Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 3 xxxxx

[christmasBarbielovesSanta]

so here we are on part three, let this one be fun of happy news.....

vjay great news on the scan hon!! Just had the same conversation with DH about a doppler and decided against it on the basis that I will also go mad if I can't find a heartbeat (am only 9 weeks so too early anyway). I really hope that soon you can just enjoy being pg. I had a thought about mc the other day, which is that we only get the crap bits of being pg (tired, anxious, sick all the time) but this time lets hope we make it to the glowing stage!

hello to all, am off to make fairy cakes. Its the first time I've ever made them so goodness knows how they'll turn out but I'll leave a batch in our cave if they are any good xxxx

Hello ladies, hope you all are having a good weekend. I am apologising in advance for the long post, but its been ages since i posted, so wanted to make sure i said hello to everyone!

lobeov good luck for the future, I hope everything works out for you.

heebeejeebee Cant believe the hospital is keeping you waiting like this, not good . Hope they call you tomorrow with positive news

scamper such good news about your scan I'm at Homerton hospital in East London. St Thomas's sounds good. I didnt know they are open 24 hours, that is good to know. My hospital only scan during clinic times, and not on weekends. How did the fairy cakes turn out? I love baking and when I went India, i found star shaped cake tins, which i used a few weeks ago. The cakes looked so cute!

curlywurlee thank you SO much for taking time out to google for me, that means a lot! I did try to do it myself but couldnt find anything useful. Sorry AF got you. Maybe next month will be the month for you

napa sorry you have had to join us. You be kind to yourself over the next few weeks. Its very nice and cosy in this cave, so much so that i still havent left...the ladies on here are fantastic... feel free to stay as long as you like

wasabi good to hear you're feeling positive. Sending baby dust for you to store until you are ready.

A sad welcome to you too graciegirl i'm on the september thread. Hope it all goes well for you on Tuesday. I took 2 weeks off after my mmc, which worked out to be the right amount of time. I was staying at my mums when i was bleeding heavily, but once i moved back to my own place, having too much time on my own to just think too much was a bit unhealthy. But i'm sure if you need more time, your GP can write you off for more time off, my GP was quite good like that.

vjay good to hear your scan went well! When is your next scan now?

zen your anxieties about ttc sound perfectly normal. Know what you mean about pregnant women around you complaining, when you would do anything to be in their place. Hope you had a good weekend and maybe got some baby dancing in

jools sorry to hear you're feeling so low. Rant as much as you like, we are here to listen.

annie good to hear your first day back at work went well. I remember obsessing and crying before my first day, but it all went fine in the end...

sabs waves to blue, mermaidspurse and any1 else i have missed

Well I left a message for my GP on Thursday, but another GP in the practice called me back, who said to just sit tight until my EPAU appointment on Tuesday. He didnt rule anything out, but the fact that im not having pain is a good sign. Have been feeling very nauseous and sick at time, which im taking as a good sign. But I had to leave work early on Thursday as I just couldnt concentrate. I think the thought that it could be over all over again is playing a lot on my mind. The brown discharge comes and goes and im still having this strange pain on my left hand side. Thinking maybe its due to the fact that my bra size has changed, ive gone from a 32dd to a 36 c/d/dd, depending on which store to belive, as i went to a few places during the week to get myself measured but havent brought new bras yet. Was also told by the store assistant that once im 12 weeks i cnt wear underwired bras, hoping i get to that stage....

Have speant the weekend just taking it easy. The smell of food is really getting to me now, so havent been able to cook, but DH is being very supportive, bless him.

Wish me luck for Tuesday....

Jools MM Zen and curly Hello - I am going to be trying this month too. Waiting for AF who feels like she is coming now. 2 days early. It will be nice to have others in the same boat. Hopefully we will be able to graduate through the threads together...

Jools I just read your tale on one of the other threads for the first time. It sounds exactly like what I went through albeit a month earlier. Having the physical awfulness followed by the hormonal mentalness is quite an ordeal. At least we won't ever have to repeat it. Next time I will definitely have early scans so that at least I am not planning my new life and feeling sick and staying sober for 4 weeks longer than necessary if the news is bad. Also, if it happens again i will go for D&C. Knowing that I would be so much better prepared if it were to happen again helps me through this odd time, as does throwing money at vietnamese acupuncturists and naturopathic herbalists. (i really recommend it.

So sorry to read that you are feeling so so shit. My friend who MC'ed last year said her hormones were pretty bad for a good 3 months or so...emitting sunny vibes over your way.

I hope everyone else is doing ok this week. anniecam I am very impressed at your back to work positive attitude. I did nothing but sob and lurk on here and delete babycentre effing weekly updates. There's one I WON'T be going on next time!

p.s I dont think I actually knocked before entering this thread, I sort of just barged in didn't I. Sorry about that. It's cos I have lurked so much, I feel like I have been in the room the whole time.

Lol Sifuentes - I couldn't help giggling over your second post. Don't worry, we haven't even got a door on our cave, never mind something to knock with. Look forward to obsessing over TTC with you (oh yes, I wasn't going to do that anymore, was I?! )

I'm on a day off today so busy stripping wallpaper. Lucky for me I'm off to the hairdressers later as curlys hair is now quite sticky

Best of luck tomorrow Sabs. Will be thinking of you xxxx

sabs good luck for tomorrow, I'm sending lots of positive vibes your way. I don't get anymore scans now, but I may pay for a private one at 20 weeks. My brown discharge started at 5 weeks and was on and off until 9 weeks. I am keeping everything crossed for you.
I'm sending loads of baby dust to all you ttc'ers xxxxx

VJay that's fabulous news about your scan. Whenever I read a story like that it fills me with happiness and gives me hope too.

A sad welcome to Napa and Graceigirl. I am thinking of you both at this vey difficult time.

Mermaid - I am on the same conception thread as Jools - if you've been lurking come and say hello. It's a lovely thread and you would be most welcome.

Zen - I sympathise with your feelings over ttc again. Dh and I have resumed relations and are assuming that this month I won't ovulate. On one hand its really liberating not worrying about ttc but on the other hand there is a part of me that thinks it would be lovely to get pg again quickly but on the other hand I have only just got used to NOT being pg IYSWIM. For me, if it takes a few cycles that wouldn't be a bad thing I don't think.

Curlee - early testing - we have all done it! There is still hope for this month if you are still not actually due for a day pr two.

Annie - glad you got your BFN too. It does feel like a relief doesn't it?

jools - I'm sorry you're feeling so low honey. You had such a dreadful, traumatic experience perhaps it's time to seek help from elsewhere? I am a bit evangelical at the moment because I have found hypnotherapy so helpful but have you considered a counsellor, hypnotherapy or similar? You are reliving this terrible experience and somehow need to find a way to come to terms with it. I hope you find a way through my lovely xx

Thanks wasa, crossed posts there x

Hi all

Well, still no news! The majority of the results are in, but my consultant wants to check the killer cells result with Mr Shahata (he of the miscarriage clinic who also practises at my hospital). I didn't get the impression it was in a bad way iyswim. I need to call her on the first day of my cycle (poss Thursday) to see if we're any further forward and whether I should start taking the tamoxifen this cycle (I was on clomid, but my uterine lining is quite thin and clomid makes this worse)... All very frustrating, especially because in my mind I was so sure they would come back quickly, and clear, that I didn't give it much thought. Now I'm a bit worried I might be pregnant (not very likely as it took me 12 months to concieve naturally the first time and a round of clomid the second) and there might be a problem.

Sifuentes - welcome - glad you found us
Vjay glad to hear all went well
curly sorry AF got you
Sabs - good luck for tomorrow - let us know how you get on

Waves to wasa, jools, mermaid, blue, Annie, zen, Gracie and everyone else!

evening all,
still feeling a bit sore and dizzy but otherwise ok. going to see GP tomorrow to ask for a sick cert for work.

sabs good luck for your scan tomorrow

gracie thinking about you at the moment - are you going back to the hospital tomorrow?

hope you get all your answers soon heebee

hi to everyone else, hope you're all ok

Sabs good luck for tomorrow xx

Hi everyone else, only popping in, DH has given me orders he is watching things on ebay and a couple of things for me so have to go!! Bribes work everytime x

No bd for us this weekend as both full of a cold!! Af due this weekend i think so fingers crossed x

Evening ladies, just popping in to say wishing you the best of luck for tomorrow Sabs-keeping everything crossed for you.

Welcome to sifuentes-we have 'spoke' on other mc threads.

Bye for now X

Welcome sifuentes - I think our paths have crossed before too! Loved the mental image of you barging in to our cave sending beenbags flying .

Sabs - sending you lots of positive vibes for tomorrow x

Well I have a confession to make, I got a +ve from my OPK yesterday and DH and I retired to bed for the afternoon (DS was at grannies as we had night out on Sat) I'm rather at my primal instincts but what can I do? I just so want a DC2 and just can't sit any potential cycle out. I also swore myself to secrecy but that lasted, hmmm, all of one day. I just think if I can't share with you guys then who can I share it with as everyone in RL thinks we're having a 6-month break.

DH is working funny hours this week and is due home @11pm and we are bd again - madness I tell you, madness!

Hi everyone,

Remember me!!! Sorry I haven't been on but felt I needed a break after all the sad news we were having on here. I hope that doesn't sound selfish but all the sad memories were coming back thick and fast. I probably won't be on quite as much but will still be lurking and posting just not as often. I couldn't have got through the last few months without all the wonderful support from you all and I will be eternally grateful.

sabs sending the biggest positive vibes I can muster your way for today, will be checking later to see how you get on.

vjay sorry but I haven't sent you my big congrats on your scan, it lifted the mood of the whole thread, you must be thrilled.

blue sounds like you are keeping busy, you go girl. Need to check out my shifts and will get back to you on a date to meet but really looking forward to it.

vm thinking about you hun, hope you are doing ok, I miss our chats so much xxx.

Big waves to everyone I haven't mentioned but running out of time as the school run calls but a quick welcome for all the newbies and by now you will be realising how much unconditional support you get from all the lovely ladies on here, you have came to the right place.

Take care everyone mm xxx.

Welcome Sifuentes

Wasabi - I agree with you - having done some reading, apparently reliving stuff in the amount of detail I seem to be lately is a symptom of post traumatic stress, so I'm going to wait till AF is over and, if no improvement, go to the GP and ask for counselling. From time to time, I do get really really bad PMT, and I wonder if this has started a week before AF instead of the usual 3 days.

MM - I was missing you - know exactly what you mean though - I was also getting so upset at hearing so much sad news, I had to take a bit of a step back.

Still thinking of VM - I went back through the original threads to find the book details and it arrived yesterday, so will start reading soon

Blue - I am laughing at you - wicked woman but I'd be the same Let's hope an afternoon of nookie has done the trick

Where is Barbie hiding lately, and Mollie ??

Curlywurlee - you always seem to be able to say the right thing

Sabs - everything crossed for you today, including my legs this time . I shall be back later, looking for some more more good news.

Mermaid - hope you are OK. You always make me laugh, however bad things seem

Heebee, Lionstar, GingerMumi, Anniecam, Napa, Vjay - I may not be saying a lot these days, but am keeping an eye on you all

Sorry if I've missed anyone - boss is breathing down my neck so I have to finish now ..

Good luck blue, I was the same, had all good intentions to wait, but something just takes over, I say GO FOR IT

mm hello, you have been missed. I've been wondering where you've been, and barbie, although she's probably enjoying the lovely sun, and I don't blame her.
It has been quite sad on here, and I miss vm loads too...I do hope you are OK vm. sabs hope all goes well today.
Hi jools, curly and everyone else xxx

Hi everyone

Thanks so much for being so welcoming. What a cosy cave!

blue i completely sypmpathise. The only thing that made me behave this past month was knowing that i am seeing my acupuncturist on 20th and he said not to try before then. I didn't want to get into trouble with him because he's so lovely. (I love saying 'my acupuncturist - it sounds veh posh)

Lady F not deigned to put in an appearance as yet. Not actually late but have been feeling pmt-y for too long and need her to hurry up and come so that she can go again, like the tedious old rel that she is.

jools sounds like you might be having terrible PMT. Have you had acupuncture? It does help. Last time I went i was worried about my mood swings and he said to me that my body needed to be strong first and that then my mind would follow. Lying there with loads of tiny needles in you is strangely one of the most relaxing and uplifting experiences I've had. Have you had iron levels checked out etc? Taking any vitamin b complex type things? I keep meaning to...wasa's hypnotherapist sounds very good too. There's a certain amount of processing you need to do about a late-ish MC I'm sure, but you certainly don't need to be haunted by it.

sabs fingers tightly crossed for you for today.

anniecam hope work is still good. You are lucky. I swear it took me a month to get back into it.

napa and gracie hope you are both ok and being very well looked after.

vj hope that you are still feeling 'up' post scan.

ok. well lunch time over. Back to LA Law xx

VJ Good luck for today!!!
Sad welcomes to all the new members!!

Love you all

phew I feel like it should be Friday, have already wished someone a good weekend even.
hi mm nice to see you and I know what you mean very.
jools god it is awful sweetie, I remember reading your first posts about being down here in Cornwall on holiday and your mc and it seems so long ago and here we all are rattling round our cave still and again in my bloody case. Glad I sometimes make you smile though that cheered me up cos feel awful. hope your ddh is ok with his tests?
I dont know if I want to bd anymore, am 41 next month and dh is stricken with worry and seeing me/us go through this again. So I so, so emphasise honey,(spelling?)
wasabi cheers for the invite to that technical place, spend half our lives avoiding getting pregnant and the rest of it going insane trying to get up the duff what are we all like? hope the freelancing is going well - remeber 2 hour coffee breaks and a big fat banker type bonus is still on offer
Missing 4ever and vm a lot and send out warm ( who am I bloody kidding its bloody freezing here) sea breezes to you both.
sad hello to napa and gracie and sifuentes waves to everyone. ps am I the only one who actually likes grapefruit juice?

Hello ladies,

just a quick note to let you all know that my scan went fine today, cant believe that I got to see my little bubba (as me and DH like to call him/her). The bean (to me anyway) looks like a baby, but just all shrunk up (well 12 mm's!). I also have a retroverted uterus, which i knew from my mc. DH came with me, and my mum happened to have a physio appointment at the hospital at the same time, so showed her the pic too! To which she exclaimed - Rachel in Friends style "i cant see it!"

I never got to see my lost angel on a scan, just an empty womb, so it was so special to see bubba. DH found it quite hard to be back at the EPAU because it brought back a lot of sad memories for him, from our mc. He even remembered you guys, asking me how soon I was going to post to let you all know it went well!

The only negative aspect was that we bumped into my sisters brother-in-law at the hospital, who caught us just staring at the picture, and we know for sure he'll just tell everyone that he saw us there, and will tell the world that i'm pregnant, which means we will probably have to tell other people now, we did want to wait until my 12-week scan which is on 17th march

I just want to say thank you all so much for your support and kind words - you dont know how much it means to me. Better stop before I start crying now - this was only meant to be a quick post.

Still dont want to leave our cave - can i stay?

Sabs- Great news-so so happy for you.

Hello again ladies Im back.. Spent 15mins redaing everyones kind messages so very big thanks especially to Mermaid, Curly & Barbie who said some very lovely things, and to Lionstar Jools Annie Wasa Lobeov Sif Heebee Scamper Sabs Vjay Mollie Zen Blue and Mm! Really wanted to thank you all individually. Knowing lovely ladies like you who truly understand and feel for my situation makes me not feel so alone in this and thats very precious.. So glad Vjay and Sabs scans went well... Also sad welcomes to Positivethinker Napa Gracie amd Kym...

Well, thought id better catch up now as go back to work tomorrow and dont want to get caught sitting on mn all day! ERPC went as well as it can except wasnt seen til 3pm ao was a bit done in by then. Asked them to do it by ultrasound to make sure got it all cos of needing 2nd erpc like last time. Also took tissue samples. Just wanted it over with. Still browny discharge now 10 days later, so on sat paniced still bits left & sat up epu for 2hrs & had scan that showed was all clear thank god.
Ahh DH just phoned to tell me to look at massive orange full moon in sky outside! He's been so great and amazing and supportive when I know he is in pieces inside.. Dont know how I'd of coped without him, still managing to make each other laugh and be silly which is essential after everything we've been through. Just cant give up on life and hope and happiness can we ladies?
So next step is seein recurrent mc specialist on thursday, altho all NHS test done, gonna go for natural killer cells test privately and ask what else there is we can try. We're not giving up on this...

So once again thanks for support, will be back on again now as will help me get through mundane work when acting 'normal' but wanting to shout at people! I been ok while at home and distracted by home RL, sure work will be a diff story!

Lots of love to you all!!! xxxxxxxxxxx

congrats sabs, really good to hear things went well.

mermaids purse I did the grapefruit juice thing for a cocuple of months before most recent pregnany and liked it to begin with but got sick of it pretty quickly. Might start up again though.

evening to everyone else hope you are all doing ok.

Saw GP today and she has signed me off for 2 weeks though I already have next week as annual leave so may ask for the annual leave week back and take it in March. GP was funny, just told me to get back to it when we felt ready as the only reason to wait was for dating purposes and to see her next time to sort out early scans. I'm a midwife so have no problem accessing early scans but at least she offered.

Quick question and sorry if TMI, for any of you that have had erpc, I had the erpc last thurs night and have had no bleeding whatsoever since. Keep thinking it will start but so far nothing. After the last erpc I bled for a few days then stopped for a day then carried on for weeks so its very different. If anyone has any ideas please share! Maybe just writing this will make it arrive!!
Thanks all

Sabs - sooo glad to hear from you at last I've been refreshing and haunting the thread all afternoon waiting for news, and was starting to worry ! Don't you dare leave this cave The thing that haunts me still about the MC is never having "met" bean on a scan, as my only scan experience was to confirm everything was gone

4Ever - lovely to see you back. I hope the return to work is bearable - yes, pop in here and have a rant whenever you need

Napa - a GP at my practice said exactly the same thing - was really lovely, in contrast to the one I saw when I told him I was PG - grrr. I am definitely going back to this lady if I get a BFP again, as she said she would organise me an early scan

Sifuentes - I am beginning to think I will try acupuncture - everyone seems to have good things to say about it and I desperately need to move on - feel like I'm stuck in groundhog day, constantly reliving bits of the MC

Fantastic news about your scan sabs - lovely mental picture of you and DH seeing your babba for the first time . Maybe your Sister's BIL didn't clock you? Men aren't as observant as us ladies...

napa - I had minimal bleeding after ERPC, only for one day really. I would phone your gynae ward for reassurance.

Hey MM - lovely to hear from you! Looking forward to our rendezvous - have told DS we can visit the Disney shop when we're through in Glasgow.

4Ever - good to hear you and DH are being there for each other, it makes it so much more bearable. Hope your return to work goes OK and you pop in back and forward..

Hey mermaid, nice to have you back too. Your posts are always so full of warmth and humour to your fellow cave inhabitees even when your having the toughest time yourself x

Jools I would give the acupuncture a go. Sifuentes can report back on how it goes at her sesh.

I'm knackered tonight. DH still working late hours and I had to prop myself up in bed last night waiting for him to come home to stop falling asleep ahead of our scheduled 11.30pm bd session (we certainly didn't set the heather on fire) but job done .