Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

Oh boulder...I'm so horrified by his actions.
But you aren't the only one this has happened to..I hope you are getting support from the relationship boards too?
I am so glad you can now see him For what he is.
Great you are getting legal advice.
I think your P has a shock coming! :)

The boulder it's great that you are taking real action best of luck. Make sure you have your own access to funds in case he locks down all his accounts (he has probably done this already has he ?). I would bother engaging in any money discussions or fights with him until you have a plan in place.

So tired after work I have to commute 60-90mins 2 buses this morning (I can drive about 30% of the time but this does my ass size no favours). Got in took ds to after school activity got home wolfed 2 slices of toast & honey. Had home cooked pasta & sauce for lunch & started the day with a cappuccino & croissant. Am thinking of making apple & carrot (and maybe garlic!) juice for breakfast. I think I'm eating too much wheat which makes me crave it. Main issue is lack of funds to invest in healthy food but maybe in a couple of weeks... The best diet I ever did was carol vordermans 30 day detox which was vegan pulse based very healthy. I just get such awful food cravings these days & it'll be worse when the cold weather sets in !

Cash wise we have about e40 left until Thursday week sigh... I'll have to borrow e100 from family again. I've started a "cushion fund" I want to get to e1000 before we spend anything on house maintenance etc. so far e7 in it which ill need soon anyway ! Bad week due to medical fees due

Peonies I have everything crossed for you. I hope your worrying things turn out to be annoying and irritating instead, if you see what I mean.
Soooo, really in limbo here: we have probate, solicitor hasn't done a bit of paperwork, not sure if all the monies have been released. Waiting to pay stuff off and in the meantime still struggling a bit.

boulder I'm pleased you've come back. We're here for hand-holding, un-MN hugs and general support .

Boulder
Well done on coming back.
You are in a very difficult situation : let us help you on the day to day management of gettingthe debt so that it does not snowball as you resolve the much larger issue.

The relationships board ladies have all the advice and information you need to successfully LTB

Nickel if you and Badvoc are trading between you then, yes, do not pay site fees : do it privately.

((((( MissA )))))

Kinky and jickjack
A lady at my gym lost a LOT of weight (around 8 stone) and over this summer has quietly had the skin tuck done - she got really fit first so that they were able to do just the skin and leave the muscle wall alone ... worth considering once you are debt free

Hi everyone,
May I join you?

I haven't read through the whole thread. I am not even sure if I am in the right place. However I feel like hell, and need some support.

I have messed up so much. Spent and stupidly borrowed too much money over the past year. Got into arrears all over the shop.

Spoke to step change today. Went through all the first steps - incoming outgoings etc.
Have a debt advisor ringing me in a week.

What is going to happen to us? I know it is only a small amount compared to others debt, but it is a massive dark cloud hanging over us.

A lot of the money we owe are to payday companies. We had a huge drop in income and had to pay rent somehow.

Then there is my terrible fucking stupid habit of getting depressed and anxious and discovering spending money particularly on the children and days out made me feel so good. And now I have literally pissed it down the drain .

Floaty I will hold your hand if you like.

There are people on here who can help us both I think but just wanted to say I know the "fear". There are ways out I do know that. .

((( floatyflo )))
You have come to the right place.
And well done on going to talk to stepchange.

The important thing you need to get into your head to make getting out of debt feasible is that kids do not love stuff they love being loved
and you can show them you love them with a hug and spending an hour with them without electronic distraction, far better than by giving them "stuff"

Once you get that in your head, locking down the spending and repayments will all slide into place.

I assume you have credit cards as well as the payday loans.
Switch the repayments on the cards to standing orders as per my spreadsheet (in the opening post)
Then cut the cards up.
THen get the debt counsellor to help you deal with the payday sharks and put all of your effort into getting them out of your life.

This is a thread for not just the money side but also for the mental leaps needed to break the habits.
You'll get there

Boulder I'm sorry you are going through this. Your debt should never have happened in the first place.

Hi floaty try not to beat yourself up. You've been to step change and are taking positive action. That's great in itself.

Hmmm. I'm reading all the diet / weight stuff and I just don't have the motivation to do any of that I am currently the fattest I've ever been - prior to second child (after 10 year gap) I was always a size 8-10 and about 9 stone. I'm now a size 16-18 and 12 stone ish. I don't really have any motivation to lose the weight right now. I used to enjoy walking with my I pod a lot but due to lack of childcare and dhs funny hours I just don't get to do it so I'm holding out till ds starts nursery next sept.

My main downfall this week has been tesco finest croissants with blackcurrant jam and butter and Pepsi diet cherry - which is a new thing for me. I usually hate fizzy drinks and just have tea. Need to knock that one on the head really.

It's been a funny few days. The shower is now fixed. Dh is clean again - thank god. And I haven't made it to aldi yet this week. Really need to go just been under the weather and as it's 18 miles away with a 2 year old in the car it's not much fun!

I'm planning on starting again next week. Brain is fried.

Fairylea isn't it awful that we can't invest in our own health ie weight loss because of lack of time/childcare/money. I work 5 days so feel so guilty any time I'm away from the kids so I'm literally at work or with them. Walking/running is fine in good weather. Anyway moan over.

Boulder I had a scan of the other thread & 2 things made me wonder about your OPs finances - have you any real evidence of his earnings ? If he hides his Internet banking is it possible he's hiding more from you eg gambling etc ? Also you mention 100k was a dividend so really he's not earning that much on a monthly basis possibly even less than you & continuing a charade of having more ? Just a thought.

No credit cards. Can't get any credit anywhere. That's why we had to use payday loans.

I have budgeted, we have made cutbacks. It's is just the battle of arranging a payment plan with payday companies. They talk to me like shit on the phone.

We can survive on what we have coming.in and getting our arrears paid off. We have a little left over to pay to our debts. But I would like to open a credit union and save some for a rainy day. I want to be secure and sensible but slowly getting out of debt too. I am worried the advisor next week will want us to pay off as much as we can tongue debts whereas I would like to half what we have left to save and repay.

floaty
you need to get the loans paid off PDQ : the interest rates you will pay are a thousand times more than you'll get on savings.
Clear debt THEN save
eg if you pay £100 a week off your loans, £70 of that will be interest
if you put £100 into savings you'll get about 1p interest

hit the loans with every penny you have
because then once they are gone you can relearn your spending habits AND save that money you were blowing on interest

but
get Stepchange to do the haggling as lenders are in the poo about breaking affordability criteria at the moment.

Floaty what are the details : total loans, total repayments v total income, bills & groceries.

I would advise get rid of as many of the painful loans early to alleviate stress. In my experience there's no point ringing some of them apart from causing stress for yourself. I cringe at the hushed conversations I've had in work where I had no privacy & pointless outcomes until I had to get a solicitor never again ! I'm just paying everything now when due hence empty larders for a couple of days at the beginning while we pay a bubble of things.

But what we can afford is a drop in a very large ocean. It is going to take us YEARS. We have a very low income, no assets etc. Why give it all away to then have nothing when something goes wrong- say washing machine packs it, I wouldn't have enough for the laundrette?? I am talking about 200 quid left over. Minimal really.

I'm not interested in saving to get interest.

That is 200 quid, a the end of the month, for 8 different creditors to which I we owe a total of about 6000.

floaty
Take heart.
See what the debt advisor says

BUT the interest is crippling you, not the actual capital.
Payday loans are at APR of around 800%
I've put your numbers into the credit card spreadsheet here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc
your interest is many, many, many times the capital : you need to get it frozen / rescheduled

the interest every week on £6000 is more than the price of a washing machine.

This clearly isnt the thread for me. I don't understand what you are saying.

It is just numbers on a page. I just want them to stop calling me 8 times a day. I can't handle this.

For each one of those debts I have pay £20 a month. And have nothing left.

For each one of those debts I pay £10 a month. And have tenner left to put away so when son needs school uniform, we might be able to get it, if daughter goes through tin of milk quicker than planned I know I can go buy another.

How is the too the better option? ??

Top not too

Floaty please don't panic.

All everyone is saying is the interest is going to keep adding to the amounts you owe so look to pay off as much as you can from the debts that accrue the most interest. That will help to stop you sliding further into debt.

Hopefully the debt advisor will be able to negotiate payments for you so they stop ringing you all the time

But what I am saying is that I can't pay off enough anyway!! I will never catch up if they constantly add interest. (Although I must just say, the interest is frozen once a repayment plan is set up I am sure).

I am panicking. I am upset. I feel a thousand times worse for joining this thread when I was hoping it would make me feel better. Sorry.

I actually just don't want to be here!!
Fuck fuck fuck

If you really can't pay it back at all because interest is being added all the time then the debt advisor will find a way to write it off for you - I'm not sure what options may be open to you but perhaps an iva or bankruptcy order. Or maybe just freezing the interest. At the end of the day no one is going to see you and your children go without food and a home because you are in debt. It is just money and can be sorted out. Honestly. I'm sorry you are feeling so distressed. :(

Ok, go to bed, try to sleep and come back tomorrow.

There's not one of us who hasn't been there and worked our way out of it.

We really aren't trying to get at you.

I didn't mean I don't want to be here on the thread Fluffy, I meant I don't want to be here in life. I don't appreciate being told to go to bed. I am not