Today's the FIRST and we still have each other :)

[MummyMcKT]

A thread for all of us who were due in 2010 and who've bonded through the last few weeks.

It doesn't matter where your head/heart's at on this journey at the moment just as long as you want some company....

MMcKT I'm glad that your service went well. How was the concert?

I'm having a horrible day today I have quite a lot of pain and I feel like I have crashed emotionaly. I was doing so well.

What started me off is realising that we have a bbq to go to next week with friends who are a week behind where I should have been. They know about the MC so I think I should speak to them to tell them not to feel bad around me but I just cant face it! I dont even know if I can be around them next week.

Now I'm sitting here sobbing (alone thankfully, DH is at footie) desperately wanting my baby back. This is all so shit.

Sorry if I have brought anyone down by this post I just dont know what else to do right now.

Awh! Velvet Big hugs to you. Sorry you're feeling it bad today

When I was reading lots of other posts in my earlier days re ERPC recovery some talked of being in pain a few days later so I'm hoping this is just a stage of your recovery. Rest, hot water bottle and painkillers but if you're really sore please phone the hospital/your doctor for advice/reassurance.

I think it's natural to crash emotionally - you/we are all grieving It's a shitty shitty process with no way out. It's a bumpy road but I'm sure around the corner will be better and the raw emotions will get easier.

It's natural to want your baby. I think we'll all understand that feeling.

I can understand you being anxious about the bbq too - might be too full on but could you write her a quick letter about how you're feeling so you don't feel you have to have the chat when you see her? If you want some support with that post it here first and we'll give you some honest feedback

Give that mutt (and I mean that with sincere affection!) of yours a big hug and make sure you get one from your DP when he gets home. If you're feeling up to it get out with both of them for a wee walk if not a snuggle on the sofa's just as good.

Thinking of you x

PS this is my new name - positivity and all that

oh velvet have a big hug x I have been feeling a bit like that today too. I think I am relieved that I managed to get into to work for the whole 4 days and today was pretty busy and lots of very lovely clients giving lots of hugs. I also went to a champagne festival last night and it was lovely, I almost felt like I was beginning to get back to being me agian although my friend and I kept coming back to discussing it everynow and then I felt a little more comfortable talking about it.

McKTastic I love the name and am glad that your goodbye to the twins went the way you wanted.

Pinkc I'm with you, I can't go back and look at the december thread right now. I am of course happy for everyone on that thread but its just to hard for me right now.

Katyliz I wore a dress yesterday for the first
time but spent the whole time panicking and nipping to the loo every half an hour.

I hope you are enjoying the lovely sunshine, I have a lovely chilled glass of cava in hand and am sitting in the garden.

Am I allowed wine yet? I could do with it. DH is out wetting a friends babys' head :-(

I had champers last week...and i was still on painkillers...only one though xx

hope you are ok velvet xx

Sorry you have had an emotional crash, velvet. I remember doing just the same after my ERPC - one day thinking I was doing so much better, then out of the blue I would get very upset again. I also had that feeling of just wanting my baby back, I still do, but I am coping a lot better now. (I am over 2 months down the line now)
I also had quite bad cramps a good few days after the op. The doctor told me it was after pains, like you get after having a baby.

I was told to wait 48 hours after op before having alcohol & as soon as that 48 hours was up, I cracked that wine bottle open!

Hope today is a better day for you, Velvet.

I was only told to wait 24 hours, and i cracked the bottle open straight away after that!

Hope you're feeling better today velvet.

I should be off radar for a little while at the minute, as i have exams and assignments due in next week, so my free time should NOT be spent on mumsnet, so if you see me on any other threads, feel free to shout at me. Will keep checking in on this one though, as i really need you guys!

McKtastic (nice name btw) i managed to avoid lobster pink the other day, yey me! Glad the service went well. I am nursing a slight hangover today after my best friends son's first birthday party but that has been offset slightly by a 5 mile run.

Hello, I haven't posted before on this thread and have not looked at Mumsnet for a couple of months. I am travelling on business at the moment and away from my DH for the first for more than a couple of days. I just wanted to say that reading some of your posts really gave me comfort. My son was born still born prematurely in February and his due date was in May. Passing the due date has helped me and I hate to say but time does heal but I still think about him all of the time. Good luck to you all Kx

Hi Kazmog and very sorry about your son

Hello all, I haven't posted for a few days but have just caught up, hope those wanting wine are indulging in a few glasses now.

I ordered a book off amazon the other day written by Prof Lesley Regan, the recurrent miscarriage specialist at St Mary's in London, it's called 'Miscarriage: what every woman should know'.

It arrived yesterday and I had a quick skim as don't feel ready to start reading it just yet. But I did look at the last few pages which were about getting some 'tlc' in subsequent pregnancies and it really struck a chord, because to me my first pregnancy I was just happy and unconcerned but the two subsequent pregnancies were just full of stress, worry and then a bit more worry. And I also thought it's just important to start the tlc now for us all really. Because I'm sure we'll all be trying again in the near future and it's never to early to start thinking of ourselves.

Anyway that was just a bit of a pointless ramble really

hi claire i have that book too and skim read most of it.
it's also worth getting Alan Beer's book on miscarriage. Regan and Rai, who are the best known recurrent miscarriage experts in the UK, don't subscribe to the NK Cell theory but having read Beer's book it's very hard to see how they can be so dismissive. I am now with Regan's clinic at St Mary's and there is a lot of research going on there all the time, which is good. i have twice been approached and asked to give blood for studies, which i've been very willing to do. thank goodness someone is passionate about finding out more about recurrent miscarriage - it does seem to be a pretty neglected area of medicine.

This is me back after having one of those annoying disappearing post moments when the PC misbehaves . Left it - had dinner (courtesy of DP) now back to try and remember what I typed the first time!?!!

Glad to hear we're all at various stages of wine quaffing/soaking up the rays and trying to keep our mind on other things (ie STUDYING - YRMOTB! )

ClaireDL I also bought that book recently.
(Was interested to read what Sotough wrote about it)

(Hello So.T I've read your other posts -am so sorry you've had such a difficult time. I can't imagine how hard it is to go through MC so many times. Fingers crossed for a positive future outcome for you.)

ClaireDL I've only skimmed th LR book so far (looks a wee bit dated but she is def someone lots of people refer to re MC) . I agree with the need for TLC although am finding it really hard when it comes to eating healthily Really need to get my act together. I found it reasonably easy to do when I found out I was pregnant (apart from drinking enough water every day!) I know it's important to get it better in preparation for any future ttc so need to summon up some willpower.

We'd def like to try again but at the moment feel very fragile and worried about what any future pregnancy might hold. Our EPAU doesn't do reassurance scans but we've been told ways around that?!? Not sure if it'd make a difference to us anyway. With the MMC we didn't know anything was wrong - I don't know whether I'd want any potential good news with the chance of hearing bad later or if I'd rather know if all was lost as soon as.

Prob going to see what happens re if we ttc again and take stock after my first AF. Would like to feel my body had returned to "normal" (whatever that is). Who knows? Am totally incapable of making ANY decisions at the moment let alone BIG ones.

Don't envy you YRMOTB (although if you're reading this GET BACK TO THE BOOKS! lol) Studying/assignments in my life have always spelt last minute which have made me feel sick to the core (still get that feeling when work deadlines loom some things never change eh!)

Hope you're feeling a bit better today Velvet and that you got those hugs yesterday.

Was thinking of you today FordyP and hope you've had a good day off (assuming you had on a Sun) after surviving your first few back at work.

Hello again PinkC You make perfect sense. Think time will def move us all to a different place on this journey.

Hello Kazmog Am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. His early arrival must've been such a shock to you and your DH. I hope you managed to spend some time with him and that you've a few momentos of being together. I believe he will know you think of him and he'll always be in your heart. My Mum lost her son, the surviving twin from her first pregnancy, a few hours after birth and she has never forgotten him. He would've been 37 and his birthday goes on the family clendar every year. Keep in touch if you feel like some company.

Thinking of you all . Am off up north tomorrow on a mammoth day trip to attend a family funeral. Life at the moment often feels like someone elses!!!

hi girls,
had computer trouble over the weekend and felt like my life line had been taken away lol, you ladies have kept me sain over the past weeks comp is back up and running now after a hefty computer shop bill

KatyLiz im in the same position as you, still bleeding 10 weeks on although i think i had a natural period in between as the bleeding was light then heavier for a week the lighter again, im only spotting now so i hope its gona stop soon,my doc says the same as yours, the body will deal with it in its own sweet time (blahhh) hope it stops for you soon too!

i had a majour wobble on sunday, it was my little cousins first holy communion (his mother is catholic, his dad and the rest of my family are not) iv never been in to religion but always belived there was somthing after death and belived in heaven. while i was sitting in the church i could not bring myself to pray along with everyone else and thank 'god' for his blessings etc as i could not stop thinking that if there was a 'god' he wouldnt have given my little jelly bean a heart beat just to take it away again and he wouldnt have put me and my family through the horror of a mmc so soon after my brothers death. i felt soooo incredibly guilty when i left the church although noone seemed to notice i didnt take part. now im in a sort of limbo as what to belive . REALY HOPE I HAVENT OFFENDED ANYONE WHO IS CATHOLIC.

my sleeping pattern had almost returned to normal and now it is all back to front again, sleeping from around 5am till 10am, but on the upside 5 hours is more than i was getting

anyway moaning over with, i hope you are all well, and can i just say thank you all for being there when i needed you most last week, i wouldnt wish mc on anyone but im soo glad people here understand. take care all x

Hi again all, for some reason all the latest posts on this page didnt show up when i sent last message, guess my comp problems may not be over.

McKTastic (loving the new name btw)glad everything whent smoothly for you at the service, sorry you have had to deal with another death in the family, i totaly get what you mean when you say your life feels like somone elses, thinking of you x

velvet hope you are feeling a bit better now, did the hot water bottle and painkillers do the trick? they worked for me with those horrible after pains. tc hun

fordy hope you are feeling better too, how did the festavil go?

YROTB good luck with those exams, do try to grab 5 mins for your self if you can, tc

kazmog so sorry to hear about you son, do pop back in and let us know how your doing while away from home, tc

to anyone i havnt named, i hope you are as well as you can be, take care all x

jakey as a catholic(ish) I am totally not offended by and understand what you've said. I have re-found my faith at the moment as it's good to have someone/thing to blame shout at pray to when things are getting too hard and it all seems too unfair. It's also good to feel that there is a place for all our little beans and to hope that one day I'll see them again (unless I end up in the other place)

Hello all hope you are all good.

Today is the first day of no pregnancy symptoms for me - it's sad but a little bit of closure for me finally to stop feeling pregnant.

Also this morning I was woken by DH snoring instead of the pain so it seems to be easing a little bit. Stupid me has overdone it this morning by doing housework/watering greenhouse/other unnecessary tasks so am feeling twinges again so will have a nap soon.

Jakey thanks for sharing that you had pain too - I was starting to worry a bit. To all other ERPCers TMI alert but I have a question - the bleeding has almost stopped but now it looks almost like its weeping. Anyone else had this? I'm pretty sure its not an infection it just seems like a wound that's healing.

DHs sympathy seems to have come to an end (I wondered how long it would last). I told him about my worries for the bbq next week and he said it is time to move on and stop dwelling on it. I suppose he is right but it's just so hard. He also wont let me drink yet in case it slows my recovery (again he is right because of the bleed!) so there is a very cold bottle of rose just waiting for me.

YROTB have you applied for special consideration for your exams? I sat a spanish GCSE last week and I asked for it since my head was all over the place and they didnt seem to think it would be a problem.

McKTastic I love the new name :-)

My bleeding slowed right down, became watery at times, then would be just spotting, then went quite heavy again for a day or so, then back to spotting. Continued like this for just over a week before coming to a stop altogether.
If you're worried, pop along & have a talk to your gp. (I did this, just to put my mind at rest)I was paranoid about infection, and was told that unless you have a temperature & very heavy bleeding & clotting, you are unlikely to have an infection.
I had very little pain following the op, but a few days down the line, I had bad cramps that woke me in the night. Was told this is the womb contracting back, like after you have had a baby.

I think men just sometimes don't get how MC affects us for quite some time after. They don't have the physical side & the hormones to deal with like we do.
I was told by my doctor that the body reacts just like it does when you have given birth, and you can even get PND!
Give yourself time. I couldn't have dealt with socialising with pregnant people so soon after. I couldn't face a wedding reception just a few weeks back (my ERPC was April 1st) because the bride was a couple of weeks ahead of what I should have been

Don't think drinking slowed my recovery. I went on holiday just 2 days after my ERPC, and lets say I went over the reccomended weekly units while away!!
Crack open that rose tonight is my advice!

Sorry to hear about your son, kazmog.Keep posting.

McKTastic - I am loving the new name.

Can I join I have posted on a couple of t other threads. Mmc in may. First day back at work today wasn't too bad, got a bit tearful in return to work meeting just asked my manager to write what she needs to about why I've been off and I will sign it, don't want to read it.

Am writing this with a glass of rose in hand and a chocolate brownie in the oven!

Shaz sorry you have found your way here but of course you are welcome here. What do you work as? I'm dreading going back and I've still got 'til next Monday!

I have had a good chat with DH and the sympathy hasnt run out he is just worried that I am shutting myself away and that means that I am thinking about things too often. He says he is feeling every bit as bad as I am and that was really good to hear.
I want to do something for him because he really has been great but I'm not sure what. Any ideas apart from cooking? I will do that too but would like to get him something - do men appreciate flowers?? He is a gadget freak so I dare not buy him anything like that coz I would just get the wrong thing! He is on a holiday diet so chocolate is no good either - is there a healthy alternative?

Thanks Pinkchampagne it does help to know how it went for other people. I have only taken paracetamol every 6 hours today and havent been clock watching so it is definately improving. I didn't know you could get PND after MC (but then I had never heard of MMC either!) Being a teacher I really feel now that more should be done to alert women about what happens when pregnancy goes wrong since (as we all keep being told) it is so common. I might see if it can be included in the pregnancy part of the PSHE curriculum.

Anyway am going to look at hotels in Vegas now - we have one night there at the end of our holiday (as well as 4 days at the beginning) and I have been told I can choose a not-so-cheap hotel for that night

Hope you are all ok.
Whereabouts are you all?

hello everyone, just checking in. i'm feeling fairly crap tonight. am hoping it's morning sickness as it seems to kick in around the same time every evening but it could equally be something to do with the steroids i've been taking for almost a month now. i don't think they're doing my stomach lining any good. am sooooo tired - quite fancy going to bed now but i know i'll never sleep.
hope everyone is feeling okay this evening

ShazGJ - sorry to hear of your MMC - it really is the pits isn't it?
I thought MMC's were quite rare, but it seems quite a few of us on here have suffered them. You will get lots of support here.

Velvet - glad you have cracked open that wine, you deserve it!
Glad your DH is being supportive. I think it is tough for them to see us going through this & they don't know how best to support us at times. I know my DP spoke of feeling helpless seeing me so upset & not being able to make me better. He would sometimes try to change the subject when I started to get upset, obviously trying to prevent the upset, but this annoyed me & I told him not to do it. It is hard for them to know what to do for the best.

How is everyone doing today?

Velvet - I work as a civil servant, I am public facing which is why I was a bit worried about going back. Popped in last Tues which helped a lot in facing the team today.

Pink - I had never heard of a mmc before I had one it is surprising how many mcs are mmc.

hey,

I've had a tough couple of days, feeling ever so sad yesterday and had a few big tears, i'm putting it down to the fact that I am still bleeding, its not massively heavy but I can't go without a pad still and have a pretty much constant pain on my left side, i wonder if it can be ovary pain? i had it before I had found out I had miscarried and it has been coming and going but I put it down to everything that had been happening. I have a gp appointment on friday so I think I'll mention it to her then....pants eh??

Thanks McKT yes I was soooo relieved to have a day off, back tomorrow though :-( and after yesterdays tears I really do feel like I have gone backwards instead of forwards.

Hi Jakey, the champers fest was ever so civilised, it was on the lawns right near the beach and there was an amazing sunset after and then we went for a girly curry. all in all a lovely slightly tipsy evening.

Kazmog, I really do hope this all gets easier,a nd am glad you are feeling stronger. I have been worrying that I am going to forget that this first pregnancy happened but I keep hearing that that will never happen. I think I am thinking far too much right now.

Good to hear from you Vevlet and I am pleased you have been allowed the vino at last,although i did find i could only manage a glass before I felt a little icky..I am pleased to report my tilerence is ont he way back up again ;-)I am in Brighton...how bouts you??

PinkC I think you are right, DS commented yesterday that he didn't realise it would take so long for it all to be over, I think he meant physically rather than emotionally, I think Iwas so wrapped up in my own snot and tears to pay to much attention.

Hello Shaz, of course you can join,although I wish it was a happier timne for all of us x

Hello all, (waves back at loopy)

I have just realised that i may be able t get mitigating circumstances for my exam, velvet. My tutor is also talking about about deferment, although I suspect that's pretty hard to apply for. It may be the best option as I am very very behind on my studying.

Did you have a good holida6y loopy? Do you reckon there would be enough for a 3 year old to do there?

fordy, so sorry to hear that you,re a bit down again, it really does swing quite violently doesn't it? My bleeding has nearly stopped, and i'm on the case for a bikini body now.

sotough i hope you got some quality sleep?

pinkchampagne, i never realised MMc were so common either, It's quite a sobering thought.

jakey hope you're feeling better.

velvet Glad you've located the brownies and wine. Your trip sounds amazing, link us to the hotel you decide on, so we can be jealous

Waves to shaz kazmog and McKtastic and claire( I'm off to do some work now )