Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 3 xxxxx

[christmasBarbielovesSanta]

so here we are on part three, let this one be fun of happy news.....

Hello Annicam, I was on the August thread and was so sorry to see that you had to leave not long after me. It's rubbish innit? We are about the same age and I always felt that we were going though the same thing at the same time. Hope you are OK and that you will have your second baby very soon.

Hello funnys, how are you doing? Im OK, still have my wobbly moments which seem to occur when i least expect them. I seem to have bump envy, i cant stop staring at pregnant women, i just feel so jealous .
Im waiting for my AF to arrive which hopefully should be in next few days, and we are going to try again for our much wanted DC number 2, what about yourself,any plans on TTC?

hello again annie, yes trying for no 2. have had one period since my MMC and am about to ovulate so my DH is standing by! I am scared about it though as the last was my second MMC at 11 weeks. This time, when it happens, I am standing for no nonsense and will be insisting on scans from about 5 weeks, on the hour every hour! Last time, with my son we had a doppler from 10 weeks which we were glued to for 40 weeks. Can't see it being different this time round. How about you? I think you had a dreadful time having to wait to miscarry? here in the sunny isle of Jersey, as soon as you have a MMC they whip you in for a ERPC. Which is a total blessing. I would hate to have gone though what some of you have. Why make you wait to miscarry naturally, to prolong the agony or something?

Know what you mean about worrying about your next pregnancy,i had a mmc and a mc before i had my DS,they were both at around 7 weeks, so when i got to 12 weeks with this pregnancy i really thought things were going to go my way. I did get offered a ERPC but it was another week away, i was booked for it but nature intervened and i mc,d before it. I would go for the ERPC anytime over a natural mc.
How long did it take for your AF to turn up post ERPC? Im 4 weeks post mc today and was hoping it might have turned up this weekend?

snowflake you have in those deft sentences summed up the raw pain of women throughout time. Here we are 200 and flamming 9 with our pre packaged convenience and our independence and yet reading your words and napas anguish at going back to work where have we really gotten? useless platitudes and cliches and more brush it all under the carpet. As a mother its feeling so utterly helpless to heal our children be they 28 years old or an 8 week lo. I wish we could all be placed in rl for an evening, salted nuts and a round of babycham would help. Instead I am sending you a hug, very heartfelt albeit it virtual.
I am sitting here nursing a blinking cranberry juice....have been a bit overenthusiastic with the old bd and feel like an 18 year old again..so let that be a cautionary tale ladies!
hi funinthegarden sad welcomesx

Snowflake as I read your post I just kept thinking about my mum and MIL feelings of helplessness that they have tried to describe, & one of the heartbreaks of this tragic time is that we feel so bad for the worry and pain it causes you as well... I'm desperate to be a mum & have had 4 mmc now in 16 months.. I was only thinking this morning as yet another spice girls birth announced on the news; why dont we hear about famous women who have gone through recurrent mc? You know they exist - its just its still a great unspoken uncomfortable taboo, yet when people die in RL, theres a funeral, sympathy cards, flowers & condolence. With mc we all have to pretend it didnt happen, brush off insensitive comments & act 'normal'

Napa totally relate to how crap it is going back to work, hopefull you can sneak on mn cos thats whats kept me sane!

Annie I'm feeling very hormonal, crabby and full of pmt, had my erpc 4 weeks ago on fri & each time AF turns up 28 days later.. am like clockwork..

Sad hellos to snowflake and brave good luck & goodbyes to ginger

Lastly but not leastly - I hear those stirred emotions from you mermaid lovely lady.. Also naughty lady , glad you & DH been like young teenagers! Hopefully the BD produces no 5! I'm right behind you!

I however am cranky as hell and just waiting for AF - should of had 12 week scan yesterday . Its so not fair, instead here I am waiting on AF - the bloody bitch ! Grrrrrr

Thats better.... Sigh of relief..... Better in than out like Dh says (not about emotions tho - work it our for yourselves) xxxxxxxxx

Wow lots of . Hmmmm the return of AF - what joy. Do feel better for letting it out tho!

Thanks for all good wishes, just wanted to make one last post to snowflake, forget the idea of taking/giving, it's just another guilt trip, this thread (and MN) is about support and thats what we all do for each other and thats why it so good to be on here. It is hard to lose a baby at what ever stage, after all it's a life and it has died and for that we need to grieve. Grief comes in stages and if you don't go through the stages it comes back to you later (which i think is what happened to you). I am an 'older mum' and I had two miscarriages about 20 years ago and to be honest there was much less support avaiable and, as you say, far more platitudes from the medical profession. You need to grieve for your lost baby and for your daughter's loss too and in turn your loss of a grandchild. Let yourself do that and don't beat yourself up over it, it is ok, normal and healthy. There are support groups and councellors who can help and I'm sure you wouldn't be the first to seek help after a long time. please take care, 'being strong' isn't an answer it's what we do for other people to ease what they feel, so do what you have to do for you now.

gingermumi you just reminded me that I forgot to say bye yesterday. Glad you are feeling ready to leave. Hopefully I will move soon to.
4ever morning, do you want a sandcastle to stomp on? It so helps! I guess your bod getting back to normal is a positive sign and leaves you all set for your hols which must be soon 4mc in 16 months mind numbing I am in awe of your strength.
Still drinking cranberry juice but might have to go get some stuff, yuk. dh is having a rest though poor man. I have an ultrasound booked for the 12th March as part of all the tests....so I expect you can imagine my little plan but that might have gone a bit squiffy now
right off to do some workx

Morning mermaid! Yes please - wish I had a beach to stomp down like you! Shall have to make do with stomping down streatham high rd instead . Yea when I write down the figures I cant believe it myself tbh. Im a bit angry at the world today and a bit 'why me'. However that reminds me of my amazing brother and cousin who I lost to cancer. They said rather than saying 'why me?' they thought 'why not me?'. Very brave strong and philisophical they were, bless their souls. I always think they went through that, how can I moan? Theres always someone worse off & all that cliche'd but true stuff. God - how low can I take it today?! Sorry folks!
Yes lets fast forward - 2 weeks today will be on a plane!

Ooh poor sore mermaid ! Thats sweet that you & DH obviously still have the passion tho! Yea cranberrys all good but go for the pharmeceutical stuff while you can! Then you can get back on with the BD! Good luck with your scan on the 12th.. Have you done bloods and your day 2-4 stuff yet? Really hope you get answers from it. was very dissapointed not to get any ourselves, I was convinced I had the antiphospholipd one.. Oh just to have a reason and a cure.. Am holding out our expensive £200 NK test comes back positive, will be the best £200 ever spent if it does!

Hello again and thanks for the welcome. My AF came back 4 weeks and 2 days after my ERPC, so not too much of a wait. Also feel for you mermaid. I got cystitus for the very same reason! Mind you when I started weeing blood I got down to the docs sharpish for some AB's. He wasn't going to give me any and then when he saw the 'sample' he said ohh it is very cloudy isn't it.........before tripping and flinging the sample bottle across the surgery! Anyway bit TMI for a Tues lunchtime I fear! Also still having a few emotional moments, don't think that will go away until I get pregnant again and the whole merry go round starts again.

funny oh thank god its not just me then! have just stood in chemist feeling like a naughty school girl lol at dr tripping across surgery with your sample pot. I always seem to have a branston pickle jar which usually seems to develop a leak mid journey...
4ever thats good let all those s out, never seen so many, so whats that well worn sentence - 'be gentle on yourself, takeaway, wine and make some pancakes'
big huggs your way, when does your nk test come back? soon I hope. god you know all the names of the tests and I'm a blank today - I remember the lupus cos it went wong and they had to do it again, and dh had to give some too he is the biggest wuss out

Sorry to hear you had a bad first day back at work Napa. I went into work to see my boss yesterday, just to see how I coped with seeing everyone at work. Wasn't too bad, most people kept out of my way. I'm starting back on nights next week, hopefully it'll be busy and keep me occupied (working in A&E I think busy is a safe bet! )

thanks for the messages. Had a much better day at work today. It did help that a friend was working on another ward so we got to have lunch (and a moan) together. I did have to see a couple of colleagues who didn't know what had happened so had to fill them in and saw my boss who gave me a big hug. Also had a very busy day and tomorrow will be as well. Think you've got the right idea gracie to keep busy when you go back to work.

mermaid hope you're soon feeling better, keep drinking lots. According to a friend who get regular infections cranberry juice works just as well with vodka in, though that may be wishful thinking .

Hi funny sorry you're here but welcome

Sorry you're having a crap day 4ever don't ever feel bad that you are suffering and certainly no guilt that someone else is worse off so you shouldn't feel bad too. Hope your bloods give you the result you want. When do you get the results?

Hi to annie and anyone else I've missed - still seem to have a rubbish memory.

well done napa

hi all, hope you are all doin ok.

I'm still off work, half of me feeling like a fraud and the other half of me still feeling like a pile of crap. Am going to have to do that "pull yerself together girl" thing

Hey everyone, I went to work yesterday, no one mentioned mmc, think I'd rather they had but they weren't to know that!Just to add insult to injury Im not being paid for erpc day,but don't suppose they have to do that either.(dh was fully paid for a week compassionate leave)
Gigglewitch just do what you feel YOU need to. One minute I think I'm fine, next I'm weeping over how beautiful Holly's bump looked on the skating prog on Sunday!

Hello everyone, can I join you?

After having two DC's with easy pregnancies (and feeling pretty invincible on the baby front), I had a mc of an unplanned dc about 3 weeks and it's like the world has ended!

Mummylovesadie - I can relate to your feelings , I'm also forty this year and was due on Sept 1st and had it all planned out in my head, my second dc would have started school and it would be just me and the baby.

We'd got over the shock of finding out I was preg (we had never planned a no 3) and was just starting to look forward to it when the bleeding started. After a stressfull 4 days (including a booking in apointment), the floodgates opened and the bleeding has only just finished. Ah well, life is full of surprises isn't it...

littlebellsmum a sad welcome to you. This is definitely the best place for you now as it has saved my sanity over the last couple of weeks.

Its awful the way something like this happens & you feel like the rug has been pulled from under your feet & you don't quite know how to get up again. You curse yourself for having had the next year planned & being so naive to think that a mc always happens to someone else but not you.

My mc happened the day before my booking-in appointment & I should have been having my 11 week scan this Friday. Try as you might you will keep thinking of what should have been happening on this date or that date, rather than what actually is not happening anymore.

How are you feeling now? After the initial shock wore off my first reaction was that I really want to get pregnant again as soon as possible.

Hello!

Welcome littlebellsmum, I'm sorry you have to join us, but like MummylovesSadie says I'm not sure how I would have got through the last few weeks without this thread and other threads on Mumsnet. No where else can you talk about it 24hrs a day without boring people to tears or people thinking you are mad. Its a great place to ask all those nagging questions to the real experts.

Giggle take your time, don't rush, you'll know when you are ready. I think I've got to the stage now where putting off going back to work isn't helping me. Physically, I've finally stopped bleeding and the dizziness episodes are getting less frequent. Emotionally I'm a bit like a yo-yo but I want to prove to myself now that I can go back to work.

I had the " pleasure" of my 12 week scan on Monday this week - "lovely" scanner was very rough and told me there was no sign of a pregnancy after having to do an internal scan. No sympathy or even a sorry.
It's daft really as I knew that with all the blood I'd passed, the whole thing had to have gone but I was still hoping that maybe it might have been a twin pregnancy. But obviously it wasn't. On the positive side she did say that she could see signs of ovulation and that everything seemed to have gone.

I'm not sure how I feel really - I logged on here on Monday as I needed to find a way through. My DH describes me as being " not me" at the moment and I just want to find a way back to me.

Being a pretty private person in RL, I've not told anyone except DH of course as I don't want to deal with the shock/ sympathy

Mummyloves - yes, I would like to be pregnant but with the baby due on Sept 1st! As for ttc, I'm not sure. My DH was dead against a third child and really struggled when we found I was pregnant but stunned me last night by admitting that he thinks he would like another now and should we try sooner rather than later!

It's isn't helping at the moment that everyone around us is having babies - including my sister in law who gave us a new niece last week, with the same name we had thought of for the baby! And we had to toddler sit at the weekend for a friend who had gone into labour. I even mamaged to bang in to her husband at the hospital just after I'd had my scan ( and lied about why I was there!)- managed to escape without having to see the dc but will see him tomorrow. It's funny but the babies really haven't bothered me- even cuddling my new niece was fine

Sorry huge post but I feel much better for it! Thanks...

littlebellsmum are you me? most of what you say rings so true. that finding ME thing is such a big part of all this, I posted exactly the same thing last week. Well at least we can all support each other?

Well it's three weeks tomorrow since mc, and thinking I'd just have a couple of days off has obv turned into much longer - this is so not "me", after previous mc's I have taken two days off if anything at all. I think I know why this seems to have hit me so hard it makes my situation different from many of you, basically this time I haven't got the 'hope' and determination bit of TTC again, which is where the thing has turned negative. Realising that this is The End.

Gigglewitch - I've just looked back at your posts and I think we mc's on the same day , so, yes, I think you must be me!
You've probably covered this before but why so definate that this is it? I'm not sure if we will - we need to get our heads together more first. And I think this is why it's hit me like it has - this suprise seemed to me to be the only way I would have my much wanted third. It was just so perfect, even down to arriving when my ds would be going to school. But life obviously had different ideas...

I have spent tonight planning my 4 yr olds party which has been a good distraction ( so sorry if these seem insensitive to those who haven't yet got dc's) and felt moe like me. The party on Sunday will help too.
Take care gigglewitch - speak soon.

I'd just like to echo what littlebellsmum said about not wanting to be insensitive when mentioning our dc's. I have a beautiful dd & every time I mention her I'm very aware of those who have not yet been lucky enough to have one of their own. I have to say though that when the yearning for a baby is so strong that you can think of nothing else & when the pain & loss of a mc rips your heart out we all feel it in exactly the same intensity whether we all have dc's or not.

On another note, I have my scan this morning to check that all 'products of conception' have gone. In my stuuuupid brain I keep imagining that they will say 'sorry we made a mistake, your baby is there & it's heartbeat is beating away', what an idiot I am!

Littlebellsmum and MLS don't be worrying about mentioning your DC they are part of you, and they have lost a brother or sister just as you have lost a baby, they deserve a mention. Whilst I might be a tiny weeny bit jealous of those who have children, they don't take away the pain of your miscarriage and I'm sure people in RL must really annoy you telling you to "be grateful you have DC already". As if you'd forgotten to be grateful you have a child!

MLS big hug for you for this morning. Those sort of scans are emotionally rubbish, I just switched off and pretended I wasn't there, didn't talk to the lady doing the scan and didn't listen to a word she said till afterwards. I could describe every last tile on that ceiling!

Hello everyone

I've just sat and read through this whole thread and wanted to say I've found it very helpful. It's unbelievable what some of you have gone through, you're all so brave.

I'm going through an mc now, my first pregnancy, started bleeding a tiny bit on Monday at 7 weeks and just knew it was over, had a scan yesterday that showed a sac aged about 5 weeks. They were lovely at the EPU but just had to send me home to wait to mc naturally, as the sac is too small for ERPC.

The bleeding is still not heavy and am dreading what is to come over the next few days, both physically and emotionally.

Trying to focus on TTC again as soon as possible, I think we have to as we had all these ideas about what our lives were going to be like in a few months time.

So I will be lurking around here. Best wishes to everybody x