Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 3 xxxxx

[christmasBarbielovesSanta]

so here we are on part three, let this one be fun of happy news.....

Thank you for your kind words 2many chips and mummylovessadie.. I just want to acknowledge our lost angel no 2 today and to have our angel acknowledged by others does help.. So many people tell me 'dont dwell on the past' 'think of each PG as a new PG' but personally I feel its right to honour the memory of our lost angels and what should of been, the fact its DH birthday today means it will always be remembered.. Having our NK test will be wierd! Must make it a good afternoon/evening for him!

Glad having your erpc left you more hopeful 2manychips, I feel its almost like having a funeral and helps you be able to move on with your grieving process. Its very healthy to want to ttc again asap, I certainly do, however its also very normal to be s**t scared and not want to consider it for many months too! Theres no set way of dealing with this horrible time. Just let your emotions flow and dont try and suppress them. Thats why this site is so bloody fantastic..

Scorpio hope your positivity continues..

Giggle I must confess I'm trying hard to catch up with what everyones been through, but just by scanning through, I can see you need a really big HUG right now and remember this warm cave with big ears and duvets and chocolate is waiting to comfort you whenever you need it.. xxxxx

4everhopeful you are so right to acknowledge all of your lost angels, each pregnancy is a new life its only right to remember them all individually. People who haven't miscarried just don't understand. Already people are asking me whether I'll keep the next pregnancy completely quiet till 12 weeks. My answer is no, where would I have been these last two weeks without support from my friends and family? If they don't know how can they look after me if things go wrong? If no one knew I'd miscarried it wouldn't make the miscarriage not have happened, I'd just have gone through it alone.

After trying so hard to appear normal yesterday I can't be bothered today.

good to hear you've got lots of support, GG.
4ever, everything GG said is so true. I've got a 'something' for each of my little angels. nobody else might know what they all are, what they mean, but i know they're there.

Am doing the same as GG. did ok (acting) yesterday and slapped make up on so i looked less shit OK, today i can't be bothered at all. I scare myself every time i pass a mirror

I'm getting a silver necklace, with a butterfly and 2 gemstones on. One for Feb (loss), one for EDD (Oct). Butterflies symbolise new baby spirits

I am still feeling positive, i think going back to ttc is helping this.

that's lovely scorpio glad you are heading for ttc with determination. It works, y'know. good luck!

I have also just got a silver necklace with an amethyst heart - dh can be a thoughtful old git sometimes

DH thinks its odd i want to remember date of loss as well as EDD, but i will do what i like about that one.

I do hope it works again, i really do.

GG It's funny that you mention keeping the pregnancy secret. When I had a BFP I told a few friends & kept it a secret from the rest. Since I m/c I obviously told my friends that knew I was pregnant & have subsequently told my friends who didn't know. It makes me think what is the point of keeping a pregnancy a secret for 12 weeks? If something goes wrong then of course you tell everybody. I think it is easier to tell everyone why you look like crap, can't string a sentence together, glaze over as soon as they start talking & burst into tears at the drop of a hat rather than not tell them the reason why & try & pretend to act normally. If and when I get pregnant again I don't see the point in keeping it a secret.

Today I did loads in the garden - planted some bulbs, did some de-mossing & started laying some paving stones & I have to say it has done me some good, although I do feel like I'm getting a bit obsessed with the garden. Maybe it's some kind of aversion thing to prevent me facing up to my feelings about the mc. Oh well, I might look like a pile of sh*te but at least the garden won't!

Question to those who have come out of the other side - how long did you bleed for? My m/c was on Thursday so I've been bleeding for a week & I'm getting a bit pee'd off with it now.

Oh yeah one last thing, did a preg test today & still BFP.... huge downer that was, like someone up there is having a laugh.

i bled for 6 days.

We announced the preg to all after seeing the heartbeat for second time at almost 9 wks(dh put it on facebook) People said at the time it was to early to announce but in hindsight it was the best thing we did as the support and kindness family and friends have shown me has been fantastic.
Will def mark my angel's edd somehow and will make a memory box soon. DH suggested I rip the scan pic up. he really doesnt get it!

Hello ladies, mummylovessadie I bled for about 14 days. the gardening sounds very theraputic, just dont go doing to much... If I started de mossing my lawn I would have no lawn left! Yeah its wierd with the 12 week thing you paint a very this is how it is post mc picture. i am only just being normal todayish and its a month exactly today that I mc. I have been mostly lazy, not gone back to the gym, eated/drunk whatever the hell I wanted, cat napped without feeling too guilty. My brain shuts down, I guess its natures way of dealing with things.
scorpio you are sounding a wee bit brighter like the sound of your necklace, I really must think of something to do as well.
Gracie hope your cant be bothered day has been ok, the taboos of mc are so old fashioned
giggle oh someone else with something sparkly, right then dragging dh to jewel shop!

WHAT WHAT WHAT?????? Rip up scan pic???? Is he insane???

2many ohh that is hard for you sweetie - make him take you to the sparkly shop too

Sparkly shop is a damn good idea. I'm going to think of something fitting & suggest it to my dh.

jewellery site

my butterfly one is near the bottom.

Just woke up after an hours kip, see my can't be bothered day involves not being bothered to stay awake either! I'm just so tired and still going dizzy all the time. I'm supposed to be at a friends house 15 minutes ago, she has a 5 year old, if I turn up looking like this the poor kid will have nightmares! Come on Gracie, get your act togther!

2manychips I only had one scan at 10 weeks so my scan photo is of a dead fetus, but its my dead fetus! I refused to leave the scan room till I got a picture! Its my proof I didn't imagine the whole thing!

Hi to everyone, glad you are all finding things to remember your angels.

mummylovessadie last time I bled for most of the first 3 months, this time I haven't bled at all. I think its one of those things where anything can be normal. Very impressed at all your gardening though

sorry you're feeling a bit yuck today gracie and giggle I'd just take it as it comes and don't beat yourselves up for not feeling as good as yesterday.

at your DH for wanting to rip up the scan pic toomanychips

Hi to everyone else. I think its a good job I'm off work at the moment, I have found out that now 2 of the managers have resigned and several of the other staff are on the verge as its really busy at the moment. If I was there I would have the fallout to deal with - at least thats saved for next week.

Off to put DD to bed now so BYEEEEE

Hi everyone,

Just thought id pop in to say hello to you all!! Well 5 and 1/2weeks after my erpc my af has started today, and in a very strange way am pleased as it is another step and we can look forward to next month and the hope of BFP. I feel im there now and can even speak to my pregnant friends without feeling like I want to kill them

hi girls, just popped back quickly to see how you all are?
Remebering your angels is such a good idea, im crap with jewellery as i change what im wearing everyday apart from my wedding rings so i wanted something i could keep on everyday and couldnt find a piece of jewellery that i liked enough, so i got inked instead! you can see pic on my profile, a small star to remember my baby....it also means a sailor star (my dh works at sea) its meant to keep sailors safe, and guide them through rough seas and help them find the right path, so it has a double meaning for me.
Please remember if you need any help knock on the other thread and one of us will come straight back, ask anything...whatever it is, however silly it sounds, because believe me one of us would of said it before now

love to you all

Morning ladies,sorry i havent been on for nearly a week but been busy with work/family life etc. Ive had a look over at the new sparkly thread on conception for emmsys angels and i can totally understand the girls reasons for starting it and think it is a great idea, i feel safer in this warm secure cave for now but may venture across in the future. It is so lovely that the ladies who have moved on havent abandoned us and keep popping back to see how we are.

barbie you always say such lovely words in your posts and end up making me cry even when i think i dont feel emotional,-naughty woman-lol!! Loved your tattoo on your wrist,great idea but i am a total wuss when it comes to pain,how painful was it?

Zen Glad your AF has started hun, im looking forward to mine starting,im now almost 4 weeks post MC and looking forward to AF so i can move on and start ttc with a vengeance! I too feel more settled hormonally and can look at a pregnant woman without feeling insanely jealous which i couldnt have done weeks ago.

napa-Hope you are feeling as well as can be expected.Glad yr not bleeding and feeling OK.

Gracie-Are you feeling any better,I had some cant be bothered days, maybe its your body,s way of making you rest. I took 2 weeks off work post MC, some of those days my DS was at nursery and i would have plans to do lots in the house etc after id dropped him off,a couple of times id come home, go on Mumsnet for a bit, then take to my bed for best part of the day,thankfully those days have passed and i feel a lot more positive, im now nearly 4 weeks post mc.
Are you taking iron tablets? I too felt dizzy after my mc and a few days of iron tablets made me feel 100% better.

scorpio-That is a lovely idea the butterfly with the precious stones, i was thinking of a way to remember my lost little angel and this sounds great. im going to plant a rose bush in our garden also, thoigh i am crap at gardening, saying that though rose bushes are pretty robust though arent they? The one i planted to remember my mum by is still going strong 6 years on.

MummyLovesSadie-To answer your question re bleeding after MC i bled lightly for 3 days before main loss then bled heavy for 4 days after main loss which got lighter and nothing at all 11 days post MC. I tested and got a BFN this day too. I was 12+5 but LO had stopped growing at 9 weeks.

mermaid- Had a giggle at your comment that if you de mossed the lawn you would have no lawn left, that ring so true about my poor neglected garden also! I was supposed to be trying to get fit/lose weight before we ttc again but the gym is getting as neglected as my garden. I wish my DH wouldnt keep bringing me chocolates home to cheer me up,as he says, bless him, if only life were that simple eh?

4ever-Hope your DH had a good birthday, well at least a good as can be expected in the circumstances, what would we do without our lovely DH,s eh. Good luck with the NK tests.

Sending best wishes and a big hug to gigglewitch and anyone else who needs them. Well, sorry for mammoth post, must go, DS at nursery and ive got a day of cleaning ahead, starting with DS,s carseat which is sooo filthy (and my car is for that matter, DH says it looks like a farmers field inside!) XX

annie sorry for making you cry! the tattoo really didnt hurt, in fact after all the emotional pain it was almost a release if that makes any sense? My mum came with me and it was quite an emotional day but a happy one at the same time my mum and i talked for ages, i felt i had let her down by not being able to give them grandchildren and she cried and said she thought she has let me down by passing on faulty genes! (she had 3 mc) gosh now im crying......hang on

Barbie rushes to fetch tissues...

You see girls even after all these months and after being able to talk about it without crying etc etc some times our hormones will catch you without warning. Its never going to go away and i dont want to ever forgot so the tears are worth it. My lost baby has changed me, helped me to understand the agony of mc, made me stronger and more determined not to take things for granted and above has helped me make some great friends here.

Today i made an appointment to see a doctor, i can no longer bury my head in the sand and think no periods are in fact a god send, i realise that 6 months is too long without one and there must be somethin wrong, so im going to face my fears and get on with the next stage in my journey xxx

Today i heard of a sort of friend having her dc2, 13 months after her dc1! And i saw a 17month old in the park - Mimi was supposed to be 17 months when lost baba arrived.

Feeling ok apart from my robbed life, iyswim. dont hold out much hope for a 2009 baby anymore.

Do you know i was so chilled before this, about ttc; sort of if it happens it happens, feeling excited about it happening but not obsessing...now i seem to want to be pg again asap.

Barbie-Aah,thats lovely you and your mums little chat,got me all emotional again, i lost my mum 7 years ago and its times like now that i really miss her...(annie goes off to have a little weep again).

Scorpio I totally can see where you are coming from when you said the 17 month old in the park reminde you your own DD would have been 17 months when yr lost LO would have been born. A friend of a friend had her DD 6 weeks before i had my DS in 2005, only found out yesterday that she is pregnant again and is due 6 weeks before my lost angel would have been born, life seems so so unfair sometimes.
Why dont you hold out much hope for a 2009 baby, you have still got to middle/end March to get pg-now come on, positive thinking-it can be done!! You can get pregnant before your AF arrives, it can and does happen, infact has happened to me.

I'm never that lucky. I wished hard for a Sept/Oct baby - and for those 6 days i thought i had made it. Mimi isn't 2 until April 2010; i would like a baby before then, hopefully.

i have been so happy the last 2 days - fear i am slipping back...i am also home alone this weekend, which means no hugs or reassurance from DH.