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Original poster

Don't want to pay my boyfriend 'rent' in his house?

174 replies

litterbugkid · 16/10/2014 16:18

Hello.

My boyfriend is looking to move from his flat as it is being sold towards the end of this year and has the money to purchase his own place. Because of this reason we are planning to live together in this new house.

I currently live at home which is commuting distance to Central London so if I were to move in with my boyfriend the only reason would be to live with him. I am currently paying £200 a month to my parents to cover some bills and food.

My issue is, my boyfriend is expecting me to pay about £300 rent with bills being extra. This for me is not a viable option because I believe paying rent when I don't need to is a waste of money and I can just continue living at home and saving up for when we buy a house later. He also said that if we end up getting married later on, this £300 a month will go towards my share of the house, if we break up I'd lose it. I don't really like this gamble.

I also gave the option of me buying the house with him under a sort of custom contract where I'd put in as much deposit as I can, and he pay the rest (he can afford to anyway since he was planning on sole ownership), with some clause where I'd continue to pay him monthly so that eventually we end up with equal ownership of the property by the time payments are complete. This way we both end up with property and I feel like we are starting a life together in our own place. My boyfriend feels that he'd rather us trial living together before this 'joint mortgage', and buy a house together if/when we get married. He also said that if we broke up he cant be sure that I won't sell my share to him, and I said I'd be willing to put down in a contract that if we broke up I will sell it back to him at market value. He would have the money to buy me out straightaway if this happened. I feel my option benefits us both whereas the rent idea only benefits him.

I have tried to be okay with the option paying rent but I just can't see how I'll ever be happy with it, and every month I'll just be quietly seething and angry when I hand over the money. And I also don't like the thought of my boyfriend being my LL as well.

Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable? What's the solution here?

OP posts:

Original poster

litterbugkid · 20/10/2014 15:29

I don't think some of you get it..

I wanted to go in on the ownership i.e. contribute more than the rent he's asking for, but to have some equity in the house.

How is that wanting a free ride?

But he said he wanted a trial living together and wanted me to pay him rent instead for living together.

In my mind this is unfair, why should I pay rent when I'm willing to go in on the ownership?

With the arrangement we have come to, I can save for both of us when we buy together in the future. This isn't so I can keep on saving and buy a Ferrari or something. The more savings I have, the quicker we can buy together later on because he will always earn more than me.

Understand?

OP posts:

sanfairyanne · 20/10/2014 15:29

as yackityak and others say, he can hardly rent out the other side of his bed to anyone else, can he?

Original poster

litterbugkid · 20/10/2014 15:39

Apparently some people like to ignore my whole first post just so they feel mighty about saying I want to live off my parents my whole life..

OP posts:

MrsSquirrel · 20/10/2014 15:47

Glad you reached a compromise you are both happy with.

It doesn't matter if some of the posters on this thread think you are a freeloader or what you would theoretically do if you were living on your own. All that matters is that you and dp both think the arrangment is fair.

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 20/10/2014 15:49

Don't do it. Stay at home don't make my mistake

myfurbyisalive · 20/10/2014 16:59

why should I pay rent when I'm willing to go in on the ownership

Because he doesn't want you to have any ownership of his house! If he did you would be buying it together, that is the whole point!! He can afford to buy a house, you can't. Deal with it.

Why do you think you should not have to pay for somewhere to live? That everyone else should subsidise you??

LilMissSunshine9 · 20/10/2014 18:00

Completely unfair be calling OP a freeloader off her mum and dad. If her parents decide that she only needs to pay them £200 rent to stay at home what's the problem? Not like they have had a gun held to their head, they choose and decided to do that. I went home for two years to save a deposit and my parents asked me for nothing - infact they were ashamed if I ever tried to pay for anything even food shop (maybe its an indian culture thing?). I offered plenty of times to pay for food, bills etc. but they wouldn't take any money off me.

I am sure you will all say I am freeloader too but I couldn't care less, it was my parents choice and they are happy to see me in my own house now and happy to have given me better opportunities than they had themselves. They always say to me that they don't want me or my sisters to struggle like they did. It doesn't make me unappreciative or lazy with my money who goes out spending my money on nights out etc.

Anyway OP sounds like you and your bf have come to a compromise so good luck.

HaroldLloyd · 20/10/2014 18:03

How rude furby.

Some people need to open their eyes a bit to making sure that they are not financially disadvantaged in the event of a split. The matter is the OP had wanted to purchase the house and the bf had said no.

It's nothing to do with not paying her way.

Luckily for the OP she has the sense to make sure she is protected in the event of a split.

sanfairyanne · 20/10/2014 18:07

sounding jealous there furby

myfurbyisalive · 20/10/2014 18:12

You know what, now I think about it, OP is actually a genius.

I will tell DP I will no longer be paying my half of the rent, I mean why should I have to pay? Paying rent is just dead money. Instead of paying rent I will put the money in a savings account which will go towards us buying a house together in the future, same as the OP.

If we do split up, I will have my all my savings towards buying my own house as I have had the good fortune of being able to live rent free for years by freeloading off my boyfriend.

Brilliant plan OP, your boyfriend is a mug.

myfurbyisalive · 20/10/2014 18:15

fairyanne
Yeah suppose I am pretty jealous. I wish I had a DP stupid enough to let me live rent free in their house while I build my own savings up.

LilMissSunshine9 · 20/10/2014 18:21

Well what protection do you have Furby if you and your DP split up?

ProveMeWrong · 20/10/2014 18:33

Litterbug. Ignore the people saying you are coasting/ free riding etc. my sister wasn't as smart / clued up as you and paid and lived in his mingling house. Then he cheated on her and left her. Meaning she lost all that money on rent she didn't need to pay as could have lived at home, lived in an area inconvenient to her (and awful). Meanwhile she has paid a big chunk of his mortgage and he has got a free shag into the bargain. Not fair at all. If you are putting that money aside, fair play to you both, that seems completely reasonable. He gets some help with his council tax, tv licence, shares cooking and cleaning etc and has the house worst comes to worst, you have your savings. It's 50/50 to me.

myfurbyisalive · 20/10/2014 18:34

We share our flat. We both pay the rent. We both save up separately towards buying a house together. If we split, we both have our own savings. If we stay together and buy and place, both savings go in together.

It's irrelevant. The point is this. OP doesn't think she should have to pay to live somewhere.

She either has the choice of living at home rent free and contributing towards food and bills as she does currently.

Live with boyfriend, pay bills and food etc, and also pay a token amount of rent whilst saving up on the side.

She wants the set up her parents provide her with, but while living with her BF. Sorry, her parents may chose to let her live rent free but why should her BF? He is not responsible for her.

myfurbyisalive · 20/10/2014 18:40

she lost all that money on rent she didn't need to pay as could have lived at home

Well she should have stayed living at home for free. What did she expect, to live with her DP for free like OP wants to? Once you move out of the hotel of mum and dad you have to start paying for a roof over your head. I don't understand why people are finding this a hard concept to understand.

LilMissSunshine9 · 20/10/2014 18:54

Sorry but its a different scenario to you Furby - here in the OP situation the other half is buying a house that is solely under his name. They are not both going out to rent a place together. I don't even understand why he is buying solely in his name if they are planning a future together.

OP is not expecting to live their completely free but happy to pay the bills. If she has to contribute to the mortgage than she should get a tenancy agreement and be treated as a tenant paying rent.

sanfairyanne · 20/10/2014 19:03

its normal to pay half the rent furby, but how about if your dp decides he is buying a house and you cant invest in it but can pay him rent? still be happy?

Original poster

litterbugkid · 20/10/2014 19:05

Thanks 'LilMissSunshine9'. I was about to reply that we are in a different situation to 'myfurbyisalive'

If we were both renting I'd have no problem paying my half of the rent. And I won't be staying with my boyfriend completely free of charge, I will be going in on the bills as well as service charge/ground rent/council tax.

I agree with 'ProveMeWrong' completely.

OP posts:

Swingball · 20/10/2014 19:07

DH paid half my mortgage for years before we got married. It never caused any issues between us, he was perfectly happy to do that. If anything I used to worry more than dh about his rights if we split up but he certainly wouldn't have been getting all his money back! It would have felt weird if he'd lived there all that time and paid nothing for it.

Anyhow, glad you've come to an arrangement op.

myfurbyisalive · 20/10/2014 19:12

I am not saying our situations are the same at all OP. You are still not getting it. Whether you pay rent or a mortgage you still have to pay to have a roof over your head which you are not doing.

OP if you and your DP ever split, please pass his details on to me. A flat in commuting distance to London with absolutely no rent? All I have to do is pay half the bills? Bleedin christ, it's the deal of the century!

Original poster

litterbugkid · 20/10/2014 19:24

@myfurbyisalive

YOU are not getting it.

Are you telling me that if you wanted to buy a house with your DP and your DP didn't want to, but wanted you to rent in the house they were buying, you would just listen willingly? And in doing this your DP would benefit in 2 ways,

Help to pay his mortgage with you getting none of the equity
The money you put in to his house would eventually gain him more money because the house would gain in value.

You're happy potentially losing out on thousands of pounds of money you could have invested elsewhere? Or in my case I'd be using that money for our future.

Maybe you are, but I am not.

The money he is putting in he will see again when he sells the house, and he'll also gain your money too.

OP posts:

LilMissSunshine9 · 20/10/2014 19:29

Well Furby in that case you must also think the same about those on benefits who take taxpayers money to pay for their roof over their heads right because after all they are not actually earning their own money and paying their own way.

myfurbyisalive · 20/10/2014 19:43

You're happy potentially losing out on thousands of pounds of money you could have invested elsewhere

Thats life darling! That's what paying rent is! You can't afford to buy a place, you spend money on rent that you could have invested elsewhere. It's called being a grown up and paying your way.

If you don't want to do so, go back to the hotel of mum and dad who are happy to put a roof over your head while you save up, but don't put the same burden on your DP.

sanfairyanne · 20/10/2014 19:46

still sound jealous furby tbh

HaroldLloyd · 20/10/2014 19:48

Furby you really should make sure you read and understand the OP before blarting out a load of rubbish.

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