Debt Number 3 : For those who feel they are drowning and want a way out

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then
SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.

jemster
welcome aboard
have a look at my spreadsheets thread and see what impact locking your credit card repayments into a standing order will have
you'll be pleasantly surprised

the envelope system is a bit like the budget sheet
start planning for the annual costs a month at a time and then they do not bite you

I'm off for a haircut at the local technical college - bargain cut coming up.

I was watching superscrimper so last night mrsannersley. There was loads of "make a cushion out of some amazing fabric you just happen to have hanging around" type shit. It enraged me as it was clear that unless you had a great sewing machine and oodles of talent it'd look Shyte. Not vintage just Shyte.

I used to be so easily led too

Not any more. I made a New Years resolution not to buy any new clothes (except underwear) for the year. Not because I have loads but I felt I didn't need them. It's very liberating just knowing I have 2 smart tops. If I go out it's one or the other. No one else cares.

Jemster, hi I'm in a similar situation. We have about £28k debt from periods of unemployment. The interest is frozen on all these, plus we have an overdraft I need to pay off, as the bank have put the charges up.

We haven't been able to do anything for ten months, as dh was out of work, but on 12/5 he starts his new job (yay!) and I need to start paying them off. However, taking all costs into consideration we'll have less than £200 per month to pay towards them. Can't see us affording a holiday or anything nice for a long time and it all feels very hopeless.

Hello Jemster we are in the same boat. I have found that you need to think long term. A fiver extra off debt now and every month means next year might be easier. It's just seeing the point at this end.

Kazza
You'll get there.
The thing is that you are going into the time of your DH's employment with your eyes clearly focussed on the debt free prize rather than in splurge mode
And remember that with the standing order lock on the credit cards, those fivers start adding up pretty quickly to reducing the debt

the repayment term drops from 18 years to 3 years : just by locking at today's minimum .....

Thanks TiP You are right, I'm in a different place now, looking forward to getting started on reducing the debt. I just need to fire dh with the same enthusiasm.

I hate all that superscrimper stuff -like anyone has that just 'laying around'.

I had 3 really good weeks where I felt like I'd cracked the addiction but the weekend was bad. Without making excuses, I started my new job today and I think the anxiety got the better of me. It isn't a complete disaster as my pay days have shifted and this month I'll get paid the last 3 weeks of my previous job, along with the first 3 weeks of my new job (which is the equivalent of a months pay of my old job). I've shifted all repayments to my new pay day so I'll only have one set of repayments.

The anxiety has been particularly bad tonight and it is so ridiculous - worrying about my coat getting ruined and not being able to get a new one to match my bag so maybe I should get a spare. I am being completely ridiculous because it isn't even an unusual colour! I'm trying to control it but it is hard. I haven't had these urges in a while. I suppose it is the same way a smoker craves a cigarette when the stress is mounting.

Afterthought congratulations in day one. I can reassure you that I have no idea what my colleague wore today or whether her bag matched!
If you can resist the urge now a few days in will be easier, it's the new start thing.
I also hate super scrimpers.

It is funny that I know how ridiculous it is yet feel so anxious over it. It makes sense for me to use the matching coat and bag for work as I then get to wear it everyday. If I go out for the day with DP, I wouldn't take that bag as we just take one between us, and he would refuse to carry it so I always take a black unisex one and we share. So therefore, it wouldn't matter if my coat no longer matched my bag.

The other reason I like it (and am worried it will get ruined) is that my hats and scarves also match, but again that is ridiculous because it is a summer coat!

If someone else told me this, I'd be thinking 'get a grip'. Maybe it is a step forward that I realise the craziness of it!

Ah, I have to protest. MIL let me read her 'Superscrimpers' book and it told me to clean tarnished silver with an old toothbrush and toothpaste. I now have a shiny necklace without getting Silvo fingers! Result.

ooh that's interesting, I need to clean a bracelet and have no cleaner, I'll try with toothpaste.

Haha - I reckon that's a tip that's been on mumsnet.

Haircut £5. Lovely. Just used coins in my purse. Nothing on card. Yay.

God, long, long day

I think I am twitchy about the holiday because since starting YNAB I have not been living in the overdraft and as the extra money has come in it has been squirrelled into a "holiday" pot and not touched at all, but I like the knowledge that I have a pot of money sat there. When I spend on the holiday - which is the "job" for those pounds after all - my "cushion" has gone.

So, I've realised today that my real worry is a lack of emergency fund. I've never had one, but the building holiday fund sat there has bought peace of mind for the last 6 weeks which I am reluctant to part with.

With that in mind I am going to make sure that no marking money goes to debt this year until I have:

1. Paid for the holiday + spends
2. Ensured my car MOT is done
3. Put £500 into an emergency fund

There may be a small gap of a month or so between (1) and (3) but I can live with that to get a good deal on (1)

If no additional money goes to debt this year from marking then so be it - partly that is in the hands of the MOT gods. I want the peace of mind of an emergency fund and now I am on YNAB I know I won't fritter it away. Last year I paid extra to debt from marking money and then had to reduce a later DMP payment for a new washing machine - so same end result I guess. My DMP gets a healthy amount each month anyway.

I like the thought of a pot of money but it makes me panic. I can't see past tomorrow although I can easily see forty years in the future (one bar has fire, rented room, reduced section of Asda) and so I can't really cope with money sitting there.

afterthought
matching clothes are for whose benefit?
not yours - because they cause stress
not your colleagues - because 90% of them will not notice
not your kids - they barely notice unless your clothes are falling apart or fit really badly
not the people who make the clothes - they get paid a pittance

the only beneficiaries of the desire to have lots of clothes and outfits are the credit card companies

lookright HA! exactly what I mean, I used to watch that too and it was all a load of balls, making stuff yourself is almost always more expensive than buying stuff. In the end, it isn't buying a cushion that is going to bankrupt you, it's the lifestyle of buying endless stuff that you don't need.

Bumping for Tuesday .

Today I've started my budgeting

I've a tin to keep the cash for food in and started a spreadsheet to keep track of what I've spent. Starting with today's shopping trip to Aldi, spent £48 plus a visit to Sainsburys, spending £14, for 4 of us (me, dh, ds aged 22 and dd aged 13). Pleased with that. I've taken my cards out of my bag so I won't be tempted to spend unnecessarily. I really need to cut down on top up shops, as I spend far too much on those occasions.

Now to start researching savings accounts online for my "envelopes".

How far do you take it with the envelope accounts for different things? If I broke down everything into separate budget categories I'd need about 15 accounts! What's the best way of doing it? Thanks

Please can I join this thread?

I am so stressed out over money and just don't know how other people manage their finances so much better than I do.

I suppose my background is that I grew up in a household with no money worries. My mother bought what she wanted, when she wanted. She used to do a daily shop in Waitrose or M&S, buying whatever she fancied. She added me as an additional card holder to her credit card when I was 17, funded me and paid off my debt each time in my early to mid-20s and now that I'm an adult with my own house, I still don't know how to deal with money and can see myself sliding into debt yet again.

I think my main problem is that I spend without really thinking about it, assuming that one day I will have sufficient money to cover everything and that when I get a pay rise, or when I get a bonus, then I'll be ok. Or that I can release equity from the house when its price has gone up. Unfortunately, this doesn't help me now.

The other problem I have, is that as soon as I get some money into my account, I relax and think 'it's fine to get a take-away/go for drinks/buy some shoes' or whatever.

I have an Excel monthly budget plan, setting out all my regular income and outgoings. I just don't know how to track, day-to-day, to make sure that I spend within it. If I go and get a Starbucks, or go and buy some bits from Aldi, or get something from Amazon or eBay, it just doesn't really register that the money has to come from somewhere.

Does anyone have any advice? I know some people take cash out each week and once it's gone, it's gone. Has that ever helped anyone?

I want to save money and not be in debt. I just don't know how to.

Jemster, I'd be interested to know that too. I don't want 15 different accounts, but feel I do need to set up separate accounts.

ishesingle re: holidays - I think if you do the bookings and planning yourself you can get week long holiday in October

I am hoping to take my 2 kids to Turkey October half term. They are 14 and 16 so prices are similar for me.
Tickets I saw are 140 each return. Accommodation - room under 50 pounds for 3 of us. So total should be around 400 pounds.
Train travel - as I am hoping to go outside of Istanbul - I saw as 9-15 pounds a ticket. 3 lots of those tickets. I haven't checked food prices but I think we should be able to manage in just under 1500 without shopping for flights.

I am also joining this thread for ideas from you wise lot

Freckled
Your best bet is going to be to download the budget spreadsheet from the spreadsheets thread (in my OP) and then fill in what you have already spent for the last three or four months.
That way you'll know where the money is going and
THEN
you'll be able to start budgeting forwards and thinking how much each month of your earnings you CANNOT spend.

Your mum did you no favours at all by constantly bailing you out.

kazza / jemster
rather than lots of actual bank accounts, do a summary spreadsheet and put ALL of the envelopes in one savings account and use the spreadsheet to manage them.