Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 4 xxxxx

[littlebellsmum]

Less sadness, more joy but always lots of lovely people who understand

thankyou all I fell asleep at about 9pm but feel much better today. Going to my parent's house later for roast, so i will have some comapny today

Have a nice time Scorpio. Hope yesterday was the last down day for a while.
Sophable how are you doing today?
BonyM Hope your mood is starting to lift a little and that you have sunshine where you are to help you on the way.
BlueMoon Hope you've had a happy easter.
I've been quite positive lately. Spent a long time cuddling my baby nephew yesterday which is positive. Still feel a bit sometimes when I see a newborn of pg lady, but definitely beginning to look forwards more often that back. Our time WILL come.
Big waves to everyone else.

Hello all - sorry that you joining us soph biut is a lovely thread for support - just horrible circumstances.

scorpio I hope you feel better soon - and that film helped xx

lovelypear I know what you mean about wanting to talk about it alot - I am doing that with my mum and sisters - poor things!

BonyM Sorry you still passing large bits of stuff... hopefully will all stop soon.

My news is that it finally happened yesterday afternoon - today have hardly any bleeding after loads yesterday (and passing sac and some clots etc - sorry for tmi!) plus the worst period pains have ever had - but they disappeared and am feeling ok now.

Not sure how I feel at mo - slight denial I think. Especially as am not5 at home.. will be shock when am.

Hello iggypiggy. Sorry to hear you went through it all yesterday, although I'm sure like me you feel a little bit relieved that the worst has finally happened. Completely know what you mean re being slightly in denial. I still feel a little that way tbh! I'm almost scared to think about it too much in case it completely crushes me. Just make sure you're looking after yourself, as I was so completely wiped out a couple of days after my mc that I thought I might have an infection (I didn't).

I'm still feeling really flat and low, although I'm busy with DS all day which is a distraction. I find myself feeling guilty if I catch myself smiling or laughing with DS. I can't do anything right!

Hi Lovelypear and Iggypiggy. I think every woman who has ever had a mc is in denial. Surely it's the only way we cope as the full story is too much to bear? Glad to hear you are both talking about it in RL. It's definitely better that way.

thanks neeko for asking. a much better day today....

I agree with neeko - I think we were all in denial for some time. For me, there was a bit that thought/ hoped I was still pregnant untill my 12 week scan of nothing.
Sophable - good to hear you have found the cave and are having a better day today - good and bad days come and go. Hang on in there and there will soon be more good than bad days

Iggypiggy - my last day was a big loss day too, then it just stopped. Hope yo uare ok as can be.

Soph - hoping you are having a good or at least better day today

Well DH will be home tomorrow, I can't wait, i really can't.

Scorpio - how many hours to go!! Enjoy tomorrow and how every he is home for , rest enjoy and bd as much as you can!!

good day today. lovely day in park with ds and friends. sad evening. it is very up and down isn't it?

Hurrah for a good day - and yes, Sophable it is very up and down!

Hello, can I join you. I posted a while back about bleeding at 8 weeks and having a scan and seeing a heartbeat. Well I started bleeding again at 12 weeks and another scan showed that the pregnancy must have stopped shortly after that first scan because there was no growth or heartbeat. I was and am in a state of shock - they told me, after the first scan, that it would probably all be fine because of the heartbeat and I let myself believe that - didn't think I could be one of the 5% it goes wrong for. I was readyish at 8 weeks but at 12 thought that everything would be fine, left DH at home looking after the children and went on my own . Well it happened on Sunday night and a scan on Monday revealed it to be complete so I don't have to go through any more hospital visits. I had help from Lovelypear and some others when it was all happening.

At the moment I'm kind of hiding away - doing things with my family but avoiding people I know - does anyone else feel like this - I just don't want to talk to people and it was the same last time I miscarried.

I'm very sad to see so many people here - so sorry for your losses too.

Hi Jacanne so sorry. It's bloody awful isn't it? I too wanted to hide away and just talk to people on MN as thought only they could understand. A month further on I'm starting to feel stronger. It's important to let it all out wherever and however you feel most comfortable. This is very real grief. Please be kind to yourself.

Thank you Neeko.

Can I ask something else - I know that it is a common feeling, to blame yourself but I keep thinking that I really must have done something wrong - at 8 weeks the baby was exactly the right size and there was a heartbeat - it wasn't a blighted ovum- things seemed to be going well - I just keep wondering that if maybe I hadn't had those 2 cups of coffe a day, or if I'd just stayed in bed the day after the first scan or, well lots of things really. I didn't blame myself the first time - that pregnancy never really got started but this time was different because of that heartbeat.

I also had such strong symptoms, right up until the beginning of last week - I've never been so sick or tired in a pregnancy and the two weeks after the pregrnancy apparently ended were the worst. I really don't understand what went wrong.

Jacanne - so sorry And yes, i blamed myself - i had dyed my hair 3 weeks before coming pregnant, i had sex when i knew, etc. NOTHING and i mean NOTHING you did caused it.

Not seeing DH today.

here just putting it here so i dont have re-tpre, i dont expect any love as you all have so much going on, iykwim.

Soph - its very up and down, very much so. allow it.

Scorpio poor you - I hope your DH is ok and back with you soon. Lots of love xx

Jacanne so sorry for your loss. I also have been blaming myself - wondering if the hot tub I had before I knew I was PG was to blame - or the alcohol I drank after I got a BFN on a PG test (which three days later was a BFP) made a difference etc etc. I have also been worrying about the exercise I did. But probably it wasn't any of that - it probably just wasn't meant to be.

Glad you had a better day Sophable

Hope everyone else is ok? xx

Scorpio Sorry bout your DH. Know how excited you were to see him. Hope he's ok and he gets home soon. Hug to you.
Jacanne My baby was 9+1 and I didn't find out until I was 12wks. It's horrific to know that your baby had a real beating heart that stopped and as a Mum you feel you should have known the instant that it happened. I think you have to believe that a sticky bean is meant to be so and a non-sticky one is not. Your baby will forever live on in your heart and it's no one's fault. As my DH said to me, it's not as if you were bungee jumping or anything. As I said before, allow yourself to grieve and take comfort in the georgeous DC you do have. Sending you big hugs.
Hi to everyone else. Hope you're having an up day.

Evening everyone. Scorpio, so sorry to hear about your DH - it must have been a blow to hear that after so long apart. Hope all went well today and that he can be back with you soon.

Jacanne, I know completely how you feel - I have been avoiding most friends and less-than-immediate family as I don't quite feel ready for the real world just yet. It's also hard not to blame yourself, but you mustn't torture yourself like that. Easier said than done though - I have been doing it too...

Sophable, I'm glad you managed a good day out in the park. My evenings are usually quite sad, as after DS goes to bed I'm on my own preparing the dinner until DH gets home. My days are generally quite good, although only because I'm so busy with cheeky chops. How old is your DS?

We spent a lot of time in the garden today which was lovely. Seeing a good friend tomorrow so I'm looking forward to that. Hope everyone else is ok xxx

hi all, been away on hols, just found you again so going to catch up with all the [millions] of posts...
Hang in there girls, there probably is a light at the end of the tunnel but we must be in the fourth carriage

Welcome back Gigglewitch. Hope you had a great holiday.

Evening ladies - Jacanne, really sorry to see you back, I remember you as the good news story earlier. Take time and chocolate and you will get through it. And yes, I did blame my self too - I don't any more mind, have come round to the view that it wasn't meant to be but it has taken time
Scorpio - what a horrible return home for you both and you were counting down the hours. Ah well he should be home soon?
Giggle - glad to see you again! How was your holiday and how are things with you? Is everything back to "normal" yet?
Hi to the lovely Neeko, Lovely Pear and Iggypiggy

Hi Littlebellsmum. Hope you're well today.

so sorry to hear your news jacanne....that is awful, thinking it would be fine and then finding out it wasn't...

my ds is 5 y o. i have a big problem...i CANNOT STOP EATING! literally stuffing food all day...i've put on 5 lbs and counting and on top of all my sadness feeling stodgy and rubbish isn't helping at all nevermind that i can hardly squeeze my jeans on! when will it stop?

scorpio shit! what a horrible shock!! i'm so sorry you and your dh are going through this...why was he in thailand...sorry i don'tknow your story...poor poor you...