Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Will I EVER be debt free?! It's a hell of a lot easier to spend it than pay it back isn't it

So fed up of this silly mess I've got myself into

You know what? I think we're all going to make it. We're all here, changing our spending habits, supporting each other, coming up with ideas that help each other out, and being shoulders to cry on when we all get fed up from time to time. I think that's a pretty good recipe for success.
Here Enders the Pom pom waving!

fairy I'm with you Ive overspent and back into overdraft - food and DD bithday presents and my hair. I am able to balance it back out next month.

favourite I know, you can never relax can you. We had got ours down haphazardly to just under 20k but in reality this didnt include our overdrafts - just the cards then we got hit with a 3k tax bill that got put on 0% card.I think the figures i know have on my 'debt' spreadsheet are finally a true picture. I cant even tell you where some of our debt has come from - its been there so long, moved cards so many times. I take comfort in looking at my debt spreadsheet I started three months ago. I can see each little bit going down. I check the balances of every card each month. I have the formulae in to projec when they will end. Our first one is May.

jonty you are right - I can't spend any money without thinkng about every penny and 'do I really need this' even though I've wobbled on food this week.

My News DH has had a significant payrise. - Great you say, it is and it will take 6 months off out debt plan. Cards and overdrafts (that were put onto cards) will be paid by Sept 2016. We had agreed that the first 'extra' on salary we would share for a treat. Oh lovely you say, we sat last night and couldn't decide what to do with the money. Eventually DH said he'd like to go and spend some on records - secondhand vinyle he'd get loads for £50..I was thinking a watch maybe...we'll use some to celebrate my 40th. I wanted to buy the children a bike each for out and about during the summer. Neither have them and we live near a huge park with safe bike paths. My obvious is to buy some new clothes because I havn't bought any for 6 months but i am losing weight and kind of between sizes so hesitant. So I can confirm a change in attitude here

baddzz sorry forgot to ask how you all are?

fairy yeah yeah to keeping distance. I will not make the same mistake when DD starts.

Hello
Ds hopefully back at school tomorrow - fingers x
Dh has gone away this morning with work for 4 days
Hate it

Well I'm back from my outing today and spent £2. Got some bread and a kinder egg for ds (gave in to pester power). So that's not bad going.

But dh and I aren't talking now. We had a huge row earlier over my saying dd wanted to go out this weekend and she needs a few quid to spend. He basically thinks we should say no. I think it's important at her age to be included in these things and it's not like she goes out all the time. Maybe once a month and only needs maybe a fiver max (she can walk into town and back).

I especially feel she should go as he is adamant that he needs to buy a fucking genuine iPhone charger and has taken himself into town today at a cost of £10 on the train to the phone shop to get them to look at it - something I wouldn't have done. I would have just managed. So if he can do that and spend £13 on a charger then I don't think it's fair that we say to dd no she can't see her friends on Saturday.

Dh is angry with me. He says it's pointless me asking what he thinks because I just go and do what I like anyway.

Stress. I can see his point a bit because we are broke and yes it is money we don't have but so are a lot of things and in year 7 getting along with everyone is important!

To top it off I've decided I would really like to take ds to the group regularly I went to yesterday and it's paid termly about £26 a term. I think if dh and I use half our spending money (ha what spending money) each we can do it and dh is in agreement but then why should ds get to go to a group for £4 ish a week and dd doesn't get to go out with her friends for the same amount occasionally? Really pissed off to be honest.

fairy going to be really harsh here but....the day your DH Gets the balls to go to an interview and get a better job, then he can complain. At the moment, the only person managing the money at all is you. And the fact he is happy to soend on himself but not on your daughter is pants. My parents would have always gone without so I could do things, if they felt I should do them. Rant over, sorry but that has made my blood boil. Hope you're ok.

fairy...... What jonty said! Harsh but true xxx

Thanks Jonty. And jickjak. That is how I am feeling too. I took the money out for dd to go out with and she's going out and that's that..I think he's a bit harsh compared to me as a parent anyway and he feels she doesn't put enough effort into her homework etc but to be honest I think she does - she gets merits all the time and constantly achieves A or B. Never in trouble. So of course she should be able to go out with her friends.

I am utterly fecked off. He's still not back yet. We also have my mum coming round later and there's going to be an awful atmosphere now.

Fairy - why wouldn't Dh order a genuine charger from Apple/Amazon? The postage cost would be cheaper than the train.

I'm really feeling your frustration!

Also, what's the future for dd and pocket money? Can she earn some by doing jobs around the house? This situation is going to keep coming up isn't it?

I've got my DCs on a chore chart tick list so they 'earn' their pocket money which is given on a Sunday. It's working well so far.

He's booked an appointment with an apple geek at the shop because he's convinced himself the phone is making a clicking noise and this means it's going to shut down and not work ever again .

It's all a bit ridiculous. Yes I can hear it does have a bit of a funny sound but I'm not sure that's what I would have done. Trying to be fair it is in warranty so if it is faulty they should replace it there. Hmm.

The chore thing is another thing we argued about. He thinks she should earn money by going chores. I agree to an extent but if she doesn't do them to my standard I end up doing them again. So its almost double the faff. However I have agreed to compromise and will find some things for her to do. At the moment we can't afford to give her regular pocket money. She gets her phone at £5 a month, and a few pounds to go out sometimes like above.

Fairy
When and only when your DH is earning more in a week than that bloody phone cost can he go gallavanting off to town to book sessions with gurus cos its making a funny noise
If he put a fraction of the effort into looking for a better paid job and doing needed stuff around the house that he does with that overpriced bit of tax dodging electronics, you would not be in all of the mess you are in.

fairy my eldest is in year 7 too and he doesn't do chores yet. My three are expected to help with things like laying the table, if they make a drink for themselves they do the same for the others, hang up coats, take plates from table to kitchen. I'm not a believer in paying them to do chores, at least not yet, no one pays me for doing it! To be fair, my Dad gives them pocket money each week, so we don't feel the need to but I don't see the logic in paying them to do everyday jobs. Yes to things like washing the car, but not for things like making the bed.

Right, best get back to work!

Fairy - odd question but is it an iphone5? And does the clicking happen when you press more on the left side of the screen? Reason I ask is because my DH had a problem with his iphone5 and it's a common fault with the battery swelling and pushing the screen out as it were. You can tell if it's this by a funny colour/line across the screen. Depending on the store they will either repair or replace the handset (that's if it's the same fault!).

Anyway not sure if he's left already for his aptmt at the store but it might be something for him to bear in mind if they get funny about fixing it!

Gah can't believe I've just owned up to my DH owning an overpriced apple product

Thank you all. At least I feel I'm not going mad being angry.

Bookworm that seems to be exactly the fault. So I guess, again trying to be fair, that's why he wanted to take it in. I just hope they replace the bloody thing. Ever since he's had an iPhone it's been nothing but trouble and I hate the fact to have to fixed we have to go into the city rather than our local shop (where I got mine).

Going to have some lunch while ds naps and wait for dh to come back. Mums coming round after dd comes in from school. Sigh. Going to be a fun day!

Thanks everyone xx

Tee hee.

The four of us are on PAYG O2 - total spend is under £45 a month.
Each of our phones (Samsung Galaxy S3, Samsung Galaxy S3, Motorola Moto G, Motorola Moto G) was under £130 - so total cost less than one iphone.

They make telephone calls, they send texts, they work on the wifi, they stream videos and play candy crush. We each get every other month free data and texts.

Sorry but the church of apple sticks in my craw.

We have an iPad but its just a toy. It barely does the work task it was purchased for (and it cost me £30 using my credit card vouchers)

I got an O2 sim off E2Save, it's cashback via redemption so I send every second bill to them & they reimburse me £21, the monthly cost is £9. By the end of the contract you've had all the money back so it's free & I got £10 cashback off topcashback for it. I mainly text & is got unlimited texts.

I used the priority moments to get a free valentines card worth £4.99 for dh today.

Oh fairy
He sounds like a total man child
I'm so sorry

Dh and I don't do valentines -
We've been together 20 years this year and tbh can't he bothered

Baddz
DH and I have been together over 30 years.
We always make each other cards and hide them for each other.

Most years we have a romantic dinner but as he's got a 5am start that day and the next it may just be a cup of warm milk this year

I just went and got the free valentines card - I wouldn't have bothered otherwise. I also got 2 free coffees from Waitrose and bought 2 broken cookies for 19p each. Dropped a coffee and cookie to DH at work. He was very pleased

As for chores/pocket money, I'm trying to use it as a teaching tool. It's early days but basically it's about teaching them to spend, save and give (Dave Ramsey). DD is getting the hang of it. DS not so much. She is saving for a second hand ipod touch. She 'blew' her money last week on a lipbalm. She was so adamant over a period of a few weeks that this lip balm would be the best thing ever, so off we went into town to buy it.

Obviously it's pretty shit and she keeps losing it, but she now understands it's delayed the pleasure of the ipod by a week or so.

There are certain things that they have to do just to function in the family, but extra jobs to earn money. Like I do at work. I don't always want to go into work but I have to in order to get paid.

It seems to have placed a much higher value on their fripperies.

I wish I'd learnt all this a bit earlier in my life then we wouldn't be in the situation we're in!

Tip...our first year together I got a dozen red roses
The next year I got 6
The year after I got 1

As I tell the kids...we don't need a special day to say "I love you"
I find the concept of valentines day odd tbh
But then again...I am the least sentimental person you could meet