Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

I would love to make further savings but without meaning to be negative I feel I have done all I can. TV, phone and broadband could be an area. our average monthly bill is £70. this includes TV package, broadband, line rental and calls. Going to look into the alternatives there. we reviewed all our insurance last year so happy we have done as much as we can there. food I have a strict budget of 70 a week but with 3 hungry boys I probably to that up with another 10 midweek. fuel is 150. dh works 20 miles away so unavoidable really. car is diesel and we get over 500 miles out of a tank. mortgage is 109k interest only 20k repayment. we spend 120 on boys sports clubs. this ofcourse could be stopped. mobiles.... dh is 40 but me and the 2 older boys are on the most basic 10 a month contracts. I was managing to pay above minimum payment on 2 of the cc but it didn't work because we kept spending on them so minimum kept going up. when our loan finishes in march we will have an extra 350 a month
I am hoping this will be the point we will be able to stop using the cards just to live. once we are back living within our means we can start trying to pay over and above minimums. it's the living within means part I need to work on with dh.
I really appreciate having a space to rant and air thoughts so thanks for listening.

Well, aside from the loan we have about £400 on the next account and about £400 on the cc.
Not great :(
No savings either.
And we are both overdrawn.
2015 needs to be a very frugal year!
I am trying to convince dh not to go on holiday next year...but he isn't happy. We usually go in the uk for a week which costs about £1k all told.
But I'm not sure we will be able to afford it.
I am hoping to enjoy Xmas before dh and I sit down and formulate a budget for 2015!'

Popper
download a copy of my budget spreadsheet (linked in the OP)
and put your income and outgoings in there.
TBH your DH is going to have to learn that he he cannot go out spending money on nights out before his cards start to get declined.

Keep the kids activities going - £120 a month is probably less than your DH fritters in a week.

Badvoc
You will get a holiday, but do not book anything yet.
So much is likely to change next year - with the election and that - there might be some real bargains for last minute bookings.
But look at it this way - you are automatically planning and budgeting rather than both with heads in the sand.
You've come a long way in 2014

Poppers, do you use cashback sites? Our bb & line rental is £70 for the YEAR because I used quidco, generally I prefer topcashback.

These are good threads for money saving & general living frugally.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2195493-Website-rip-offs-block-their-cookies-and-save-LOADS-AND-LOADS-of-money

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/1543785-your-top-tips-for-money-saving-and-a-more-frugal-life

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/1600030-Small-money-saving-habits-petty-even

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/1628874-Gas-Elec-Bills-monthly-and-SKY-so-angry

thank you so much for all the advice so far. I will definitely have a good look at the spreadsheet and links. I don't really understand the cashback but will definitely look into it.
Thank you for being nice about the kids activities too. it really would be a last resort, think I'd kick dh our first. why should the boys suffer! They are very frugal themselves and very unmaterialistic thank goodness.
thank you again later am feeling a tiny bit better already

Hi - sorry I need to offload - I'll do catch-ups later. Things are pretty much unravelled here:

Twitch - I've had freakin spasm..I'm doing surprise stockings for DM and DH inc one for myself. DH's incluse an expensive-ish watch. His broke and we never replaced (not worth repairing). He has worked so so hard this week I think he deserves it. No more for kids.

Remember I did an energy switch - got some cashback and a cheaper tariff - well apparently Im being supplied by both Npower and ScottishPower. Despite having a switch date of 18/11 and SP billing me on 20/11 and I'm in credit by £318 possibly more.. Grrrr

Bloomin OU took fees out of my current account - I got the DD reversed immediately - people just take your money if dont watch it.

been ill with chest/cold, lots happening end of term stuff and I just having been organised. Ive been in fretful with dashes to cash machine, extra food spending at corner shop/eating out. I'm way over budget for all this.

So yeah diet gone to pot, budget is in tatters and house looks like it has been ransacked. Toiet still needs fixing, oven still not working. But I'm feeling really festive now

I've still spent a lot less than last year on presents and going out.

(((((( andsmile ))))))
The fact that you are tightly aware of how, what and where you are spending shows that you are on track
as once Christmas is out of the way you'll not be hiding from the credit card bill.

oh thanks TIP i think ive added another month on to CC as ive probably spent half of all the overpayments we make...

andsmile

Email both CEOs of those energy companies. Let them sort it out, don't waste time with customer services.

Keep it short & factual. They seem to respond best to short and factual.

and me too with the spasms .

The sooner Christmas is here, the better!

TIP . This term has tried to finish me off - I'm properly exhausted and praying I don't get ill as soon as we break up.

I've had good results by contacting companies on their twitter pages smile
I know what you mean wrt the spasms kinky
I have bought both boys a book this week. They will love them, but dont need them.
Ds2 seems to be coming down with a cold. Ds1 is just exhausted. I call it endoftermitis.

andsmile this EXACT thing happened to us with Scottish power - they refused to accept that they no longer supplied us and it took 8 months and an ombudsman ruling against them for them to stop billing us. It was a nightmare. My advice - ask to speak to a member of their complaint team and make an official complaint, ask for a complaint reference number. Threaten them with the energy ombudsman. Then, in 8 weeks, when they are still billing you, get straight onto the ombudsman.

Email them as well as phoning, we had an email trail a mile long, we were able to give this to ombudsman and it helped our case.

Thanks for pointers Kinky Badvoc and Fluffy - your all on it! I luffs this thread

So I need to get on twitter and email - I have esculated it and I am supposed to be getting a call back. In the meantime I will be cancelling all D/D to both. I've also looked on Ofgem website in case I need to go down that route.

So I'm feeling a bit better now though still a nasty coughing fits - I'm determined to cook/plan every single morsel of food consumed by all family members this week to prevent tesco express draining my account stop buying bottles of cava on special offer

kinky I remember that end of term feeling. I used to flop and frequently got tonsilitis.

welcome Poppers aswell as all the advice and links given I would add - for me it was also a realisation that it will take time - so be patient. My DH was like that a while back and I had to get him to acknowledge that we were in free fall financially - he thought all was well as he earned good money. We all know no matter how much it needs to be 'managed'. It's only now after a couple of years and learning about the CC payments from spreadsheets we are doing better - 4 months in earnest.

Also poppers as well as bills/budgets/CC repayments plans in time you will notice a change in spending habits - there are other threads about that if someone also hasnt said. I say this as eating out is a intermittment financial black hole for us - I have been know to lose £200+ per month to coffees/snacks and meals out.

This is our cheap 7 nights holiday for August next year if this helps anyone. Badvoc - sorry if this isnt your thing just a thought.

www.cottages4you.co.uk/cottages/kingfisher-e4659?adult=2&nights=7&range=3

smile
The other way to get very rapid reactions from companies is to pop a polite, factual, but damning comment on their Facebook page.

Today will be good as it will be there for a good 18 hours before their office staff can deal with it ;-)

Just be careful you do not end up in the "overheard in Waitrose" Buzzfeed as I did

Eating out : I love eating out but never ever buy random coffees and muffins out : I'd rather save my money and have a proper meal once a month.

hi everyone, sorry to be a bit me me me, hopefully will get to know everyone you have been great already.
I seized the moment and had a chat with dh while he is still grovelling from his all nighter. it went surprisingly well. We have agreed we need to get back within our means and that cc spending must stop. I talked about changing habits and no quick fixes and he seemed ok. we set a target of march to be not using cards at all. unfortunately until our loan finishes we are needing to use them. Dh wants to tackle overdraft first and he is going to investigate whether the bank will let us convert it to a loan. I don't know if this is the best thing to do but I am just happy he is wanting to do something. I signed up to quidco and will investigate other cashback sites too. Time will tell if dh truly understands or if he is just trying to make it up to me.
went shopping to sainsbury today and bought lots of lovely xmas treats with our nectar points so that gave me a boost. 2015 will be the year we turn a corner I hope.

hope everyone is able to enjoy xmas despite whatever stage your debts are at. Going to mil for xmas dinner which saves us loads. I am doing the veg which is the cheapest contribution thankfully, won a bottle of wine at kids school fayre so have been good and saved that for xmas too.
best wishes everyone

Well that all sounds great poopers a good few steps in the right direction. I do need to constantly remind DH...Im lucky as we pretty much have the same attitude towards our standard of living but I'm still very much the driving force and thats why I panic when I mess up and have fuck it days. But we tell each other everything and everynow and then go right! - tim eot rein it in again.

I got MBNA credit card then did a cash transfer to current account to pay off overdraft as I was paying silly fees. DH is about to do his to. It has saved me £80 so far from 2 months of saved fees. But I also have repayment on SO. Not all cards do 0% cash transfers to C/A's so do check - Martin Lewis is always up to date.

Have you looked at 0% balance transfers for your other cards?

Sorry - yes TIP re eating out thats what we should be doing really. If I dont get the call back I will be blasting their social media defiantely.

Well I have well and truly fallen off the wagon :( haven't checked in on here in ages but essentially we had a bit of a lightbulb moment that our debt was just growing and growing and the overdraft wasn't getting any better... so we transferred it all on to a new 0% card for 36 months and need to stick to a very tight budget to pay it back at £100 a month (minimum payment is £64 but we are trying to knock it down more quickly).

Quite scared about it all really. Sitting here with hardly anything in the cupboards apart from 3 eggs and a half bag of oven chips waiting for tax credits to go in tomorrow. Thankfully Christmas will be okay because I did a park love to shop card and we have used that.

Gulp. Totally depressed.

But Fairylea It sounds as thought you've made a good decision there about the 36 0% card. - Do you mean you fell off the wagon before that, or have struggled to stay within the new budget ever since? I've found whenever I've changed my spending takes a while to adjust and I have 'oh fuck' moments.

If it's any consolation - as Ive messed up our shopping this past few weeks we ate childrens potatoes and carrot waffles (emergency convenience food!) with fried eggs for breakfast as we had run out of everything else!

Im taking stock of cupboards today to see if I can work out what meals I have to slash food budget for January food shops. - We be eating a lotta lotta mince!

Thank you andsmile. I meant before that - this is our last ditch attempt to try and get it under control and pay it back. We can't afford for it to be any worse than this and if something goes wrong with the house or dhs job then we will literally be absolutely fucked. (Unless we have made a huge dent in the debt by then and would have to borrow it back on the card).

I have worked out a budget down to the last £1 and I need to stick to it. Really need to stick to it. I am living in constant fear of there being an unexpected cost. I feel constantly stressed.

Fairylea
Two things to bear in mind
(1) You came back and owned up = no more hiding head in the sand = a massive leap forwards
(2) you've not gone backwards, you've just stood still

as I said to a lady on a weight loss thread recently :
there is no backwards
just
waiting to go forwards again

You are strong : you'll do it.

New thread time ladies XX TiP

OK folks, this thread has served its purpose

there are many people who are in a better place than they were when it started

Christmas is kicking us in the shins

but you can all take heart that even the new comers are getting there
and the long standing posters are getting better at rolling with the punches

XX TiP

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2258202-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-6-start-the-new-year-with-a-clear-purpose-and-keep-moving-forwards-even-by-tiny-steps?

carry on as you were

with mindfulness