Don't want to pay my boyfriend 'rent' in his house?

[litterbugkid]

Hello.

My boyfriend is looking to move from his flat as it is being sold towards the end of this year and has the money to purchase his own place. Because of this reason we are planning to live together in this new house.

I currently live at home which is commuting distance to Central London so if I were to move in with my boyfriend the only reason would be to live with him. I am currently paying £200 a month to my parents to cover some bills and food.

My issue is, my boyfriend is expecting me to pay about £300 rent with bills being extra. This for me is not a viable option because I believe paying rent when I don't need to is a waste of money and I can just continue living at home and saving up for when we buy a house later. He also said that if we end up getting married later on, this £300 a month will go towards my share of the house, if we break up I'd lose it. I don't really like this gamble.

I also gave the option of me buying the house with him under a sort of custom contract where I'd put in as much deposit as I can, and he pay the rest (he can afford to anyway since he was planning on sole ownership), with some clause where I'd continue to pay him monthly so that eventually we end up with equal ownership of the property by the time payments are complete. This way we both end up with property and I feel like we are starting a life together in our own place. My boyfriend feels that he'd rather us trial living together before this 'joint mortgage', and buy a house together if/when we get married. He also said that if we broke up he cant be sure that I won't sell my share to him, and I said I'd be willing to put down in a contract that if we broke up I will sell it back to him at market value. He would have the money to buy me out straightaway if this happened. I feel my option benefits us both whereas the rent idea only benefits him.

I have tried to be okay with the option paying rent but I just can't see how I'll ever be happy with it, and every month I'll just be quietly seething and angry when I hand over the money. And I also don't like the thought of my boyfriend being my LL as well.

Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable? What's the solution here?

In fact I would imagine dozens of men lining up to let someone pay half their mortgage yet have no equity. What a good deal.

Good job everyone isn't so financially naive.

Wow Furby going back to live with your parents isn't shameful you know infact if they are happy for you to move back and in so you can further yourself by saving more money and much quickly what's the issue. In fact is called being sensible.

When I have kids they are welcome to come back and live with me so long as they are doing it to save money for a deposit on their house or something worthwhile.

What is your problem really with children being back and living at home? Plenty of cultures support extended family living.

Harold If someone told me I could live in their house and only pay half the bills, and didn't have to contribute ANYTHING towards to rent or mortgage I would bite their hand off!

Shall I whinge in the same way the OP is doing?

Waahh wahh, I live in a house and the owner expects me to pay for me to be provided with a roof over my head. It's not fair all I am doing is paying off their mortgage and getting nothing back from it. I could be using this money for my own place. Waahh, wahh, its not fair, why should I be expected to pay to have a place to live??!

Oh yeah that is called renting a place! It's what you do if you can't afford to buy somewhere!!

You still haven't read and understood the OP have you.

Op im glad you have come to an agreement with your DP, its exactly what I would have done in the same situation.

Furby, you sound completly and utterly jealous of the OPs situation. Jealousy is not a nice trait.

OMG how have I not understood the OP???!!

She doesn't want to pay someone else's mortgage (rent) she can't get her own mortgage, so she just wants to live for free until she can get her own mortgage.

I can safely say I am not jealous. I enjoy knowing I am an independent person who pays my own way in life, not live off the back of other people like OP.

Your are really deluded Furby. OP in her post has said she put various options to her bf like paying some of the deposit even if it is not half of the amount for the place he is buying here let me remind you of it:

"I also gave the option of me buying the house with him under a sort of custom contract where I'd put in as much deposit as I can, and he pay the rest (he can afford to anyway since he was planning on sole ownership), with some clause where I'd continue to pay him monthly so that eventually we end up with equal ownership of the property by the time payments are complete. "

So the bf didn't like that idea either. OP was just asking about what is best really.

Sorry but renting is a waste of money because if you rented for 25yrs you don't have an asset afterwards but if you buy and pay a mortgage for 25yrs you do. People rent for various reasons and sometimes have no choice but seriously given half a chance every renter would rather own their own place because renting is just paying someone else's mortgage.

My parents battled with me for years to just live at home and save money but I choose to try to do it on my own rent and save up so I could buy but for one single person it is incredibly difficult. Or I could go back home save up and get a house sooner.

I don't see why you are all over OP why aren't you so het up about the bf going off and buying a house in his own name - hardly an equal partnership is it especially since OP said she could contribute towards the deposit.

Quite frankly good for you for being independent but really its a badge of honour you and only you will care about - no-one else cares really whether you did it on your own or had a bit of help from your parents.

He's not going to marry you. I guarantee it.

As you are independent Furby I take it you don't allow your other half to buy more expensive presents than you do for him and that on holidays you take together you both pay equal amounts - since you are so independent and proud to be in an equal partnership in every sense.

I bought a flat when I was 22. My boyfriend and a friend moved in with me. They both had tenancy agreements and both paid rent (my boyfriend paid less than friend). It was like that until we got married.

We have been together for 20 years, married for 11.

What is the £200 at your parents covering.

I don't see why you are all over OP why aren't you so het up about the bf going off and buying a house in his own name - hardly an equal partnership is it

If OP chooses to be in a relationship with someone who is clearly not as committed to it as she is, thats her call. She seems deluded that they will buy a house together in the future. They have been together 2.5 years and want to live together. He about to buy a house but wants her to have absolutely nothing to do with. Doesn't exactly scream commitment to me.

Quite frankly good for you for being independent but really its a badge of honour you and only you will care about

I didn't ask for anyone to care about it? You seem to be pissed off that I prefer to pay my own way in life rather than have other people provide things for me? Why are you continually trying to defend the fact that you went back home to live with your mum and dad, no one cares.

I don't care what you think really but your inability to read a simple OP and comment on it appropriately, as well as being pretty nasty for no good reason is just a bit irritating.

Why don't you just go away and piss on someone else's chips.

I can see where furby is coming from on this- yes the OP is right to try and protect her interests but the reality of this situation seems to be that the boyfriend doesn't really see a future for them and is in a position to buy his own house without any help, which the OP can't do.

It's true that if you can't afford to buy a property then you have to rent and suck up the fact that's paying someone else's mortgage.

If he really wanted it to work long term, he'd agree to an equitable way of buying a house together. If he doesn't then there's more to worry about than the rent

He has though, there is no problem here.

I'm not pissed off by any means its just you keep going on and on at OP calling her freeloader and some sort of sponger for not wanting to pay her bf's mortgage and going on about how independent you are and paying your own way. Why you keep saying it is bemusing it is like you want us to all clap and cheer you.

I am defending the fact that is is not really freeloading if your parents are happy to have you back at home to help you financially and stated my experience as an example.

If you are now saying that you don't think her bf is showing enough commitment than how can you then still stand by you telling her to pay 'rent' with no tie in (i.e. no contract that she gets x%equity) - that is stupidity.

@myfurbyisalive

I actually have approval from the bank to get a mortgage, but the fact is my boyfriend doesn't want to enter into a long term joint financial situation before marriage, of which I have no problem with. I don't see why I should pay rent to stay with him when I could purchase elsewhere.

I fear the boyfriend is being very devious here- putting the money into an account rather than actually contributing towards his (or even better 'their') mortgage is sufficient (I think) for the OP to have no claim on the property if they split up.

Why you keep saying it is bemusing it is like you want us to all clap and cheer you
I said it once in response to being called jealous. Unlike you who has mentioned and defended about going to live with you mum and dad on every single post .
Funny now it's sounds like your the jealous one, upset that other people actually manage to get by in life without going running home to mummy and daddy?

I refer you to newrecruit's post. If she chooses to live with her BF and he doesn't want her to have a share of his house get a TA drawn up. Why should OP get to live for free?

OP just answer this question. It really is very simple. Why do you think someone should provide you with a place to live, and you should pay nothing towards it?

I am not talking about the bills or food I am talking about having a place to live which costs money?

Well I personally wouldn't leave the situation as is for long bear, maybe a year or two.

Furby, seriously, calm the fuck down and read the thread.

hah me jealous heck no because from the age of 18 I have lived out of home and not taken any financial help only until two years ago when I decided to go home so I can save up much more quickly to buy my own house as rents in London were getting to be almost 2/3rd my salary so it made sense to get my own place.

I just don't like it when other people feel its ok to make others feel like they are not good enough because they went back to live at home and when their parents are happy to have them home. I don't judge people for having gone home for support unlike you who does judge them and look down on them because they didn't do it all by themselves.

Still you have managed to avoid answering my question about whether you and dp split holiday costs equally, buy presents for each other of equal value because after all Furby you like to stand up on own two feet and pay your way.

Gosh Furby - OP has clarified that it's a long term relationship, she's willing to invest in a mortgage and is able to obtain one.

It seems to me, the DP is the one holding back on commitment - which is absolutely fine and is his right - but turning it around, why should he expect the same financial input at increased risk for OP. 'It'll contribute towards your share of the house if we marry, but otherwise you'll get nothing back'. I can see why that's not an attractive option to be fair.

Still you have managed to avoid answering my question about whether you and dp split holiday costs equally, buy presents for each other of equal value
Erm perhaps because it has got absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand? Because I chose to pay my own way means I should refuse when people buy me gifts for my birthday, ha get a grip! Stop grasping at straws.

I just don't like it when other people feel its ok to make others feel like they are not good enough because they went back to live at home
If you are that arsed about it perhaps you shouldn't have done it.

There is something very clearly wrong in this relationship and the OP isn't willing to even admit it to herself.

I can't believe you actually wrote 'the fact is my boyfriend doesn't want to enter into a long term joint financial situation before marriage, of which I have no problem with' when that's blatantly untrue.

You'd jump at the chance of a 'joint financial situation' - that's the whole point of your post.

Everything is on his terms right now- no financial commitment prior to marriage and no marriage proposal either- in your shoes OP I'd be pretty convinced he's stringing you along.

But op will nkt be paying noting towards it will she! It will be going into a joint savings account, wont it, as she stated. Although IMHO it should be a sole name account. Op will be saving towards their future. Perhaps her BF saw parents split up and hung to dry etc so is wary about the financial aspects we dont know. To me it dosent scream that he is not commited just that they are both protecting their own assets, bf in the property and op in her financial security. In this day and age where by property and financial security mean alot to younger people OR those older getting onto the property ladder.
In an example of free loading im due a large chunk of money in the near future, i am married although this will be in my name. We will buy a property outright after years of renting, so my husband will he be freeloading on my back for not contributing to the purchase of the property.....no. will he still only pay half of the bills? ?..yes. if we split up will he be entitled to half the house?....yes. fair? NO absoloutly bloody not it was money meant for me. But for me I cannot protect my assets as i am married but for the op protect and sort out every bloody penny as far as i am concerned.