Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

...and another thing that makes me slightly happier is that - if the shit hits the fan - we could sell up and have poss £60k equity to fall back on.
But I don't say that to Dh.
It stresses him out :)

Oh we have a long mortgage too... about 30 years at present! But then our mortgage is only £300 a month and our plan is to downsize as dc get older. I was mortgage free until dh moved in and then we bought my mum out of her share (she and I lived together and owned the house together, I worked full time and she provided childcare so it made sense). So we remortgaged to enable my mum to buy somewhere else.

I've downsized a few times actually. This is my third marriage. With every marriage I've lost money and downsized.....! Started off with large mortgage free home in London, sold that and then moved to norfolk, then that marriage broke down and I downsized again (!) So moved into my current home which is half the size and value of my original one.

Feel a bit sick if I think about how much money I've lost along the way really but oh well. Life goes on.

We have a featureless new build but I love it. Clean and warm. Energy efficient and plenty of room.

We've been having interesting conversations about bedrooms when the baby arrives, and who will share etc. I think we've solved it but it's quite clunky and wouldn't be everyone's first choice.

Yy to thinking about money lost along the way.

But that's life isn't it? Can't always win.

Oh, don't get me started fairy :)
Do any of you feel that - and I don't mean to sound dramatic here - every money decision you have made in the past 20 years has been wrong?
Because that's pretty much how I feel.
There were - at the time - good reasons for some of the decisions but....it still feels pretty rubbish :(

Guess who has always had fixed rate mortgages since 2000?
Jesus.
How many thousands of £ have we thrown away!?

Maybe we should form a club! :)

badvoc I feel the same. So many bad choices over the years. All for good reasons at the time, but ultimately bad.

We are stuck in a house that is too expensive that won't sell and we can't afford with another 25 years to go on the mortgage - and I'm 50!

I am 42 a week today :)
Too old to start again now.
I think a lot of the issue has been the housing bubble since 2000 and the massive increase in fuel and food prices.
I remember the outrage when fuel prices went up to 80p a litre!!
If we had known then what we know now!....
Ironically it's because Dh and I are so risk averse that we have lost so many ££££

When we moved back here (my home town) I wanted a smaller 3 bed semi.
Dh point black refused.
His attitude was we were moving from one of those so we should be "trading up" - drove me insane!
As it is we are paying a large mortgage and food bills just keep getting bigger...
It's not much fun ATM.

...oh, and did I mention the house has been/is a money pit!?
:)

Badvoc are you me?

All this sounds so familiar.

The power of hindsight is an amazing thing. I'll probably look back in another ten years and think how naive I was now!

FWIW my next birthday is that nasty half century one.
DH and I were lucky to be able to buy straight out of uni.
Our endowments were an utter rip off
Rates : having been self employed for 17 years we always went IO with trackers and used my spreadsheets

BUT
Yesterday is as past as the Crimean War. Learn from it but let is flow past.

Neither DH or I has any pension at all : its swings and roundabouts in the big scheme of things

moneyone Love them.
Floor is covered in scuffs and scratches but buffs up nicely with a fibre mop and a spot of polish if I really CBA

worktops get wiped down with olive oil once a month otherwise just a J cloth twice a day and spills mopped up reasonably promptly
the pattern hides a multitude of sins

tiny bit of gray by the edge of the sink, but olive oil covers it up

the hob is induction : I'd never have anything else ever again

units : I love no handles but a PITA if you have long fingernails, DH would rather some sort of handle, but him walking into the ones in the old kitchen was why we went clean lines

most of it is drawers and the two corner carousels .... main larder cupboard is pull out wire drawers so a doddle to see whats in even the high ones and easy to clean.

Oooooh I love my induction hob.
Love it.
Probably more than is healthy :)

Oh wouldn't it be awful if you dropped something really really heavy on it?

ROTFLMAO
Induction hobs are pretty hard to break (do NOT ask how I know)

BUT
the room makeover is relevant to debt - because its about making things better within your means, for reasons that suit you rather than a magazine shoot and ensuring that you will get value for money from the results

those approaches are how you'll stay out of debt later

I actually love my gas hob I would LOVE bamboo floors in bathroom and kitchen. Not worth it in a rented school house but in our own house, yes!

Hello all, fantastic start to the new thread for everyone. I've received 40000 ?? and paid off 7252 (car) 2000 (overdrafts) 2923 (dh cc) and 4697 (loan). Committed 13000 to replacing the falling down conservatory. That leaves about 9000 as I've also paid for a few silly bits like an x box and a leather jacket for me - but that was 120 so no designer handbags.
Without you all carrying on with the encouragement and commitment it would all pretty much have vanished on house things with a token fiver on debt.
Still have 15000 (cc dh) and 10000 (cc dh) but it feels so much more manageable and we have managed to pay more of the mortgage - not all but about 300 less, big improvement from 800 less.