Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 3 xxxxx

[christmasBarbielovesSanta]

so here we are on part three, let this one be fun of happy news.....

Give yourself a break mermaid sweetie! Its only been 4 weeks for you, 3 weeks for me. Im waiting for the massive hormone slump to thump me round the head next week too! You are probably due your visit from aunt flo and our majorly confused poor bodies dont quite understand whats going on.. My cycle is 28 days on the dot and has remained so throughout this crap, coming exactly 28 days after each erpc so this time next week I hope you'll be comforting me! Trust m, im not so gutsy, felt very overwhelmed and like no-one cared angel no 2 was lost a year ago, and I should have my 12 week scan on monday so my deranged ramblings are my way of deferring... The anxiety can be immense sometimes... Just hang in there and roll with it, we know from experience there will be good moments and very bad moments.. I am still lurking on both threads, pouring sad feelings of anxiety and lowness on here and trying to uplift myself and be positive over there!

mummylovessadie as mermaid says 9 days still v early on but do totally understand the need to be PG and make everything better again.. You can still ov when still bleeding, last time I had retained product after erpc and had to have another one 6 weeks later, and I got my period in between, but retained product still didnt come out! Blummin silly body!

I've already had af visit on the 12th she did'nt mess around this time, marched straight back in with hob nail boots on - so I think I'm day 9 of a new cycle I'm speaking conception language. So it looks like my body knows whats going on but I dont! Thank you for your words honey bunch and your ramblings dont come over as deranged by the way. mummylovessadie yep it is like sticking a plaster over a cut wanting to be pregnant again, it will happen.x

Oh she didnt mess about did she?! I like conception language, im still learning it tho! See you are ready for t'other site, you speak it already! Nothing to stop us being lurking floaters eh sweetie?! .. Shall pop back in to our cave b4 hometime at 4pm then thats me til monday - have a w-end of house sorting, dump visting and poss car boot sales to look forward too! Nowt like keepin busy is there?!?! OOh dunno about conception language I'm turning northern here! If youre not back b4 me then just chill and go with the flo (not auntys!) and have a good as one as poss! xxxx

ha! i usually have to go and fetch Jools cos she even know what all the acronyms mean. I just went to look at pre-seed cos very confused what everyone was talking about, dont know how I've managed all these years! spring cleaning is good we, who am I kidding, dh is in the middle of finishing the bathroom, so painting, grouting and euch the dreaded vat this weekend oh it just keeps getting better! thanks heaps 4ever I am feeling better already.

Well it would appaear im due to ovulate again soon, my body is doing its thing

LOL yea took me an age to learn specially all the DH malarky! Still not got it all tho! Hmm yea pre seed and robitusson the things we learn! Glad you are feeling better hon! Dont knock yourself tho - you are well entitled to feel like screaming and sobbing as often as you like & we'll be here with the tissues! So you enjoy your w-end of VAT sums and being forewoman to your lovely DH! Dont work him too hard! Big hugs and xxxxxxxxxxx

Oooh scorpio grab your DH and tie him down! Have fun BD! xxxxxxx

I will when he gets home on Sunday, lol. i have a couple of days until proper fertile; god i know my body too well

2manychips my hospital advice sheet says no BD until you've stopped bleeding. Which is a shame cos my DH will be home for the whole weekend. Its only ten days so far for me though. On the TTC front, the Lesley Regan Miscarriage book says to do what you feel like and there's no physical need to wait once you've stopped bleeding. She says the waiting one cycle bit is just for convenience for working out your dates and if you don't know your dates you might get offered an early scan which i'm sure none of us would argue with!

I survived my Mum's pull yourself together routine, only cried once, and my Mum hoovered downstairs for me. Mermaid I like your tidying techniques, very much like my own, so I run out of plastic bags a lot!

DH will be home in a few hours must have a shower and try and look like a human being.

gracie you only need to worry if you check to see if your dishes are done can i borrow your mum? mine has wisely gone on holiday. enjoy your weekendx

Mermaid in the past I've even hidden dirty pans awaiting scrubbing outside in the garden when someone gave me 5 mins notice of their arrival! The trouble was I then forgot where I'd put them and spent days wondering where all my pans had gone!

oh I am so there girl on second thoughts I think you had better keep your mum close by your side!

Mermaid I think we scared everyone off with our confessions of untidyness.

We're not that bad - honest!

Cleaning my house has been the one thing I have been doing to avoid thinking about misc so for a change its pretty clean and neat - DH is shocked but it feels constructive!!

Think I'm having the hormone dip at the moment - I watched high school musical 3 with DD and it made me cry. Am off to see confessions of a shopaholic soon, hope that doesn't make me cry - it would be pretty pathetic if Isla Fisher losing her credit cards has me weeping, though my friends would understand.

Still have a positive pg test so will wait another week and do it again. Also have to go back to work on Monday, will be good to do something other than watch daytime TV though was getting used to having a tidy house - full time job, part time masters degree and child don't go well with clean and tidy house!!

Wow, long post, hope everyone else is ok, don't worry gracie untidyness doesn't scare me, just glad your mum helped a bit. Will probably be back on tomorrow. Have a 200 word essay to write by Monday and have only managed 600 words today so have to finish it tomorrow and will no doubt be on here avoiding it.

Oh really confused can anyone help? Just done an opk & it is more positive than at anytime before when I was ttc. Could it still be some sort of left over hormone from mc 10 days ago? Its weird that it is such a POSITIVE positive.

Gonna try & persuade dh to bd tonight in the hope that it is a proper +

Sorry MLS I've not a clue and its a bit empty on here today. I've never used ovulation testing kits as I can normally tell when I'm ovulating, not got a clue now though, I think my body is a bit confused.

Thanks GG. I can normally tell as well but its a kinda belt & braces situation with me now... MUST. GET. BFP. QUICK.

Talking about bfp, I've now just done a hpt & its a bpn & I never thought I'd be so damn happy to get one of those I can tell you.

I'm really pleased you got your BFN at last . Mine was still BFP 2 days ago, I'm trying to resist the urge to test too often. I know what you mean though I think I'll soon be following you trying to get a BFP quick.
Have you asked the Emmys onward and upwards thread about your ovulation tests they are probably the experts?

No I didn't ask them perhaps I should have. I did google it though I had loads of different answers. I think the most common answer was that if you are still getting a bfp hpt then you are likely to get a false bfp opk too.

Do you get your hpt's online? I get mine from Ebay as they are cheap as chips but then the temptation is to do one every day which obviously leads to disappointment most days.... hay ho!

I bought a load of pregnancy tests from Wilko's they were £2 each. Were your ovulation tests from Ebay? I might take a look.

Yes I get them all from Ebay, you can get 20 for around £4, same at the hpt's. It makes you wonder why anybody ever buys them from Boots!

Hello again all, have been very busy in RL. Have decided to leave thread. I need to move on, am hoping that we do have another baby but am going to count my blessings if not as we have a lovely ds. Good luck to everyone and thank so much for being so fab, i couldn't have got through it without you.

Ahhhhh rubbish first day back at work. A well meaning colleague decided to tell everyone I was on holiday rather than sick leave so every one kept asking how my trip was and if i had a nice time! Just horrid. Was fine while I was actually working as it took my mind off it all but the rest of the time I wanted to go running back to bed. Even the people who knew I was sick but not the reason why who kept asking was I better - I gave up in the end and just said no I'm not better. To which they said nothing!
Oh well lets just hope tomorrow is better.

Sounds like gracie and MLS had exciting weekends!

Hope everyone else is ok

Anyway am going to stop feeling sorry for myself and watch the oscars I taped last night. Sorry its such a me me me post but just had to get it off my chest.

Sorry to but in to everyone else's problems but I am finding this very difficult indeed. I am the mother of someone who has had a miscarriage. I posted several weeks ago but felt I had to shut up to let things take their course, and I felt like such a fool at my ripe old age to be weeping for all of you, but it is impossible in the real world to talk to anyone about what it really feels like. "How are you," they ask and I say, "Fine." When what I want to say is how the F do you think I am. My daughter has had a miscarriage with complications and is miserable. Do you really think I'm fine? There's a hole in my heart so what about the hole in hers. And the fear and the uncertainty. Moreover, she has even worked out who I am on this thread so may read this and what help is that to anyone? But people in the 'real world' don't seem to have a clue about what is going on. So one is left in splendid isolation. I'm feeling angry with the world at the moment because it seems to shut its eyes to feelings. I lost a twin at 26 weeks and whenever I tried to express my grief I was told that one had survived and I was lucky. People say, "Oh, only 11 weeks. That's not so bad." What they don't seem to realise is that whether it's 10 weeks or 26 weeks or 36 weeks, it's still the loss of a baby you imagined and longed for. So I'm spewing rage onto this website in the hope that here, at least, someone understands. Most of you are so strong and I feel that I'm taking and not giving, but if it's any consolation there are women who are past child bearing age who do understand, who do grieve and who have no one to turn to because society has wiped out miscarriages. Why is it ok to lose someone you long for, a possibility, a hope, a different kind of future? And what happens when every birthday you remember not only the one who survived but the one you lost? Sometimes I don't know how you stay so positive; but I do know that I wouldn't have subjected my daughter to this and that the only way I know how to survive is to communicate - not to pretend it doesn't exist. 27 years ago I was in hospital trying not to give birth to twins I couldn't bear to part with, and now I am being strong while I watch it happen again, and I have to live in a dumb world where people still don't understand. Most of you are all mothers and understand that that in itself doesn't make anything ok. I wish that there were other mothers of mothers I could talk to, but it doesn't seem to work that way. I hope you understand my need to reach out to others who understand and forgive my taking and not giving. If it's any consolation to any of you the pain of a mother who loves you is as painful as it is to you. It's just that most mothers in our society have been taught not to show it. Love to all of you. x

Gingermumi-Good luck and take care, i hope everything works out for you.

napa-Hope your day at work tomorrow is better than today. When i went back to work everyone knew why i had been off, we only have a small workplace and are all friends as well as collegues, so my return to work was fine. My only problem was my patients who were asking if i had recovered from my 'flu', which is what they had been told, i just smiled and said 'yes thank you' whilst thinking i wish that is the reason i had been off work and not losing my baby.

Snowflake-You are so right on what you say, the only people who have any idea what it is like to have suffered the heartache a miscarriage brings, are those who have suffered themselves, or supported a loved one going through a loss.
I am so sorry for your own loss all those years ago, it must have been so hard for you. I hope your daughter is okay and has people she can talk too (i know she has you) its better to talk than trying to bottle your feelings up. Hugs to you both XX

Dear Snowflake, I have read your other posts and felt that your daughter was so lucky to have a mum who understood her grief and suffering so well. Now I understand why, and having read your message have a tear in my eye for all that you went through with your babies. I had my second miscarrige at 11 weeks a few weeks ago, and am still quite raw. I keep thinking it is the best of times and the worst of times all at once. Bless you for your compassion and love, your daughter couldn't ask for a more wonderful mother. All my love to you both.