Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 3 xxxxx

[christmasBarbielovesSanta]

so here we are on part three, let this one be fun of happy news.....

barbie its just a really good healthy sign. I remember disapearing completely for a month or 2, I just had to sort things out in rl and not go back to the dark days of my mc. This thread is here when you need it and when its time to move on it can evolve into something else equally positive and making a further step towards healing ourselves. It is also awful that we all feel guilty sometimes, even in here.. I lurched back in here panicing about being up the duff again and vjay is saying sorry now daft pregnant lady!
I am waffling a wee bit cos I am meant to be making a pudding as been invited out for posh lunch...
not reunited though, we are very much united I feel.
My latest mc was not even a month ago and it feels ages. Feeling absolutely knackered with af who seems in a great party mood. barbie you have indeed come such a long way since those dark days and I cant wait to come and join the new thread...um.. in a bit.
gigglewitchmorning lovely lady did you do as instructed and eat valentine chocolate? I have cried over some really silly films my ds looks at me like I am mad. right back to posh pudding I just know it will go wrong

Hi ladies,

Well I have to join barbie and her sentiments, it's becoming obvious that a few of us have been feeling the same, just too scared to make the leap away from here I suppose. Mermaid your words sum it up perfectly about evolving and taking steps, that's exactly how it is. This thread has helped so many of us and the beauty is that it will continue to help others now and in the future.....emmys legacy will live on.

I will still be lurking on here but will no doubt will see many of our chat buddies on the new thread.

Like vjay says will 'see' you later.

mm xxx

What pudding are you making mermaid? And can we all get some?

I have an appointment for councelling on Thursday, rather nervous. Not sure what to expect.

Hoping someone can say something that will make me feel better. M/C on Thursday at 9w. I thought I was coping but now not feeling so great. Have a beautiful dd & a dh who I think is coping a lot better than me.

Really want to try again asap & have heard loads about being more fertile after m/c. Will be 40 in the summer so aware time is running out.

Feeling very gloomy right now. Don't want to say too much to dh as I don't want him to think that all I think about is babies, he has said that before & of course is totally right! Men have no idea what goes on in our heads when we get gripped by 'baby fever'. probably just as well as they would fun a mile!

Hi MLS Im not sure what I can say, except I guess I understand some of what you are feeling and you arent alone. It sounds like you feel your DH doesnt understand how you are feeling? In which case being on here can be a help. Thursday is very recent, how are you feeling physically?

I'm still bleeding but not too badly. The worst of it was over with in two hours on Thursday when thankfully dd was having her nap. Dh was in the States on business so I was on my own but he luckily managed to get an early flight home on Friday.

I'm now torn between feeling really empty/wishing I hadn't made so many plans for the future (expecting that I'd be giving birth in September)/stupidly buying maternity clothes & filling half my wardrobe with them & feeling like I desperately want to be pregnant again.

I always thought that if you wanted something badly enough you could have whatever you wanted - obviously I was naive in thinking that.

I was the same bought loads of stuff, once I had has my scan I thought thats it, all is fine...I was naive too. I miss that naivity (sp?).

My best friends pregnant and shes planning things and I am nodding along, she still has that hope. Where as I think HOW can you plan that? Dont you know you could lose that baby at any moment? Ofcourse I would never say that, I am sad that I have lost that hope and that when I become pregnant again I wont have that wonderful excited bliss.

Take care of yourself. Have you got to go back for a scan or anything? Or do they think the mc has been complete?

hi girls we have moved here! i will be back, good luck to you all and feel free to join us as and when you fancy it
new home

My two best friends are pregnant. We were a little threesome all ttc, we all managed within weeks of each other. I don't begrudge them anything & I know how awful they must feel for me.

The hospital will call me in for a scan next week I think. I went in on Thursday as I had started to bleed the day before & the scan showed there was no heartbeat. It was the third scan I'd had as I'd had spotting but the previous two scans showed that everything looked normal.

I just really want to start trying again, I think it will help me mentally to look forward.

Has anyone found they were more fertile after m/c?

MLS - i started miscarrying 6 days ago, and i too want to ttc again asap. I have heard more fertile after m/c storys too, i think its because your hormones are geared up to pregnancy already.

I have 3dc already; this is my first mc, i was only coming up to 6 weeks but it already meant everything to me. I used to have so much confidence in it all - BFP = baby. not any more. I'm terrified of this happenign to me again. I had already looked at double buggies and wanted to tandem feed. The mc halted my breastmilk too, so 10mo dd cannot BF anymore . Feel i failed both my bean and my dd now.

giraffe pudding was perfect actually pavlova with kiwi, raspberries and strawberries and of course clotted cream.The merangues(spell) were just that bit chewy inside yum. I was nervous about councelling too, I went a year after my 1st mc and just went blaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh which was very theraputic. you just cant do that with your nearest and dearest sometimes can you.
mummylovessadie sad welcomes, have some carrot cake I pinched it off out of Barbies new home, dont think they have noticed yet. I think it takes a couple of days for the shock to wear off and be prepared to feel this way for a little while. I so understand how you feel though but think its best to get at least one af under your belt and let both mind and body get back to some sort of normal. I am 41 next month and just lost my 4th so dont feel like I have time to dwell on recovery too much this time.
scorpio hello also, have some cake having your confidence shaken as a woman is hard to bear. go with your emotions though and things will work themselves out. Dont feel a failure we are here to pick each other up x

Mummylovessadie and Scorpio my heart goes out to you both. I had a MMC at 11 weeks and it is so painful to readjust all your thoughts when you've made so many plans.

I wanted to try again straight away, but found my emotions were all over the place for a couple of months and in the end I was happy waiting a bit longer. All I can say is take one day at a time, give yourselves time to grieve and try not to feel like you have failed. This is a bit inevitable, but later you will see that there is nothing you could have done.

The only thing I can do is send a massive hug your way and suggest that you rant, cry and question things as much as you need to. There is a wonderful bunch of girls who are going through the same thing, or have been through it before and are here for you when you need a shoulder to cry on.

A few of us are moving on to the conception thread now but we'll still lurk in case you need us. Have a look through from the beginning of the thread and you'll see that although the journey isn't over, it does become a journey of hope, even if it doesn't seem like that for you right now xxx

curly - what a lovely way you've put it, hope and all that. i think some of us are still in the dark scary forest part of the journey (even me and i'm meant to have a map from last time) but it is good to remember that it is a journey and we're not stuck, we will move on.
Thank you x

I just have to post this little poem that a friend sent me today. She didn't know I was pregnant, not does she know I've just miscarried but it seems so relevant and I can't read a single line without crying my eyes out... so here goes:

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys..

Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favourite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day...

wow, I'll print that and keep it with me. Beautiful.

That is really beautiful Mummylovesadie. I will keep it for when I have a lo to hold.

I'm off on a work trip tomorrow so best go pack Take care all of you lovely ladies xxx

VJay and Barbie Totally understand and relate to the need to move on.. As im sure you remember I ventured away when 8 weeks PG with no4 but found it it died the next day, actually this morning I thought that I never mentioned to you all I sat in the scan room that day crying 'I should never have changed threads on mn!'. At the time tho I couldnt bear all the sad stories and relived my mc's every time someone knew joined. However I know mermaid and myself are somewhat disjointed now, my mc no 4 was only 2 and a half weeks ago. Its still raw, but the support that means most is those Iv been on this journey with. I think I shall lurk on both posts and if have worrying or sad moments I'll express them on here and if I need a release and a laugh I'll lurk on the new site, going to look now...!

Sad welcomes to the other newbies. I'm sure the support will continue... xxx

4ever i totally understand, just dont lose touch ok! and dont beat yourself up about changing threads although im sure it in some way made it easier to blame something x

4ever morning hope you had a nice romantic weekend. my dh cooked! I am still in shock. yep I feel disjointed, thats a good summing up. Your consultant appointment all sounded very positive, the idea of being a guinea pig, all heading in the right direction.

Feeling really really crap today. Walked dd to the park like a zombie. Can't face actually speaking to or seeing any of my friends. I don't understand it as I was fine until yesterday & since then I've just wanted to cry non-stop. I want to hide under my duvet & not wake up until I feel better.

Morning Mummylovessadie (actually its afternoon isn?t it) I?ve just got up been hiding under the duvet all morning, it didn?t help so I?ve got up and gone back to eating Mini Eggs and Minstrels.
Gigglewitch you are right - What would we do without mumsnet, everyone else thinks I?m crackers (they are probably right). Last week when I was walking round knowing I was carrying a dead baby I got loads of understanding from everyone, this week I'm getting nagged to be moving on and going back to work, I?m just not ready yet.

I could meet up with friends but as its half term they all have their DC with them which I don?t have, I?m not in the mood to see other peoples children today. I?m also still bleeding and feeling dizzy so don?t think I could keep up in any case. I?m 6 days post ERPC at 11weeks should I still be feeling this physically rubbish?

Yesterday I made a Fred Box (Fred was my nickname for my baby). I?ve put my scan photo, hospital wrist band, pregnancy test, sympathy cards etc all in the pretty box and put it on my bookshelf where I get look at it whenever I want, but its not all around the house anymore. I?ve also hidden my 2 pairs of maternity jeans so I don?t find them by accident and put my pregnancy books away.

2manychips isn?t your ERPC tomorrow? I?m thinking of you. Big hug.

Big waves to everyone else who is still on this thread 4ever, snifflewitch, scorpio, napa and anyone else I've missed.
It is kind of nice to peek at the new thread and see where I might be soon.

I've ran out of chocolate. might actually have to get dressed and venture out!
Is no one around today?

Hi GG, yes ERPC is tomor, thankyou. They havent said anything about packing sanitary towels, what should I take? Also do you think on weds I'll be ok physically to have sole charge of my toddler? Will stock up on chocolate.
MLS, I feel exactly like that today,so hard to explain. Snapping at my dh and my darling sweet daughter. Dh tells me he personally has "dealt with it". I long to be where he is.

Oh chips I know what its like to have a husband who has 'dealt with it'. It makes me feel like I can't talk to him as I think he thinks I should have 'dealt with it' by now. I also think that if he thinks I'm still 'unhinged' then he will say no to ttc again. I'm going to have to pretend to be normal around him when inside I feel like I'm losing the plot.

In a way it is good to have a toddler to look after as otherwise we would probably be sat at the bottom of the garden drinking gin & crying!

I had to look after my dd on the day of my mc as my husband was still in the states, I managed it but had to go to the loo lots to change pads so I'm sure you will be ok the day after.Oh & take the thickest sanitary towels you can get your hands on.

GG I don't think there is anyone left here but us lot who are still on the verge of a nervous breakdown! I think the others have gone to pastures new to give each other positive vibes about the future & start thinking about ttc again. I don't blame them, hopefully we will feel like joining them in the not too distant future.