Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 4 xxxxx

770 replies

littlebellsmum · 13/03/2009 20:44

Less sadness, more joy but always lots of lovely people who understand

OP posts:
BonyM · 03/04/2009 13:08

Hi everyone, gosh, it's hard to keep up with all these posts!

Welcome to the new ladies - so sorry that you need to be here, but hope you can find some comfort from this thread.

Hope cupcake is ok - think it was yesterday she was going back to hospital? Thinking of you .

BuckBuck, hope your day is ok - keep munching those eggs!

Gracie - sorry you didn't get your BFP, but it's early days yet. I'm sure it will happen soon.

giggle - how awful for you that things are still not sorted - do hope the surgery goes ok and you can start to move on.

I had a better day yesterday generally - just one little cry, and that was because I'd forgotten to go shopping for stuff for dd1's lunchbox. I felt like such a crap mother but she was so sweet (she's 11) and gave me a big hug and said it didn't matter and then sorted her own lunch out.

I'm so up and down at the moment - one minute feeling absolutely fine and the next right back down in the depths. I guess this is normal. I hate the fact that I still have the hospital procedure hanging over me. I feel frustrated that my body is still hanging on to this pregnancy and desperately want things to happen spontaneously before Sunday but don't think they are going to . I've been taking my temperature every morning since I found out about this and it is resolutely staying high so obviously still lots of progesterone roaming round my system.

Right now I wish I'd never had the scan - ignorance is bliss and all that...

Hope everyone has as good a day as possible. x

Neeko · 03/04/2009 13:51

Hi BonyM don't have time for a big post but you sound really down today so just wanted to send you big hugs and say to hang in there.

cupcakefairy · 03/04/2009 14:49

Hi everyone..it hs got busier in here hasn't it...sad, but good that we all have support.

Thanks for the thoughts for yesterday!
It was horrendous...awful awful pain but we got through it. (TMI warning...) I passed the sac sometime in the afternoon and strangely didn't find it emotional at all. Is that awful? I just felt relieved, and like it wasn't meant to be. I haven't cried at all yet in fact despite crying every day for about 3 weeks up until yesterday! I'm expecting it to start soon as I know my hormone levels will drop.

So yeah, had to go through some nasty things yesterday and the staff weren't exactly sympathetic but it's over now and we can start to move on. I sound really cold don't I...but it's just because the week's wait between knowing baby had died to yesterday was the worst thing ever. BonyM I know how you feel! Horrible to know your body is hanging on when you just want things to start happening. Hang in there!

Anyway, more TMI... my blood loss is nowhere near as heavy as I was expecting...lost a lot of clots yesterday but since it's been lighter than my normal AF... not gonna worry yet but it's a bit weird.
I did manage a whole tube of mini eggs at the hospital after all the trauma, hooray!
Hope everyone's feeling ok today.

ps- Hehe, love the festive smileys -

cformilo · 03/04/2009 19:09

Started a new job this week so its nice to go in and nobody knows what ive gone through.Its just hard when they try and make me eat somthing.Ive gone from a veterinary practise to a care home. With the break up and the miscarriage the doctor has put me on antidepressant tablets.Should work but then no alcoholl!!!! I like my glass of wine or a nice cold cider. Now ive got to come up with an excuse to people if i go out why im not drinking. Don't want to go through the story from miscarriage to ending up on tablets. But am trying to sort out my eating. Doc says the eating should get back to normal when the tablets start taking effect.3/4weeks!!!!

BlueMoon1981 · 03/04/2009 19:34

evening girls, its Friday and that means weekend woohoo i like the new bunny smilies! they could have at least had a mini egg smiley for us don't you think?!

on my way to work this morning i was sat behind a lorry called BFP wholesalers, hoping the BFP is a good omen, god you can't get away from reminders anywhere can you?

hope everyone is doing ok, big hugs to you all, couldn't be without you xxxxxxxx

Neeko · 03/04/2009 19:58

Evening. Well done cupcake for surviving that and glad to hear you're feeling so strong. Keep eating those mini eggs.
Bluemoon sounds as good a sign as any. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
cformilo just tell everyone you're on antibiotics for an ear infection. You're not allowed to drink on them and no one can tell from looking at you whether you have that or not.
Had another down day today but off on holiday now so can be as miserable as I like.
Hi to everyone else

BlueMoon1981 · 03/04/2009 20:43

aww neeko big hug coming your way, try not to be too miserable, hope you've stocked up with mini eggs. have you got plans for your holiday, make sure you do something that you enjoy and so you have something to focus on.

i'm off out with my mum and sister tomorrow, they always make me feel good so i know at least for the day i will be able to forget things if only for a short while.

has anyone noticed the amount of pregnancy/baby related ads on the telly tonight, arrggghhhh

Neeko · 03/04/2009 20:49

Thanks Bluemoon you should have seen the babies in my local Tesco this afternoon - it was like a creche! i'm seeing my best friend who has the same due date as I had tomorrow for the 1st time since MC and I'm dreading it. We've always been there for each other and I'm really worried I won't be able to get past this and it'll ruin our friendship... Wish me luck. Bloody hormones!

BlueMoon1981 · 03/04/2009 20:58

neeko you will be ok, it might be hard but i'm sure nothing will come between you, she will be feeling anxious too, just don't put too much pressure on yourself.

yeah why is it that supermarkets are full of babies, you can't even buy your tea without bumping into them (sorry no pun intended)

got a face full of spots at the moment, feel like a stupid spotty teenager, who invented hormones? not sure what mine are doing recently, drving me mad

BlueMoon1981 · 03/04/2009 20:59

driving even lol i must be tired

Neeko · 03/04/2009 21:12

Thanks BlueMoon Just want to get though seeing her without crying. Am genuinely happy for her and she'll be a brilliant mum. Bloody hormones are to blame for your spots too. Would hate to be a teenager again!

MummyLovesSadie · 03/04/2009 21:28

Cupcake big pat on the back for getting through it all. Glad it wasn't too traumatic & no I don't think you are awful for feeling relieved. We all need some sort of closure, not so that we can forget but just so that we can move on. There is no way you could begin to move on when your poor lo is still inside you. Hopefully you will feel strong enough to join the other thread very soon.

BonyM really feel for you right now & my thoughts about closure & moving on apply to you as well. I hope once everything is over on Sunday you will be able to take a big deep breath & slowly start to smell the roses again.

Buckbuck hope you are having an up day today.

cformillo I've been on antidepressants before, they took about 3 weeks to work & they really do help you to see that pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel. They don't make your troubles go away but they do make them a little easier to bear. When they start taking effect nothing seems so bad that it might kill you just thinking about it.

Bluemoon really good to hear you sounding so upbeat. Where is the BFP lorry..... I want to drive behind it!!

Neeko sorry you are having a down day. Still no af? Have you done a test? You are right hormones are a killer & I think we are our own worst enemies!

scorpio are you still around? Haven't heard from you in a while.

Did you hear that Jules Oliver had her (3rd) baby yesterday? (Sorry I already ranted about this on the other thread but it has really got under my skin!) They called her Petal Blossom Rainbow Oliver.... what kind of a freaking name is that???

I'm in the middle of trying to organise a couple of days for my parents to come & stay at Easter, The only problem is that it is right in the middle of my fertile period & my dh would never consider bd whilst his in-laws are under our roof! I'm having to get them to come up after lunch for the first day so we can get a quick bd in when we put dd down for her lunchtime nap & I think we will be back 'at-it' as soon as they leave two days later - what a palarva!

to anyone I've left out

Neeko · 03/04/2009 21:41

Hi MLS still no AF and far too early for a test. Going crazy! Read your rant on other thread. Really made me laugh! It's a rubbish name.
Military bding around parental visit sounds like fun!

cformilo · 03/04/2009 21:41

Nice to hear somone else has been on them. At the moment i go to work then i like too just come home and stay home.the The thought of going out makes me panic. is that normal??

Neeko · 03/04/2009 21:43

cformilo I've never been on antidepressants but that sounds like normal behaviour after a MC. Take care of yourself.

MummyLovesSadie · 03/04/2009 21:55

I think it is normal considering the amount of crap you have had to put up with recently, shitty partner that finishes with you, finding out you are pregnant, having mc & now new job.

I've always said that you have three areas in your life, home life, love life, work life. You can put up with any one of these areas going pear-shaped at a time but if two or more of them go pear-shaped then you are up shit creak mentally speaking.

There endeth the philosophy on life according to Mummy Loves Sadie

BuckBuckMcFate · 03/04/2009 22:04

Hi ladies, i'm a little drunk so I'll dome back in th e morning and read ll of everyone's news.

I had ok today and then lost it when I saw one of mt friends who is heavily pregnant. i couldn't stop and talk to her, I cried whilst in the the shop and just feeling so low right now. And know the alcohol doesn't help either.

I'm really not good company tonight

BlueMoon1981 · 03/04/2009 22:06

mls i can be upbeat for everyone else, its myself i have problems with! i guess its easy to dish out advice but not follow it yourself. i find it easy to be optimistic for others, but i am very pessimistic towards myself!

was just reading about the Olivers new baby, petal?? poor child. they could start a florists....

think all my spots must mean my 2nd af is due, don't usually get them like this though its depressing me

cformilo i didn't leave the house for 3 days til my sister made me, and i was very panicky and had a cry before i went as i didn't want to go. its natural to want to shut yourself away from the world. i felt like i just wanted to stay in bed all the time which is why i forced myself back to work so early. it will get easier

MummyLovesSadie · 03/04/2009 22:08

Buckbuck hope you are feeling better in the morning. Sending you a big virtual hug.

BlueMoon1981 · 03/04/2009 22:11

buck you have to have bad days to know that the good ones are good (does that make sense?). if you can cry and get it out then thats got to be better than bottling it up. i'm sending you a hug too, keep your chin up

anniecam38 · 04/04/2009 08:47

BuckBuck-Hope you feeling better today hun, and hope the hangovers not too bad! Sending big hug your way.

MLS-Is there no way you can schedule your parents visit for a few days before or after your 'fertile time'? If not maybe you could persuade your parents to take your DD out for a little walk the days they are there and you could fit in a quick bit of BD while they are gone?Xmas Grin Sorted!!

Cformilo-Ive been on ad,s when my mum died, they did take 2 or 3 weeks to work, but as MLS said they dont take your problems away(if only eh?) they make them easier to deal with. You have a lot on your plate right now, having to deal with all that at once is beyond comprehension.

Hope everyone else ok as much as possible, sending hugs to everyone who needs them, hang on in there.

anniecam38 · 04/04/2009 08:49

Wonder why my didnt work! Bugger!

Neeko · 04/04/2009 09:29

Morning.
You girls are so wise. Lots of good advice on here last night.
MLS Sneak out and bd in the car when everyone's asleep? Not sure how you'd manage the pillow under the hips thing there though!
Did a test today (I too have no willpower) BFN but expected.
Cformilo Every day will make you stronger. You've a lot to deal with and it's a good sign that you had the strength to come on here and to go to the doctors for help.
BuckBuck hope you're head's not too sore and your blow out allowed you to get some of your grief out of your system.
BlueMoon you keep being strong for us and we'll be strong for you.
Anniecam you sound upbeat today. Having a good day?
Mini eggs to all and especially anyone I've missed.

cupcakefairy · 04/04/2009 12:14

Thanks everyone. Maybe I will join the onwards and upwards thread at some point but I don't want to ttc just yet...too scared my Mum says don't try, just let it happen....so we'll see. DH has just found out he has a 'very important meeting everyone must attend' Monday morning so now we're dreading he's gonna lose his job! Argh...one thing after another!

Been feeling really really sick ever since Thursday, dunno if it's the pregnancy hormones messing with my body or still residual effects from the drugs I was given but feel rotten...

MLS - that made me laugh about your parents coming over - your dh really wouldn't be up for it with them there?? My DH and I have done it loads of times in both our parents' houses, just have to be quiet
Nurses told us no bd for two weeks now which feels like ages, esp as we hadn't for a couple of weeks before while all the trauma was going on too....sigh.

Hope everyone's ok and enjoying the sunshine a little today

Neeko · 04/04/2009 15:04

Well I survived seeing my pregnant best friend for 1st time. Was a little awkward but I only cried once and that was when I was telling her about my MC.Her EDD has been changed so is no longer same as mine was which helps. Giving myself a big pat on the back and putting wine in fridge to congratulate myself!!!