Today's the FIRST and we still have each other :)

[MummyMcKT]

A thread for all of us who were due in 2010 and who've bonded through the last few weeks.

It doesn't matter where your head/heart's at on this journey at the moment just as long as you want some company....

dear all, thank you so much for your posts of support, so kind of you. Actually made me cry but in a good way. I am still away in Japan, last time I was here I was pregnant so I have had a lot of awkward moments with my colleagues as they don't know what to say I think that was made me think about things even more because I am compensating from them. Also EVERYONE is pregnant here! ok not everyone but you know what I mean. I hope that you are all doing ok from reading the posts it seems in terms of time a lot of you are still going through the MMc or are in the early days/weeks after. I do remember the early weeks after my son was born my only advise is be easy on yourself, be kind to eachother and give yourself a break you won't be able to fully control your body or emotions. I was still bleeding and produced milk for over a month after the birth and really didn't know how to handle it but it does stop and when it does you feel better. Keep well all and thank you again kx

Hello all

I currently have the washing machine repair man in the kitchen - he has taken the thing apart and I mean TOTALLY. Have absolutely no faith it will ever work again!!

Good to have you back with us Loopy How was Mickey and his friends? As you said in another post it must be hard being back in RL now. The physical process for me is over now - just waiting on first AF! We got to say our goodbyes too. Am now trying to come to terms with the fact this is where my life is now at. Feels like it was all a dream sometimes or as I posted previously like it's all happening to someone else.

Had a very long day yest attending a family funeral (been to three in as many weeks which is just not the norm for me) Is anyone else veering between getting totally freaked out and feeling very comforted by the number of coincidences that seem to be around them at the moment? Religion aside (and Jakey I thought you made perfect sense on that one) I def believe in something else other than this life - there's been some weird signs in my life since we lost our twins. DP thinks it's the universe trying to prepare us for happier times (let's hope he's right -and not just totally mental lol)

Jakey Hope you're getting wee bit more sleep now too. I'm a natural night owl and have been up v late/sleeping in a lot too. I know what you mean re your PC being like a lifeline - my RL relationships are def going at a different pace at the moment and I really appreciate the support from friends here.

Speaking of which I realise I sent you a message on Sunday ClaireDL but I never asked how you were? I'm sorry. I know it would've been a due date for you so I hope you're doing ok this week.

PinkC Top advice for Velvet She needs to get her drinking back on form before she heads to Vegas!! I agree there seems to be too many of us here that've suffered from MMC for it to be rare but I still think it's the least common type of first trimester MC loss? Weird you can also get PND after MC too although hormones are crazy little fu**ers eh!! I imagine it's even harder to detect after MC as we don't get any aftercare and are all grieving anyway?!

HOLA Velvet!! Woul've thought your OH snoring was just another type of pain!! lol Am jesting obviously - glad your pain's a little better and that the ongoing pregnancy symptoms have now gone. Sad though
because it feels like it is really over when they do but it's a good thing as it's just bloody cruel when your body keeps doing that to you.

I stayed in a VERY tacky hotel in Vegas (Excalibur - if you're a budding princess you'd love it!!) Would def recommend treating yourself - MGM Grand; Wynn Las Vegas; Bellagio ..... You're DEF worth it!! Do make us jealous

Have you had any more ideas re a pressie for your DH? I bought "US" a sculpture (a replica of the LOVE one by Robert Indiana) if I'm honest it's been on my wish list for a while but I thought it summed up what's got DP and I through this shitty time so far so I've just about justified its expense to myself!?!?

FordyP I think we can all relate to going backwards then forwards. I keep referring to this being a journey but really feel it is - the road twists and turns and you cannae always rely on your clutch during hillstarts!! It's much tougher when your body's still doing cruel things to you so I hope your physical recovery quickens up. I've got a friend from uni who lives in Hove (that's near you right!?) and have always meant to visit her - maybe one day. I live in sunny driech (for now) Scotland pretty much half way between Glasgow and Edinburgh (although my Geography teacher from school always used to correct us on that one!!)

Back to work this week. How's this week going for you sotough? I hope I'm not getting my wires crossed but am sure I read on another thread that you're pregnant again - if you don't mind me asking how are you doing?

YRMOTB you should not be reading this - you need to STUDY girl!!

Waving to everyone else

My W.M is now back in one piece - am washing old towels in it first just in case though!!!! to put it on]]] Am pretty convinced it's making a weird noise but am know to get totally paranoid about all sorts of things

Speaking of which before I finally go....!! A lovely midwife woke me up this morning - she was going to ask a consultant gynae to look at my scans and put my mind at rest re the fibroids spotted. She said Dr said nothing to worry about and it's only small - I was only half awake so mumbled that was good but really I want to know MORE - exactly where it is; how many (they referred to them as plural in my final scan and now she's saying one etc etc) Might write them a letter.....I hate being in the dark/out of control etc but as I told you am well and truly PARANOID!!!!

Good to see you back, Loopy. How was your holiday?

fordypops - sorry to hear you have had a bad couple of days. It really does seem to be 2 steps forward 5 steps back for some time after a MC doesn't it? The fact you are still bleeding probably doesn't help as it is a constant reminder. Your hormones will still be all over the place too. I am only recently starting to come through the other side & had myself a little relapse last week as it occured to me that I should have been having my 20 week scan around that time. It really is a tough thing to get through. Good advice from Kazmog - it does start to feel better, but it takes time. Take care.

Hello Kazmog missed you during my mammoth type! A work trip to Japan - sounds very glamorous Have been there once but 15yrs ago so I'm sure it'd be v different now. I couldn't believe the contrasts between rural/city areas; was aghast at how expensive it was (although was a poorly student at the time) and overwhelmed by how hospitable everyone was

I can appreciate thinking you're surrounded by pregnant women - I think I've now got an inbuilt radar for spotting twins. Had to help my uncles partner waddle about yesterday at a family funeral - lots of family there who are much closer to her and I'm the one alongside her (she's 35wks with TWINS!!) Was v weird but also made me realise that life goes on and as I did it without crumbling as you say time makes it all a bit more bearable.

Look after yourself x

Cross posted with you McKtastic. (boys fussing in my room slowed me down!) Sorry to hear you have had to attend so many funerals recently on top of everything.
I lost my cousin 3 weeks after my MMC & last week my dad's good friend died. Really does seem to be a bad run of things happening atm. Lets hope things are soon on the up for us.

Read somewhere that only 1% of pregnancies result in MMC. Think I may question that statistic when so many of us here have suffered them, but agree it seems less common than natural MC.
The horrible thing about MMC (well one of the many) is the added worry it brings for future pregnancies. You would normally be just paranoid about bleeding, but on getting to 12 weeks without a spot of blood, as well as having strong pregnancy symptoms throughout, I know I would be a nervous wreck if I get pregnant again!

Am still here so...I agree re heading for nervous wreck status PinkC although am hoping (as I think quite a few of us are) to be feeling like that very soon!

I suppose it's natural to hear about more women who've suffered MMC on here - prob not representative of the population as a whole in that we're here bce we HAVE suffered IYSWIM ??!!?

Glad to hear your boys are still full of beans despite being back at school!

Sorry you've had so many other loses of late too DEF due for a good run of things now

Hellooo

YRMOTB make sure you get some special consideration for those exams. And get back to the books!! what are you studying btw?

Fordy I'm in Kent (Medway) so not too far from you. Love Brighton for weekends away. Hope you are feeling brighter today.

I have looked at the Bellagio and 4 Seasons in Vegas but I think my heart is set of the Venetian. It's expensive but I'm trying to swing it! It is our 10yr wedding anniversary this year and our 30th birthdays and we have had this shitty MMC so I shouldnt have to think of too many more points should I??

I'm in two minds about getting back on the drinking wagon - dont know whether to ttc straight away or to wait til after holiday. I know what the sensible option is.

McKTastic I haven't had any bright ideas re DH - I know what his response would be if I asked him what I could do to show my appreciation! It would definately involve good food and end up with some sort of sexual favour. He is very pleased that the PG boobs have gone because he wasnt allowed to touch them, they were so sore! The thing is I wanted to do something this week so he knows I have been glad to have him these three weeks.

Thinking of that turns me to what a couple of you have said - it has only been 3 weeks since I found out about my MMC - only 6 weeks since my BFP but it seems like I'm in a soap opera or something. I can't believe this has happened to me and it is surreal. DH said something kind of strange but true - 1 in 5 pregnancies end in MC right? Well 5 of our group of friends have been PG this year. He said in a way, if it has to happen, he is glad the statistic was us coz he wouldnt want any of them to have to go through anything like this. It is true, I wouldnt want any of them to know what this is like.

Anyway that's enough from me! I look forward to hearing from you guys every day

May I gate-crash? Db (Timothy) would be due this week. Trying not to dwell on it as RL has carried on and I am the only one thinking about what may have been.

I had a mmc at 20 weeks in January that required a C-Section with a vertical incision because of placenta previa. I am still feeling rather bitter about the scar but at least the recovery feels complete.

This was my fourth miscarriage and three of them were late including twin boys at nearly 17 weeks.

We are nearing the 6 month (minimum) recommended waiting time before contemplating the TTC game. I am not sure where my head is with that one, yet.

We are very blessed to have four dcs already so I know that my situation is much better than many other women who have experienced serial miscarriages.

Sorry for the long (self-centered) post. I will try to read through the thread to get to know your stories.

Self-centered posts are fine here cadmum, we all need a place to get everything off our chests, it's a good idea and very healthy to have a rant every now and then. We all think about what may and should have been. Even though you have 4 dcs, it doesn't lessen the pain you felt/ still feeling. ((hugs))

I've booked a docs appointment today for the contraceptive injection as i'd love to ttc again but i'm not sure my head's ready. My OH has clearly stated he doesn't want to deal with all this for 'at least a year'

Thanks for the warm welcome queen and loopy

I don't think that either dh or I have decided where to proceed from here. The medical advice was to wait a minimum of 6 but preferably 12 months before trying again. Some part of me must really want to as I am aware that I am counting down the months but, as the whole experience could have left my children orphaned, I am not so sure that it would be a good idea.

I imagined having a big family but four is big, right?

We have recently moved to Cambodia for 12-24 months so that should be enough excitement for a lifetime really but at least enough to keep my mind on something other than another baby.

I was listening to this song earlier today. Thought it was worth sharing: Sweet Dreams

hi all how you doing today???
had a shitty day all roud so far, went to my G.P today and asked to be refered for a scan to ensure nothing is retained as im still bleeding, he said no as the bleeding is only spotting now, but after almost 11 weeks of constant bleeding he gave me iron tablets(yuk) i also have a chest infection and an ear infection on top of everything else that is going on so im feeling a bit sorry for my selft today. on the up side(or so i thought) i got another sick note to cover till 1st july to get my self pulled round.
went to work for a wellbeing meeting aswell today and they were not impressed in the slightest that i was taking another month off, they made me feel like a naughty school child for not devoting my time to the company and said i was pushing my luck now(as if id asked for my brother to be seriously ill in intensive care then pass away, then have a mmc in the same month and wait 9 weeks for it all to come away and still be bleeding now) they are going to request my medical records from the doc and the hospital. iv decided to join a union incase i get any trouble from work when i finaly do go back as they have also said that if i got back 1st july they can not garuntee i will be able to have time off to see the councilor the doc referd me to at the end of july. wish it was simple to just find a new job but dont want them to win by pushing me out when my absence was not my fault.
the people in the flat upstairs from me moved out last weekend and workmen have been in there banging and driling all of this week which is realy ticking me off right now, i no they are only doing their job but with the mood im in today everything is getting on my nervs and the tears keep creeping up on me,cant stop thinking about my little bean and where i should be in the pregnancy(should be thinking about maternity leave now instead of worrying if i have a job to go back to) feeling like iv taken a huge leap backwards today. anyway sorry about the rant just had to get it all off my chest. hope you are all having a better day, take care all x

hi again all, dunno why but the last page of your messages dosnt show up untill after iv typed, then i feel bloody stupid for not responding to certian posts that i have missed etc, so please excuse my last rant and forgive me for being slow on the uptake at the mo, will have to get internet sorted out asap lol, tc x

Hi cadmum sorry about your losses - I hope you find some comfort with us. Cambodia sounds like a wonderful opportunity and will definately keep you busy thinking about other things.

Awww Jakey sorry you are having a shitty day today. Definately join a union because pregnancy related illnesses are not allowed to be taken into account when they are considering disciplinary action (which is the only way they can get you out of the job - unless you are temp). I know what you mean about workmen - next door have them in so even when the sun is out I cant have the windows open coz they are pissing me off! Carry on ranting it helps me feel better so hopefully it will help you too.

That really is pants jakey,I'm sorry to hear work are being such asses. try and forget about them for a while if you can, and have the builders finished yet??

YRMOTB you are right it seems when I feel low i feel reallllyy low and its hard to pull myself back up and out of it.

Kazmog you have such lovely kind words and I think it sums it up perfectly. And I would love to see Japan so am slighty envious of you being there albeit for work and not pleasure.

McKTastic, yes hove is close,right next to each other, and much,much flatter I live on a big hill and have friends that live 3 minutes away from the beach...very jealous I am too.

Velvet you are right you know, I would hate for any of my friends to go through any of this,although I have a friend who has been through 2, I would hate any of them to feel like this. I think you should pick the hotel you want regardless of price...you do deserve it you know girls logic works everytime xx

hi cadmum, whata traumatic experience for you,and living in cambodia now to...must be amazing! But maybe you just need some more time to make your decision about having another, it must be hard.

Hi queen, how are you today? I went to the docs tyesterday and requested my pill, she seemed a little shocked that I wanted it so soon, I think she thought I wa going to ttc straight away but I am jsut not sure.

My news is that I am on antibiotics from today for a week after going back to the gp yesterday she refered me back to EPAC to have a scan to check that everything had been taken away and they got me in straight away for this morning,although I'm not sure I was meant to be there after having the ERPC they seemed alittle confused as to why I was there but checked me out, no scan as they did another pregnacy test (which I could have told them was going to be negative) and then I had an internal and a swab taken to...soo not fun. So hopefully when these kick in the funny pain on my lower left side should be gone and it seeemmms (fingers crossed) that the bleeding may have stopped. Felling better in myself again to which is great ust want to sleep for a week and wake up and its alll gone!!

okies..back to work for me, hope you are all well adn jakey Ihope you feel a little better and more positive tomorrow...ranting on here defo helps i find xx

velvet thanks for the info i will look into pregnancy related ilness if they take me to disiplinary, im not a temp iv been doing home care for two years with the same employer and hardly had any time off untill now. tc

fordy while trying to forget about work i got a letter asking me to attend an informal meeting next week with my line manager, totaly dreading what they are gona say next so iv decided im not going, they should not be able to keep contacting me while i have a sick note right? i also got a prescription for the pill today and got funny looks from the g.p when he asked if i was not gona ttc again soon and i said no it was to regulate my cycle. hope the antibiotics kick in and you are soon pain free. p.s those damn work men will be here all week from 8am till 5pm replacing floorboards and hanging new doors etc etc that upstairs flat must have been in some state eh? tc

hi to everyone else

Hi cadmum. Sorry you find yourself here, but nice to "meet" you. I can't believe you're in Cambodia, my friend is travelling round there, and it is her very favourite far east country, as well as Laos?

jakey so sorry to hear that youre down, your work sound like they're being extraordinarily shitty though.

velvet I am doing an english degree. Urgh.

I am lonely today, as Ds and Dp have gone away till sat evening. To let me study and for Dp to do some work. So i may be very in a day or two!

Evening all

Hope you're managing to get SOME studying done YRMOTB. It's a hard enough thing to motivate yourself to do at the best of times. Promise not to shout at you if you're on here frequently between now and Sat eve - we def don't want you feeling lonely.

FordyP Sorry you had to go back to the EPAC today. Really hope your pain comes to an end soon.

Sounds like you've had a shit day Jakey Your work sound like total twats! Think Velvet's right re not being able to use anything pg related against you. Re informal meeting - It's in our HR policy that they're supposed to do similar if you're off on long term sick. It's supposed to be supportive and to look at if they can help you get back to work!?!? Think we have the option of it being somewehere neutral and also think you can ask your GP to say it's not in the interests of your health to meet up as suggested. Maybe one of those ideas would help. I can't imagine actually attending would be in your best interests if you don't feel up to it.

Loopy Know what you mean about hearing lots of stories of MC when you open up. I'm still amazed how secretive it all is ie I've never heard the stories before sharing mine. It's almost something we're made to feel ashamed of in RL

QueenOTCWL Is the contraceptive injection different to the implant?! Girl at my work had that and I don't think I'd be brave enough!! Know what you mean re not sure if head's ready to ttc. At the moment my contraceptive is no sex Really need to sort my head out with that one - not healthy long term for me and DP going forward

Looked at massage oils to get me at least thinking of being back in the saddle (Velvet cue idea ie how to "treat" DH!!)and discovered a pina colada flavoured one. Just couldn't bring myself to get it - sadly that's my favourite ever cocktail and I've a feeling it would never taste the same again!!

My boobs like yours are def no longer pg tender Velvet but they're still HUGE (probably due to the fact I've ballooned since this all happened). Had to go to M&S to buy two new bras today in preparation for back to work tomorrow. I now only have two bras that fit me (four if you count the mat. ones I bought a few weeks ago but am packing them away for now). I agree with everyone who've said the Venetian would be fab - def a girls perogative

Welcome Cadmum Sorry to "meet" you under these circumstances. Will be thinking of Timothy this week. I listened to the song you linked when I read other posts - I can see why you like it Cambodia sounds amazing - if you don't mind me asking what took you there?

Hello to everyone else reading this. I hope you're all doing ok. Was supposed to be having an early night tonight but now failing miserably. Watched Junior Apprentice. Was telling my DP there's an AIBU thread on here that vents about Zoe - Don't agree with that and I thought Mr Sugar was a bit harsh on her tonight. Yes she seems all he says she is but she is only 17 with lots of life learning to come......?!

Week-end soon

Loopy I expect you've been posted somewhere exotic in your day even if it wasn't on dry land!?? Read your other post re DTD for the second time which made me think I don't need to put so much pressure on myself (face of relief - Thank you!)

Have been thinking of you this afternoon - I know your baby will be in your thoughts regardless of you physically being at the churchyard but hope you got to spend some focused time there. It was sunny here so like to think of it being the same with you

I survived the morning (half day today to start with). Went ok but lots of questions from everyone which I had planned not to answer in detail but when it came to it feel as if I spilled the lot?! I'd be crap under interrogation!!

Found it hard not to sleep on the drive home (I'm a 45min commute) and have spent the avo sleeping on the sofa Def need to get into shape and maybe check my iron levels?!

Just noticed (sadly) that Junior App. final is on tonight Hope to hear from you lovely ladies later - I'll be glued to the tv!!(and MN lol)

hi YRMOTB how's the studying going?? hope you're feeling ok being on your own??

Hi McKTastic ( I am still loving that name xx)the first day is out if the way, even with all the questions, I am still getting them as I have lots of people coming in that know what happened and what to express their sympathy,which is lovely and kind but a little too much for me right now. ohh and maybe top up on some broccolli...supposed to be fulll of iron i think.

Loopy did you get to the churchyard today? as McKT said you don't have to be there to take some time out to think about your baby.

I am feeling better in my head today, but feeling nauseous and icky,which sadly takes me back to feeling pregnant again but am trying to focus on moving forward and think I am winning that battle at the mo.

I am catching up on the last 3 episodes of 24...enjoy junior apprentice McKT xx

Wow, lots of catching up to do here!

Sorry to hear of your traumatic experience, cadmum. Must be tough approaching your due date this week.
Cambodia sounds great. Are you enjoying it there?

McKTastic - glad the return to work went ok. The first day is always the toughest, as you get people coming up to you & you find yourself having to keep going over things
It is nice to know people care, but can be a bit much having to keep answering questions & talking about it. It does get better.

Fordy - sorry to hear you are still in pain. Hope the antibiotics get it sorted soon.

Jakey - sorry you are having such a tough time atm. Your employers sound awful! I can't believe how unsympathetic they are being after everything you have been through.

Loopy - glad things are feeling a bit more settled for you. Did you get a chance to go to the church yard?

I am feeling a lot better this week. Helps having my period out of the way & having hidden the October thread, as reading about how excited they were to have had their scan & found out the sex of their babies, just wasn't helping me at all, and I couldn't trust myself not to click on it if it were in active convos. Can't explain why I did it, but if I saw it there I automatically clicked on the thread & then wished I hadn't as I felt so down after. So pleased I hid it - it was definitely the right thing for me to do.