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Original poster

Don't want to pay my boyfriend 'rent' in his house?

174 replies

litterbugkid · 16/10/2014 16:18

Hello.

My boyfriend is looking to move from his flat as it is being sold towards the end of this year and has the money to purchase his own place. Because of this reason we are planning to live together in this new house.

I currently live at home which is commuting distance to Central London so if I were to move in with my boyfriend the only reason would be to live with him. I am currently paying £200 a month to my parents to cover some bills and food.

My issue is, my boyfriend is expecting me to pay about £300 rent with bills being extra. This for me is not a viable option because I believe paying rent when I don't need to is a waste of money and I can just continue living at home and saving up for when we buy a house later. He also said that if we end up getting married later on, this £300 a month will go towards my share of the house, if we break up I'd lose it. I don't really like this gamble.

I also gave the option of me buying the house with him under a sort of custom contract where I'd put in as much deposit as I can, and he pay the rest (he can afford to anyway since he was planning on sole ownership), with some clause where I'd continue to pay him monthly so that eventually we end up with equal ownership of the property by the time payments are complete. This way we both end up with property and I feel like we are starting a life together in our own place. My boyfriend feels that he'd rather us trial living together before this 'joint mortgage', and buy a house together if/when we get married. He also said that if we broke up he cant be sure that I won't sell my share to him, and I said I'd be willing to put down in a contract that if we broke up I will sell it back to him at market value. He would have the money to buy me out straightaway if this happened. I feel my option benefits us both whereas the rent idea only benefits him.

I have tried to be okay with the option paying rent but I just can't see how I'll ever be happy with it, and every month I'll just be quietly seething and angry when I hand over the money. And I also don't like the thought of my boyfriend being my LL as well.

Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable? What's the solution here?

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 16/10/2014 18:50

If he really liked you, and wanted you around, he'd be happy for you to live in his house without paying rent.

I wouldn't be moving in with him at all.

Viviennemary · 16/10/2014 18:51

If you will resent it there is just no point in entering into this kind of arrangement. Stay at home with your parents or rent a place together.

LynetteScavo · 16/10/2014 18:51

And if it were my house, there is no way I would consider asking a boyfriend to pay rent!

hesterton · 16/10/2014 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PotsAndCambert · 16/10/2014 18:58

But she isn't rent free if she us paying half of all the bills. What she isn't happy with is to pay half of the mortgage that he will keep. Why on earth should she do that on the basis that 'they might not be staying together and it's a trial to see if living together works out'.
He doesn't want to be involved financially with her which us understandable. But then his mortgage, his payment. Unless he is seeing her as a lodger with benefits?

notyetpastit · 16/10/2014 19:03

If you are living at home and paying your parents £200 a month then negotiate the same amount with your boyfriend so he doesn't shoulder all the costs. Try it out on a 6 month basis and if it doesn't work out you can always go back home.

tess73 · 16/10/2014 19:04

love really should come into this. that's all.

merrymouse · 16/10/2014 19:09

Effectively you are saying you would rather pay towards a mortgage or, as you have the option, save towards a mortgage at home.

You don't want to pay more rent than necessary and possibly be left with no money if you break up.

Your bf also wants you to pay towards a mortgage - he just doesn't want you to gain any benefit from it in the event of a break up.

No, YANBU.

merrymouse · 16/10/2014 19:12

The only thing I would say is that realistically, if you are only making a small contribution towards the mortgage, you wouldn't have paid off much equity anyway.

hesterton · 16/10/2014 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
litterbugkid · 16/10/2014 19:31

@hesterton

I wouldn't expect him to pay a rental car fee for him using my car, just that he pay his insurance and contribute to the petrol.

I don't see why he can't do the same for me 'using' his house.

OP posts:
Original poster
litterbugkid · 16/10/2014 19:35

I also do not mind paying more than £200 a month if its for bills etc. I would not expect him to subsidise me.

OP posts:
hesterton · 16/10/2014 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
litterbugkid · 16/10/2014 19:38

@hesterton

Probably isn't just you since my boyfriend feels the same :p
Thanks for the help!

OP posts:
ItsNotEasyBeingGreen · 16/10/2014 19:38

OP but why should you live anywhere rent free and make someone else pick up the costs? Owning a home is expensive. Buy together if you like. Contribute equally. If you can't/don't want to buy together then of course you should bloody pay rent. You should be paying a lot more to your parents in fact!

sanfairyanne · 16/10/2014 19:55

op would have more security if she rented her own place though
if they split up, she will be thrown out asap
so why pay rent plus bills for no security , not even the 'security' of a tenant

Original poster
litterbugkid · 16/10/2014 20:00

@ItsNotEasyBeingGreen

What costs?!! I won't be owning the house! I've already said I'd be paying bills!

OP posts:
teacher54321 · 16/10/2014 20:01

I find this whole debate absolutely peculiar. Why should you be subsidised by your parents and then your bf? Housing has costs whether it be council owned, rented or mortgaged. Why should you be exempt from that cost?

Original poster
litterbugkid · 16/10/2014 20:03

@teacher54321

Have you even read what I have proposed? I have already said that I'd like to contribute as long as I'm getting some equity. Or whatever I pay I want it to be at least put towards the house when we eventually get married. I do not want to spend money on 'rent' of which I will never see again and has been wasted.

OP posts:
WerkSupp · 16/10/2014 20:05

Who are all these people who expect their boyfriend or girlfriend to pay to live with them and suck their dicks, too? He wants rent he gets a lodger in with a contract.

I'd stay at home.

He wants to try things out you can rent a place together.

PotsAndCambert · 16/10/2014 20:11

itsnot the thing is the OP would be happy with your organisation it's her DP who isn't!!
What I read is that the bf wants a lodger to help him to pay the mortgage.

teacher54321 · 16/10/2014 20:17

Either you want to live with him or you don't. If you stay at home you'll be able to continue freeloading off your parents (which is what you are doing-don't kid yourself that £200 a month is in anyway what that room is 'worth' if you are commuting to London everyday).

merrymouse · 16/10/2014 20:33

What kind of person wants to 'freeload' off their parents? The kind of person whose parents are generous enough to give them the opportunity to save a deposit.

Pride is lovely, but sometimes realism is more practical.

Trills · 16/10/2014 20:36

If you don't move in, will he get a flatmate, or will he live there alone?

teacher54321 · 16/10/2014 20:42

The issue I have is that the OP doesn't want to subsidise HIM but is happy to be subsidised herself.