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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 4 xxxxx

770 replies

littlebellsmum · 13/03/2009 20:44

Less sadness, more joy but always lots of lovely people who understand

OP posts:
Neeko · 25/04/2009 07:55

Morning Cupoftea Glad the worst is over for you. YANBU but try to think of it as that they love you and are concerned about you rather than passing on gossip. You will probably feel the need to talk about it over the next few weeks and at least you won't have to tell them first. I have found saying the word miscarriage to someone generally brings on the tears but if someone already knows I can talk about it quite bravely.
As for your mum, could you text her? That would make it less emotive and more matter of fact in that you think she has a right to know but are just trying to get on with things.
Remember the hormones will make you react more strongly to things than you would normally. Take care.

GracieGirl · 25/04/2009 08:18

Morning Cupoftea, glad to hear you are feeling physically a bit better. Families are often a bit of a pain as these time, but like Neeko says, they mean well, they are just worried about you. I think it would be wise to tell your mum, finding out from someone else won't be nice for her. Could your DH tell her perhaps?
Take care.

becks130 · 25/04/2009 09:51

Morning all,

cupoftea I hope the pain is starting to get better, I'm really thinking of you x

I hope your all ok today.

I Tried the get on with normal life thing yesterday, DH took the day off of work and I insisted we took DS to legoland, I felt I really needed to spoil him and remind myself what I have got instead of what I have lost. It seemed to work while I was out and seeing my DS face as he realized where we were was great, but as soon as I got home that was it, all I wanted to do all evening was go to bed and cry myself to sleep.

I'm thinking of going to see my GP on Monday, I know it's very soon but I really want to ttc again soon (but not yet obviously). It took us over a year to conceive as I suffer from PCOS and the thought of having to wait another year is really upsetting for me.

Jacanne · 25/04/2009 10:45

Hugs to you Becks - we went out a couple of days after the m/c with the family - had a lovely day but was a wreck by the evening - remember that you've had been through quite a physical ordeal as well as an emotional one.

Glad you're feeling better today Cupoftea - it feels like it's never going to end doesn't it? I think you should tell your Mum but know how you feel - a lot of people make tactless remarks because they don't know what else to say but feel they need to say something to make it better. My own Mum's classic was "well it must be a relief that the thing you feared would happen actually has and you don't have to worry about it anymore" .

Take it easy today and pamper yourself if possible.

cupofteaplease · 26/04/2009 20:34

Hi all,

Neeko and GracieGirl- I haven't got round to telling my mum yet.

Jacanne- can't believe your mum said that, how insensitive and silly! I bet you were really relieved when you suffered your mc

Becks- well done you for getting out and about with your ds. That is a really positive start and I'm sure talking to the GP will help.

I have my scan at 9.30am to check that it's all passed. I'm pretty sure it has. Sorry for the TMI but I passed a large clot yesterday, randomly, a good 14 hours after the cramping and heavy blood loss. No idea where it came from! Well...obviously I know where it came from but you know what I mean...

Feeling a bit selfish and resentful today. I read a thread by a poor woman who is having a tough time of it during her early pregnancy and I just felt, 'well, be thankful that you're pregnant at least', which is really not like me. I feel quite ashamed of myself but I seem to have lost control of my feelings.

I've decided to go back to uni on Friday, but I'm not going to feel guilty about not going in until then.

Neeko · 26/04/2009 21:09

Cupoftea we all feel like that sometimes so don't feel bad.

I hope you are all well.
I've spent a long time with one foot in this thread and the other in the onwards and upwards thread and feel like it's time to move on, so I probably won't be posting as much on here now. I will still lurk sometimes though and if any of you need anything come find the lovely ladies on the onwards and upwards thread where we'll be glad to help. I also hope when you're ready you'll join us there. Wishing you all luck and sticky beans when you're ready to try again. Take care.

iggypiggy · 27/04/2009 09:29

Hello all.

Glad the worst is over cupoftea - that's exactly how it was for me in terms of bleeding slowing quickly. I had something similar re: the big clot later - I assumed was uterus lining/ placenta type thing, but it came a while after the pain etc.

becks I was like that for a while - I was ok at work, but then I would cry as soon as I was alone in my car driving home (presumably looking like was mad). I think you make yourself cope for a bit - then at some point you need a cry.

DH was saying that I was v. depressed for a couple of days too... I couldn't do things - like I couldn't feed the dog, but couldn't explain why etc.

I have to say - whent he bleeding stopped it was better - still sad and horrible, but better.

Neeko sorry you're going, but can see why you would need to graduate from this thread. I hope I will move onto the other thread at some point too. Although am not ready to go back to ttc yet. Hope you get a sticky bean soon xx

cupcakefairy · 27/04/2009 10:53

Morning everyone.
Neeko I hope I will be chatting with you and the others in Onwards and Upwards within a few weeks! So see you there

Cupoftea really hope you are feeling better today.

Becks that is great that you got out with your ds I couldn't have done the same in your position I don't think. I hope you don't have to wait another year to conceive Do you chart your cycles...mucus observations and temperature? It works wonders for knowing when you are fertile.

I am feeling quite down today. My thigh muscle is still painful from where I had the pethidine injection; everyone is now telling me I need to see a doc about it. We have our post-mc scan on Thurs so will ask about it then. Also feeling sooo so tired this week and am paranoid it could be because of an infection. Is anyone else feeling abnormally tired? I don't have any other signs of an infection so hopefully it isn't....

Anyway, big hugs to you all today

cupofteaplease · 27/04/2009 11:08

Hi all,

Just back from my scan. It's nearly all gone, so I've been discharged now. As I left the ward, I burst into tears for the first time through all of this (I cried at initial scan 4 weeks ago though), I think it was the realisation that it is all over now

Why it hadn't hit me before then I don't know.

The scan showed one of my ovaries with an egg which they described as 'ready to go'. It's funny how after all this, our bodies just carry on as if nothing has happened.

Hope everyone has a good week.

LovelyPear · 27/04/2009 15:21

Hi everyone. I haven't posted for a few days as DH has been on a stag do in Spain and so I had my hands full with DS!

Cupoftea I had my post mc scan this morning too, and it really brought me back down with a bump. Sorry you're having a tough time too - I think it does take time to sink in. At least it's reassuring that your body is quietly getting on with things...

I have now been discharged which I suppose is a relief. Apparently there is more blood still to come (I have been bleeding for 3 weeks now !), even though I thought it was stopping. Without giving tmi, I've had a few surprise clots recently too - it's just such a gruesome reminder I wish it would stop!

Cupcake, I hope you'll feel better after a chat with the doc on Thurs. I was worried about having an infection too, as I was exhausted and feeling nauseous, but sometimes these symptoms are just down to the trauma your body has been through and it takes a while to recover. Hope all goes well at the scan on Thurs.

Waves to Iggypiggy, Becks, Jacanne et al. GracieGirl and Neeko, I have been known to lurk on the Onwards and Upwards thread, but really not feeling ready for ttc just yet. Wishing you lots of luck and sticky vibes!

Jacanne · 27/04/2009 16:00

Hi everyone

sorry you are feeling down again cupcake fairy - it seems to hit me in waves - I'm okay and then I'm not. I've been worried about infection to as I had a temp last night and have generally been feeling crap - I went to the GPs today and had swabs taken and bloods but he suggested that I am just low at the moment and that's to be expected - it's the tiredness that is bothering me the most - am not being a very good mum to my dds at the moment.

I am going to try taking Pharmaton capsules, recommended by a friend - they are kind of a pick-you-up - she says they worked really well for her.

Glad you have been discharged Lovelypear - hope the bleeding stops soon.

cupcakefairy · 27/04/2009 16:27

Thanks Jacanne and LovelyPear...that does reassure me that you have both been feeling the tiredness too (obviously I'm not pleased that you've felt like that but YKWIM!) I'm glad a bank holiday weekend is coming up; I'm gonna try hard to catch up on sleep properly!

Sorry you're still bleeding LovelyPear that is rubbish and doesn't help you to move on does it! Glad they have discharged you though.
We are not TTC this month, will start to think about it in May but more properly in June... so maybe we will be jumping on the TTC bus together

HappyBump · 27/04/2009 17:24

Hi all
This is the first time I have posted on this thread. I thought I was being really together about my recent mmc at 13 weeks but I feel really sad today.
I am not sure if it is just my hormones (I just got my first AF post mc) and I have also just stopped BF my DS (16.5months), I think it is all just hitting me. I would have been about 20 weeks pregnant this week, so half way!
I just feel so sad for our loss and I am crying as I write this. Got to try and get myself together a bit before DH gets home from work.
Thanks for listening.

iggypiggy · 27/04/2009 17:41

So sorry that you having a bad day happybump

It seems to come and go for me - and I guess milestones in terms of dates will be v. hard for me too.

This thread is an exccellent place to vent - everyone on here is lovely.

Sometimes is good to cry - I am not a teary person - but have found that this has really affected me. So can be fine for a few days - then suddenly upset again. Am sure hormones make it worse too.

Look after yourself xx

HappyBump · 27/04/2009 19:54

thanks Iggypiggy. Your kind words have helped.
DH got home I told him I felt sad, he gave me a BIG hug and I feel so much better.
Shedding tears has been good too.
Tomorrow is another day.
xx

cupcakefairy · 27/04/2009 21:15

Hi Happybump...sorry you're feeling so low. Milestones are hard- I should have been having my 12 week scan this week
It's just crap and there's no two ways about that!

Glad your dh made you feel better - they are great for hugs aren't they

becks130 · 28/04/2009 09:25

Hi All,

Happybump It must be hard for you at the moment, I'm really not looking forward to getting to milestones.

cupoftea how are you feeling today? I think that we all need a good cry at times.

I went to see my GP yesterday as I was concerned that the MC could have something to do with me having PCOS and wanted to get that sorted before I even consider trying again. They basically said that they are unable to treat me so I have to be referred to a gynaecologist, hopefully I'll be seen this side of 2009!

iggypiggy · 28/04/2009 09:47

my day started badly - girl at work just announced she is PG - I would have been announcing this week too (in 2 days I would have been 12 weeks - scan was meant to be on fri). She is due just days before I would have been. Am so worried that all of her milestones will remind me of the ones I should have had.

Feel v.

cupofteaplease · 28/04/2009 09:53

iggypiggy- that really is crap. I think that could potentially make things harder for you as you say, what awful timing
I guess this could possibly happen to all of us considering we should have been approaching the 'safe' period.
I really feel for you

Do you think you will be TTC again? I think that will be the only thing that will help me move on TBH...

amyboo · 28/04/2009 09:59

Can I join? Found out yesterday that I'd had a MMC at 12 weeks (about 1 week ago). Have to go for an ERPC on Thursday... It would have been my first child. I'm devastated. I just keep wondering why this has happened to me. The baby looked so happy and was wiggling about at its 10 week scan, so I assumed I was safe. I never thought it would be this sad, but I just am so sad I can't stop crying.

cupofteaplease · 28/04/2009 10:01

becks- I'm feeling more positive today. I've picked up my work this morning and feel ready to re-focus on that. I've been so wrapped up in the MC that I've not given my course a moment's thought since handing in my essays last Tuesday! I am meant to be submittling a large piece of evidence this Friday and giving a presentation which I haven't written yet, so need to get moving with that. I'm still staying off until Friday though, don't feel ready to face my class yet.
Hopefully the gynae will be able to give you reassurance that things will go well next time I hope you don't have to wait a year this time.

Lovely pear- glad you have been discharged. I think that is what I needed to think about moving forward, instead of dwelling and waiting. 4 weeks back and forth to EPU was enough thanks!

Happybump- so sorry you are feeling low. I'm sure there are hormonal implications with stopping BF so that has possibly upset you too. I hope you find some comfort here.

Hope everyone else, Cupcakefairy and Jacanne, are doing well today x

iggypiggy · 28/04/2009 10:04

cupoftea is v. bad timing isn't it - I guess we will ttc again soon - going to wait until after first AF tho. Whenever that might be. xx

amyboo am so sorry you joining us - but this thread has been great support for me. I know what you mean about the crying in - for 2 days I thought I'd never stop or be happy again. The worst bit is whent he hormones are still all over the place. It was my first pregnancy too. have some hugs. it's truly rubbish xx

LovelyPear · 28/04/2009 10:05

Morning all. Iggypiggy I completely understand as two of my close friends are also pg and one is due in Nov. Are you close enough to this girl to explain what has happened? It might help to make her aware and maybe be more careful about how she acts around you...? Both my pg friends know my story and they have been fantastically supportive. Doesn't mean that it isn't bloody hard to be around them sometimes though. I think cupoftea is right that ttc will help us, as long as we're ready.

Hope everyone else is ok. DH got back from his friend's stag last night, and had completely forgotten about my scan. I was a bit hurt to say the least and cried myself to sleep with him lying next to me. I never knew that mc was such a lonely experience .

LovelyPear · 28/04/2009 10:10

Managed to cross post with everyone!

Amyboo I am so so sorry. It is devastating - there's no way around it. Stick around here if you can and hopefully you'll find some comfort. xxx

cupcakefairy · 28/04/2009 10:38

Amyboo - sad welcome to you. So sorry for your loss I miscarried my first pregnancy almost 4 weeks ago. You can cry as much as you want here, we all do!

Iggy soooo sorry to hear about the girl at work. That is so rubbish for you, especially as I guess you have to see her every day I have a friend at work whose wife is due a couple of weeks before I would have been, and my SIL's sister is also due in Nov...but at least I don't have to see them all the time. I'm just hoping and praying I'll at least be pregnant by the time they're having their LOs! As you and LovelyPear said...that is what will keep me going!

Hi Cupoftea glad you feel able to start some work again, that's great!

Becks what a shame your GP has seemingly fobbed you off sorry... really hope you get to see a gynae soon.

Hugs to everyone else!