Today's the FIRST and we still have each other :)

[MummyMcKT]

A thread for all of us who were due in 2010 and who've bonded through the last few weeks.

It doesn't matter where your head/heart's at on this journey at the moment just as long as you want some company....

Hey MummyMcKT thanks for starting this you're right, it is nice to get the company because it can feel very lonely.

How are you today?

I'm finding it quite hard with DP being at work, I seem to cope better when he's around.

Hi Claire

I just left you a VERY long message on your "How long did you take off work thread?".

I'm feeling much more like myself today thanks.

Flipside however is I'm trying to finalise cremation for our MMC'd twins for end of the week - proving bit tricky as I "passed" them at home Am sure it'll all work out though. Am due some good luck

I'm really sorry you're experiencing MC again. How are you? I guess you'll be in limbo just now.

I found spending a lot of daytime asleep passed the hours (although on reflection probably not v healthy!). MN and a shower always made me feel a bit better when I was waiting through conservative mgt but i did feel safer when DP was home.

Thinking of you.

Hello peeps.

Hope you're all feeling well. I am sooo relieved to have that ERPC over and done with. claire, I feel better when DP is around too. He went away this weekend just gone and I really missed him, had a lot of tears, I think he's a bit of an emotional crutch at the minute.

I am in bed at the minute skiving the childcare recovering from the general anasthetic, and eating chocolates. Once this is over I shall have to go on a diet..

MMcKT thanks for starting this thread. How are you doing?

YRMOTB - I sooo need to diet too! Chocolate, wine and sweets may be comforting but they are no good for a bikini body!

We are off to the States for 3 weeks in 8 weeks time so I'm keeping busy planning that.

I've been doing well but am nervous about ERPC on Thurs - I know it will be fine but I can't help it.

Damn ASDA set me off today too - why is the baby shampoo/bubblebath in the same aisle as adult stuff? I rounded the corner, the baby smell hit me and that was it. Looked like a crazy woman!!

Take care all.

Thanks for starting this thread. Was exactly 2 months ago today that I had my ERPC following my MMC, as I went in on April 1st.
Had my cousin die suddenly 3 weeks later, so the beginning of May was her funeral.
Hoping June is a better month.

Velvetcu - Try not to worry too much about the ERPC as it really is fine. It was the easiest part of this whole process.

I had been doing so much better, but took a bit of a step back again over the last few days as was aware I should have been having my 20 week scan about now. Poor DP must be getting exhausted with all my wobbles!

velvet I left you a message briefly on the other ERPC thread, its really not that bad

hello everyone, lovely name for the thread x

I had a bad day yesterday,lots of tears and generally moping around and am trying to draw a line on it and get myself together. I am going back to work tomorrow and am feeling very anxious about it all. I popped in there today and a few of my clients were there I am a hairdresser) and although they were lovely and told me how sorry they were and to look after myself one day at a time it was just so so hard. I think its going to be a tough day tomorrow and DP is going away with work for a few days.
claire, I found reading really really trashy chick lit completely absorbed me, althought he sun was out to maybe the fresh air helped aswell.xx

MMcKT I hope you get it all sorted, you are right you do deserve some luck xx

yrmotb chocolate and cake defo help x

velvet dont worry about the surgery it will be fine, its over before you know it,pink champagne is right its defo the easiest part.

Pink champagne poor you, you have had a pants pants may. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I found out last week that my nan has cancer so that I hope is all the bad news for a while, I'm not sure I can take much more.

SO onwards and upwards ladies...with a little wobble or 3 on the way i think xx

MummyMcKT thanks for your other message. Hope you're managing to get the cremation organised and people are making it as easy for you as they can.

pinkchampagne what an awful time with a family bereavement also I really hope you have a better June.

yrmotb how are you feeling now after the ERPC?

velvet I hope it goes OK on Thursday. Where abouts in the US are you off too?

fordy I hope work goes OK tomorrow

Like all of you I'm finding chocolate and cake and wine to be invaluable support which is not good when I was overweight already.

Hello all Oh! it's so lovely we're all together (although I wish it was under different circumstances)

I've had a weird day - we require a certificate for our cremation which I'm having to chase everyone and their Granny for. Almost tracked one down when I was informed I need TWO because they were twins!! Also need to book TWO slots at the crematorium despite the fact that it's just me and DP going and we're just planning to walk up with the casket, leave it then go for a wander with our thoughts in the fresh air. So farcical it made me laugh

YRMOTB Am glad to hear you got through the physical aspect of today and am sure Velvet is feeling a little more reassured knowing that you have. Hope you manage to take it easy - am sure if they did a survey of those who purchased chocolate women who'd recently MC'd would be right up there!!

Velvet Your states trip sounds fab - do tell us more! We have been musing about driving route 66 for a while but put it of this summer on account of being preggers - don't know if it'd be too expensive now. Am TOY in the run up to Thurs - hope your experience is similar to that of YRMOTBs. Pants re ASDA but not surprising - your hormones will be all over the place (and will probably continue to be for a while yet )

PINKC Am sorry you've had such a crap time. Three's DP and I's "lucky" number so I feel sure June being your third month in this journey will be more positive It must be hard knowing you'd be nearly 20wks. I've read it's normal for the body to react bizarrely at these significant dates. Am sending you (((())))s x

Don't know if we'd all rather just share dates if/when we feel we'd like to or if we'd like to acknowledge when each of us were due so there's a bit more tlc around on significant dates. I find some of the stats on other threads a bit full on if I'm honest but am happy to go with what the majority here would like. Our twins were due on their Daddy's bday (1st December) although would almost certainly have arrived in Nov (they shared a sac - "Mo-Mo" twins which is apparently high risk and more often than not delivered early)

FordyP Am really sorry about your Nan - hope things work out positively. I agree it's onwards and upwards for all of us with a few wobbles (although not sure if they'll be teary ones or chocolate induced flabby wiggles lol)I hope being back at work goes ok - I know hairdressers can be expected to "perform" too which'll be hard at times but you'll find the strength from somewhere to do it. Sending you lots of good vibes

The chocolate is a regular snack in this house - as is irn bru (and the BIG cans they've just brought out for the world cup). My DP says I look fab - I occasionally lie to myself in the mirror that I look ok but photos say otherwise and when I calculate my BMI I really need to sort myself out. No-one believes me when I say what weight I am but it's def time to face the music and stop relying on the pregnacare tabs to balance out my diet! Went right off sweet things when I was pregnant now think I'm just shovelling it down for the hell of it!

Good to hear from you all x

Hello there hope it is ok to pop in.
Was due in Sept 2010 and have been coping much better in last month or so, but now have 3 friends all due within a couple of weeks of when I would have been - dreading that month when it comes. How do we deal with that?

Ah! Bollocks ClaireDL I didn't mean to miss you off. Got carried away with the typing and then the laptop started threatening to wipe it all!!

I can relate to the overweight thing. Am 5'5" and just over 12 and a half stone (although no-one ever believes me - must be "blessed" with heavy muscles lol) I really do need to sort myself out though - not healthy.

Healthy eating was so much easier when I was pregnant so I guess I've proved I can do it. Need to try and look at it as positive preparation now. Might look out the WW books tmrw and start creating a weekly meals list. Just the thought.... BUT the thought of being healthy and carrying a healthy pregnancy in the future...... so I guess that's what I need to stick on my fridge!!

Iggis xpost - sorry. "Welcome " Am sitting here MNing while my DP "works" on his laptop (we DO actually communicate well!) We're both def night owls

I found it reassuring that you wrote that you feel like you've coped a bit better in the last month - This is some journey eh! lots of ups/downs/twists and turns and no bloody map!

My heart goes out to you having friends due around the same time as you were. That must be really tough - have no idea how we cope but I've a feeling we'll have each other (maybe we should start planning a virtual girls away trip to Vegas now )

hi all hope its ok to just drop in on your thread, think its great that everyone sounds a bit more posative today and can be there for each other even though the situations are shitty all round.
just when i thought i was getting some where in RL iv had another majour wobble and feel like im back at square one, 9 weeks of bleeding after medical management is getting me down (but thats another post) i went along to the hospitals memories service for lost babies alone on friday (apparently they have one every month), i was told just show up at the church crem, no one goes but if you do its in and out after lighting a candle, turns out it was like a proper funeral, 4 other families all dressed in black (me in jeans and t-shirt) a hearse with a baby size coffin with all the lost little ones inside (including my little jelly bean) and a proper funeral service complete with hospital chaplin and all, i was so upset that i left straight after the service and went home and cried for hours then didnt leave the house for 2 days. today has been better but cant help but feel im starting from scratch with the emotions, dreading going back to work while bleeding but in a strange way looking at it as getting my life back after avoiding people for fear of aquard questions and so long on the sick. im back to the chocolate and wine comforts for tonight and mabey a glass or two or three may help me sleep oh and MummyMcKT id definatly be in que for the virtual trip to vegas take care girls, hugs to all x

Oh Jakey, that sounds really traumatic, I am not surprised it set you back.

MummyMcKT - my baby was due on 14th October, which is my DP's birthday too. It would have been our first child together & his first child. (I have 2 DS's with my ex h)It felt so right at the time, like it was meant to be. Now I am worried about spoiling his big day by being miserable.

FordyP - so sorry about your nan. It is awful having all these horrible things on top of each other.
I found it really knocked me back when my cousin died, as not only was it the most awful shock (they still haven't found a cause of death & she was only just 40), but I felt I was expected to be over the MC - I almost felt selfish for still struggling with it. This set me right back for a good week or so.

It can very much feel like 2 steps forward & 5 back for some time after a MC can't it?
I don't think a lot of people understand just how tough the recovery process is.

Hello everyone. I'm so sorry you all find yourselves here and think these support threads are a godsend, so thank you to MummyMcKT for starting another. I hope you don't me joining you.

I was due at the end of April and seem to be surrounded by pregnant women, most of whom are in my family and some of whom are expecting multiples. It's not remotely easy is it? But it's good to know we aren't alone.

• Sorry, that should read I hope you don't mind me joining you! My brain is addled.

Morning all (from the comfort of under my duvet cos I'm a lazy cow!!)

Hello Jakey and BBits

Well I feel like I've had good news today?!? (and all before 9am lol) GP phoned me to say she'd filled out my forms required for the crem - no problem. She is lovely and when I read what you're going through on other threads Jakey I feel very lucky. I am though under her care by default! Don't live in the area any more but Mum and Dad do so they've got their address. Was going to(reluctantly) change to a local practice during the pregnancy but now it's helping having someone who knows me so I'll stay shtume for a little while longer.

Midwife from EPAU also phoned on the subject of forms for crem - they could issue one but only if I brought the "products" in for them to look at (did that at the time). Anyway managed to veer conversation to the fibroids they casually mentioned I had during my last two scans - said I was concerned about where they were exactly (google IS the devil!) so she's going to look out my notes and ask a consultant gynae to look at the pics. See GOOD NEWS!

Am worried about DP today - he had a work deadline which he hasn't met and I can't help thinking that it's been bce he's spent so much time looking after me during the past three months (3 however IS our lucky no. so maybe it'll go ok for him!)

Am so sorry that you're having such a shit time Jakey. I can't imagine how you're feeling physically - must be very draining and you feel so grotty when you're bleeding and have to use mammoth pads. You've had such a tough journey but with a positive spin on it a) you're road experience will serve us all well if you drive the open top in Vegas and we're navigating all the hotspots and b) what's happening now CAN'T go on forever. Stay strong (and tell your GP in the nicest possible way you want a real one who knows their stuff!)

The memorial service sounds like a bit of a shock - they really should tell you EXACTLY what to expect. I hate saying "in time" but hoping that with exactly that you'll find some comfort from the fact you went. Our "service" is on Friday but very very low key.

PINKC That's lovely about your date being your OH's bday too. I know our twins would've arrived early but as 1st Dec was the only official one we were given it'll always be their date too - am hoping I manage to find a positive way to approach it when the time comes so I don't dampen DP's bday. How old are your DS'? This was my first pregancy but I have a niece (3 1/2) and a nephew (almost 2) whom I adore

Was also comforted by what you wrote re your reaction about having to be over MC because of other life events. Most of my family don't know what's happened to us yet. Unfortunately my Gran's hubbie (she married after my Papa died almost 20yrs ago) died yest. The family weren't particularly close to him but (and I feel like a bitch typing this) that's the news thats now superseeded ours As DP said though WHEN (he's very optimistic!) we get pregnant again we can make sure people know our story. It's not that I want huge sympathy etc but for our loss to be acknowledged would be nice and I'm really adamant we should'nt be made to feel we can't talk about our experiences.

Sending you a big hug BBits I think shortly after your due date is bound to be a very difficult time because there should be a baby there with you. My heart goes out to you that you're already at that stage of your journey.

Ok - will shut up for now but am prob going to be on and off of here during the day (saddo I know but making the most of downtime before the return to work). Speaking of which hope today's going as well as it can for you FordyP May your hands be very steady and may no-one end up with dodgy fringes as a result of any wobbles you might have

YRMOTB hope you're going to rest today. Remember - no rules on this journey but you've got to look after the engine!

Velvet hope you have an ok day today and that you manage not to think too much about tmrw - you'll be one stage further before you know it. Have you had any more snotty emails from your DHT? Mine's completely ignored me when I've been off - which is NOT what's supposed to happen according to our HR policy (she's supposed to make "supportive" contact ha!)

Step away from the cake and chocolate everyone!! (that means you too CDL!) Didn't look the WW stuff out last night but there's always time today!!!

Thinking of you all (whether you've joined here or not!) xx

Bbits I hope you don't feel like my last comment was really crass. I didn't mean it to read as a potentially sweeping statement -I've just read more of the "testing testing" thread and I appreciate what you say about women who're excitedly pregnant being the ones you find most difficult to deal with at the moment.

I know we're all at different stages/have different stories. I lurk regularly on the "testing testing" thread and like the spirit of those on it - it looked very established when I was thinking about a supportive thread although I might end up joining you there too. (It's good to talk!)

I know hugs are very unmumsnetty too but am still learning the jargon!!

jakey 9 weeks of bleeding are you glad you went to the service even if it wasn't what you expected?

Hi Iggiss and brokenbits

People mentioning due dates made me realise I have two due in 2010 dates, this Sunday (June 6th) for my second mc and December 30th for my recent loss.

Brokenbits being surrounded by pregnant women is awful my sympathies for that.

MMcKT no more messages from anyone at school - I don't know whether to go back next week or not. It's not the sort of job where you can pop to the loo if you think you are leaking and it would be awful if it happened in a lesson!

Thanks YRMOTB and Fordy - I feel better about tomorrow. I just want it to be over now. Not sure what to do about trying again -this one wasnt planned but I definately have the baby fire raging now! I should wait until after we have been on holiday but 3 months is such a long time!

As for the states trip - we are going to Vegas then have hired a convertible to drive into los angeles and then up to san francisco.

Jakey sorry to hear you are feeling down again. I dont think I could go to a service even though I would love to because of not wanting to go back to square one.

Was forced to go to my mums for dinner the other night. My sister was there with my niece - my BFP was on the same ay she was born so she is a constant reminder. I didnt mind her being there - its not her fault and she is lovely but as I have said in another thread they are so inconsiderate. They were dicsusing who she looks like and then started on "when you have kids I wonder who they will look like".

Anyway keep going ladies we are doing well!

I have a HUGE bar of fruit and nut in the cupboard ready for tomorrow afternoon!

Mummy Not at all. It struck me as rather sensitive actually! I am so sorry for what you're going through right now. I can't even begin to imagine it. I'm totally with you on certain family events taking precedence over your loss. It's not to say that other problems are any less relevant, but your grief is still your grief and needs to be acknowledged. It's such a strange thing. I find I want to talk about it and have a sympathetic ear from people in RL until it actually happens and then I find I spend more time comforting them for making them feel uncomfortable about my mc!

Thanks Claire. It is awful, but I struggle everyday to remind myself that it isn't their fault. Unfortunately, I've had a couple of rubbish experiences where pregnant family members have been less than tactful, even going so far as gloating about their good news, hearing the heartbeat etc. which has made me a little bit resentful. For some reason, the arrival of the baby and the focus shifting from pregnancy helps me though.

I am very fortunate enough to have a DS, so I consider myself to be one of the lucky ladies here. Unfortunately, this comes at a price because I'm desperate to give him a sibling and now I'm wrestling with a broken body and an ever increasing age gap! Moan, moan, moan! I feel certain we will all get there in the end. We deserve a bit of luck, but it's nice to have a HTH in the meantime. I did hope I'd be pregnant again by the time my due date rolled around, but sadly this was not meant to be. I'm hoping against hope that we all have good news before the end of 2010. Hope the rest of you are doing okay today. The sun is shining at my end, which always helps!

I made it in to work!! wooo!! I wanted to leave as soon as I got there, and there were tears and sniffles before I left the house but I have some very very lovely clients and only had a few in today. Two of them brought me flowers adn I didn't cry ( i think i have had my work hat on!) although did get teary during the day. But I did it and it was hard, and I daresay tomorrow will be tough as DP is away and it was him practically pushing me out the door that got me there this morning but we shall see.

hello iggis,jakey and bbits, and MMcKT I'm glad you got those forms filled out for you by your gp,one less thing to worry about for you.

Velvet I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, and am a little jealous of your bar of fruit and nut as I have decided I now have to be good and can't keep on eating the world

My nan also had her biopsy done today, so hopefully she'll be home in the next couple of days, I'll be glad not tohave to keep going back to that same hospital where everything happened and think that might help me emotionally a little. Everytime i go up there i get teary and upset and have to pull myself together as i don't want her worrying about me.

So the sun is out here to....its lovely. i hope everyones ok (well as much as we can be) xx

oh and no wibbly fringes...fab fab haircuts all round xx

Hi jakey8 Iggis and brokenbits*

Glad to hear that your first day back went well fordy. I have been back last week and seem to have an alternative persona that i can put on around strangers. Feels very wierd, and not that nice, but it gets the problem of crying in front of the general public away. However it doesn't work if anyone is kind to me or knows the score .

I am feeling good, claire and mummymckt, thank you. I have spent the day in the sunshine with DP and Ds, and if we ignore the terrible idea that was a trip to Ikea, then the day has been nice.

Good luck for tomorrow, velvet. You really won't need it though, and it may help with the closure. I really did feel as if a weight had been lifted after i came round, as it has been 3 weeks since i was told my baby had died. That sounds flippant, but I am sure you understand what I mean.

Sorry pinkchampagne, i hope you are feeling ok. I keep reading bits on other threads, and even though I don't always post, i am thinking of you.

Evening all

Seem to have spent all morning on here and am back again - it's almost as bad as gambling lol

Know what you mean about baby fires raging Velvet Don't know what possessed me but tried to use OPK again for first time this morning - put two of them in the wrong way then knocked the cup full of pee all over the place - made me ha ha Def a sign to leave all well alone (until after Friday at least).

A HUGE bar of choc of any type wouldn't last the night in our house although am about to munch a bowl of strawberries as a step in the right direction of alternatives! Your hol sounds amazing - I visited all three (minus the open top ) a few years ago and they were FAB.

Fordy Well Done you Am glad you're first day back's now over. You'll find the strength again tomorrow - am glad there were no dodgy cuts! You must be worried about your Nan - fingers crossed your family get some good news.

YRMOTB Glad you're still doing (physically) ok today. I'm due an IKEA trip soon too - guess you have to be in the mood for it though so might try and prepare myself thoroughly!

ClaireDL am so sorry you've been through so many MCs. Have read a few of your posts elsewhere. It must take strength to pick yourself up again - I'm full of admiration for you for that alone. Sending you lots of positive vibes for future happiness.

Hello to everyone else - think we caught up earlier. Thinking of you all