Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 4 xxxxx

[littlebellsmum]

Less sadness, more joy but always lots of lovely people who understand

Hi Neeko - yes, very well actually, just about to raid the dc's egg supplies!!

have caught up now. Hugs to you all.

The up and down goes on for a very very long time, sometimes more up than down but still no apparent logic to it. You're all strong women, you prove it in every bit of insight that you put in to this thread, and we'll all get through this together. Just so crap that it has to keep happening. Agree with the theory that some are just not Sticky and something's wrong. Doesn't stop us looking for every bit of stuff we allegedly did wrong and every flippin opportunity to blame ourselves. I am currently blaming myself for having antibodies in my blood and the mc's twenty years ago when nobody had bothered finding out that i needed anti-d and others...

Can't believe how long it is taking me to 'get over' this one - if you ever do. Went to a funeral last week and totally cried my heart out, and I knew it was for the lost bean as much as for the lady who died. Takes some figuring out.

Hi Giggle. Sorry to hear you've been so How long has it been now since your last mc? I really hope you're starting to feel a bit brighter now and that you'll soon have a sticky little bean of your own.
I know what you mean about crying for your LO. Know it's not the same thing but found myself in floods of tears at Grey's Anatomy last week. A child died and the doctor claimed that the only way she could cope with her job was to turn away from the tiny little coffins and make plans for tomorrow. Guess that's what we're all trying to do in a way. I was in floods and can't bring myself to delete that episode from my Sky + - Sad eh?

Giggle - love to you, allow some sad time but make sure you have some happy time too.

Soph - DH does thai boxing (fights in shows and is ranked, very serious he is about it!) and went to Thailand to train with the Thai's and with some other friends, so holiday and gym time really. He hsould be home today.

Morning Scorpio Hope you have a lovely reunion and DH suffers no ill effects from his op.

Morning all!

Scorpio good that you Dh will be home today

Neeko how are you?

Giggle sorry you feeling so low - it sort of comes and goes fro me - but is always rubbish.

I am feeling bit low today as am back at work and have time to dwell...

Want to go home from work - not sure can deal with it but can't as haven't told anyone here.

Hi iggypiggy - is there someone there you could tell? I'm sure they would understand... If not just make up an excuse and head home. Poor you.

I'm feeling crap as today I have heard that two more of my friends are pg. Of course I'm happy for them but it's harder than I thought it would be.

Am trying to think... but I guess I might be able to hang on till 5pm - then call in sick tomorrow? Am totally torn between wanting to tell people so they will understand and wanting people not to know so they treat me normally...

Sorry you feeling bad too is rubbish isn't it. xxx

Not long to go now until 5pm - if you can stick it until then. Maybe you'll feel ready to confide in one person soon. It's always worth getting a bit of extra support if you're comfortable with that. xx

I don't know if it helps you but I have told lots of people. I find that everytime I say it I accept it a little more and people have been so understanding. Keep your chin up (as my gran would have said!)Take care.

There is one person I might tell. But not my boss - she won't understand and will be cross with me anyway (illogical - but that is another story!)

Did any of you have much time off? I haven't had to take any so far as have managed to fit everyhting into the holiday time as I was off till today...

I had a week off the first time - I'm only working one day a week now so I won't have to work until next Weds. Just found out that my DH(who luckily had this week off as a holiday) has been given compassionate leave for next week if he wants it. Part of me is dying to have him home but I also think I need to try and get on with things.

Iggy Piggy I would tell someone at work - your boss if you can - there's a leaflet that the miscarriage society for employers that you can download. Can't believe that someone could give you a hard time about this.

Lots of people knew about this one because we told my dd (who is 6) after the first scan - she knew stuff was going on but not what and was very anxious - lots of tears at school - we decided it was best to tell her what actually was happening because I think she thought I was ill. Anyway she told everyone that we were expecting so I am going to get a lot of comments come Monday - have tried to tell everyone that I can via email and FB. I just need a big sign now that says "I don't want to talk about it!"

Is hard to explain re: my boss... she will be ok about it in terms of me taking time off etc. But she will be unable to help herself from asking me continually if I am pregnant in the future and will start favouring the others as she has a real thing about people getting PG. She has asked me if I am pretty much every month since I got married...

Is v. hard to explain... she is a strange person... has no children and is single - 20 yrs older than me and obsessed with work. She lives to work.. and doesn't like kids. She won't mean to favour others - she won't be able to help it.

Anyway - can't go in tomorrow - have to take day off... might just tell them I have food poisioning.

Apologies everyone - am having bad day - rambling etc. xx

No need to apologise - I hope you have a better day tomorrow and take it nice and easy - are we allowed to send hugs on this thread - I know its not very MN.

Iggypiggy your boss sounds like a flipping nightmare. I'm not working now, but when I got married my boss was exactly the same. But he was a sexist, bald, middle-aged salesman (not that I'm bitter )! It's crap that your female boss can't be more understanding. Just confide in whoever feels right when the time is right.

Jacanne your dd sounds like a little sweetheart! It's so hard telling everyone but hopefully as Neeko says people will be very understanding.

I had a call this afternoon from a midwife at the birthing centre trying to arrange a scan. I was pretty shocked and explained that I had a mc. She was very apologetic and I was in tears as soon as I put the phone down. I thought today would be a good day, but it's turned out to be a bad one.

Ah Lovelypear that is awful - how crappy that they didn't sort that out for you. I'm not suprised you were upset.

Hi ladies. Just a quick post to say sorry you're having a bad day.
at midwife Lovelypear. How awful. As if the whole thig isn't hard enough.Hope you're ok now.
Iggypiggy I had a week and a half off although doctor would have signed me off for longer. I only went back when I did as I knew I had 2 weeks holiday coming up. take what you need off and tell the boss you're grieving. Make up some auntie if you have to. Or how about sore back or sinusitus? Just do what's necessary to keep you sane.
Jacanne Good luck with the school run. The news will have gotten around but to be on the safe side lie as low as you can for a couple of days.
Sending you all a big hug and I don't care if it's not MN! (So there!!)

yet more hugs to all of you - big teletubby style group hug methinks

iggy you gave me a lump in my throat - I want to be your boss and just let you go home when you want to.

scorpio and LBM, we're still travelling along this long shitty path together eh... I really feel like I know you in RL.

jacanne - lots of people knowing means lots of support. Hope your DD understands enough to have hope as well as the inevitable sadness. Neeko and LP - one day at a time, hope tomorrow will be better.
soph - I need to catch up on your posts a bit, find out where things are up to.
such a shame we are all having such a shite day (or two?) but hey ho at least we're all doing it together.

As for me, no more beans. They're talking hysterectomies and things are generally quite rubbish. Am indescribably grateful for my dc, getting each of them was a long and scary road, and even if it were possible (which it isn't) I would not be mentally able to do all that again. Hence why it's taking so long to "get over".

Aww Giggle My heart goes out to you. There's really nothing I or anyone can say to make you feel better. Just know that we're here for you and that there's no thought or emotion that you can't voice on here. I hope time helps you to deal with what must surely seem the cruelest of losses. Be really good to yourself and allow yourself to grieve for what might have been in any way that wotks for you.

Morning all.

giggle reading your post made me so - things are rubbish aren't they xx

Lovelypear that's horrible - you don't need reminders like that.

Neeko thanks for suggestions - will see how I feel on Mon - have decided to tell someone at work - which oddly may help a bit.

Today I have said I have a migraine - which is actually true as had one last night (rarely get them - usually stress releated). So still feel bad from that anyway.

Hope you all have an ok day x

Morning iggypiggy Hope your head feels better. Try to do something you enjoy today and see if it will help to boost your mood.

Giggle just popped back to say hello and join in your group hug!

Waves to everyone else - remember us oldies are still around on the Emmsys onwards and upwards thread, you can always shout us if you need anything. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/736693-emmsy-39-s-onwards-and-upwards-part-2-more-good

Morning all. Gigglewitch thanks for the teletubby hugs , I'm so sorry to hear they're talking about hysterctomies .

I still feel low - I'm really spotty and tired, and just feeling sorry for myself (sniff). I can't stop thinking about all my pg friends - 5 so far - and how I so much want to be pg with them.

I'm so confused. Part of me is desperate to be pregnant again straight away, but another part of me is so scared of it all going horribly wrong. The thing is, this baby was unplanned, and I was completely shocked and scared to discover I was pg (DS was nearly 12 mo at the time). We had planned to try again nearer to Christmas '09. But now I'm just obsessed with having another baby, and I feel so guilty for ever doubting whether I wanted the lo we lost.

Before all of this happened, I was perfectly happy to wait until Christmas before we even thought about trying again! Sorry if that sounds callous, as I know many people here have been trying for a long time.

Sorry iggypiggy, I meant to say hope your migraine gets better soon. At least the weekend is coming up, hopefully you'll be able to rest and we might get some sunshine to cheer us all up. xxx