Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Ha! :)
Tip...the dc are on the floor as I type writing out all the things they want for Xmas (!) from their Lego visual dictionary!
Big Bang theory is on tv.
We have been to macdonalds for lunch (the dc anyway)
Huge parenting fail today :)
Well...I am giving up sugar and MN for lent!!
It will be carnage, but I need to do something re my health. And I have ordered a fitness DVD which means I have no excuse if I'm not on MN :)
Ds1s football practise has been cancelled as the weather here is so bad. I hope it picks up this week.
So...good luck everyone, I will be thinking of you fairy x
I will be back after Easter - and hopefully in a better financial position.
X

I keep dropping off the thread. I think it's because I haven't got a lot to say other than I am once again feeling really fed up about the lack of money and all the things that need doing that I can't afford, let alone the things I want to do that I can't afford.

Sigh.

All is not right in my little world. And it's half term and I went to work today, then worked when I got in and plan to work all day tomorrow, all day Thursday and probably the weekend too. My job sucks.

But I can't afford to do anything interesting. I literally feel like I spend my whole life working and break up the monotony with a bit of housework which then starts me despairing about the state of the place.

See, you wish I'd stayed lurking now...

I need a little grey cloud emoticon.

Baddz Lego has now got the rights to Dr Who. That is going to cost me dearly. DS nearly wet himself with excitement when he found out.

Baddz MN for Lent. I'm not sure I could do it. I'd probably be far more productive though. Hmm...

Kinky...
The reality of course is that I will just spend hours watching Netflix instead :)
I have bought an exercise DVD (hahahahaha)

I've not bought any new Lego for several years - kids make surreal models out of the tons and tons that we have.

(((( Kinky )))) Feb half term is the hardest as the weather is shit and the garden is grey and when you go back the exam hype starts spinning up.
I suggest hiding in bed with a good book

I gave up chocolate for lent once, I managed it but it was the hardest thing I'd ever done.

I have no intention of giving anything up for lent ever again. That was enough for a lifetime!

Oh my gosh I could never give up chocolate

Kinky don't feel bad about yourself. Being on a tight budget is bloody depressing. They call it "retail therapy" for a reason - it's well known that spending money makes people feel happy. It's hard to change that mindset. I haven't managed it yet and am also feeling a bit blue really especially with it being half term and 2 dc to entertain and no spending money.

Thankfully dd seems to want to be out with her friends a lot either at the park or at each others houses so that helps... I just need to keep up the park and library trips with ds.

I am starting this week (after food shop) £20 overdrawn. Not good at all. I need to try and get through the week spending as little as possible to stand a chance of crawling back onto budget by the start of the new month.

Somehow I have managed to hardly use our car at all and have made the £7 worth of petrol I put in two weeks ago last all this time.....! I'm starting to wonder if we even need the car. The amount we use it we could perhaps just go on the train for less when you take off car costs and insurance etc. I know dh would want to keep it though because the only way to see his family is to drive and none of his family drive. Hmmm.

I spent £80 on a weeks shop today. If I had budgeted really carefully I probably could have done it for less. It's difficult with two kid pestering you as you go round and I couldn't wait for dh to look after them as he's working late for the next few days.

Oh well. Keep plodding on.

Tell you what, I'll give up chocolate for Lent so none of you have to.
does it count that I hate chocolate and never eat it

That's just cheating tip. You need to give up budgeting ... go and buy an ipad, you love them

I have an Ipad - but I'd have to wrestle it out of the fingers of my children!

I might give up AIBU for lent

So - I have an interview next week. It's for a job I'm not sure I want, but I'll go and get practice.

Need a shirt. I have black trousers, shoes and jacket but need a shirt. I will have a look in charity shops or eBay this week. That'll be somewhat of a challenge, as like you say Fairylea if you're not by yourself it's difficult!

I've also had a conversation with a locum agency who are sending forms for me to register. I'm also doing some overtime before I leave to stack up some cash.

Was supposed to collect new (old) car last week but paperwork is not back from dvla. We're down to one car and it's awkward but fine. Dh cycles to work anyway.

That's about all for now!

fairy ditto here I've only a 2 day mid term break but zero funds to entertain. Had planned on a very relaxing couple of days at home & maybe clear out some stuff but waiting to hear if a friend is coming to visit with kids. Likely to be expensive if so.

It was my 30th a couple of weeks ago and have been very spoilt from friends and family so have had lots of fun recently without it actually costing me anything - win/win. Now of course it's back to reality.. Sigh..

Hi all

Haven't posted in a while. The money stuff has really been getting on top of me. It doesn't help that February half term is car service, MOT and tax time and I have no money for savings so have had to dip into my virtual savings account.

I couldn't get on with the PC version of YNAB - I hate the way it rolls stuff over - I think once I am out of debt and on an even keel it will be good for me but it just doesn't work at the moment. I do however love the YNAB app and I am finding it is helping me to live within my means, for example at the moment I know exactly how much I have left in each category. I do have to use the PC version to set my budget limits each month and on the app it seems to just show the amount I set rather than anything that may have been left from last time, if that makes sense.

So I have just bitten the bullet and added it all up. I've kind of always known roughly what it was but there's a few bits and pieces I hadn't factored in. The total is 26915.93. My target for the 31st December is 17500. I've written monthly targets in my diary.

Hello all,

Good luck with the interview lying. Hope you manage to find something to wear without being pestered!

Hope everyone else is doing okay and battling on.

Afterthought it's always a shock to write it all down but at least you know where you are now. You sound very organised. I don't get on with ynab either. Just confuses the hell out of me.

I am doing okay ish. No spend day yesterday. Spent £6 today in tesco getting eggs, bread, few other bits. Another no spend day tomorrow hopefully.

Dh and I arguing again a bit. He is very upset that my mum upset me so much last week over the will thing and feels I should tell her where to go. He thinks my mum is very toxic - to be fair she is- and he doesn't understand why I can't cut contact. It's just too difficult. For a million reasons. So as it is I only see her for an hour or so each week. Hardly any time at all. But he is so angry with her and won't let it go and it's directed towards me because he feels I don't stand up to her. He doesn't see the bigger picture that to cut her out would be more difficult than to continue the way things are. I also said to him to be honest his family isn't far off being as annoying as my mum is but he still sees them! Which I think he knew I had a point about. It's different when it's your own family.

I think he's also a bit annoyed with me because I've basically said to him we need to stop buying so much crap for his lunches for work- quite often I buy stuff for him on a daily basis and drop it into work for him as I have to walk past his work to get to tesco. But I've said to him I need to stop doing that as every £3-5 I spend tends to end up being £10 on crap we don't actually need. So this week I did a big shop on Monday and put some packed lunch stuff in and I am expecting him to take that into work with him and anything else he fancies on top of that he has to use his own "pocket money" as I do if I fancy something different. He hasn't actually said anything but I feel like he's a bit annoyed. He said something about "I don't want to have sliced meats in a sandwich every day" so I asked him what he did want me to stock in for him and he wasn't sure. I think he's wanting a steak bake from greggs every day and that sort of stuff!

Hmmm. Keep on going. Longest week ever.

fairy does DH have a microwave at work? Because you can buy similar to steak bakes in multi packs in supermarket so he could take one in and heat it up. Having said that, for someone who professes to have such awful stomach problems, he sure can eat a lot of crap!!!!

lying good luck .

Unfortunately there's no microwave. .. they don't even have a staff area as such. Just a tiny room where they put coats etc. I might suggest they get a microwave, see if he could find a home for one :)

He certainly does eat a ton of crap. I'm not sure if it has any impact on his stomach problems, it can't be doing them any good that's for sure. On a typical day at work he eats one big bag of crisps, a bag of skittles (big bag), a pot noodle and a steak bake..Sometimes he'll have a baguette from greggs. Amazingly he is still very thin! He eats like it's going out of fashion!

fairy
He has so got to grow a pair.

I work in a different place every day when on site, as does DH.
First thing in the morning, pack lunchbox - sarnie, fruit, handful of nuts. Fill water bottle if needs fill tea thermos.
No reliance on anybody except ourselves
or we go hungry.
STOP taking him lunch. STOP popping into Tesco
He has GOT to start looking after himself and planning

Thanks tip. I know... that's why I've been trying to get organised this week. Some of it I think is that I know how much he hates it and he works such long days often he doesn't see ds much so I pop past with ds for a quick hello and feel sorry for him so I buy him a "treat". .

Hmmm,
so his incentive to get a better paid job NOT walking distance from the house is .........
time to stop visiting him EVER during the working day

yes.... point taken. Very true.

He's gone off to work today with a tuna baguette he's made himself and some bits from the fridge. . I guess that's a start.

fairy would you consider going to a counsellor to chat about your mother - it could be very useful to manage your interactions with her esp as you can't cut off contact.

You know if you average £10 a day on to up shops & multiply that by a 48 week working year it's £2400. Money saved is money earnt.

It's how I got into packed lunches. Weekly shops save a lot of cash.