Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 4 xxxxx

[littlebellsmum]

Less sadness, more joy but always lots of lovely people who understand

annie congratulations on the BFP!

Hi everyone, I was in hospital and decided to have a natural MC they were going to do a ECP... something but I told them I wanted to let nature take its cause... goush, how silly was I.. have had pains and loads of bleeding!! I guess, no pain.. no gain eh?

Well I am feeling a lot positive than last week... yes, second MC! Life is a bummer, but I have met so many women telling me that they have also had two and three MC. So now am not feeling it was my fault that its nature way of saying ... no this is not right. Going to try again in June, have two months off from the TTC cycle.

Sorry if I am ramberling as the typing is giving me confort in writing what I am feeling... so please ignore the waffle. Third time lucky... watch this space.

Hope you are all well and thank you for your kind words.

Love
Cindy
x

aww neeko sounds like you did great with your friend, it'll be much easier now the first time is out of the way. its amazing how strong you can be in front of others when you need to.

c1ndy i am just the same, once i start writing all this stuff just seems to flow out. i kept a kind of diary on my pc, just of thoughts and stuff that my fingers seemed to need to type!

have had a great day with my mum and sister today, went to watch the Dancing on Ice Tour with Torville & Dean, i enjoyed it so much and i almost forgot for a day that i was sad. i feel bad when i forget though, is that wrong?

hope all you lovely girls are doing ok today xxxxxxxxxx

BlueMoon-Glad you had good time at the Dancing on Ice show, it does you the world of good to get out and about and do things you enjoy. Please dont feel guilty or bad if you dont feel sad, thats just a natural progression sweetie, dont beat yourself up about it.

Neeko-well done for seeing your friend and being so brave, im glad her due date has changed, for your sake.

C1NDY-Hope you are feeling ok physically, mentally i know only too well, is another thing. Dont blame yourself for your mc at all, these things are completely out of our hands, unfortunately
Ive had 3 mc and a DS so far and am now on pregnancy no5. When i had my first mc, i was upset and everone told me (including my GP) that a mc was fairly common but there was no reason why my next pregnancy wouldnt go the course. So the next pregnancy ends in mc as well, devestated isnt the word, i thought i would never have a baby, but it was 3rd time lucky for me and my lovely DS is 3 and a half now. I was devestated to have a mmc at 12 weeks end of Jan this year, but im trying my hardest to stay positive that this time its going to be ok. Wishing you the best of luck when you ttc next time and for a lovely healthy pregnancy.

Morning! Definitely feeling more positive now that I've seen my friend. Just another step on the road to recovery.
C1ndy Glad the typing is helping. It's good to get it all out. Don't worry bout rambling - we all do that at times and I'm particularly guilty of it.
anniecam how you feeling? Hopefully you're getting lots of symptoms to keep you reassured.
Bluemoon well done you for a positive day.
Hi to everyone else

The BFP lorry got the better of me, and i had to take a pg test this moring just to check. It was a BFN as expected, i had no symptoms, but that stupid lorry had planted the seed in my mind. Now its made me feel really depressed and i wish i hadn't done it!

anniecam hope everything is going well for you (they could do with a fingers crossed smiley!)

neeko hope you had your wine to celebrate! Hopefully things will be much easier now between you and your friend, you've done the hardest bit.

Hi to all my lovely girls keep

morning doh - that's not good that i can't spell at this time of day

Hi Bluemoon Hope you're feeling happier. Remember a BFN only means that you're not pg yet - not that you never will be. (I know that doesn't help when you get one)Maybe the BFP lorry also needs a few days to show up just like the hormones?!
Ended up not having wine as DD has just moved into big bed and DH fell asleep beside her! By the time he came downstairs neither of us could be bothered so it's still in the fridge.

hi neeko how has your day been?

i know, i should never have taken notice of the sodding lorry! i don't know why i was so upset, i knew i wasn't pg, but i was still disappointed. bf has also told me today he thinks he will be working away for a while again so looks like we won't be bding as much as we want to.

well at least your wine will be nicely chilled when you feel like you want it, it will wait!

Hi. My day has actually been the most positive I've had since MC but for no particular reason. Maybe seeing my friend has helped me to turn a corner?
Sorry to hear bout your bf's job but fingers crossed that he will be home at the right time. Did you read the ice cube bit on the onwards and upwards thread?!?! Not my thing but depends how keen you are.

Hi. My day has actually been the most positive I've had since MC but for no particular reason. Maybe seeing my friend has helped me to turn a corner?
Sorry to hear bout your bf's job but fingers crossed that he will be home at the right time. Did you read the ice cube bit on the onwards and upwards thread?!?! Not my thing but depends how keen you are.

Oops! Sorry for the double post- that's the 2nd time I've done that!

Evening everyone
Neeko that is great about your bf and the due date, congrats to you tomo I have to go to work and see a friend whose wife is expecting (at least I don't have to see the pregnant bump every day but the next few months could be hard hearing all about it!) so you have inspired me to get through it smiling

So, as warned, I got tearful today on day 3 after my hospital trip. This morning was horrible and now I'm feeling really apprehensive about going back to work tomorrow...my friends tell me I have been the source of gossip so probably a lot of questions in the morning. Rah.

neeko just been hunting for the ice cube convo - wow who thinks up these things?! Not sure its my thing either and it takes all the fun out of it!

Hi Ladies

I'm up very late. Moody coz AF not arrived and arguement with my partner. I hate how I feel, and my partner doesn't understand. Just had big arguement about my mood swings. for god sakes. I'm only 2 months after MC and he can't understand why I burst into tears tonight, and he won't talk to me. Thank you all for being here so i can have some where to talk

Can anyone suggest how I get through this. I feel so on my own? Can't bear to put my feelings onto friends, partner shuts down when i mention anything to do with MC. I think I tried so hard to get on with things when it happened, and now its all catching up with me. Feeling really down and on my own and cant sleep. I'll see how I feel in the morning but I think I should go to Dr tomorrow. Do you think that would help ?

MumofAdela a trip to the docs sounds like a good idea to me. Remember anti-d's can really help short term so don't be scared that you are going to get hooked or be on them forever.

I also have problems with taking to dh about it all. I think he just wants to block it out. We were supposed to be starting this months bd yesterday but it felt like he did everything in his power all day yesterday to piss me off so that he could get out of it so by 7pm I just thought 'sod it' & I didn't want to anymore.

Morning MumofAdela Hope you managed to get some sleep and are feeling a little better this morning. Things always seem worse in the middle of the night (especially when no one else is on MN).
What you are feeling is very real grief for a very real loss and it will take you as long as you need to get over it. Everyone is different and it is definitely different for men. They don't have the hormones to deal with or the feeling that they have let everyone down because it didn't happen in their bodies. I don't think it's that they don't care, just that they are much better at compartmentalising their lives than we are.
Remember us girls are here for you and you can write down anything you're feeling without being judged by us.
Take care. It will get better - I promise.
P.S. Maybe a chat with the doc wouldn't do any harm - sometimes it's good to have someone in RL to talk to.

Hey MLS
Remember they are wired differently from us and he may be scared at the possibility of putting you through it all again. I think it's hard for their egos to see us hurting so much and be unable to "save" us. (Sorry to be so pro men this morning!)
BlueMoon I have had a real giggle at the idea of you even broaching the ice cube thing with your bf. Could you imagine how to word that conversation?
cupcake Hope it goes well today. Be strong.
Big waves to everyone else.

Hi all - sorry to jump on your thread like this - but I expect I may be joining you very soon. I have my second scan tomorrow after one last monday that wasn't great news - am expecting to be told that baby has died. So - I posted a thread in this forum - but thought I'd ask on here too - if you didn't MC naturally - which would you pick out of medically managed or ERPC? And why? Am expect to have to decide tomorrow as nothing happened yet naturally. thanks xx

Morning everyone

Ok, apologies in advance this is going to be a mammoth post, it?s a whole week?s worth!

I disappeared off this thread over a week ago to move house in RL, took ages to get reconnected to internet (Virgin Media being crap)... has taken me hours to catch up! In fact, MumofAdela I was lurking on here around the same time that you were posting in the wee hours of this morning, like you unable to sleep, but I stupidly didn't think to refresh the page! I would have replied just to let you know you weren't alone. My mc was also about 2 months ago and yet thinking about it still seems to rule my life. Like you I insisted on getting on with things straight after the mc, thinking that would help me get back to 'normal' much quicker and was the best way to deal with it, but instead it all started to catch up with me a couple of weeks ago, so that in the end I had to let go of a lot of upcoming commitments and take some serious time off (this is not the solution for everyone and I?m lucky to be able to do this) ? even still I don?t think there is any time limit on grieving after a mc.

Also like you and MLS it has caused some tension between me and DH even though we're usually so close. He refuses to tolerate any discussion of the mc, or of my anxieties about whether we?ll ever have a baby. At first I found this desperately hurtful, whenever I cried (which was a lot) after the 1st couple of days he seemed to react with anger. I later realised it was just that he couldn?t stand to be reminded of this pain which he couldn?t ?fix? ? he just couldn?t deal with it, finding it too painful himself. It took me a while to come to terms with his reaction but basically I hardly mention it in front of him now and can only talk about it to my mum (luckily we?re close and she lost a baby too many years ago) and about 3 good girlfriends or on MN. I think it is different for men because they don?t experience the attachment to the baby in such an embodied way, so it can be easier for (some of) them to react in a more philosophical way (?it wasn?t meant to be, our time will come? is what my DH tends to say) ? and also it?s quite a typical male reaction to want to solve a problem, then get exasperated and take it out on us when they can?t!

Welcome and hello to all other the newbies who have joined in the past week iggypiggy cupcake cindy Buck cformilo BonyM and big waves to all the others Neeko MLS LBM BlueMoon Gracie Kate giggle Littlebig Bionic and congratulations to anniecam! I think it gives us all hope to have some good news on here?

For those of you feeling after giving in, testing and getting a BFN this week, I am with you? even though I KNOW I haven?t ov?d, stupidly convinced myself that I felt nauseous, funny taste in the mouth etc over the past 10 days and was desperately hoping that my missing AF might be absent for a very good reason ? tested yesterday a.m. and felt blue all day (BFN of course? x 2 cos I?m a glutton for punishment!) ? drank best part of a bottle of vino in front of Desperate Housewives to make the most of the BFN!

Must dash, mum?s come to visit and is parked outside but will catch up more later
x

Long post alert - sorry!
Hi 2nddestiny really glad to see you back. Hope the move went well and you'll soon be filling your new home with things for a LO. My mum has also been brilliant through this time. My DH has been pretty good too but finds the rehashing of information that us women like to do uncomfortable. He has always said that it's much worse for me as I had naturally bonded more with our baby and am dealing with it on both a physical and emotional level. He's coping quite well with my desperation to become pg again, but did pull a face at my massive bag of pee sticks when they arrived from baby mad. I think he knows I'll just torture myself with them (they really are shouting to me!)
iggypiggy I really hope you don't have to make the decision but for what it's worth I'd recommend the ERPC. The loss of a baby was painful enough for me without going through a min-labour of possibly seeing my lost baby.I also knew beyond doubt that there was no hope for my Lo You have to make your own mind up though as I think it's important that you are at peace with your decision.I'll be thinking of you.

Hi all, not been on for a couple of days so trying to catch up with all the posts.

Iggypiggy - so sorry that it looks like bad news for you. I was in your situation just over a week ago and had the first part of medical management yesterday. I was advised that it is less risky than ERPC - I think the docs like to avoid surgery wherever possible. I have to go in for the second part tomorrow and am dreading it tbh, although a friend of mine had the procedure a few years ago and said that it wasn't too bad, just like a bad period. I guess everyone is different though - I have banned myself from obsessive googling as I keep finding incidences where people have had terrible experiences of it. It is a terrible decision to have to make, and no option is a good option.

Hi BonyM Hope you're bearing up. Think you're right "no option is a good option" and it's really horrible to have to make it during such a traumatic time.

hello - I've been reading this thread for a few days. Hope you don't mind if I join.

I went to the EPAU on Sat following red spotting on Thurs, and we were told there was no heartbeat and baby was measuring too small for my dates. I thought I was 8/9 wks but the baby measures 3.7mm which apparently is more like 5 wks.

I have one DS aged 13 months, and had a normal pregnancy with him. This time we were shocked to discover we were pg again, but came around to the idea only to have this terrible news . My next scan is not until 14th April (because of Easter), and I'm scared about m/c naturally at home. TBH, I think it may have started already, and as I'm alone all day with DS am terrified.

If we make it to 14th, then I'd like to go for an ERPC, as I can't stand the thought of this hanging over me.

Me again, just wanted to respond to iggypiggy and LovelyPear

So sorry you are both in this situation. Iggy I had a missed mc and chose the medical management, because I personally felt that I needed to experience the miscarriage in order to fully accept that the pregnancy was over. Also I wanted to avoid the risks of surgery (infection, etc. but these are minute and you can still end up with infection after med mgmt anyway). Although it felt like the right decision at the time, it didn't go 100% according to plan - the blood loss was very heavy and caused me to faint at one point (don't want to scare LovelyPear about this - I haven't heard of this happening to anyone else and also I think it might have had something to do with the med mgmt which forces your womb to contract so it all happens very quickly - plus I came round in about 30 seconds and was fine), then 2 weeks later found out I had retained tissue and had to have ERPC anyway. So in short I can see why Neeko recommends the ERPC, but others may have had better experiences of med mgmt.

How heavy it is also depends partly on how far along you are. LovelyPear if you do mc naturally before the ERPC - I understand why you feel scared - if the LO is only 5 weeks you might find it's like a heavy, clotty period. Still, make sure you are stocked up on some serious mattress-like sanitary towels (they recommend not to use tampons for mc) and some strong painkillers (ideally something with codeine) - if you are filling a pad in under an hour (is that right, ladies?) you should call EPU/go to A&E - same if you find the pain unmanageable. Is there someone you can call to be with you at all? MC can be very lonely... if not then stay on here and talk to us if you feel up to it

((((big hugs)))))