Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 3 xxxxx

[christmasBarbielovesSanta]

so here we are on part three, let this one be fun of happy news.....

2manychips - yes pack sanitary towels, toiletries, nice tissues (just in case!), spare knickers and comfy trousers. Is someone going with you? Last week my ERPC kept getting bumped down the list by emergencies so didn't get the operation till 8:30pm having been there since 9am, I had to stay the night. The next day I got discharged at 10:30am, as soon as I got home I fell asleep and slept all day, wasn't in fit state to do much. Just really tired. Obviously everyone's different but it might be an idea to have a Plan B ready for childcare just in case. The most useful thing I took was my mobile phone sneaked under my pillow to send texts to my hubbie who was stuck in London and my mates.

I think mumsnet is stopping me snapping at my DH who has also "dealt with it".

I'm here today

Think dh has dealt with it too. He says that it was happening to me, and that we only knew for 5 days that i was pg. But he did get me a lovely card and does hug me when i cry.

My bkleeding has stopped, yesterday. Am not going to use contraception, guess we are ttc.

it was a week ago i found out i lost my baby, a week ago today. The emotions in a week - i never knew one person could feel all that.

mummylovessadie - its better having our nervous breakdowns together, I did feel a bit bad bringing the more positive ones back down by moaning all the time. You're right hopefully it won't be long before we're feeling positive too!

I'm trying to see things from DH's point of view. He works away and actually lives 70 miles away from me, just comes home on his days off which aren't always the same days off as me (its a wonder we ever conceived in the first place!). He's known I've been pregnant for 7 weeks, I wanted to tell him face to face so I waited a bit. He's been away most of the time so hasn't seen much of the nausea and other symptoms. I'm not sure it had sunk in that he was going to be a Dad in the first place. He works long hours so found it much easier to "not get too excited till after 12 weeks". He's got none of the crazy hormones or physical symptoms. So really he's upset for me rather than for himself.

Big hug for scorpio - good luck with ttc. We're counting on you for some good news on the grumpy thread!

I'll probably join you too when my bleeding has stopped, though will wait till my pregnancy test has turned negative which it hasn't yet else I might get confused!

mine was already neg the day i started bleeding - well neg at docs and very faint bfp on boots own test.

GG you sound amazing to do all this with your dh so far away. Your erpc day sounds so long too-amongst so many other things you must've been starving! thankyou for your help.

2manychips - don't believe a word I'm far from amazing, unless you're going to follow it with amazingly grumpy, or amazingly emotional!! I've got good friends and family to look after me when DH is away.
Yes I was starving until 11pm when I was offered food , then I didn't want it. So take some nice food with you for afterwards in case you're feeling fussy like I was.

Scorpio I want mine to go negative its just too weird for it to be positive but know I'm not pregnant.

gracie my pg test didn't go neg for 4 weeks after last years erpc so be prepared. I haven't done a test yet - erpc was 11 days ago so might wait a bit til I do one as it was so depressing last time still seeing the positive after all that time.

good luck tomorrow 2manychips will be thinking of you.

Its my DD's 5th birthday today and at her request we have been to build a bear. This time last year I had had a positive pg test and plans of how our lives would be. A year on - 2 miscarriages and no baby. DD keeps asking why her school friends have baby brothers and sisters and she doesn't. Finding it difficult to keep saying 'one day'!

Oh dear that did sound self pitying!! Didn't meant it to be.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. We're off out to dinner so no cooking for me tonight. i will be staying on this thread for the foreseeable future, never got on with conception threads - too much pressure. Think when the time comes I'll go from here to knicker checkers - positive that I'll get there again.

Bye for now

Napa it must be hard when your little dd keeps asking. I really thought I'd have another one by the time my dd was 2 but that now is impossible. Was due on 18th Sept & dd will be 2 on 4th Oct.

Really scared to do pg test but will have to in the next 2 weeks when (dh willing) will start ttc.

If it is still BFP I'm scared that I will either turn into more of a shambolic mess than I am now or go & steal someone's baby outside the co-op!

2manychips - just wanted to say I'll be thinking about you tomorrow. I took my i-pod with me and listening to my favourite music really comforted me.

Ladies I just wanted to say that the biggest cliche is true - time is a great healer and you WILL feel less raw over the coming days and weeks until your sadness about losing your lo is just somewhere you visit now and again rather than being constantly with you.

Having a baby is one of our most primal reasons for being here which is why I think so many of us are so keen to ttc. I never thought when I was lying in hospital on New Year's Eve waiting to be taken to Theatre and listening to the fireworks that only 6 weeks later I would be here, feeling positive looking forward and yes in the depths of ttc.

Just believe it and it will happen! xx

blue as ever fantastic words of advice.

Just to add, we are all still here! We wont ever leave this thread as the connection is too strong, if you need us just yell

I'm actually feeling a bit better today. Dh surprised me last night by coming home with a lovely card & he wrote inside "We love you Mummy" signed from him & dd - queue more crying! Thank God the weather has started to pick up as now I'm busying myself by buying bulbs for the garden & trying to do something constructive.

I wish the bleeding would stop. Does anybody know if I should now be counting this bleed as af & therefore can start ttc when it stops?

2manychips thinking of you today. Hope everything goes ok & once it is over you can start to move on.

MLS - i counted my bleeding as a period. My bleeding stopped after 6 days. Glad your DH got you a card

I'm happy today.

Scorpio glad you are happy.... maybe the ladies who left this thread are sending positive vibes to our cave.

Right TMI alert, but I just cannot find the info for my next question anywhere on the net. My bleeding is now extremely gloopy, not really like af, more like tons of eggwhite mucous with blood in it. Is this normal?

Actually ignore that question, I just had a call from the epu to ask me if I had miscarried yet & I asked them about the gloopy stuff & they said that was normal.

I now have a scan next Thursday so they can check that all 'products of conception' are gone.

MLS - i got that stuff too.

Hey girls - hope you are bearing up, tomorrow is a year anniversary since we lost no 2, on my husbands 30th birthday of all times. We thought we could make a new fresh memory for us as tomorrow was meant to have my bloods done for my 12 week nuchal scan next week, but we lost no 4 nearly 3 weeks ago now... Instead we are going to have a private test done for NK cells as no other causes have been found so far...

Just wanted to mark the occasion and note the date and stuff on here. Have moved over to the conception site with some of the other lovely girls from this site.. But will still be lurking and posting on here when having sad thoughts.. Trying to stay positive on the conception site... Hope you can all focus on the fact that you will all be moving over yourselves soon enough, when you're ready to leave this protective warm cave of ears and duvets!

mermaid where are you? You will be joining us wont you? xxxxxxxxxx

4ever lots if luck to you.

Had my ERPC, was very lucky to be home 4 hrs after I went in and the staff were all wonderfully kind and sympathetic. Feeling positive at mo,hope it lasts. Strangely suddenly broody though,you really cant predict your feelings from one min to the next.
How are all you other ladies feeling today?

hi all
can't post much

4everhopeful life can be very cruel & the more sad things that happen, the more sad anniversaries we have to remember. If only we could erase the painful parts.

You are very brave & are obviously a very strong woman to keep battling on. I hope your NK tests bring you some well needed answers.

chips so glad you are now feeling positive. I'm feeling the same today, just really trying not to dwell on what might have (or should have) been. I too am very broody & am anxious to get cracking again.

gigglewitch just hang on in there, have a glass of wine or whatever it takes you to get you through tonight. As chips said you really can't predict your feelings & tomorrow you may wake up & feel a bit sunnier - as impossible as that might seem right now.

Hey girls, we haven't gone very far - you couldn't get rid of us if you tried Where would I be if I didn't have essay length posts to write!

Mummylovessadie It's great that you're feeling a bit better today but you have the right to cry and stay under the duvet if you need to. And Graciegirl if people in RL move on, that does not mean you have to yet. Take the time to grieve. You will get nothing but understanding from people here. I love the idea of your fred box. We bought two beautiful pictures that I had seen the same day I got the scan that changed everything. I think of our lost little ones every time I walk by. Hope you get your negative bfn soon.

napa hope you are doing okay and that DD had a lovely birthday. I know it must break your heart when she asks about little brothers and sisters

2manychips I love your name. I personally should be called "2manyofpracticallyeverything that'sbadforyouandthensome" I'm so glad your erpc is over with and went okay today. Make sure DH is looking after you and try not to mind if he says he has dealt with it. He probably hasn't. My DH suggested the same, but lately I've realised he is still coming to terms with it.

Scorpio I'm glad you are feeling better. We really do beat ourselves up about so many different things - like our bodies failing to do the job we're "meant" to do, about getting attached to a baby that may have died long before we find out, or grieving over a baby you've only known about for five days The thing is, you lost your baby, and all the hope that goes along with that pregnancy. And you have the right to grieve. I wish you all the best with TTC. Apparently, we are more fertile in the first month so it does happen for a lot of people.

gigglewitch hang in there, eat nice food, have that glass of wine and take it one day at a time. I am sending a massive hug your way. I promise you it will get better xxx

I do feel such hope for us all. It's really silly but a few months ago I used to scan old threads and follow right through just to see if it turned out all right in the end for those who were posting - hopefully soon we will all be the ones who give other people hope

Evening all! Today I decided to do my hair, put make up on and nice clothes and do an impression of normal. I don't think I fooled many people but it did actually make me feel a bit better.

2manychips I'm glad your ERPC went smoothly.

Big hug for gigglewitch.

My DH just rang me to say he got upset today when a colleague brought in Mini Eggs for everyone at work today. Reminded him of me sat at home eating Mini Eggs for the last 2 weeks . See he's not really "dealt with it" either.

Nice to see the old timers coming back with good advice to keep us newbies on the straight and narrow .

you are all just so lovely.
will string some sentences together soon and return the lovely support, I promise