Today's the FIRST and we still have each other :)

[MummyMcKT]

A thread for all of us who were due in 2010 and who've bonded through the last few weeks.

It doesn't matter where your head/heart's at on this journey at the moment just as long as you want some company....

All sounds too much, this TCC business, with charts & temps & things. I have never done this whole "planning a baby", and if we do TTC it will be a case of "let's ditch the contraception & just have some fun!"

Doesn't it? perhaps we should eventually make a thread, for post-miscarriage, and not trying very hard!

hey!

So I've been away a couple of days and theres soooo much to catch up on

I have had a stupidly busy couple of days at work and found it hugely overwhelming. I am on wind down for the next couple of days though..thank goodness.

Jakey the dress sounds very nice and my advice re the shoes is to walk slower if you are struggling, and you look more confident if you do it with a big smile rather than that concentrated face I seem to get

Pink good luck with the housey stuff, it can seem like a mountain to climb im sure but the right buyers will come along in no time I am sure.

Loopy, lovely looking campsite..I am very jealous of a little trip.

Velvet how are you?? Are you feeling any better? Has your bleeding stopped??

Well for me the bleeding has finally stopped and the antibiotics are still making ne feel icky but not as bad as they were. I am currently sat on the sofa watching the footy and wishing I could have a little shandy but I'm not allowed...anyone want to have one for me???

Cheers Fordy!!!

ohh look I'm sorry McKT I missed you off....please do have another bevvie for me xx how are you today??

Don't be daft Fordy All I meant by "Cheers" was I was happily drinking on your behalf

Glad your physical recovery seems to be moving in the right direction.

Am enjoying the week-end here - even watchie the footie despite being north of the border. Will post properly when I'm more focused (I need a pen and paper next to me to take notes when I catch up and post - my brain cannae keep up!)

Been quiet on here today - hopefully everyone out enjoying themselves

I will have myself a drink on your behalf too, fordy! Am home alone, as DP has gone to some blokey BBQ with his golf friends, so may pour myself a glass of something!

Glad the bleeding has stopped now & that you are feeling a little better.

McKTastic - I resorted to watching the football too. Not a very exciting match was it. Had it on because my boys wanted to see it, but even they got bored half way through & went to play out on their trampoline instead, telling me to let them know if England scored another goal!

Hope everyone is ok & enjoying their w/e.

Our w/e at the mo is DP playing his xbox and me reading things on MN - just ended up googling "Mooncup" after I read it on another thread here.

Catch up properly soon xx

Thinking of you velvetcu. I hope that the bleeding has stopped and that you are not too worried about the work situation.

Quick hello to everyone else. Nothing to report from here.

We are in Cambodia because of dh's work. He is with the UN. I am grateful for the experience and glad that my time is consumed with trying to find my way around this fascinating country rather than just dwelling on what could have been.

Hello All

Fordy I think I drank enough for all of us yesterday and added to the painkillers it meant I passed out fully clothed (in my own bed though) which I haven't done since I was about 20. Thankfully I dont have a headache today but the rolling around wrestling the dog when I got in didn't help with the pain or the bleeding!

It was the dreaded BBQ yesterday and I did have a little wobble but managed to deal with it (through the use of alcohol!). So many nosey new mother asking when I'm having babies etc etc.

Re the TTC issue - this one was a mix between unplanned and let's just ditch the contraception so thats what it will be again. I'm not interested in taking temps and working out exact dates. I don't want to focus on how many cycles I have been through either!

Hope you are all enjoying what's left of the w/e.

hi all, hope you are well there has been a lot going on since iv been away.

velvet i hope the bleeding has settled down a bit for you, its like a second kick in the teeth when it comes back isnt it?

cadmum cambodia sounds lovely, i love exploring new places, hope yo get the gist of the main places soon.

fordy, you havng a better time with those antibiotics yet?

loopy glad you got your monkey back eventualy, it is the small things that mean the most sometimes isnt it, iv got a cuddly cow from the cow&gate mum to be starter pack i got in the post, it stays by my bed curse those people for charging you so much to post the monkey back

pink hope you did enjoy a glass or two while DP was out, i resorted to watching the footies too and i have to say i wish i was on the same wage as englands goalie for standing around like a plank lol

hi to everyone else, i hope you are well.

i had a bit of a wobble on thursday, gas man came out and told me id had a gas leak for weeks and was lucky to be alive, wondering now if that is what made me and the dog ill?, then an old friend phoned me to ask how medical management works as her sis found out she is having a mmc, after i explained what had happened with me and put the phone down i could not get the image of that room and the doctor covered in blood out of my head, i packed a bag for me (and the dog lol) and went to stay with my BF in rothbury for a few days just to get away from everything and everyone. had two wonderfull peacefull days walking in the hills and sitting by the waterfall, also went to watch the match in a quiet little pub rather than sitting in all night and the whole town seemed to be in there lol, i was a bit freaked out at first but the atmosphere and the people were great, no one knew what was going on in my world so i was treated normal for a change insted of 'shes the one who lost her baby' and i rolled in quite late as drunk as a skunk lol, anyway i got home and back to reality today, back to my computer and finaly have my mobile signal back everything here is just the same, people moaning about pointless stuff and family nagging as usual but i wouldnt have it any other way. speal over with lol. take care everyone

Goodness, Jackey, how scary for you with the gas leak! Glad you got away & had a nice break with your BF. Helps to get away, doesn't it?

Velvet - well done for getting through the BBQ. Must have been tough with people asking those questions. I know I found it hard when I went out for a meal a couple of weeks after my MC & people who didn't know kept asking if I wanted a child with DP.

Loopy - I can't believe they charged you £15 to post the monkey! Wish I had have known. DP lives Folkestone way, so would have got him to pick it up for you & got it posted a lot cheaper!

I did have a couple of drinks on Saturday, and yesterday. Felt quite down in the dumps yesterday, not quite sure why, everything was just getting to me.
Have a very unsettled stomach today. Might be IBS, but wish it would just go away!

Help me ladies I'm going crazy!!

Bleeding is pretty heavy now (could it be AF already? It's quite dark so not at all how it was last week) and the cramps are bad so I know that I am doing the right thing by being off work coz schools are nasty places for picking up infections. I'm not sure how I am emotionally but I would have gone back on Wednesday if it werent for OFSTED but I got up at 8.30 and have spent the whole day worrying about work!

I can't get on to work emails for some reason so I don't know if they got my cover that I sent last night. I don't want them to think I'm just having time off to miss the inspection. I am signed off all week but I'm thinking of going in tomorrow just because I can't sit around and do nothing when all my colleagues are under stress and some of that will be because I'm not there and I know my classes will misbehave. I have never had more than a couple of days off work so I feel really bad about this.

So now I'm getting myself in a tiz.

Pinkchampagne maybe it's the alcohol that has made us all feel miserable?? Because you forget for a bit then have to be sober again

Could be your period, velvet. How long ago was your ERPC?
I had very dark blood with my first period after my op. Looked like the blood you see when you are having a blood test. My period came exactly a month after my ERPC, so only around 2 weeks or so after the bleeding stopped.

Yes I think you are probably right re the alcohol. You also think it is making you feel better, but it can make you more emotional.

ERPC was only 10 days ago so I dont think it can be my period but I have no idea! I really didn't think it would take this long to physically recover either. I can't do anything about the emotional side until this it is over.

Have any of you guys spoken to anyone about your MC? I really feel like I need a good talk and a cry about it with someone who understands - not that you guys arent wonderful of course!

velvet I have told a fair few people. All my, small, work knew as I needed the time off, and I told my best friend. Since then I have told a couple of people and everyone has been lovely. It does help, I think.

I am home alone again, only ds for company this time. On the plus side, MY EXAM IS DONE!! woo hoo. Sorry for shouting, but i needed to announce that! Now I am free as a bird. So long as we disregard the other uni work

How are you all today? Glad you got the monkey back, Loopy.

I have been overindulging this weekend too, as i note a few of us have. Also had TMI alert, relations last night, which was fine, but then I got emotional afterwards too like you loopy. all exacerbated by the 2 glasses of wine before we hit the sack though..

jakey that gas leak sounds horrible, glad you're ok.

hey!!

McKT I have taken your little idea and have made notes as I have read and caught up...it should now take me much less time to reply to you all

Loopy, am glad you got your monkey back, it must be a relirf for you to have it back. Like a little comforter fpr you.

Jakey, now that was one big drama for you, at least you got awat from it all for a couple of days after. It sounds like it perked you up a little.

Pink, how is your tummy feeling? I hope it's settled a little for you.

Velvet, My bleeding satrted off quite light and got heavier after stopping on day 16, then I had some discharge for a couple of days. I think my bleeding stopped on its own though even though I was put on these antibiotics which finish in 2 days!!! My GP said if i was worried at all then I should go back even just for a chat. Do you get on with your gp? could you go back and have a chat? I hoope you are feeling a little less stressed about school, really you shouldn't go back until you are totally ready.

Well done YRMOTB, exam over!!!

I am still feeling incredibly sad most of the time, I don't know how to take it away. I seem to be able to be strong at work but turn into a tery wreck when I'm at home. Poor dp, he's getting a really raw end of the deal right now.

xx

I don't tend to talk to anyone other than DP about my MC now, as I feel people think I should be over it now.
Was talking to DP about it just yesterday, saying that sometimes I need to talk about it & am aware that I am going over & over the same things, but when I need to talk, I need to talk, so understand what you are feeling completely, Fordy & velvet.

Glad you got your exam done, YRMOTB. Bet that is a big relief for you.

My stomach has been feeling very gripy all day. I do suffer from IBS, so it is probably something to do with that. Have dealt with a fair bit of stress these last few months I guess.

Hello Just a quickie - have been reading posts but generally fed up with everything at the mo so don't feel like the energy to do a reply justice is there right now

Am sure the self indulgence will pass but was supposed to be starting the healthy eating today and have already polished off two family sized bars of galaxy and a giant bag of crisps

Am so fed up at work Absolutely know there are more important things in life but when you spend most of your day there it really sucks!

Often wish I could rewind to being 19 (ish) again - with a whole world of possibilities.

Am sounding like a ranting loon

((((( giving self a shake )))))

Fordy - hugs to you

Velvet - hope the physical stops for you soon. Try not to worry about work. Your health is your top priority.

PinkC - Hope your tum is bit better (there are lots of people off at my work with a stomach bug so could it be that rather than IBS?!)

Loopy - Am SO glad you got your monkey back I slept with my childhood teddy every night after we found out about the MMC to the day of when the twins were cremated.

We had bought a toy lion when we found out I was pregnant and added a bear when we knew it was twins - I put them in the casket but often wish I'd kept them. I took photos but not the same.

Am intruiged by mooncup! Am buying all sorts of random things at the moment (emotional eating AND shopping habit) so watch this space!

Jakey - What a lucky escape from the gas Glad you're ok. Your trip to see BF sounded lovely.

YRMOTB - WELL DONE!! Fingers crossed the exam went well.

Cadmum - Working for the UN sounds very exciting. I travelled a bit as a student and am lucky enough to be able to make the most of summer hols but still occasionally hanker after working abroad.....

Whaddya all make of the vuvuzela noise dominating our tv screens? Can't believe it's causing such debate - would there be the same chat if Scotland went bagpipe crazy?!

Ok so this wasn't a short post - sometimes I just need a kick up the backside to take the plunge

Look after yourselves.

Sorry you're feeling fed up, McKTastic. Hope you're feeling a bit better today. I have had a couple of days like that. Was saying to DP that I wasn't sure what had triggered it, but I was feeling wound up & fed up. Couldn't even blame it on PMT as that was a couple of weeks back!
Know that feeling of wanting to rewind a few years too.

I have just downloaded the men & miscarriage leaflet from the miscarriage assosiation, as we weren't given it & was wondering how it affects the man, as DP seemed so much stronger than me through it all & I worried that he was having to hide his emotions to stay strong for me.
Was a really interesting read & a lot of the bits about our feelings & reactions were spot on for me, including the needing to talk about it again & again, and the feelings of failure & emptiness. It is definitely worth a read.

Sorry that you are feeling blue McKT. I think that it comes with the territory. Some days are just really hard.

I am battling the feelings of isolation and loneliness because I have little (or no) contact with RL friends and family unless I venture on to FB and the pitfalls of FaKebook are all too much to deal with at the moment. (I even have a 'friend' who claims that her 5 month old calls her mama and actually knows what it means. YEAH, right!)

Pinkchampagne The men and miscarriage brochure sounds interesting. My dh seems to do remarkably well in the beginning when I need him to be strong and then falls apart later when I least expect it. This last one was fairly traumatic as it was more dh's idea to have another and C-Sections are my biggest fear followed shortly by late mmc. It doesn't help that dh was in Copenhagen at the climate summit leaving me on my own for the entire month of December. I was virtually run off my feet with our four as well as moving house, Christmas preparations, and the impending arrival of family when I should have been resting. He feels (needlessly) guilty about all that happened.

My dd1 (10) made a blanket for Timothy and I was surprised to have it given back to me after the postmortem and service. I thought that it would remain with him... I haven't told dd1 that it was given back to us but maybe I will be glad to have it in the years to come. I still have the twins ashes because we were living overseas when I lost them and I couldn't bear to leave them behind. It almost seems laughable now that I have lived in so many places. Our other little ones were buried where they died...

I am grateful for an insanely busy life as this gives me less time to think about what could have been.

cadmum it sounds like you've had a really rough time of it. So for your losses. The blanket was a lovely thing for dd1 to do, and maybe she will take comfort from it in years to come. I know your FB traumas too, I have a friend on there who was only 4 weeks in front of me, and she's off for her 20 week scan today, and has a 3d scan next week. In my more bitter moments it makes me want to scream very loudly and post bitter comments, which of course i refrain from doing. Likewise one of my best friends is in Malaysia, and only accessible that way.

McKT sorry you're feeling down again, it really does come in waves, doesn't it? I have also decided that i need to lose 10 pounds in the next 3 weeks before my holidays, by a combo of not eating crap and exercising well. So I totally feel your pain. I was meant to start it last week and spent all of last week eating cake and drinking cider

Loopy I am doing an engligh language and literature degree which has another 3 years left as i am doing it part time. Urgh. God knows how i fit it all in really..

pink the miscarriage assosciation is a very good website, I think. There's also a NZ miscarriage one which i found helpful, it's on my home laptop, so will link to it another day for you.

So, On the up side, it's a beautiful day, and i'm sure all our little ones are smiling down on us, They are the sparkles in the sky, and in the bits of our hearts which are not broken.

Hope you all have a good day