Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 3 xxxxx

[christmasBarbielovesSanta]

so here we are on part three, let this one be fun of happy news.....

Have asked this on here before and just need to vent, how do you cope with someone close to you being pregnant? My best friend is and I am so close to tears when I hear updates. I am avoiding her just now which is rediculas. She had her scan yesterday and I was sitting crying over the picture. I am having various health issues just now myself and i think thats not helping but aaaargh I am green with envy.

Hope you are all doing allright and not too cold in this weather

sabs I'm so happy that you scan went well, I had a little "happy cry" for you.

I would like to say Hello to everybody!!

Ps: still checking in

can i lurk / come in pls?

hello!!!!!!! im back
And im not going any where any time soon!......

Gosh so much to catch up with, congrats to the ones who had postive scans, hopefully this thread can finally move forward and have some happy news

Hello to all the girls who sadly joined and who's names are all a bit of a blur right now but iwll get to know you soon..

gigglewitch i have seen your name around before, do come on in, its a little cramped in here at the moment but more the merrier and at least we can keep each other warm!

4ever i hope you are ok?i have been thinking about you, even sneaking up to starbucks in order to use the free internet for a long as i could without feeling like i was taking the mick and only buying an orange juice

mollie and mm thankyou so much for keeping in touch over the last few weeks, your emails have made me feel more like im at home and the world in fact is a very small place!

As for me, still no af!! Dh is trying to sort out visas and bupa cover as i have found a nice english gyne just up from the beach, sadly recommended by a wife of a guy dh works with who has just gone through the same thing...Taking mollie advice and started weeing on sticks, nothing for the past week

Love to everyone xxx

Morning all

hi giggle hope you're ok

giraffe it is hard, the preg friends bit. i often think i am totally fine but then when i hear about the millionth person who is due around the time i would have been it does hurt. It's not so much envy as i definitely don't want them not to be pregnant, it just reminds me that I'm not and that I'm not having a summer baby at the same time as them and half my friends.

I find a quick tear, a few deep breaths and a total change of subject when i get home to DP usually does the trick though. Good old DP.

Am going to the 'erbalist lady on saturday (i.e. week before acupuncture man). bit worried now cos i know she will tell me to cut out wheat and dairy. and i love bread, cheese and pasta. eek!

sabs good on ya! You must be feeling very relieved. I know what you mean about going back to the EPU. I think I might change hospital next time for that very reason. Although good to then cancel out bad memories with good ones perhaps?

Ok do actually have to do work now, but just wanted to say hello to you all.

see ya

Hope everyone has a good day today xx

Hi sabs I'm so pleased you had a fab scan.
blue you do make me chuckle, did you lie on your back afterwards with a pillow under your bum, that's what I did
Hi barbie good to hear from you, I hope you get your visas sorted soon, then you can get things moving with the gynae.

Well I'm 12 weeks today so I'm going to hop onto an antenatal thread, I feel brave enough. But I wil still lurk and chat in here if that's ok.

jools - I hope you don't mind but I was thinking about you and came looking for you. When we were both on the June pregnancy thread. You were so confident and I was so ill with worry about being pregnant again after a previous miscarriage. When you had your mc, my heart went out to you. Also, you found out quite late I think - close to 12 week? I found out at 11 weeks and also never saw bean alive - so you reminded me of me, but earlier in the year.

I miscarried late May last year and conceived in September. I just wanted to let you know that on hindsight, I am almost certain my fertility didn't come back (even though I was having periods) until three months after the miscarriage and I conceived the following month - so although it felt like ages at the time - it was actually an absolutely textbook perfect conception post miscarriage (and I am 42).

I just wanted to say, do not stress too much honey, I'm sure you must know your ovulation days, so my advice would be to relax and have some fun - I would put money on you being pregnant within the next three months. It is surprising how many of us on the June pregnancy thread have had miscarriages.

Anyway, again, I hope you don't mind me coming to the miscarriage thread to find you. Good luck and look after yourself.

4ever so happy/relieved to see your post. I hope first day back at work is ok. you sound so blinking strong and forward looking - your ddh must be super dupper. I got so so angry after your awful news. It was as though I had'nt been angry for myself and directed it all at the bitterness of your situation.

giraffe I feel, now that there is such a big taboo about mc that we have to hit it face on - militant mermaid today! I think that honesty is best rather than letting things fester. 'I am sorry but your happy news makes me feel like shit but that is how it is. Please dont take it personally' ohh maybe a touch of pmt going on..??

barbie hey girl nice to see you here too, pass the sun tan lotion this way please it takes so long to sort out all the logistics when you move, I hoep you are feeling at home and meeting people. Fingers crossed with the sticks - this is weird science stuff that I never understand

blue 11.30! very impressive, my dh is usually only interested in his horlicks by then!

sabs another scary loop of the rollercoaster completed you clever girl

vjay 12 whole weeks and a gold star for you too

gigglewitch hi, you ok?

I feel a wee bit better today hmm well its early anyway popped to the chiropractor for the whip lash which is still hurting and he fixed my stress miridians or something and I now feel like I've had too many cups of coffee, but in a good way, I think. right work.

Daisy5 - I'm very touched that you would still think of me and don't mind you popping in here at all

I must confess that I still lurk on the a/n board from time to time, just to see how people are doing.

I knew you had mc'ed, but didn't realise it was also a late one. Mine was 11+5 I think, but having gone back through all my posts on the original antenatal threads, I have a strong suspicion that the baby died at around 7 weeks, as I had a small amount of brown blood and around ten minutes of really quite severe cramps then

I agree with what you are saying about fertility coming back - I did bleed just before Xmas but it wasn't very AF like at all - anovulatory cycle I think. Since then, I've had issues with DP, which he has finally admitted seem to be "performance anxiety" so it looks like I have missed two good eggs - fingers crossed for next cycle - AF due on Valentines Day and the PMT is just hideous so things are still not quite right. It does worry me that I am only starting a family now at 39 and didn't intend to have an only child, and DP is worried about becoming a father for the first time at 45 but it won't stop me trying.

Hello Mermaid sweetie! Thank you for feeling my emotions for me, know exactly what you mean, I'm a bit numb I think rather than strong, forward looking for now cos might fall apart looking back.. DH is super duper wonderful and so grateful for that but think we are being strong for each other, tho both had moments.. I feel a real bond with you as we both lost 4 angels and you're the one that always seems strong to me! Managed to last at work til now before I cracked and came on here, lurked b4 lunch but now getting frustrated. Manager too busy to talk to me?!? Surely a welcome back or pitying look wouldnt hurt her.. All I wanna do is give her certs and letters & let her know my appt with specialist is tomorrow.. Huff... Also one of my passwords was 'strong little ox' so am changing that . Should be 10w1d but really trying not to think about that.
Giraffe know what you mean about friends, one v close friend found out PG 2 weeks after me, 3&hlf weeks between us (Was). Had to do first hurdle of speaking to her day after erpc just to get it out of the way and so not to end up putting it off til next year! She was the one that was most supportive in RL & had a mc herself in oct but am still dreading seeing her now which is a big shame. Also got handed a new baby card an hour ago for ex manager. Not easy either.. As always, wise words from mermaid on dealing with that issue.. Whats the score with the whiplash btw mermaid?! Must of missed that one?!
NIce to see barbie on here again! Hope the broadbands up and running now and your AF doesnt turn up?! Thank you for sweet offer of hotel hunting! We ended up booking a week in Sharm El Sheikh on 10th March so 4 weeks today will be there! My BD is 4th March and DH is 18th Feb so with valentines on sat will be nice to have lots to look forward to and plan for. Also fri is 2 weeks since op and allowed to do babydancingagain! (Love that expression!). Were told to avoid it during first 12 weeks of PG and then avoid it 2 weeks after erpc so Hello My DH Valentine! Mind you dont wanna fall immediately as want to enjoy egypt and all inc free drinks and BDs! As per usual no 5 will be anxiety ridden rollercoaster. I tell you tho, however many times we have to go through this I will keep going til we get a proper sticky superglued one! 5 is his lucky no and 7 is mine (wedded on 07/07/07!) so maybe eh?
Anyway ramble ramble ramble! Phew, making up for last couple of weeks! Love you all and hello to all of you. Sorry me me me, will try and catch up with all of your individual events over next few days.
Will be militant like mermaid tomorrow as seeing mc specialist and I WANT ANSWERS! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh god just spoke with manager who was cool & understanding, a bit formal but was there for mc no 3 & v supportive through all tests and stuff so cant complain, anyway tears rolling down my face as she warned me (so glad she did) that the girl I sit next too is PG, 12 weeks and showing, thought she just put weight on. Cant even describe how I feel, bit like a train hit me. In fact very understanding manager exact words were; 'need to warn/tell you that there are 2 PGs on the floor' she paused for an eternity then named them, a girl who works opposite one of the 4 people that actually know about me, and the girl that sits next to me. Jesus this is gonna be hard watching her growing next to me. The other girl I actually saw leave work sick this morning and took her parking space, and even more ironically she drove past my house as me & DH got out of car after finding out we lost no 4 2 weeks ago. I remember seeing her and not being able to acknowledge her in my numb grief and turns out she was PG too. I feel like gauging my eyes out this is soooooo crap. Going home to cry to DH. xxxxxxxxxxxx

ha militantmermaid just trying it on for size! are we really going to go for No5s.. I think I might have a month off, brie eating baileys glugging oh and dont forget the coffee slurping first. Your holiday sounds an ace thing to hold on to. Your specialist will pull all the stops out for you I am very sure.
the whip lash happened about a week after the last mc when a latvian decided to drive round a corner on the wrong side of the road into me, it was a good month...
Anyway well done for getting through your first day, its pants.

ahhh shit - yep its pants. get takeaway and wine.

4Ever - that is the WORST I have two people in my office who are both due in May - one of them shares what was my due date

I can be happy for friends and people I know well - even others on my old antenatal thread, but not for complete strangers. I am ashamed to say that I can barely look at them - their bumps offend me

I can only imagine it must be worse for you as you have been through it so many times

Indulge yourself tonight as the wise Mermaid advises - wine, choc, takeaway and anything else you fancy

don't know what / if to post here, but am lurking and reading... at least one of you has a so similar story going on just now

Evening all. I had my ERPC yesterday, bit of a nightmare but glad to be back at home now. I had to stay over night as my "late morning" operation wasn't done till 8:30pm. Unfortunately I was given the pessaries to dilate my cervix at 11:30am so it wasn't a pleasant experience standing up to go to the loo throughout the day.

I've had quite heavy bleeding since, I told them at the hospital it was slowing down so I could escape as going quite crazy! Not sure how I got away with that as someone had only changed my bed full of blood shortly before that. I'm much better at home anyway. My husband got back from working away this morning so he is looking after me.

I'm tired and grumpy so going back to bed.

Sabs I'm so delighted the scan went well. Don't go anywhere, we need our good news around here and hopefully we'll all join you at some point.

Good luck tomorrow Heebee - hope the consultant has some answers for you

Zen what did you buy on ebay????

Lol Blue, you little minx Fingers and everything crossed for you honey

MM it's lovely to know that you are lurking. We have missed you. I totally know what you mean about staying away for a while. We have had such bad news recently. It hits twice as hard watching our dear friends go through it again.

4ever you really are a wonderful lady. You brought a tear to my eye talking about your dh and you are so right that we can't give up hope on life. It's just so hard to focus on anything else when we want a baby so much. I'm determined to focus on living and just hope it will happen. Hope your appointment goes well tomorrow honey... I'm sorry you had such a rubbish day, but thankfully its over. You and Mermaid will be our best ever success stories.

Jools I'm getting bad pmt at the moment (seem to get a dose of the losers a week before AF) and hormones are still a bit strange. I would swear I'm pregnant half the time - I'm tired, emotional, starving etc. Definitely not pregnant though Anyway I think your plan is a good one. If it is connected with AF, maybe evening primrose oil would help too. I think it is very sweet that Daisy5 is looking out for you.

Mermaid I don't know anyone that likes grapefruit juice. I think it tastes like orange juice just after you wash your teeth...uuuuggggggghh. Glad you are feeling a bit better today.

Napa I had lots of bleeding after my eprc as they left stuff behind. I think some people don't bleed at all or only a little. I hope things start getting better now that the ERPC is out of the way

gracie take care of yourself. Things will get better from here xx

Welcome back barbie this is exciting. Now we just need VM. Come back soon VM, we miss you.

VJ congrats on your 12 weeks. don't go anywhere though okay?!

Sifuentes I'm sending you some sneaky cheese

Lots of love to Scamper Positivethinker Lobeov Gracie gigglewitch Kym and anyone I've missed xxx

Girls im freaking...spent all morning googling about missing periods and worked myself up! its lonely being awake a full 4 hours before everyone else....
I really do wish the bloody visa would hurry up so i can get some medical help, im sure i will just need a kick up the backside and things will get back to normal.
The place where we moved is full and i mean full of pregnant people, and lately i have to tell my dh if i see a pregnant women
me...look that lady is pregnant
him...oh
me...can you see her?
him...not really looking
me...but you must see her she has a bump
him...why are you telling me this
me...cos she is pregnant?
Oh well.....
gigglewitch write anything...honestly anything goes

I know what you all mean about other people's good news. I've been staying at my mums all week since my scan as my husband works away. Spent most of it lying on the sofa pretending to watch crap DVDs. The day before my ERPC mum went out for an hour and the doorbell rang. I reckoned I could do an impression of normal for 2 minutes and answered the door. There was some bloke stood there who I didn't know carrying baby twin girls!!! I thought I was hallucinating! It turns out its someone who lives opposite who brings them round to see my mum every week so I had to invite them in and entertain till Mum got back. I thought i was being haunted by babies but thats just silly!!

Thank you for your kind thoughts everyone. x

morning girls, thats the only thing I dread about going back to work - the bumps, but as a midwife its a bit hard to avoid them. I find though the clients are fine, they are strangers and I just get on and look after them but 2 colleagues are pregnant at the moment and so not so sure about seeing them next time!
gracie sorry to hear about your hospital experience. Hope you are doing ok today, take care of yourself and make sure you take enough time off work to recover.
barbie goggle is the reason the internet can be evil. No good can come of it - step away!! (but not from this site).
hi to everyone else and hope you all have a good day

gracie you made me giggle, sorry but i didnt mean too but thoughts that you were being haunted just struck me as funny, the same thing happed to me a while back...im sure its on the thread somewhere way back...

yawn morning barbie have impression of you tapping foot (beautifully tanned) waiting for all of us in icy Blighty to crawl out of duvets. No more googling re missing af you will end up with a million things wrong with you! It must be a worry though sweetie cos I know you need things back to normal.

gigglewitch aww its a bit freaky writing such personal and tragic stuff - this forum has helped me soooo much in the last few months. We do all have friends and help in rl but somehow this is like an agony aunt/councillor big box of chocs and a bubbly bath all rolled into one. I think mc can be very isolating and I dont feel like that anymore thanks to all the gorgeous ladies here. Are you ok? sending you a big hug x

gracie What an awful marathon of a day you must be wrung out. Nothing sounds silly to me anymore - not just one baby twins, thats just about the cherry on the cake. glad dh is home - rest lots.
curly I must have odd taste buds then!

Hey barbie I was up peeing at 4 this morning and I thought of you and your missing af wierd I know. But I thought of things you could do, whilst trying to get back to sleep, now I can't bloomin remember them, apart from, when ever your last spotting/af was treat it as af, then count to day 10 and start peeing on your opk's everyday until day 16, if you haven't had a positive then you could assume that you haven't ovulated, this assumuing your usual cycle used to be 28 days. At least if you try this you can tell the gynae what you've done. Good luck. Now lets see what tomorrows early morning peeing brings.....

vjay thankyou so much for thinking about me..the thing is its been so long i cant even remember when last spotting was...november i think i have been weeing on sticks for last week, still nothing but im not going to give up ......

vjay the mind just booggles