Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 4 xxxxx

[littlebellsmum]

Less sadness, more joy but always lots of lovely people who understand

cupoftea so sorry to hear your news. I've been following your progress for a little while and had been really hoping it would all be ok for you.So for you that it's not. I hope you are coping ok and letting the grief out. I know that nothing anyone says will make you feel better, but know that we are here for you. Be kind to yourself and deal with it in anyway that helps.

oh cupoftea...i'm so so sorry. the due in nov is the first thread i've ever hidden on here, it is just too painful to see it keep popping up...

it does get easier, is very up and down, and this thread is a life saver...

Hi,Can I join? I found out yesterday at my 12 week scan that I've had a MMC, baby died at 7/8 weeks. I am so sad and finding it really hard to deal with. I have to go in this morning to have a D&C, I can't bare to wait another few weeks for it to happen naturally, I just want it over so that I can try and move on. The hardest thing for me is the thought that I'm not going have the my little angel that we tried so hard to conceive, it took over a year as I suffer from PCOS.

Has anyone had a D&C? Does it hurt?

Sorry I forgot to say that i see a few from the Nov thread, i hope your all doing ok x

Hi Becks- so sorry to hear your sad news. It just floors you, doesn't it? I only found out yesterday too, even though I'd suspected for 3 weeks.

It feels strange, grieving for somebody you never knew and had only known about for a couple of months, and yet the pain is so real. It's like a double loss, as the baby is gone and so are your dreams for a new future.

I havn't had a D&C, my last MC was natural, and this seems to be going the same way. At the hospital they told me that it doesn't hurt though, and the whole procedure is over in an hour.

Best wishes for today, and I'll see you on here when you feel like talking.

Becks I'm so so sorry, and so sad to see yet another familiar name from the Nov thread I hope more don't join after their 12 week scans ...you must be feeling horrible.

I had medical management for my mmc which was sooooo painful, but I hear the d&C procedure you're just out cold and wake up with it all over so I'm sure you will be fine.

Big hugs!

So sorry you both joining us cupoftea and becks130 as you were both on the Nov thread with me too.

becks130 When I knew I was having an MC I asked lots of people about D&C vs. Medical management and everyone was very positive about how D&C was ok (in awful circumstances obviously) - the thread is here

Although i had only been trying for 5 months to concieve - it seemed like forever and the PG was so wanted - the MC completely floored me, in a way I never could have predicted xx

cupoftea I agree about grieving - although oddly I kind of hadn't thought of it as grieving, i have just been feeling so terribly sad - almost without reason - although I know the reason... v. hard to explain.

Anyway - hope you all ok xx

Becks I had a D&C in February for a MMC at 11 weeks. It doesn't hurt at all. You are under anaesthetic and wake up when its all over. I had to have pessaries vaginally a few hours before the operation to dilate my cervix (though my friend who had same operation in same hospital 4 weeks later had to take tablets instead). The dilating of your cervix then happens gradually over a couple of hours and depending on how quick they take you for your operation you will start bleeding. The will be asleep for about 45 mins and usually wake quite quickly afterwards. Afterwards I bleed quite heavily for 24 hours then like a normal period for just over a week. Then pain was slightly worse than normal period pain but not horrendous. Depending on how determined you are to escape they will let you go as soon as you've pee'd, walked, ate something and passed wind! (so sneak some of your own food in if you don't like the hospital stuff).

One of the benefits of a D&C compared to others I have spoken to is that you know when you wake up that your baby is completely gone, its sounds awful and trust me its a terrible thought but you don't get weeks of worrying whether you'll pass it at any point.

Becks - I'm holding your hand today, let us know you you get on.

Iggy I know exactly what you mean about the MC flooring you... you just don't expect it will happen to you. Was talking to my Mum last night and she said she just took all us kids for granted (she had 4 and no miscarriages) but this has made her realise to really appreciate your kids and she knows I will when I have one.
And I agree about the grieving thing too...you almost don't think you 'deserve' to be grieving but then something happens that totally takes you by surprise and you get low again, and realise this is definitely genuine grief we are experiencing. It's so hard. Hugs!

Becks hope today has not been too horrendous for you.

Hi. Becks really sorry to hear you news. I agree with evrything that Gracie said about D & C exceot I only bled for 36 hours after. It does help with closure but I'm sure you're aware you wont be "over" it for a while to come. Take care.

Hi everyone - hope you're all doing okay today. Sorry to see you here Becks .

I'm feeling pretty down today and also very irritable - keep snapping at my dds which isn't fair on them. The bleeding is still quite heavy and I'm so sick of it all - think I should have had the surgical mangament again - would all be done and dusted now.
Do you still have all the hormones while you are bleeding or do they stop before that?

Thank you for all your supportive messages, it's really helped. The D&C went well so I was home by lunch time. The emotional sides ie much harder the physical side. It was a little harder when they gave me a leaflet about the anti D and your baby

cupoftea I hope your doing well, my thinking is to take one day at a time and as my husband has said our dreams haven't been shattered they've just been delayed. Lots of hugs to you x

Jacanne my mood lifted considerably from the day the bleeding stopped - so am guessing that is when hormones settled? I still feel sad - but is not quite how it was when was still bleeding. xx

I'm glad it went well Becks, that's great that you were home so soon. How are you feeling in yourself? Is your dh okay?

What does everyone think is an okay time to have off work? Might sound like a silly question, but I'm not sure what to do. I was meant to be in my placement school yesterday and today, but I'd already taken both days off as I had the scan yesterday and was predicting bad news.

Problem is, I am due back in hospital on Monday for a scan and the D&C if necessary. I don't know how I am going to feel afterwards? I will probably be fine to go into school on the Weds and Thurs, but I don't want to go in and feel emotional and make an arse of myself when this is a new placement. Uni have said do what I want, but I don't know what I want.

Thanks iggypiggy -I could do with a lifted mood so I hope it stops soon

Cupoftea - I would take the weds and Thurs of - you need to give yourself time.

Cupoftea have as long as you need off work. In the end I had 4 weeks off, everyone is different. My first week I had the scan on the monday and found out baby was dead, was sent home to miscarry, nothing happened so had ERPC (D&C) on the tuesday of the following week. I then had 10 days off following my operation, I felt dizzy for a while and wasn't physically or emotionally up to work. I've worked there for 8 years and have only had about a week off in all that time so I told myself not to feel guilty about it. Also I'm an A&E nurse and so I have daily contact at work with people miscarrying and also those who go into labour apparently not knowing they are pregnant, as well as other pregnancy complications, so I didn't want to go back till I could look after these people properly how they deserve to be looked after. They don't want their nurse to be crying in the corner!

Becks well done for being brave and surviving today.

I feel so sad, It feels like a nighmare that just won't end. I haven't had much bleeding at all, it's almost stopped.

My biggest fear is telling my DS who is 3 years old, I didn't want to tell him until after my 12 week scan just in case this happened but my GP let slip so I had to explain to him at 9 weeks that I was pregnant, now I have to try and explain that i'm not

Oh Becks its just not fair is it! big hug. We're all here to hold your hand.

Becks, the Miscarriage Assoc have some downloadable sheets and one of them is about how to talk about it to your children - it might be worth a look.

Talking to Children about Pregnancy Loss

Hi everyone. Well done to Becks, physically the worst part is over and you will find coping mechanisms for the emotional side - one of which is us! I don't know if it helps but my nephews were told that their gran had gone to be a star when she died and they accepted this. I think you'll have some uncomfortable questions from your DS for a while, but at 3 he'll hopefully forget in time.
Cupoftea I had eight work days off work, went back for seven as I knew the Easter hols were coming up, then had hols and I'm now back at work. I teach and found while in the class I was ok, but other staff were difficult to deal with. Actually struggling a lot this week but don't understand why that should be.
Hi to everyone else. Bluemoon Hope your symptoms are going strong

hello girls and sad welcomes to the newcomers, this thread really helped me, i wish i'd found it sooner.

hi neeko i am a bit worried, i've been having some pains, but cant get in to the doctors til next week. no bleeding though so i am hoping that is a good thing. i've told no one, want to know things are ok this time, you lot are just priveledged to know first! and hows things with you?

Pains could be ligaments stretching?? I'm sending you lots of sticky thoughts just in case but feel you won't need them. Rest lots and stay positive. I'll be here if you need me!
I'm very hormonal this week. Spent a LOT of it in tears. No idea why this week should be worse but hoping it ends soon.

I am hoping so, its probably just me being paranoid. Its weird, this time me and bf are almost ignoring the fact i'm pg, so if things are ok it will be a bonus. Feeling a little bit lonely cuz of it though, i want to tell everyone!

Aww hope you are ok, it does come up and hit you when you think you are reasonably over it, even i had a cry to myself last night about the past bean and the new bean. Sending you a big hug and hope that doesn't make it worse!

Neeko sorry you feeling sad - I had a couple of very good days - then was very sad again - is so up and down

Becks130 I think I cross posted with you yesterday - so didn't see your message - glad the physical side of the D&C was ok. I totally understand about how awful you feel - I couldn't see myself ever being happy again last week - I do think that there are ups and downs - has only been a short while for me and I've still noticed that some days are better than others - but the beginning bit was the worst. have hugs xx

Bluemoon sending you sticky vibes - I can imagine I would be totally the same if Iget PG again - I will worry so much xx

Cupoftea I went back to work too early - you def need some time. I went back on the Thurs after the MC on easter sunday - I had to take Friday off as was far too tearful etc. Have found this week a bit better. xx