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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 4 xxxxx

770 replies

littlebellsmum · 13/03/2009 20:44

Less sadness, more joy but always lots of lovely people who understand

OP posts:
iggypiggy · 28/04/2009 11:03

Lovelypear Thanks - feeling bit better now. Can't really tell her as, bless her - she can't keep a secret - she will massively gossip about it. But one girl at work knows and has offered to speak in my defence if I accidentally murder her

cupcake Yes - if I am PG before Nov then it will prob be easier - is rubbish timing, but nothing I can do... so will just deal with it. xx

Jacanne · 28/04/2009 17:13

Sorry that you are joining us Amyboo - must have been so hard after seeing your little one kicking at 10 weeks.

Iggy that really sucks about the girl at work - I have a few online friends that are due around my EDD and that's hard enough. I hope you do get a BFP before Nov.

Glad you're feeling a bit more positive now cupoftea - hope your work goes well and I'm glad you are giving yourself time.

Sorry that you are feeling lonely Lovelypear - though I know DH was v upset about our m/c and has been wonderful I know that he won't remember milestones and that they won't mean the same to him - I think it's just different for men - not that that helps.

Becks - I too hope you get to see a gynae soon.

I had a very bad day yesterday but have felt a little better today. I am going to work tomorrow (I do one day a week in an infant school) and I am dreading facing a whole new group of people - I have told my head and said that I don't really want to talk about it and although it is nice for people to be sympathetic it makes it harder in some ways. I had a lovely nurse take my swab yesterday - she was so kind that she had me in tears in minutes.

becks130 · 28/04/2009 19:38

Sorry your having to join us Amyboo this thread is a great support network, we're all here to support each other.

i'm glad your starting to feel better cupoftea, I'm doing an open uni course and I am VERY behind, so I can just imagine how your feeling.

I have come back to work this evening, everyone has been really nice but it was very hard. I work in a fatility clinic and I dreading when someone calls, we have a lot of people thinking that they are the only one's that have problems

nolongerchunkybutstillapudding · 28/04/2009 20:22

Hi all.started a thread after being diagnosed with missed m/c at my 12 week scan,cupcake invited me here but for some reason I felt really strange about joining - think my emotions are just all over the place at the mo!

Had erpc on Friday,it went as well as could be expected I guess and at least I've stopped feeling pg which sort of helps. Couldn't wait for natural mc as was worried about effect on ds (15mo) and also my body was showing no signs of admitting defeat - no pain, no bleeding,nothing.

Went to work today,it was horrible,am a mess.was on the edge of pmd after having ds by em cs,am not sure I can deal with the hormone crash AND no baby it's just overwhelming.

However I know from you guys that I'm not alone and I know some of you are having a harder time than me- am planning to get some perpective on this at some point!

Have tried to catch up with thread but there are lots of people so it may take a while, at this point I'll just send love and hugs to anyone that needs them this evening.

And then I'll have another big swig of wine.

Sorry for the essay, feeling lonely xx

Jacanne · 28/04/2009 20:43

Love and hugs back nolongerchunky - sorry for your loss.

Neeko · 29/04/2009 07:19

Hi everyone and sad welcomes to the newbies. Just popping in to let you know that AF arrived today 44 days after ERPC. I know a few of you are in the waiting game to so I wanted to let you know that mine took a while. Hope you're all coping ok. Take care.

amyboo · 29/04/2009 08:15

Thanks so much to everyone and their kind messages. Am feeling a little more positive today, and I have cried yet, which is a good thing I guess. I've been speaking to a few friends and it seems that lots of people miscarry and go on to have healthy babies. I'm trying to focus on that at the moment, as I really worry that it'll take ages to get pregnant again and so the pain will carry on for ages....

My usually quiet DH is also talking lots about what he's feeling, which is good as I was worried he might bottle it all up inside. I think we're gonna take one day at a time and try and move on. I guess we won't really get past it until we get past week 13 on a next pregnancy. Ha - I've just realised the irony of losing a baby in week 13. Unlucky for some indeed...

amyboo · 29/04/2009 08:15

Clearly that should have been "haven't cried yet"...

amyboo · 29/04/2009 08:17

Oh and hugs to nolongerchunky. I have my erpc tomorrow, and am glad to hear yours went OK. I'm looking forward to having my pre-pregnancy boobs back so I no longer think I'm pregnant every time I look in a mirror.

becks130 · 29/04/2009 09:27

Morning,

amyboo I just wanted to say that I had the same as you, I found out at my 12 week scan was a total shock as I was feeling fine, no bleeding, no pain and ALL pregnancy symptoms still. I also found having the symptoms very hard to cope with, I had the ERPC last thursday and I can honestly say that it was not as bad as I imagined it would be, emotionlly it it a lot harder than physically. The good thing about having the ERPC was that as soon as I woke my symptoms had gone, it has made it a lot easier to move on.

Good luck for tomorrow, i'll be thinking of you x

amyboo · 29/04/2009 09:30

Thanks becks130. Can I just ask - did they do another ultrasound before the ERPC to double check? I know I'm being silly, but I'm worrying myself that the gynae might just have made a mistake. Do you think I can request that they check again just to be sure?

nolongerchunkybutstillapudding · 29/04/2009 09:39

Hey amy.they did for me.they def will if u ask,I was offered it anyway.convinced me that the baby wasn't hiding somewhere (knew that really just didn't want to believe it.)

Agree with becks that erpc harder emotionally than physically.I'm sure it was the best option for me,am now trying to move on mentally...at least my body knows I'm not pg now,that's a start.

Thanks to everyone for the welcome.am truly finding rl a struggle at the mo and can't help beating myself up about it.

The sun is shining today though...

xx

becks130 · 29/04/2009 09:59

amyboo they didn't as 2 people checked my scan and I could clearly see for myself I still tried to convince myself that they had it wrong, but I had to come to terms with it in the end. I had the ERPC the day after I found out which was good for me as it meant that I didn't have too much time to dwell on things. Also just thought I would say that they say that you have cramping and bleeding after, I didn't have any cramping and the bleeding has almost stopped, physically it really isn't too bad.

cupofteaplease · 29/04/2009 10:07

Morning everyone and welcome to Amy and nolonger- sorry you are having to join us

For those who have miscarried their first ever baby- I miscarried my first pregnancy in 2000, and my fiance decided he did not want to try again. We were very young and I was at university. I thought my heart would break- We didn't plan the baby, but losing it and knowing I wouldn't have the chance again for a long time was very hard to deal with. After 3 years, my fiance and I seperated. I could not move past the fact that he didn't want a baby, and I (probably unfairly) felt that meant he didn't care about losing our first child -that wasn't the only reason we seperated though.

I ended up having dd1 in 2005, my second pregnancy.

There is every chance that losing your first baby will not mean losing your second, whenever you choose to try again

I think I need to start TTC again as soon as my period appears, as I know how I got stuck in that emotional rut last time- I ended up feel resentful of anything to do with pregnancy/babies can't go through that again!

becks130 · 29/04/2009 10:17

cupoftea I feel the same as you, I feel that I need to start trying as soon as my period comes back. I think that it will help me move forward.

iggypiggy · 29/04/2009 10:39

Welcome nolongerchunky sorry you joining us, but I have found it really helpful to 'talk' on here when I can't in RL.

Jacanne hope work is ok for you.

Neeko so pleased you got your AF

amyboo that's good that your DH is talking about it - mine is a bit in denial - but has got upset once.

cupoftea that is good that you had a successful second pregnancy - hopefully the same will happen for you this time.

I am very undecided about trying again - am kind of feeling a bit anti babies at the mo... guess is my way of dealing with it. But not sure if good...

cupcakefairy · 29/04/2009 10:48

cupoftea and becks I'm with you - we'll start focusing on ttc once af appears. DH is actually keen to get started straight away but I feel I want to give my body a bit of time to settle down. Thanks for sharing your sotry cupoftea. Neeko thanks, that is reassuring about your af - I was concerned my cycle seems to be behaving very strangely right now. Temps up and down, CM coming and going...stressing me a bit so good to know it's prob not just me!

Nolonger- really glad you've come over we are here to hold your hand through the hormone crash and keep drinking that wine! ;)

Amyboo I kept wondering if I should ask for another scan to check before my medical management but dh and I knew really that the docs were right. Two of them looked at the scan, and showed us how the sac had 'disintegrated' (her words!) and there was no baby... but if you really don't feel convinced ask them to check again. I know what you mean about the boobs!! I was so relieved when mine went back to normal it just felt so horrible seeing them after the m/c really hope tomorrow is ok for you.

amyboo · 29/04/2009 11:11

We're definitely planning to start ttc once things are OK. We're both really keen to start a family. The gynae says we have to wait a month before trying again...

For the scan, I'm just concerned because it was so active on the 10 week scan, and I've had literally no feelings that anything is going wrong. The gyane said that she couldn't find a heartbeat and that the baby looked too small, and checked with a internal ultrasound. I made the mistake of googling today after worrying all night about it, and found some miracle stories, so I just want reassurance I guess that it really is true... I know I'm kidding myself

cupcakefairy · 29/04/2009 11:14

It sounds like you definitely need to ask for a double check. I never saw my baby active...I had 3 scans over 3 weeks, first week they couldn't see enough, second week they said baby was too small and heartbeat v faint, third week they said baby had died.. so I kind of knew the whole time it was all going to go wrong.
It's a v diff situation for you I think you should ask and tell them you are just concerned cos it was so active at 10 weeks.

Ah, the googling curse!! We all know we shouldn't but we just can't help it!!

iggypiggy · 29/04/2009 11:15

amyboo on my first scan I was told baby was too small and heartbeat was too slow - but that there was a very small chance it would be ok. So was in denial for the 8 days till the second scan where I was told that there was no longer a heartbeat and no further growth.

The Dr did pretty much tell me it wasn't going to be ok - but i didn't believe him until I had proof. I guess is natural to feel like that? Although I do hope that you do get a miracle story - cos that would be excellent. x

amyboo · 29/04/2009 11:49

Thanks for all your support - you're all so nice. I can apparently speak to my doctor at 19h tonight, so I'm going to ring and double check I can have another ultrasound tomorrow just to confirm. I know I'm being silly, but I really need to put my mind at rest. I can't wait for this all to be over. I'm normally such a happy person and this is making me so sad

iggypiggy · 29/04/2009 11:54

I know what you mean amyboo am usually so happy too. Think you need scan for your own piece of mind xx

Heathcliffscathy · 29/04/2009 20:01

ladies i'm really really struggling today. got my period, which started yesterday, at exactly the same time as the miscarriage started 28 days before, in the same work loo. which was horrible. but it was just tiny bit of spotting. now today i have full on heavy periodl.

i thougth i'd feel relief that everything was working and we could ttc once i got my period, but i am absolutely devastated. ahve been crying on and off all day. and now. i feel so overwhelmed with sorrow in a way i don't think i ever have in my life.

becks130 · 29/04/2009 20:21

*sophable8 really sorry your feeling so low today, big hugs to you x

I'm not feeling very good today either, just heard one of my friends is getting ready to go in to hospital to have her baby, and I have a party to go to on Sunday which would be nice but another friend is due in a few weeks. I feel really horrible because I should feel happy for them but I just can't, I can't stop crying this evening

Jacanne · 29/04/2009 20:42

So sorry that you're feeling so low today Sophable and Becks.