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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 4 xxxxx

770 replies

littlebellsmum · 13/03/2009 20:44

Less sadness, more joy but always lots of lovely people who understand

OP posts:
C1NDY · 28/03/2009 14:21

Hi everyone,

I am sorry I have not read all the pre-post as I am so tired and deeply upset. I have had a second MC, this time around there is still no bleeding and I am not sure whether this would mean I need to have a D&C or D&E or something. I have just turned 40 and can't understand it. I had nausea this time around and felt this was it but had to have an emergency scan at 12 weeks (was on hols and had very very tiny spotting) Turned out there was only the sac there, similiar to before. Does this mean I am over the hill? I am overweight by 3 stones could I be MCing because of my weight???

When I had my DD I had problems with my cervixs dialating and had to have a C-section do you think I should get my cervix checked out to makesure it is not weak???

I know that there may not be any answers to the questions I am asking but if anyone can help with any suggestions or advice it would be most appreciated.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post
Cindy

BlueMoon1981 · 28/03/2009 14:39

Welcome to cupcake and cindy sorry for your losses but you are in the right place, i've found its helped me a lot just to know that others understand your pain and have some idea of what you are going through. Everyone here is lovely, we will take good care of you.

cupcake i bought myself an angel locket, when you open the heart up there is an angel inside (to mimic my own heart), i find it comforting, and i hope it means the angel is looking after my lost one, and will look after my future one.

Well i know i said i was gonna do some retail therapy, but is a new sofa taking it too far lol. I am justifying it by saying when we do get pg again, we will need more seats....

Hope everyone is doing something nice this weekend, or at least keeping positive. There is hope for us all

Hugs to everyone xxxxx

Neeko · 28/03/2009 15:34

Welcome C1NDY and Cupcake so sorry you had to join us but glad you found us. I haven't done anything yet for my lost angel as I just can't face it yet. DH wanted to buy me a chain and pendant for mother's day from DD and baby but was still too raw. I'd like a houseplant that it is difficult to do damage to because that would give me something to nurture. If it helps C1NDY my aunt was almost 43 when she gave birth to her very healthy DD so no I don't think it's over for you yet.

Everytime I think I'm getting better the dark place grabs me. A family member had just been told and sent us a bouquet of flowers today. I know they mean well but it was like being hit in the face with it all over again.
On the plus side I did pg test today. I'm aiming for a BFN so that I know when I next get a BFP it's for real. Had a line but very faint so nearly there...

anniecam38 · 28/03/2009 15:36

Hi ladies, havent been on for a while as been busy with work, family. TTC'ing etc. Hope everyone is as well as can be expected. Sad welcomes to the new ladies.
C1NDY I dont think your age or weight is to blame for your mc, though we do try and find a 'reason' for the mc, but quite often it is usually out of our hands.
It may be worth however getting your cervix checked, if as you say you had problems with it dilating when you were in labour, maybe ask your GP this when you next see them.

Well I am now 8 weeks post mc and i dont want to get too excited but... I got a BFP today!!

Neeko · 28/03/2009 15:39

anniecam38 Just cried when I read your post - CONGRATULATIONS!!! It's so nice to know that there's hope and I for one will have everything crossed for you. Hope you're sitting with your feet up right now.

BlueMoon1981 · 28/03/2009 15:43

anniecam i am keeping everything crossed for you, really hope this is the one for you gives hope to the rest of us ladies that it will happen

anniecam38 · 28/03/2009 15:48

Thank you Neeko. That is so touching. Im in a state of shock still, cant quite believe it. When you're in the dark days post mc its really hard to imagine life getting better and that you are ever going to feel 'normal' again. Im just praying that this will be a sticky bean as it is my 5th pregnancy now, yet i only have one DS to show for it.
Sending much love to everyone, and lots of babydust and positive vibes to the ladies who are TTC'ing or gearing up to TTC soon. XX

anniecam38 · 28/03/2009 15:53

Thanks BlueMoon,stay positive. Look forward to hearing your good news in the future.X

GracieGirl · 28/03/2009 16:56

2ndDestiny good luck with the move.

Well done happyJules for recruiting, its much better that people are all together than on lots of threads with hardly anyone answering them.

Cupcake welcome to our thread, I'm sorry you had a MMC. I too had an MMC in February. I bought a pretty box and have put everything about my "Fred" in it - my pregnancy tests, scan picture from the day I found out baby had died, hospital wrist band from my operation, congrats cards and sympathy cards, etc etc.

Cindy I'm so sorry you need to join our thread, but you'll be looked after here. I had no bleeding either and had to have an ERPC operation (Evacuation and Removal of Products of Conception), like a D&C. I doubt very much that it has anything to do with your weight.

AnnieCam That is brilliant news!!!! I'm so pleased to hear you are pregnant again. I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy. Can I recommend the Emmsys onwards and upwards thread for you so you can get the support you'll need from others there who have had many miscarriages and are TTC or pregnant. I don't want you to feel you can't go on and on about your pregnancy which you need to do. Don't disappear completely from this thread, we like good news! (i put the link a few pages back, its on TTC threads, if you can't find it I'll put another link)

MummyLovesSadie · 28/03/2009 16:57

Annie yay for you! How very bloody exciting!!

Cindy I think after 2 mc's they are more likely to do tests & I'd get every test done that you can - just to rule everything out. As for age, I'll be 40 in July (eek) so I know how you feel but we really must just take a deep breath & try & relax! did you see Sian Williams on BBC breakfast? She had her 3rd baby the year before last & has just given birth to her 4th & she is 43.

bessielabouche · 28/03/2009 19:46

hi everyone! just catching up on all the news.. just wanted to let cindy know that ive hit 40 and although ive had 2mcs, theres no way age will stop me trying again! my friend is 47 and just had her first baby!!! we are so much younger now than our mothers and granmothers. hi to cupcake too and welcome, ive found this such a fantastic and healing place to come, everyone is so warm and kind. good luck to 2nd destiny and her house move.

happyjules · 28/03/2009 21:01

Anniecam, fantastic news proof there is hope out there {smile].

Talking about the age thing, just think Cherie Blair was 45 ish (I think) when she had Leo.
I'm from a family of older mothers. My Dads's mum was 38 when she had my Aunt (in 1939) and my Mum's Mum was 40 when she had my mum in 1943 so if they could do it then then I'm sure we can do it now at the same age or older.
p.s my Dad's Mum went on to live to 105! which proves were a family of fruit loops.

BonyM · 29/03/2009 13:38

Hi, is it ok if I join this thread please? I am so sad and confused. Found out a few weeks ago that I was unexpectedly pregnant at 42 and although not planned, after the intial shock me and dh were both very happy. I had an early private scan on Friday when I thought I was 8 weeks but the sonographer couldn't find a heartbeat and foetus was measuring 6+3.

I am so devastated, can't stop crying and feel as though this was my last chance to have another baby because of my age. Dh is being wonderful - he is very upset also but having to keep strong and look after the dds as I am just falling apart.

I keep scouring the web for hope, wondering if my dates were wrong (I wasn't sure of lmp) and if maybe the sonographer got it wrong. I am booked into the EPAU on Tuesday for a second scan to confirm it but don't know if I should try to postpone it just in case there is any hope. No real strong pg symptoms so feel deep down that this is probably real but no bleeding, pain etc either so having a very hard time accepting it and don't know how to cope.

Sorry for long post.

BlueMoon1981 · 29/03/2009 14:09

BonyM you are always welcome here. I am sorry for your loss sending you big hugs.

I don't know what to advise you, maybe some of the other girls will be more help than me, but i think you need the scan for your own piece of mind so you are not wondering or giving yourself false hope. It sounds like you know the answer deep down but maybe it will help to know for certain so you know how to move on when the time is right.

The girls here are lovely, stay with us, we laugh and cry together. xxxxxxxx

GracieGirl · 29/03/2009 15:28

BonyM welcome to our thread. I'm sorry for your loss.

Go for your scan on tuesday. If there's a chance you have your dates wrong then the fetus measurements should grow during the 4 days between scans if your baby is still alive. You don't need to make any decisions on tuesday. You can always opt to wait another week and have another scan if there is any doubt at all. I'm sorry you are having such a confusing time.

Stick with us on this thread, we'll do our best to be there for you.

MummyLovesSadie · 29/03/2009 19:50

BonyM Firstly, I think it's not unusual for dates to be changed according to sac/fetus size.

Secondly, I had a scan at both 5 & 6 weeks & they only just found the heartbeat at 6 weeks. Its not unheard of to find a heartbeat until 7+ weeks but I really don't want to give you false hope. Like GG said it is such a confusing time & you will think yourself into insanity with all the conflicting notions in your head.

We are all here for you & really really want things to be positive.

kate030284 · 29/03/2009 19:52

hi all sorry not been on in ages all of a sudden i have got a social calender lol.
it has been a great disraction from it all.

hello to all and sorry for your losses.

i am pleased to say i have had a good few days and not crying i cudnt remeber a day i didnt think about it all

hope everyone is ok

congratulations to anniecam xxxxxxx

anniecam38 · 29/03/2009 20:16

Kate-Glad your feeling a bit better, i think it definately helps to get back out and start socialising, when the time is right. Hope work is still going OK for you.

BoneyM-Sorry about your news, i would still keep the scan on Tuesday, as Gracie says, you dont have to do anything then and can go back for a repeat scan a week later.

Neeko · 29/03/2009 20:22

Hi
BonyM I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I don't know if this helps at all but when I had my MC they told me at the EPU that if I became pg again (fingers crossed) they would have me in for an early scan but it's best to wait until 7 wks as it can be difficult to find a heartbeat until then. I think you do what Gracie suggested and have your scan and then you can always have another one to be sure. It's an awful tome but it sounds like your DH is supportive which is a big help.
Hope everyone else is ok and MLS are you still bearing up?

Original poster
littlebellsmum · 29/03/2009 20:31

Ladies - I go away for a weekend and look what happens. Lots of new people and a bfp!!

Anniecam - that's fantastic news gave me a little judder, hope for us all. Lots of very very sticky baby dust in your general direction

Welcome Cindy, Cupcake and Bony M - sorry you have to join us but this chain is making us all feel much better and I hope it helps you too.

Re the age thing - both my grandmothers had babies at 40 and so, I don't think the big 40 should be a barrier. I'm heading that way far too fast myself - in fact if I get a bfp, I will be 40 by the time the lo arives.

BonyM - I'm not sure what to say, being an optomist, I'd say there is surely some hoppe and don't give up untill after your scan on Tuesday

By the way, had a fab time in Paris - it was way too expensive but drank lots of wine, lits of bding and managed not to think about the mc at all

OP posts:
kate030284 · 29/03/2009 20:32

yeah i has been great going out . and ive been sorting mu wedding stuff out only 5 weeks to go now . work has been fine bit emotional but i just about coped lol

Neeko · 29/03/2009 20:34

Not thinking about MC for a whole weekend is very impressive. Glad to hear ypu had a good time.

kate030284 · 29/03/2009 20:43

yeah i still feel like i should be more weepy and that as its only a 3 half since mc and 2 weeks since operation . i feel guilty that im not i that sounds werid

MummyLovesSadie · 29/03/2009 20:50

Oh god, feeling really really bad, crying, snotting & everything. Didn't expect to be like this. One of my friends has put her scan pic online & she was due 3 weeks after me. It looks like a real baby, not a blob, I can make out everything.

It's brought it all home. Really feeling rubbish. On top of this dh has been moody all weekend which he's not been like since before mc.

kate030284 · 29/03/2009 20:59

i found out my cousin is pg with her 3rd and is due the same week as i wud of been as i wud have been bout 13 weeks now . i was sooooooooo upset bout that as shes isnot the mos ideal mother and didnt really want the 2 she has got .its reaaly annoying