did only need £4k.

BikeRunSki · 21/02/2015 23:12

Actually DM gave my sister and I each £4k towards our weddings (which were only 18 months apart). Think ds spent all hers on balloons and matchbooks with their initials on. We did our entire wedding, clothes, rings etc and put some money behind the bar.

BikeRunSki · 21/02/2015 23:14

Oh yes childcare - none. DM lives 250 miles away; PIL live 170 miles away. All siblings abroad.

sunabroad · 21/02/2015 23:14

None.

Butterfly13 · 21/02/2015 23:21

None, and nothing.
Worked since I was 13.... 31 now.
Earned my own money for myself and to buy presents for family for birthdays / Christmas etc....

Never asked or got anything

whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey · 21/02/2015 23:25

I'm 42.
My parents gave us 1000 towards our wedding last year. My dad mentioned in his speech how proud he was that me and sis had stood on our own 2 feet and never asked for financial support from them. Even when it meant me working 2 jobs 7 days per week.
But he said that we should know that if we were ever in trouble we could always go to him.
They provided 1 day per week childcare for my sis for about 10 years, but consider themselves too old to be able to do the same for my DD.
We've had to bail MIL out with 10k about 8 years ago. I don't think we'll see that back.

Purplehonesty · 21/02/2015 23:33

Quite a lot really. I am a SAHM and we are quite stretched financially. Not breadline but we have to be very careful. I work really hard at a little business I have started and everyone in the family helps get orders for me!

I would never ask or expect it but my mum does things like gives us money for holidays, bought us a caravan so we could have regular ones. She always pays if we go out to eat, sometimes gives me money.
She paid for a lot of our wedding. She was quite poor most of my younger life but remarried and is well off now. She always says it makes her happy to help us.

My dad helps too, recently filled up our oil tank. He funded me thro uni, gave me my first house deposit and paid me an allowance while I was a student Blush
He too is comfortable, retired at 50 and will never take no for an answer if I refuse his help! If he comes over he can't leave without saying we need to have a little chat and sneaking money into my hand.

My pils are also very generous and buy nearly all the dc's clothes. I don't ask them to but every time we see them there is another bag of stuff for them. I hardly ever have to buy clothes. They too always pay if we eat out so we have stopped going out now and invite them here instead!
They also do things like buy washing powder or loo roll and say oh I saw this on special so I got you one.

I must be the luckiest person alive to have three sets of fantastic parents.

I hope I will be in a position to help my children when they need it. I know I could never watch them struggle if I could help and find it strange to read comments about people with wealthy parents who do just that.

Needmoresleep · 21/02/2015 23:33

Interesting thread. I thought I was alone. Nothing. Not even Christmas presents for the children or an hour minding a baby so we could nip out to the shops. Even a huge row over whether I could reclaim costs when managing investment property when my father became infirm.

No petrol money even though weekly trips during the period of my father's terminal illness took a big chunk out of family spending money. I was firm however when it came to me taking on POA as I wanted to avoid a situation whereby we were effectively having to subsidise DM even though her annual income is far more than she can spend.

Its weird. They were very generous to friends and neighbours, just not to family. It would have been nice to have had a bit of help when the children were small. But their money, their decision. I think I will want to be the opposite with my children but perhaps that wont be the right approach either.

elphiethegreat · 21/02/2015 23:34

Very little and I dont expect it either. Having said that if I had to ask, they would never see us struggle, and my dad quite often pays for any car related expenses; insurance, tax, service. More than some receive l guess but no major help like house deposits or anything.

SpecificOcean · 21/02/2015 23:39

My parents were very generous towards the cost of our wedding and cash gift, also Christmas and birthdays, they also regularly give our dc and nephews pocket money (about £15 each a fortnight). Gave me a lump sum age 18 which I put towards driving lessons and eventually a car.

DH parents generously gave towards our wedding. When we have moved houses they have always paid for something that we needed e.g. fridge freezer. They're always kind at Christmas and birthdays and will give us £20 if they know we are going somewhere e.g. out for the day/meal. They also paid a chunk (£4k) towards our last car. they give dc £10 a month.

We haven't expected anything and have never asked for or hinted at any of it (unlike dh brother who constantly asks for this and that). We have never needed childcare, but both sets of parents would babysit for us.

We treat them back now as we can afford to- sweets, pay for afternoon tea out, bunch of flowers, cakes etc.

We will definitely help out our dc.