Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

That is really tough on you Snowie.

We had been struggling for so long that DH has been constantly living in his overdraft and not being honest with his friends etc about how little money we have, so saying yes to things without any idea of how much money we had or what it would cost. I got a better paid job and he has just got one too so this will be our first month of budgeting properly - before it was just me nagging as he said he 'didn't earn enough to budget'. At the same time he was so afraid of our debt that he didn't ever look at his balance and has been paying for old phone insurance, not claiming money back for refunds we're owed etc as he just had his head in the sand.

He was left a chunk of money from a relative when he was a teen and has dipped into it so often for living expenses in his 20s that it has pretty much gone - completely wasted really on things like a better car than we needed (now sold) or paying off overdraft several times only just to get straight back into it as the lessons weren't learned.

With your DH could you try to keep back even just a tenner as a buffer so you don't get that desperate feeling of no money? So if he is the one to go to the shop either take £10 out or tell him you have less? If he takes no notice of what you tell him anyway that might work?

Dear all Im posting these links below as I found these immensely helpful to me on many levels over the past three months.

They are about minimalist living. Its far more than just living in a bare room, its about changing the focus of how you live including spending habits. There are some short 5/10 minute essay reads that are so good for the soul.

They may help you decrease your spending:

www.becomingminimalist.com/escaping-excessive-consumerism/

www.becomingminimalist.com/fooled/

www.becomingminimalist.com/rethink-money-and-breathe/

I try to find my way through my 'fuck it' moments and my moaning (see last few posts!) So I through I'd try and post something constructive.

I know we are all at different stages and these may not be the 'tonic' for some.

Trainers - good idea I do need to keep a buffer but still things are so tight it's nearly always needed plus my growing family seem to eat more than I budget for. We are v frugal with grocery spend probably significantly under spend in fact but always healthy meals & fruit available for the kids. Ds is a bit of a plain eater though so if he doesn't like dinner he has to eat an apple/banana/porridge etc anyway I'm trying ! Problem also if I keep a buffer after telling DH we're down to the wire then producing more cash sort of feeds his belief that I'm a money tree

Those links look really good andsmile. I'll have a read later.

DH back from B&Q - looking all on budget with useful stuff. And he has started to cook a roast. I've taken the DCs swimming (gym membership). I deliberately don't take my purse with me as there's a coffee shop next door. I'm always so tempted to have a little treat. But then I think of this thread and the long game. also have to watch caffeine intake due to pregnancy

I literally have nothing to complain about

Great links, andsmile, Wish I could live like that all the time. But I am trying and that's the main thing..

And smile - thanks for the links i genuinely wish i could live like that. I sew, knit, cook Dahl & grow veg, we have our name down for an allotment I'm as anti consumer as my guardian app on my iPhone kidding aside I only work because I have to (i earn more) otherwise I would happily stay at home knit all our clothes. Unf my debts didn't come from consumerism (maybe 25%)...

However as I stood at my ironing board today ironing the weeks school shirts with my travel iron (actually not a bad Phillips one !) I did a quick calc on how much I would have now if I had saved 10% of my sal since I started working. Result very depressing would have paid off my mortgage twice .

Thanks for links andsmile

I feel so guilty being off work - the surgeon signed me off for 2 weeks so technically I am supposed to be off until next Tuesday. Really feel like I am missing out/malingering and letting kids and colleagues down

You are all welcome for links - they're on FB too, I often jut dip in when I see then on newfeeds.

Snowie Ive just ordered the next three tesco shops 30th (£26), 3rd (£50) and 10th (£40). I've meal planned each one within mouthfuls. If I can stick to not buying any extras then I will have myself a buffer of £70 this month - providing I can do the last two shops also for £40 (5 Week Month) which I would like to use for half term week. I already have free activites booked and two groupons but it would be nice to have this for coffee money or any invites out that may pop up.

Didyou - We did swimming yesterday too but did get some posh chilled teas and white chocolate - only DD and I so cheaper but it does add up.

carrie like I said this is a recent thing for me so I feel Im still getting into the new ways of thinking - it support debt reduction perfetly (for me anyway)

snowie yeah..some of my debts are still post grad study debts inc furniture and living expenses. I have done that too beat myself up for not getting in property ladder when I had the chance, saving money...oooo the money I have wasted wasted wasted over the years..but we have to look to the 'now' with a bit of planning for the future. I still think some of our debts have been a necessary evil of a big move which overall have put us in a better position.

Well Im off to the gym, taking my own sarnies to eat in car between training and coffee lounge (where I study) planning on spending £1.40 on some fruit tea.

Sorry I missed you off end! peonies dont feel guilty about being off - I know its not that simple. I hope you are comfortable and must follow your surgeons advice. If you must do something other than getting yourself better for your family (which Im sure they will like!) do some seasonal planning for shopping activities/meal plan/research projects or put the world according to MN right take care for now.

MissAnnersley
its much better to rest properly and thoroughly before going back to the whoosh of normal life : reduces the chance of a relapse of any sort.

Take the opportunity to quietly sit and declutter drawers and shelves and small cupboards
then you get the feeling of success while resting

How the system suckers you into spending money
you have less than 500 free texts left this month, top up now or texts will revert to your normal rate

Yeah well I never send more than 50 texts in a month, texts cost 11p and my balance is over £16
no no actually O2, I'll save handing you any more money until the end of October thank you very much.

Erudio fecking student loans

andsmile are they chasing you? Sorry if I've missed the backstory. I am worried about this - I have a student loan from my degree 2003-7 which is still with the Student Loans Company and I pay it through my salary. The interest rate is very low and two different financial advisors have said it makes no sense to pay it off, that I'd be better overpaying a mortgage. But it is ...there. Thinking of trying to save up a lump sum and use it as an emergency fund but also have it there in case the govt plays silly buggers with my loan.

TiP my dd receives texts like that from o2 too I've fallen for this twice, topped up early, only to find the money gets eaten up by mobile data costs and I have to top up again anyway at the end of the month, and o2 have received £10 from me that they wouldn't have had otherwise

Peonies no, its a new financial battle !

I though I had deferred, they sold the loans to Eurduio. Mine is a pre 1998 one. I rung up and apparently because I started to pay at one point (you know before I had maternity leaves and children to look after - paid when I could) this triggers a time frame that you must pay within and you cant defer outside of this - reaching maturity.

So Im going to offer to pay £25 per month as this is apr of 3.3% by far the lowest rate and a smaller debt 1.5k compared to others. If they dont accept I think I can juggle to get it on to 0% transfer but this would have a knock on effect of other things.

I think what you have desrcibed is the best option for you - pay off he higher debts first.

Like you said it's another one there. I mean emotionally I get really hacked off as a former teacher public sector they should ease up - I paid the government for my education with interest in order to served them (thus people) Goodness knows how ex service personal feel.

Love the links and

Miss that is teacher guilt: it chases you everywhere. You have been signed off by the surgeon for a very good reason, so stop worrying and try to relax. We are made to feel like it all revolves around us, but it doesn't and, if you go back too soon, you could make yourself worse for longer. Two weeks will pass quickly, I promise, and it is still early enough in the year not to matter too much.

Just had to light candles as the electric went off while DH nipped to the shop to top up. Can't get used to metered electric!

Feel like I made an error today - through a work bonus card I can get £100 of train travel for £90. I have a big journey next week (and a few in the next few weeks) so I bought one. But I don't think the card will get here in time so I'll have to get the tickets for next week on top I guess.

trainers
ooh yikes, are you on a prepay meter .... they are THE MOST expensive way to get energy
ask, plead, beg, salle to get switched to a direct debit monthly tariff

train tickets : is the route a single line that you can do off peak? just that then there is often little saving buying in advance ... check online before spending (incognito search of course)

Thanks kinky, and, TiP, I saw a senior manager from work today who got very cross when I said I wanted to come back early. Hasn't lessened the guilt though! I'll go back on Tuesday next week, it won't be long coming in.

Had a win today of filling a basket with silly fripperies and realising - hang on - I just dont. need. any. of. this. shit. And deleting it all.

Good work Miss A!

Yep TiP it's a prepay meter, I will ask my ll but I doubt they will change it (north London crappy Landlords). We are being super-frugal and put a tenner on a fortnight ago and it only ran out today.

oh yup, sorry, yes rental
utter tightwad mode needed

Ooh £10 for 2 weeks - that's brilliant trainers. Well done.

Miss A - RELAX. Everyone is routing for you to heal. Cmon now, do as you're told

Well pregnancy symptoms have kicked in here with a vengeance. Afternoon nap anyone?

I keep browsing really expensive baby equipment sites knowing I wouldn't pay full price even if I was a millionaire. Very therapeutic.

Love seeing some of the gimmicks and also some of the progress in equipment. Hours of free entertainment

Thanks all, quite pleased at being able to cope on such a small amount of electricity - the flat is ROASTING HOT (surprisingly as it's very old) so I hope as the winter starts we can hold off on heating. I do seem to have turned into my dad moaning about lights being left on though!

I am introducing DH to YNAB tomorrow - has anyone else done this? I fear he will be resistant!

We put heating on for my DM who was staying this weekend but it's off again now until after half-term I hope!

I am thinking about YNAB for both of our phones - does it work on both iPhone and smart phones?

We've both changed our salaries to go into a joint acc and all bills come out of that, groceries etc and we pay ourselves savings and spending money into different accounts. We are having a budget meeting tonight to work out income and out-go for each month, plus annual expenses like car insurance etc.

I should say this is needed bc DH is in a new job with diff salary.