Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

Pk so here are my figures - I only started last month on this fixed payment plan so I'll just take these as starting figures. But we did pay off £2k card last month.

CC1 2504 (fixed payment of £100)
CC2 7000 (fixed payment of £300)
CC3 7900 (fixed payment of £360)
CC4 1320 (min payment £35 at the minute)
CC5 4600 (min payment of 105)
Next Acc 650 (min payment but due to balance transfer onto 6%)
O/D1 5k no plans to reduced these at present
O/D2 2.5k as above
Mortgage 1 95k (repayment)
Mortgage 2 183 (an old 'together mortgage' LTV = 80%)

Ive just bought DD some leggings and tops in Sainsburys becuase there was 25% off, if I'm honest we probably could manage without them. I shall take them back - the allure of the offer won the battle but not the war. L east I got a £20 off voucher for a delivery!

Hello everyone :)

It's awful having to watch every single penny you spend isn't it... totally understand and empathise. I have weeks when I am really good usually followed by "fuck it" moments when I get to the point I've had enough and need to spend....! I am trying to reduce these moments.....!

Our house account is now -£600 the day after payday as was so badly overdrawn before. Need to try and not touch that account at all (just wages etc in and bills out). Usually I am a bit naughty and use that account to top up my groceries account if I've spent too much.

Those of you with teens can I pick your brains?

Dd is going out with her friends more and at the moment I find I am topping up about £5 on her phone a week (!) to enable her to have a social life and also for safety reasons to keep in touch with me when she's out..In theory (!!!) she should use email and Skype when home to contact her friends but they all seem to text etc and it's getting a bit ridiculous. If I say to only use the phone for emergencies she misses out on a lot with her friends.

Tesco used to do a £7.50 capped tariff but it's now £10 minimum. Any other capped tariffs anywhere? What do others do? I've thought about giffgaff but I'm worried that if she uses the goodybag I'm going to be charged loads... is that how it works?

Any ideas welcome!

Important news
www.theguardian.com/money/2014/sep/27/landmark-ruling-lloyds-tsb-overdraft-charges

it is worth ANYBODY who has faced horrific overdraft charges writing to their bank now and seeing if they can start the refund process.

Fairy my dd is on o2 pay and go go go and for £10 per month top up she gets an awful lot of inclusive texts and minutes, might be worth looking at? She runs out of data, but never runs out of texts or minutes.

I think giffgaff have inclusive texts and minutes too.

fairylea
check her tariff ....
we are all on 02 PAYG and so long as I put £15 on we get 500 free texts for a month.
The next month the money is used up on calls and texts,
then the next month a topup and free texts

all web is when there is free wifi
most chatting is 'snapchat' rather than texts - again when there is wifi

if the kids use more than I consider reasonable, they pay for their own topups

That is important news Tip, Dh's ex used to withdraw cash out of his account and make him overdrawn, it was over 10 years ago now though.

I wonder if we can claim it back? I'd love him to get back some of what that witch took off him.

I will look into it for him ASAP.

I've only got 2 accounts, both with lloyds (beside my business account with is santander and totally free)
mine and the joint one.
I find it so much easier having it with lloyds, the branch staff know me and I can swap money round really easily without having to do internet banking. cc is with them too.
the only other account is the isa, which I won't sqap because the interest is really good

I wish i ddid have anotger account to swap.
unless my vvery ddead account with santander (so old it was bradford and bingley!) that has £3.07 in it?

the deal with this is usually you have to swap all direct debits and/or deposit a certain amount per month - if you really stuck does it matter if you switch?

Im doing M & S to get £100 voucher for xmas fund. I alread have a credit card with thtem that I manage online so used to their set up.

Is there anything at all you could sell? Do really use that thing in your cupboard/garage? CARBOOT tomorrow?

I literally only have £500 going into both accounts a mmonth, and it all goes straight into the debt.
at the moment, all income except child benefit/tax credits goes into santander business account..
I am seeling everything I can - having been a cheapo all my life, the only things i have to sell are the books and toys which I sell by trade

dh pays the bills.

Is dh keeping the bills low? No point spending more than you need to. I handle all the bills and tell dh how much to give me. I try to tell him the details but he jus isn't interested. Luckily I'm obsessive enough for both of us.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/1628874-Gas-Elec-Bills-monthly-and-SKY-so-angry

yes, I nag him all the time

there are a couple of things he won't budge on - like sky sports - but he's just got an offer for free sky broadband for 2 years, which I made sure he activated. and he swaps utilities whenever he can etc.

Since the start of the year, I've paid off £7K of debt (still a horrific £29K to go but considering it once stood at nearly £40K, my debt journey is very much moving in the right direction).

I credit these great threads with helping me do that. I did also start to earn a lot more money this year but without the change of mindset, as TiP states, I could have just spent more and been even worse off. As it is, absolutely nothing has been paid for with a credit card since January this year. We had a family holiday at peak holiday season funded entirely by cash and also bought a car (off Ebay!) for cash as well. If we need something, we now save up for it, it's second nature.

For newbies, a couple of easy things I do to pay down debt even faster:

1. Daily coin sweep. If you bank online, every day 'sweep' the coins of your balance into a 'debt-buster' account (I have several different savings accounts within my bank account). If the coin balance is under 50p, I make it a pound and whatever coins. Once you've got a tenner, pay it to your debt.
2. Save your actual coins. I save £2 and 50p coins in a tin that can't be opened without a tin opener. I save £2 for holidays and 50ps for Christmas but you could save them for debt repayment.

good tips.
:)

unfortunately, for me, I'm running daily on less tthan 50ps! I am using my 2s and 1s for playgroup, postage, shopping etc.

Hi everyone
i have made £45 on eBay this weekend selling some of DS old clarks shoes hardly worn and designer sunglasses my mum got from the charity shop but don't fit. Would really like to sell my wedding dress, does anyone know any good options to try? It was £500 new! Any experience of gumtree, so far ive found people don't really follow up unless the item is free.
spent £12 on lunch with a friend so not so good, need some treats though, i am on my own with DCs every night so cant have nights out
Have worked out i can overpay credit cards for two months by £60 but will need to pay minimum in December coz of Christmas.
Hope everyone is well x

Had a fuck it day yesterday DS with his Dad so took opportunity to gut his room.Completely emptied it,washed all bedding/curtains/duvet...washed doors/woodwork.Switched on Hoover...dust everywhere!Had to start again went to Argos for new Hoover,£250 down to £99 and got 10% cash back,so not a bank buster,still annoyed though. NSD today as plan to get garden sorted for winter...

Yep, I've had the 'I've been paid, let's splurge' mentality running for a couple of days and need to nip it in the bud NOW.

Although, little habits are changing. Last night I felt tired and crappy, had had guests all day and din't feel like cooking. DH desperate to get a takeaway. I think we both look at it as our treat (we don't drink or smoke, so treat food is our vice). I said no, hauled myself up and made tea. That would never have happened in the past!

However, have bought a few books for DS as I'm trying to get him more interested in reading. I'm also taking him for a taster session today for a club which, if he likes it, works out at about £15 a week. I feel a bit daft knowing we are supposed to be watching the pennies, but I want him to be able to do some things out of school. All of his friends seem to be doing things every night. DS doesn't as I don't have any time to take him - work is too demanding. Anyway, I am trying to justify myself when I know it isn't really justifiable.

Anyway, I have earned some brownie points by not clicking on the 'book holiday' button on the Walt Disney World site yesterday .

I need to stop procrastinating on the internet buying things, and do some of the work that is piling up around me instead.

Totally get that...Internet makes it way too easy to spend. I've unsubscribed from all the retailer emails I used to get which helps. I've also started making lists of the things that pop into my head that need buying (need/want!)...this worked great for DS at his birthday as Id a ready made list for anyone who asked what to get him (pyjamas, underwear and hat/gloves/scarf for winter), he got presents from his chums so was none the wiser lol have same list for myself and one for house stuff.

Hi all - kinky well done on the takeaway ! We rarely get them I always find the thoughts of them are nicer than what usually arrived & knowing you could have cooked it yourself is further annoyance ! (With the exception of chipper chips of course !)

Mum4fergus ditto here I'm making a list ev time I think "we need x" then when I get paid etc i can prioritise until we start needing less. Unfortunately though things keep breaking these days: dryer, window handles, flipping iron now! (I cleverly decided not to get a new ironing board cover and instead use an off it from a fleece blanket I used to line DDs curtain - unf low melting tolerance & I burnt it onto the iron !!) it wasn't expensive but still. We're well into our budget for next weeks groceries but it was mostly necessary items. I do wish I could build a cushion fund though and not find non emergency reasons to spend it...

We are off to Aldi today to get provisions for the month. And also take back a bike stand I bought in the special buys on Thursday which isn't suitable for our house - it is absolutely huge and far too big. Ho hum.

I have meal-planned for the week and am going to introduce my DH to YNAB this week - he doesn't like the idea of tracking as he likes to be spontaneous with money...

Trainers - good luck with DH I find my biggest challenge in all of this is having to listen to him moaning about lack of money on a daily basis. He won't look at anything to do with finances he doesn't want to know which is half why we got into this mess. I've had to basically give him a small amount for himself ev month (e150) not enough for him obviously as it's gone before month end. Then he accuses me of spending loads when it's all necessary stuff for this kids - it's just that he sees I have access to cash (when we get paid) & he doesn't. It's not ideal but I can't see any other way of doing it without having constant rows. When I send him for groceries eg and tell him there's only say 40 in the account pls only spend 30, he'll spend 39.99 then tell me he's better at shopping because he doesn't leave stuff out . We could have days left to the next payday then without a penny. Half of me is just accepting his rants as a side effect of getting back on track but it's hard. I end up spotting him 5 or 10 until the following month. I feel like I could be being financially abusive but I'm also living on nothing in fact less as I can't even afford a night out with a friend. I mean what's a normal amount for living expense he doesn't even buy clothes out of it ! He brings his lunch into work (another source of rows - who ate his cheese lol) but he wouldn't bring pasta leftovers or salad like me it has to be sandwiches he lives on bread & cheese.

Tbh even if I did print out in big bold print our monthly financial statement I would be afraid he would want to spend the small sums I'm trying to save ev month anyway.

Trying to get a reluctant dh onside with budgeting is very hard... my first dh was just awful with money, he'd think nothing of spending £200 on some limited edition game or something when we had 26k of debt and then if I challenged him about how we were going to eat he'd say I spent too much on food anyway and he'd happily live on value pasta and tomato sauce all week!!! Royally used to piss me off.

My current (current seems wrong but I don't know how else to word it!) Dh is very different... We have a traditional set up, all our accounts are joint so I see all of them when I sign in etc, when he gets paid I transfer over £820 from his wages into the household account and the rest is his to spend (we have equal spending money- I take mine from the overall incoming into house account including dhs wage). He keeps his money separate and I just run the other accounts as I wish. He's very good at managing his spending money and never overspends (unlike me)....

The only problem we have sometimes is he has no idea how much anything costs. I could never ask him to do a weekly shop as he would just buy whatever he fancied and have no idea about budget brands etc. I once sent him out for washing powder and he came back with a £14 box of ariel!!! (I'd get the £3 box from aldi).

I'm feeling a bit down... I totted up when I've spent this week and realised I've spent £180! Wtf?!! How did that even happen. Feel a bit deflated. Means I am starting next week overdrawn in the grocery account already. Damn.

Hi all. We're having a bit of a clear out. So satisfying. We're also looking at splitting one of the bedrooms into 2 to allow for the new arrival.
One bedroom is "too big" so it's something we're keen to get on with.

DH has gone to B&q to look at some storage solutions, and to look at room dividing options.

We don't have too much stuff, it just looks that way as none of it is very neat.

I think a trip to ikea will be on the cards soon.

As for spending, it's all ok really, just plodding along.

Fairy I wish we were in a place where we could do that but unf every penny is going on bills & debts with the exception of 260pm savings. Plus as we met & married too quite young he in particular never had to manage his own cash as he never lived away from home apart from college plus me being the bossy one probably I just took over & "solved" any financial issues with loans, remortgaging etc. we never saved which if I could go back 20 years I would slap myself for that. I really wonder why I had such a spendy attitude, my parents are savers why they never told me to never get a loan or to save properly is beyond me. (Maybe they did now that I think of it !). Anyway my own kids are already savers tg.

Right off to lidl !

Fairy I allocate 300 to my grocery and Im already into ut by £30 it means I will have to really get the dried foods out the cupboard and make some meals out of beans! Food shopping seems to be the one area, if one is attentive enough you can make some real savings...but like ive said Im really fed up of having to watch every penny.

We watched my DD in an activity yesterday. These fees are due termly and is part of the reason why we are so skint this month. We loved it because she enjoyed it so much, her happiness before and after was infectious - its at moments like these it doesnt matter whether we have a tenner in purse for fancy coffees!

I find a prod and wait approach to my DH works. I have to set a day in advance with him to go through stuff. I do all the accounts, set budget then 'present it' to him and see if he agrees. He seems to think if things are paid on time thats all there is to it.