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Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

999 replies

TalkinPeace · 25/07/2014 21:35

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

  • yesterday is as past as the Crimean War
( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )
  • this is an anonymous forum
( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )
  • this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt
( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

OP posts:
JaneParker · 27/07/2014 17:05

This is the difference between those who appear rich and those who are well off but careful. I paid school fees (so I'm not poor) but the children worse second hand school uniform. Our cars have never cost more than £1k and always pay cash ( we bought a new second car last week which cost £980 to replace one which was scrapped) but we live in a pretty nice large house in each house we lived in we concentrated on paying as much debt off as we could.

I always pay the credit card off if I use it at all each month. Of course I am lucky to be able to do that but it certainly makes people happier if they can try to live within their means whatever those means are. It's the key to being happy. Dickens said in one of his books annual income 20 shillings and expenditure 20 shillings an six pence - result miserable, annual income 20 shillings and expenditure 19 shillings - happiness. It has not really changed since the Victorian age. Not easy of course for people in recessions when jobs are lost.

MatildaV · 27/07/2014 17:13

Baddderz, from what you describe, your sister's living way beyond her means. She's buying whatever she wants but is massively in debt, so that's nothing to be jealous of. It might not feel like it, but I'd say you're in a better financial situation than her - you know what your debts are and are facing up to them. Keep up the good work and try not to compare yourself to her.

Baddderz · 27/07/2014 17:27

Oh, I'm not jealous!
Far from it.
That was my point really. To the outside world she is in an enviable situation...the reality is somewhat different.
I know she feels sorry for me :)
The look on her face when I told her what my weekly food budget was!
(£100)
She easily spends that per day :)
She has just been on the next sale - I had a look, wasn't impressed so didn't get anything - and she has bought rugs, a Hoover (!) and more clothes for the dc.
My nephews have more clothes than they can ever wear. It's insane.
She is horrified I get stuff for the dc from e bay :)
She once complimented dc on his shirt and asked where I got it from "it was 99p from e bay" :)
Her house is FULL and her garage is FULL of stuff
It's just stuff!
Most of it isn't used. It just sits getting dusty or in some cases rusty!
Very sad :(

MatildaV · 27/07/2014 17:32

Glad you're not jealous Baddderz, it can be really easy to feel that way, I know I sometimes get pangs of jealousy when I see people just seemingly buying whatever they want. Who knows, maybe your sister will make her way over to this thread one day Grin

Nerf · 27/07/2014 17:33

Checking in x

Baddderz · 27/07/2014 17:37

I think she is too far in denial tbh :(
She isn't on the mortgage and the cars are in his name too.
It's all very dodgy IMHO.

JaneParker · 27/07/2014 17:58

At least debtors cannot therefore come after her.....

Baddderz · 27/07/2014 18:02

True!!
I am sure he must be piling money away offshore somewhere...
He earns stupid money. It's like at the end of the month he is looking for stuff to spend it on!?
And yet they have ££££ on cards, store accounts, car leases....
They hate where they live but because they haven't paid any of the capital off they can't move...
:(

tintingirl · 28/07/2014 01:56

Oooh, shiny new thread :-)

(This is ishesingle btw, changed back to my old favourite user name)

I agree about the "house of cards", my married life was financially like that, borrowing more and more to have home improvements and holidays and I never thought about my spending. I met my ex husband young and never learnt to budget - he didn't so I didn't either. All paid off when we divorced and virtually nothing left over from the house sale. I did manage to get back on the property ladder a year or so after divorcing but I still wasn't budgeting so I slipped into old habits, hence the debt now.

However, I know it won't happen again as I have now learnt to manage my money (with a little help from YNAB). I also have different priorities now. My house is "lived in" and I don't care too much about home improvements right now. My ex was a huge "project" kind of guy and has had an endless list of projects going on in his current house with new wife. Probably explains why he had the kids for a whole week last week and didn't take them away - he is not holidaying this year due to costs of work on the house. I'd rather make memories now - plenty of time for DIY when the kids have flown the nest - not long left, probably just 3 years with the eldest.

I had a lovely 4 days camping in sunny Norfolk with a friend last week. Logged it all through YNAB and spent just over £100 including petrol. Although I'd just had a week in the sun with the kids, those 4 days camping were a real proper wind down for me. Goes to show you don't need to spend a lot - especially if the sun is out!

Checked online banking tonight and have been paid from Edexcel, £200 more than I was expecting too. Very happy that I took on the extra marking. My emergency fund now stands at £1000 - I am over the moon with that! I have never had savings so it is a real first for me. The peace of mind it brings is fantastic. On top I have £350 for Christmas, £200 for school uniform shop, money in various other pots (car repairs, road tax, dentist, holiday etc) = one very healthy looking bank account. Stopping funding the EF each month now (until the point there is an emergency and I have to spend some) and instead am putting the £50 over to debts.

I have allowed us one treat though. My parents asked us to join them on their week away this week (they have a campervan) and my usual instinct would be "no" as we've been away so save the money. But I decided why not? It's a long winter, and I haven't even unpacked the car from my camping trip yet so it's easy. So in the morning we're off for another two nights under canvas :-)

Baddderz · 28/07/2014 07:58

I downloaded YNAB and for the life of me I can't make it work :(
I don't understand how you input the figures, nothing :(
Any tips?
Not that Dh would do it anyway....sigh.

Mum4Fergus · 28/07/2014 08:40

Great update Tintin...delighted for you Grin

Can't help with YNAB, sorry...someone will be along soon that can help you Smile

KinkyDorito · 28/07/2014 08:58

Good morning all! I'm on the iPod so scrolling up and down posts is hard, but just wanted to say I've loved the discussion on here in the last couple of days. It comes down to the gratitude thing - trying to focus on what we do have rather than what we don't. I'd live in a skip as long as I got to keep my people - which is just as well as the house is heading that way!

tintingirl · 28/07/2014 08:59

Bladderz - did you download it on a PC as well as the phone app? You need the PC version, the phone app is not useable on it's own.

I'd suggest you join one of the classes or watch a recording of one - there is a getting started one which made it really clear to me. It's simple once it "clicks".

I cannot stress how brilliant it is though - it has literally turned my finances around and revolutionised my life.

On my way out of the door for little camping trip but back Wednesday - watch the classes and post back here if you are still confused and I'll try to be of more help Grin

tintingirl · 28/07/2014 09:19

Kinky - I agree, it's so important to focus on what you have right now. I have two lovely children and healthy parents and I know that will not be forever so I am making a conscious effort to spend time with them. Houses and cars and expensive clothes can wait. As can the debts to an extent. I could pay more but I am paying a decent amount, they'll be gone in around 2.5/3 years but potentially so could my kids or one of my parents. I've decided it's not worth having a miserable 2 years to clear debts quicker when I could do it in 3 and have memories. Smile

Baddderz · 28/07/2014 16:28

I will check it out thanks.

Anilec · 28/07/2014 17:06

Badderz, I also found YNAB difficult - BUT I took away the lessons from their website and just applied them to my own bank accounts. It's basically the 'envelope' system, where you gradually fill envelopes for various expenses so when the costs come up, you're not totally scuppered because you've been saving for them.

This is how I've managed to pay for a week's holiday in an a lovely cottage in Devon in high season, hire car for the week and spending money for the week without going into credit for it ONCE - because I worked out how much I would need (roughly) and gradually put that money away in a holiday envelope. Am quite proud of myself.

Anilec · 28/07/2014 17:08

Oh and tintingirl, I couldn't agree with you more.

Baddderz · 28/07/2014 18:24

Sorry to sound dense but are they actual envelopes? Or virtual ones?

Thelongdarkteatime · 28/07/2014 20:49

I'm struggling a bit with YNAB too Badderz. I can't quite get my head around how I record when I've spent? I've had a positive few days. We've been on a budgeted for break away and have looked at the debt totals for the end of the month and have cleared one credit card. Still a cc and two loans to go. I have set the standing order for the credit card to be above this month's minimum after checking the spreadsheet - thanks TalkinPeace. I have also started Anilec's idea of the coin sweep from the accounts and have managed an extra £10 from one of the loans.

I was wondering if anyone had any tips about food shopping on a budget. My ds is weaning and still bf, and my dh eats enormous amounts as a runner, so food is a big expense. I try to meal plan and use own brands but after a recent injury I'm finding cooking difficult and my dh works late. Any suggestions.

Thanks for this thread - I'm finding it so helpful.

TalkinPeace · 28/07/2014 21:03

thelongdark
Budget eating that is healthy involves a LOT of vegetables : tinned and fresh
that and cheap cuts of meat cooked slow and low till they are amazing
for your DH, eggs, eggs and more eggs
but think around veg stews and stir fries and spanish omelette and curries and you can make a few pounds worth of veg go a long way
the trick is to NOT pay a premium for somebody else to have done the cutting and chopping and mixing

OP posts:
KeatsiePie · 29/07/2014 00:59

thelongdark what has helped us is to meal plan and batch cook. As TIP says we emphasize protein (meat for DH, I'm vegetarian) and green vegetables. So a lot of greens and beans dishes. We cut out bread and pasta last year and don't eat much rice either, which did make it harder as pasta and rice were great meal-stretchers, but it's still fine. E.g., three-bean chili, kale and carrot and white bean stew, triple-lentil stew, egg bake with spinach and other vegetables. We buy DH ~ 1 lb. of meat a week and stretch it by making a stew or soup with it, which also gets vegetables in. Greens/peas every day -- greens are expensive but we made it affordable this summer by growing them and during winter the beans and lentils and so forth are cheap enough that we can still manage. Dried beans are cheaper and imo. healthier. I don't buy stock or broth; you can make a great vegetable broth with just dried herbs to flavor a soup, or use a chicken carcass.

Just reread your post, I am sure it's harder after an injury, I'm sorry. In all honesty I do find cooking from scratch a good bit of work, which is why I do it in batches -- every 2 or 3 weekends I'll make as much as I can and fill the freezer. Something that might help: if I'm very busy/tired, I get DH to do all the prep work, e.g., he doesn't have time to cook all weekend but he can dice up 10 onions and 20 garlic cloves and 30 carrots for me. It only takes him an hour or so to do all the prep I need, maybe it would help you if yours did that, as after that it's just a lot of slow cooking beans/meat and adding things to the pots, so not so tiring and you can sit down a lot.

PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 29/07/2014 07:53

NSD yesterday, this summer school is great for that I usually have 10-12 NSDs from a fortnight. Then they give you expenses and pay you!

When I get home I'll be finishing some small DIY projects to freshen up the house, all the stuff has been purchased already so it won't cost much if anything. Then preparing for the next academic year of teaching.

thelongdark - a Terry Pratchett inspired NN or just a coincidence? Smile
As for the healthy eating, could you try batch cooking and freezing things you all like, you can sneak a LOT of veg into blended pasta sauce, bolognese etc which both bulks it out cheaply and is healthy.

Also how about having meals made up of lots of smaller bits, sort of like tapas but less effort, we do hot and cold versions of this.

Cold would be: carrot, pepper, celery, cucumber, any other similar veg chopped in sticks, cherry tomatoes, homemade hummus, crackers/breadsticks, olives, olive tapenade, any cheese/ham we have in, we lay it all out and everyone takes the bits they like.

Type 2: large spread of little bits of anything we have in: e.g. a few sausages cooked and gone cold, hard boiled eggs, salad leaves, bowl of grated carrot and beetroot, cheese, bread, slices of quiche, all set out and also I'd heat any leftovers e.g. pasta dishes, fried peppers and onions, (even put out a small bowl of warmed curry once!!) and again people help themselves to the bits they like.

This is also very good for using up small portions of things which might go bad otherwise.

I also make huge batches of tomato and veg soup with either red lentils blended or cannelini beans, I blend it completely smooth and freeze, we sometimes have a bowl of soup with crusty bread and e.g. an egg, or sausage chopped in, or tofu cubes scattered over. It's very quick and easy as soup is ready made in freezer.

Final one is a noodle soup I make - cook egg noodles and set aside, then stir fry garlic, onion, ginger, add shredded veg (e.g. cabbage, courgette, carrot, pepper, mushroom, leeks - anything chopped finely basically) and fry for a few mins until starting to soften but still with a bit of bite, add chilli flakes if liked, then re-add cooked noodles, with as much chicken/veg stock as it takes to cover, add soy sauce to taste (I add too much!) and sesame oil to taste. I also add sesame seeds when I have them. This keeps well for lunch the next day.

Anilec · 29/07/2014 10:31

Re. the envelope system, you can use actual envelopes if you want to go old school, but I use online savings accounts. With my bank account (Nationwide) I can open loads of individual savings accounts within my main account. I name these 'Christmas' 'Holiday' 'Business' 'Household' etc - all the things I need to budget for - and then just move appropriate amounts into them as I get paid.

There are several threads in the Credit Crunch section on food budgets and meal planning that might be helpful.

Nerf · 29/07/2014 14:56

Yikes. Have an estimate on school uniform for 270 for secondary - lots of logoed blazers etc and school shop only items. No idea what we will have to go without to cover this - won't be any extra debt payments this month.

TalkinPeace · 29/07/2014 15:05

nerf ask the school : its amazing what can be "acquired" through facebook and people leaving and the like
remember that at secondary they need much less of everything as they get less grubby

  • one blazer
  • one tie
  • two skirts or three trousers
  • one PE top, one shorts (no extra hoodies)
  • no more than five shirts as they grow so fast
and see whether John Lewis do the stuff cheaper (yes really)
OP posts:
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