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Original poster

Don't want to pay my boyfriend 'rent' in his house?

174 replies

litterbugkid · 16/10/2014 16:18

Hello.

My boyfriend is looking to move from his flat as it is being sold towards the end of this year and has the money to purchase his own place. Because of this reason we are planning to live together in this new house.

I currently live at home which is commuting distance to Central London so if I were to move in with my boyfriend the only reason would be to live with him. I am currently paying £200 a month to my parents to cover some bills and food.

My issue is, my boyfriend is expecting me to pay about £300 rent with bills being extra. This for me is not a viable option because I believe paying rent when I don't need to is a waste of money and I can just continue living at home and saving up for when we buy a house later. He also said that if we end up getting married later on, this £300 a month will go towards my share of the house, if we break up I'd lose it. I don't really like this gamble.

I also gave the option of me buying the house with him under a sort of custom contract where I'd put in as much deposit as I can, and he pay the rest (he can afford to anyway since he was planning on sole ownership), with some clause where I'd continue to pay him monthly so that eventually we end up with equal ownership of the property by the time payments are complete. This way we both end up with property and I feel like we are starting a life together in our own place. My boyfriend feels that he'd rather us trial living together before this 'joint mortgage', and buy a house together if/when we get married. He also said that if we broke up he cant be sure that I won't sell my share to him, and I said I'd be willing to put down in a contract that if we broke up I will sell it back to him at market value. He would have the money to buy me out straightaway if this happened. I feel my option benefits us both whereas the rent idea only benefits him.

I have tried to be okay with the option paying rent but I just can't see how I'll ever be happy with it, and every month I'll just be quietly seething and angry when I hand over the money. And I also don't like the thought of my boyfriend being my LL as well.

Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable? What's the solution here?

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 17/10/2014 19:34

Well actually I can remember a similar thread where the roles where reversed and the answers were mostly the same, including mine.

I wouldn't pay half a mortgage for a boyfriend without any equity stake, he's only just buying it.

You could turn around in 10 years time and have bugger all.

Why is he buying a house on his own if your moving in together? Could you not buy together, you wouldn't be entitled to the deposit he puts in if you get that sorted by a solicitor.

LynetteScavo · 17/10/2014 19:37

Maybe I'm biased because my now DH (of 15 years) begged me to move in with him - I didn't need to my parents lived around the corner, where everything was free - and didn't expect or want me to pay for anything.The only issue we had initially was when I wanted to buy things for the house and he wouldn't let me. Which was frustrating for me if he couldn't afford what I wanted..... He wanted me to move in, because he wanted me around. And yes, I earned more than him at the time. If I had happened to buy a house before him I can see the situation would easily have been reversed.

So OP, I say stay with your parents, and dare I say it, look for someone who really, really wants you around, and who you would be quite happy to pay money to live with.

HaroldLloyd · 17/10/2014 19:42

Sorry just re read through the OP missed the last bit.

What you have proposed is perfectly reasonable. In the event of a split his deposit is safe, and you get back a fair share of what you paid in. No one would lose out.

If he isn't going for that, I don't blame you begrudging paying rent and I don't see why anyone would. In fact I would be wondering why he didn't want to do something so perfectly reasonable.

putthehamsterbackinitscage · 17/10/2014 19:48

Apologies in advance its Friday been a long week and the wine is open....

I don't think you are being unreasonable...

What you are saying is that you're happy to contribute but want some recognition of that contribution, some evidence of being a partner...

How many times do we see posts from somebody who has split with a DP and has nothing to show for a time when they have contributed either financially or in other ways because finances are not joint etc?

I think you need to say to him that actually sod all this "trial" - life is for living, commit to you, with legal agreements as joint owners/tenants (with recognition of % contribution and what would happen in a split) ....

Why should you pay but have no stake - the issue about what you pay or don't to your parents isn't relevant here - what is relevant is he is asking you to take a joint share in funding s joint home ... So you should have recognition of that ....

But equally he wants protection if it doesn't work (as do you!) so a legal agreement about contributions and what happens if you do break up should be in place too....

ZenNudist · 17/10/2014 20:08

YANBU he's been with you 2.5 years but wants to buy on his own. Doesn't bode well. How old are you both?

I'm assuming that if you don't move in with him you'll be expected to stay over? Do your parents let him stay at yours? Will he still stay with you there?

He will end up with a regular houseguest not contributing rent or overheads. You have the inconvenience of going back and forth to your parents, which will be shit. But financially sound.

I think your shared ownership idea is practical and smart. His idea is selfish and uncaring.

I don't think you can rent from him. Its on his terms only, living in his house, making him a nest egg. Bollocks to that.

It's not a good start to your life together that you can't work out a solution to this. I say LTB!

HaroldLloyd · 17/10/2014 20:30

Yes Zen exactly, bollocks to that.

Mrsgrumble · 17/10/2014 20:36

I think your do is right to charge rent. I waited until marriage until dh moved in as I didn't want a 'boyfriend' having a stake in my property. Then when he moved in, he only paid towards bills but I came to my senses and now he contributes to the mortgage.

His savings are acting as a deposit for our next home so it works out fair. I don't know why but I get a feeling things aren't right just yet for you both I move in together. Why not take a bit more time?

Mini05 · 17/10/2014 20:52

Defo tenants in common!!!????????

He just wants safety, his mortgage (his house) and you pay rent,bills to live there. No way!!!

As said doesn't have to be 50/50 anything you put in deposit wise each is yours to take away(incase!!) and any thing else made split between you.
Needs to be done by solicitor written in writing

Like you say all this money is dead money to you, but paying HIS mortgage

munchkin2902 · 17/10/2014 21:31

My friend moved into her boyfriend's house - she put the equivalent of half the mortgage payment into a joint savings account which was her contribution to the deposit when he sold and they bought a place together. The mortgage was only on his name and he could afford it easily so it didn't seem fair for her to give money to him. Worked out really well as they both benefited from a bigger deposit when they moved.

starlight1234 · 17/10/2014 21:43

I have seen a few of these thread very similar lately. I think there seems to be problem with everyone rushing to move in together too soon.

I see far to little trust and belief in the longevity of relationships which is sad.

tess73 · 18/10/2014 11:05

ok how about you suggest this

  • you pay half of any bills
  • you pay x amount into a savings account. If and when you move in together /commit to each other then this gets paid towards the mortgage and you have joint ownership.
If you break up the savings account is yours.
Looseleaf · 18/10/2014 17:04

I understand Lynette's view. My DH would have been similar . Though it's hard to tell as all relationships evolve in different ways

Original poster
litterbugkid · 18/10/2014 22:46

Thanks for the help everyone.

In the end we agreed on what 'tess73' (2 posts above). I know 'AMumInScotland' suggested this first on page 1 of this thread. In summary I'll be paying 1/2 of all bills, etc and putting my would-be contribution of the mortgage into a joint savings account, which will then go towards a deposit on a new place when we're married, or if we stay in the current place I'll put it all towards that.

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 18/10/2014 22:52

Good idea, but it will be yours in the event of a split to help you find your feet?

Original poster
litterbugkid · 18/10/2014 23:03

Yep :)

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 19/10/2014 20:35

Sounds like a plan, good luck with your move.

myfurbyisalive · 20/10/2014 00:41

I don't see how that is a fair arrangement at all? If you split you get all your money back so you will have lived rent free for perhaps years? Grow up and face the fact that if you want to play house it costs money.

starlight1234 · 20/10/2014 07:38

She will be paying money bills should they decide to go joint morage it will be invested in the house.

Yackityyakyak · 20/10/2014 10:38

Of course it's a fair deal! HE is better off with this deal!

It's not like he can rent the other half of HIS bedroom out to a lodger, can he?! Funnily enough paying lodgers want their own bedroom!

THIS way he gets help paying the bills.

myfurbyisalive · 20/10/2014 12:44

star
Paying bills and paying rent are not the same at all. OP seems to just want to float through life never having to pay for a roof over her head.

DaisyFlowerChain · 20/10/2014 12:55

I agree myfurby. The OP would have to pay rent and bills if living alone. By only offering to pay half the bills she intends to live rent free whilst the other person stands the whole cost. Would a woman let a man do this or would he be called a freeloader etc?

SuperScrimper · 20/10/2014 13:13

I think OP sounds like a total freeloader and I can't believe he's agreed to it Shock

Why should someone never pay rent as it's 'dead' money? It's not dead money, it is money used to provide you with somewhere to live! I just don't get why it's ok to pay nothing towards the place you live?

How nice to jump from the ship of Mummy and Daddy stright on board the boyfriends all without ever paying anything.

firesidechat · 20/10/2014 13:23

I can't get my head around this either. Of course some sort of rent should be paid even if it's just a small amount, but I've heard this sort of set up applauded on forums before so I just accept that I may be out of touch or just plain wrong.

DaisyFlowerChain · 20/10/2014 13:46

Quite hoping DS stays single given the amount of women who seem to believe the man should pay for them be it rent or to give up work etc.

TheHoneyBadger · 20/10/2014 14:36

it's certainly an easy cruise through life thus far isn't it? mum and dad foot the bill whilst you 'save' then boyfriend foots it whilst you 'save' some more.

if real life ever hits it's going to be a bit of a shock.