Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 2 xxxxx

[barbie1]

Hello to everyone coming over from the previous thread and for all the new girls who will sadly be joining us...
You will not find a better bunch of girls to help you through such a hard time, we will get through this with the help of each other xxxx

mm, oh yes, I keep forgetting that I am 25! Really hope this week passes quickly for you - I'm sure that once you have movement on the appointment, all sorts of things will start to fall into place. It's the waiting I can never deal with. Give me action any time! You will soon be on the way to some answers, I know it, and then you can start to plan again. xx

Jonesy - I'll be thinking about you tonight, hope your head is clearer after your talk with your DP

vm sorry to hear your anxiety feelings are starting up again.. I remember your previous post about how mc robs you of your innocence and couldn't agree more .

I'm just (perhaps foolishly) focusing soley on ttc and just not going there on the anxiety if I ever get a BFP.

MM - are you travelling all the way down from Glasgow to meet barbie? What are your plans in 'the big smoke'?

hugs and positive thoughts to all x

vm yes give me action anytime.....sorry I couldn't help it.

blue no barbie is up in Glasgow this weekend so we are planning on squeezing in a coffee on Sat. Maybe next time it will be my turn to travel down to her.

Mollie, vm, mm, circular, jools, blue - Thnx again for all kind words of support and advice. Have a feeling things may not come out positive in long run but willing to give it a chance. Have sent him a mssg to say we shld talk it thru and decide from there. I know he doesn't thnk it shld end but I can't be in unhappy relationship - realise things exacerbated right now because of mmc just a week ago but even more reason to be treated with care and consideration! Feeling undervalued, disrespected and frankly pretty p*ssed off all round.... and ..

Thnk God for MN!!!

jonsey that sounds a good idea, at least then you will know you have tried but just remember you have been thru an emotional rollercoaster over the last few months this will have taken it's toll. Never the less you should never be left feeling undervalued and disrespected in a relationship, make sure things work our right for you and ds. You know where we are hun xxx.

BTW vm sorry you are feeling down today. I hope you're either bfp or that af turns up and the low subsides. x

Thnx mm! x

mm - you should take Barbie to 'Fifi and Ally' on 2nd floor of Princes Square - they do fabulous home made cakes!

Hi, Jools directed me over here after I returned to my TTC thread. Here is my story (so far) sorry for the shameless cut & paste, couldn't face typing it all again.

12 week scan yesterday seems to show a missed miscarriage. Scan showed sac and embryo of no more than 6 weeks and no heartbeat . Was pretty cut up at the time, couldn't stop crying and the scan clinic let me out the back way so wouldn't have to face all those bumps on the way out. Have to go for another scan on Tuesday just to confirm, then have to decide if need medical management or if it will happen naturally.

Will probably start TTC stright away, though I know they recommend waiting a couple of cycles. Am feeling a bit numb at the moment - more shock than anything. It strangely doesn't feel like a bereavement, just emptiness - am I strange? In my heart of hearts I suspected something might be up, it took ages to get a BFP (43 days), then I had totally no symptoms not even the increased weeing which I remember so well from last time. So in a way I was prepared for the sight on the screen, still cried buckets though. We told loads of people too - am not looking forward to updating them. Am not going to answer the phone for a couple of days.

Just feel the emptiness at the moment, does this become proper grief after the whole process is complete, or am I just emotionally stunted? So sad to see some of the stories on here, I sort of knew MC is common in first 12 weeks, but am stunned just to come across so many people on MN that it has happened to.

Hi Lionstar - glad you made it over but so sorry you had to

I'm not stalking you - just lurking on MN as I'm feeling sorry for myself again and a bit crampy, so decided another sofa day is in order.

I can imagine the shock of seeing that scan and the numbness that follows - I couldn't even cry till I was scanned yesterday to confirm all was gone. Like you, I don't feel bereaved as such - just empty, and unreasonably upset about the stupidest things - never having had an early scan to see beanie alive, so nothing to remember him / her by, loss of cleavage, having to clear the calendar entry that marked the possible start of my maternity leave etc etc

My GP said yesterday that most people suffer around a week after an m/c when the sudden stop in pg hormones really hit hard. She also told me that, although they recommend waiting one normal cycle before TTC again, that is only for ease of dating and there is no real reason not to try immediately.

I'm sure others will be along to share their experiences. Make yourself comfy and settle down on the sofa with a glass of wine, some smelly cheese, pate and chocs

thanks jools, am currently wrapped up on the sofa being slept on by dd, she is my little ray of sunshine (and the reason for no caps - one handed typing)

Had to resist the urge not to open a bottle of red to drown my sorrows last night, but if want to ttc again need to stay alco free. haven't touched a drop since last may with this ttc business. chocolate - well that's another matter, dp will be bringing some home (if he knows what is good for him)

Hello lionstar and so sorry that you've joined this thread but glad too because it's a good place to be during/after a mc/mmc. I too had a mmc at 11.5 weeks and I also felt as you described above: empty. In fact, reading yours and Jools' posts brings back all the raw feelings and how it felt at the time. It is truly awful to see a black nothingness on the monitor - something that you will never forget. We all know on this thread exactly what you are going through; although you feel empty now, the grieving process will develop in its own time, in your own way so don't think that there is a 'normal' way of dealing with this because there isn't. And yes, mc is so very common, so very sad.

I cut down on alcohol when TTC and, post BFP, had had just 2 halves of guinness till this weekend.

I had a small glass of wine on Sat night - sipped over more than 2 hours (my birthday on Sun, so a treat). On the Friday, I'd given in and taken paracetamol for a 5 day headache. I also probably had a little more caffeine than normal as we were on hols and in and out of tea shops to warm up.

I know people will tell me I'm being stupid, but I can't help wondering if that all contributed to the m/c

I'm allowing myself a few days to wallow, drink wine and eat lots of choc, then I'm hitting the gym again, eating a low-fat healthy diet and aiming to lose a stone whilst TTC

In a couple of weeks, I'm cutting out alcohol completely and won't even touch paracetamol if I can avoid it. I may give up caffeine completely aswell, although I only ever used to have 2 cups of tea every day.

Probably TMI but on Sat night and again Sun morning, we were quite intimate and, during that time on the Sun morning, I felt quite sharp pains across my pelvis. I will always wonder if that is when beanie died as I saw a little blood that night, more Monday night and then it all kicked off on Tuesday. It really gets to me that I don't KNOW for sure when my baby's heart stopped beating

{off to find a box of tissues} ...

lionstar welcome and so sorry to read your sad story . I had blighted ovum at 12 weeks - devastating and so shocking to see empty sac where there should have been a baby. Feel like I've no right to grieve for baby that probably never was. The whole mmc, whichever version you have, is just awful! I have been on a rollercoaster of grief over last week, so up and down. Suspect you may be the same. Just want to hide from the world but at the same time get back to normal life too. Just allow yourself time to get over this (hugs) x

jools please don't beat yourself up about when your lo may have died as you will never know and it is not likely anything you did caused it. There are women who drink, smoke, take drugs, party and all sorts throughout a pregnancy with no problems. MC is just so common, the statistics are about a quarter of all pg's end in mc within first 12 weeks I think but most women go on to have healthy pg's afterwards, so best not to dwell on the stuff you may never know and look to the future and your next pg which will probably be healthy and result in a beautiful bouncing baby!

ps. I am not condoning the drinking/smoking/drug taking stuff while pg btw... ...

Lionstar Welcome, so sorry you had to join us and sorry for your awful experience, I am sure you will have lots of support from the lovely girls on here. Hugs x
Jonesy Good luck for later

I am incommuncado now for the weekend as my broadband is still down, will miss you guys x

jools, rest assured that none of the things you described could have caused your miscarriage. It was not your fault. The most common cause of sporadic mc is cellular. Just think of the millions of cells dividing in a growing baby at any one point... and how powerless we are over this process...

Lionstar, welcome. I'm so very, very sorry that you've had to suffer this too. I also had a mmc, in early September (discovered at 10 weeks scan; baby had stopped growing at 6 wks). The empty feeling is totally normal. Just be very gentle with yourself in the next weeks and months, especially when the hormones start to dip... we will all be here for you. xx

Jonesey, so glad you and dp are going to talk... if the relationship is basically good then a crisis like this can actually make it stronger by bringing the issues to the surface. Just tell him how you feel and what you need! You'll know what to do and if it's right for you. (And now I will shut up...)

lionstar sorry you have had to join us but a big welcome to you. Your story sounds very similar to a lot of experiences on here (check out the first thread also), don't expect too much from yourself right now. We are all here if you need to talk.

jools nothing you did contributed towards your mc hun, we all look for reasons and blame ourselves but the truth is sadly that we had no control over this. What you are doing is natural but please try not to beat yourself up over this.

jonesy thinking of you tonight.

mollie you will be missed over the weekend, we will catch up on Mon.

blue thanks for the recommendation but it looks like we will be meeting on Sun now and not in the city centre, will try it thou next time I am in town sounds yummy.

vm promise, promise, promise me you will never shut up.........mm is horrified at the thought.

Hi to everyone I haven't mentioned and hope you have a good weekend, hugs and waves mm xxx

Oh Jonesy, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It can't do any harm to talk and let him know how his behaviour has hurt you. You are right to demand more though. This is such a horrible time for you and he should be putting you first. But men are funny creatures and sometimes they just don't understand the impact they can have. Just remember how lovely you are and that you deserve the best. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I so hope your talk goes well but whatever happens please let us help if we can.

Hi villagemum, started your book today and am totally hooked. You are one talented lady. Unfortunately DH has come home and expects conversation from me now! I'm sorry you are feeling low - it is scary to think of risking going through this again but see how you feel in a little while.

Big hellooo to Barbie, VJ, Circular, Mermaid, MM, Blue and everyone. Hope the appointment went well 4ever Jools please don't torture yourself. There is nothing you could have done sweetie. Life is just really unfair sometimes. And Lionstar you are not alone. I also had a mmc discovered on the first scan - it is heartbreaking but I found it really helps to talk.

Sabs, thanks so much for starting the new thread sweetie, I'm not quite ready to move over there but will pop over and say hi. One minute I think like VM that I cannot bear to risk going through it again and the next I want to jump on DH and get this party started - but I guess my body isn't quite ready yet

After quite a painful night and passing lots of clots (sorry if TMI) I bit the bullet and went back for the scan today. Turns out they didn't clear everything in the ERPC so that explains the heavy bleeding but it looks like there is not too much left. I need to get checked again in a week and hopefully won't need another ERPC

We'll miss you this weekend Mollie Mooma, get that broadband sorted

Gosh this is a long post - even for me!

Morning everyone and welcome lionstar. So sorry to hear your news, hope you find comfort here. How are you today?

Jonesy - how are things with you?

curly - glad to hear you (hopefully) don't need another ERPC.

I'm off to the gym for my weekly i-pod session x

Jonesy Hope last night was productive, whatever the outcome, really hope you got things sorted sweet
Curly Will keep everything crossed that you won't need another ERPC, it must be very frustrating as it prolongs your healing process.
VM Hope you are feeling a little better today lovely
Jools You are torturing yourself just like we all probably have done, thinking that it was something we did that caused the m/c, like the others have said unfortnately there are millions of reasons that it can go wrong. And if you saw the state of some of the women I have to interview daily who are pg and what they do to themselves you'd feel so much better trust me! Personally I just want kill the lot of the ungrateful wretches Oops did I say that out loud!
MM How are you?
Lionstar I hope you decided to indulge a little last night, it will do you good
Barbie MIss you
Blue You are so good going to the gym, I am impressed

Waves to everyone else I haven't mentioned. As you can tell my broadband is now fixed, hurray! Nothing much happening my end, my TnTC is still going well, although my method of abstinence is not appreciated by DH!

Good morning all

Jonesy - was thinking of you last night.

MollieMooma - do you have to deal with PG ladies every day then ? That must be sooo hard Glad you are back online

I went out (other than hospital) for the first time last night - a couple of soft drinks in the pub wore me out and I felt distinctly odd walking down the road, but at least I could safely walk without worrying about making a mess Saw a couple of DP's friends who knew I was PG and he'd already told about the mc - responding to their concern was hard

I've been in quite a lot of discomfort - not cramps really - just feels odd and achey down below. I don't feel comfortable sitting upright on any hard chair and , if I have wind, or need the loo, I have to physically hold my abdomen as it starts cramping and hurting as if there is not room for everything ? Could it just be things settling back into position ? I wonder if bits of me have been stretched a bit as ... TMI coming up

When I had lots of pain and cramps on Wed evening and passed one final huge piece of something (after which the pain went), I really did feel that I needed to push it out and it felt most odd - perhaps bits of me have stretched ?

Meeting a good friend at midday for coffee - she knows and I was supposed to meet her on Tues for a birthday chat, but obviously had to cancel and tell her why. I'm not sure I'm ready to talk to anyone face to face yet - crying is random and uncontrollable at the moment

Thanks for all your kind words guys, it means a lot, I'm just so sad at the circumstances that have brought everyone together here. I wish you all some comfort for the process that you are all going through.

Jules - I'm dreading that though of having to tell people, as so many people knew about the pregnancy. I don't even want to talk to people on the phone at the moment as I broke down each time telling my family. I feel like it is going to be hanging over every conversation I have for the next few months. I hope you start feeling more comfortable soon. I have had a few aches and gentle cramps overnight and there are some brown smears when I wipe so I think that is the start. I just don't know how long this will go on for - sounds like it might be pretty painful?

We have told my DD, she is only 20 months but was quite aware of the baby in my tummy, and would kiss it goodnight. She is happy enough with the explanation that the baby has gone to live in the sky with the stars (or the moon or aeroplanes sometimes), but she keeps asking "baby come back"

Welcome back to hi speed mumsneting molliemooma, we missed you! I don't know how you hold back on the sarky comments with these women i would be very tempted to let rip

Good on you Blue, I have a definite plan to get back to running but I'll wait till my body sorts itself out. Things are much better today tho

jools, the pains you are having sound really familiar. I really hope they get better soon. It is so scary Lionstar not knowing what to expect so please post if you are worried about anything. The lovely girls on this forum have experienced most things so hopefully between us, we can help.

It is so painful to have to tell people especially early on - the look of concern and sadness on other people's faces would set anyone off. Take it easy on yourself. It does get less raw. We are all still up and down but I have found it does get to the point where I can tell someone about it without that unbearable grief

Jonesy, thinking of you today honey. Hope things went well last night

And lionstar. About it being painful, everyone is different but usually if there is pain I think people mainly have something like really bad period pain. The hardest bit may be just not knowing how long it will go on for (and what you might see )

Sorry if I have missed this in your previous posts but are you considering an ERPC?