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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 2 xxxxx

996 replies

barbie1 · 08/11/2008 21:50

Hello to everyone coming over from the previous thread and for all the new girls who will sadly be joining us...
You will not find a better bunch of girls to help you through such a hard time, we will get through this with the help of each other xxxx

OP posts:
mm1509 · 14/11/2008 11:17

Oh jonesy I don't know what to say...............very for you. You have had so much to cope with maybe some time to sort both of your emotion might help. Sorry if that sounds lame, wish I could just give you a big hug right now.

bluesatinsash · 14/11/2008 11:17

Oh Jonsey ... Don't want to pry but is he maybe feeling overwhelmed after mc? Is he just needing some space to sort through his emotions? (but and that he is not there to support you...)

Don't know what else to say but big .

speak later x

VillageMum · 14/11/2008 11:32

Oh Jonesey, no - is it worth you both taking the rest of the day off to talk it over? Sending you many, many hugs. xx

MollieMooma · 14/11/2008 11:34

Jonesy Oh sweet this is the last thing you need, your still trying to cope with the aftermath of the m/c. Hope this doesn't sound too nosey, did you have problems before? Would he consider counselling?
Go home from work unless you feel that it will keep you distracted, nobody expects you to keep it together with all that is going on. Sending you a huge hug, feel free to talk as little or as much as you want xx

Jonesy68 · 14/11/2008 11:35

Thnx guys! Yes I thnk I need support from him and I'm not getting it. Row Monday night, barely spoken since. Not much appreciation of what I'm going thru. Not good enuff. Getting more support from friends and MN!!! The worst is that I know things are going to be so hard for a while as we get this all sorted and I'm dreading breaking it to ds. Any advice on how I should tell him would be gratefully received.

Jonesy68 · 14/11/2008 11:39

I should say tho - it's me who's told him its over. I can't live with someone who can be so insensitive while I'm going through what I am. He has agreed without a fight so I guess he thinks the same. We will discuss the why's and how's tonight I'm sure. We've had similar situations before and when I was pg back in June, we were fighting then. Perhaps I was foolish to consider pg with such a tenuous relationship but it felt right at the time. Can I really be 40 and still have such poor judgment on relationships???

Sorry for such me me me posts....

VillageMum · 14/11/2008 11:42

mm my old chat buddy, meant to say hello - and all you other lovely girls too...

Curlywurlee, I'm sorry you've been feeling down; just take it slowly and go get that scan so that you can set your mind at rest.

VJay, glad the book made you giggle!

I'm feeling a bit short on giggles today and think it must be PMT - maybe that and realising that the reality of trying to get pg again will soon be here. Have been really positive recently, but now that niggling fear (will I have another mc?) is coming back. Hope you all don't mind me hanging around here for a while longer; I've been on the odd ttc thread but they just don't feel like family and this thread does! Promise I won't discuss the ins and outs of ttc or OPKS!

CircularRainbow · 14/11/2008 11:42

jonesey - no, that sounds like a very drastic move. When you say he is leaving, do you mean he is going to stay overnight with a friend or a relative for a night or two, or do you mean he is really leaving, as in packing his bags and going? I hope it's the former and that he just needs some time alone (for whatever reason). How are you coping? I hope you manage to sort things out - perhaps there'll be more time over the weekend to talk things through without there being too many distractions. Perhaps don't mention anything yet to ds - until you know how the land lies...

CircularRainbow · 14/11/2008 11:51

vm - yep, know the 'will I mc again' feeling. I endeavour not to think that way but it is difficult keeping out of that mental territory...Rationally, I know none of us have any control over what happens post-conception but emotionally, I know that waiting until 12wks is very hard going (and even then, there are no guarantees).

I guess we're all in the same boat so we'll just have to paddle along together....oars at the ready...

VillageMum · 14/11/2008 11:52

Jonesey, I didn't mean that last post of mine to come in the middle of your worries... if it's any help, I think being pg brings out all the cracks in a relationship, even the best ones - and mc even more so. If the relationship really is wrong, and really over, you'll know - but just don't make any rash decisions and take time to talk it through tonight, won't you? Thinking of you. xx

Jonesy68 · 14/11/2008 11:55

circular Leaving leaving, not over-night. I have told him it's clearly going down the pan and he says he will need some time to get out completely. Perhaps it's for the best. Won't tell ds until I have to but don't know how I will.

No doubt we will discuss tonight but I am not that hopeful of turning it around I'm afraid.

When I left ex-dh 4 yrs ago it was similar in as much as once I know it's bad and I feel miserable and not respected then I shut down and that's the end.

Jonesy68 · 14/11/2008 11:56

Thnx too vm...x

VillageMum · 14/11/2008 11:59

Circular, thanks so much for the moral support - much needed! I don't know why I'm suddenly so anxious: could it be PMT, or is it the reality of what we're about to attempt kicking in? Had a similar reaction last cycle and decided to back off fast from ttc and give myself a break, but this time I really do think I'm ready - and yet, the fear is there. Maybe it will never go. Everything makes me cry today. Have just given ds's sick hamster away to someone who will be able to nurse it back to health and am now in floods of tears - over a hamster! I ask you!! x

Jonesey, my heart just breaks for what you're having to cope with too. Don't tell ds yet - things might change! x

VillageMum · 14/11/2008 12:02

Sorry Jonesey, our posts must have crossed - you do seem determined and of course none of knows the reality of your relationship. I'm just such a believer in talking things over though that I can't help urging it - miracles can happen... Good luck and much strength to you whatever you decide. xx

CircularRainbow · 14/11/2008 12:14

jonesey - you sound as though your mind is made up, what about you dp's? If he doesn't feel the same way and is willing to change a little bit, then do you think you will take him back and start afresh? It must be very tough for you both right now, I hope your talk tonight thoroughly clears the air...but I would wait a few days at least before mentioning anything to your ds - until you're absolutely sure that the relationship is finished.

vm - being anxious is a natural state of being pg, but it is heightened when you've had a mc or a mmc. There really is nothing we can do to forestall a mc so we just have to take care of our health and take each day as it comes...oh, but first we have to get pg!!!! You may feel a little more positive in a couple of weeks' time but I, for one, don't really expect to relax during any future pg. FWIW, I would have a CVS done at 12wks anyway so that's also another reason to not relax. One day at a time, nothing more nor less..

Jools1 · 14/11/2008 12:19

Really sorry Jonesy I agree - go home and get your head straight - work out what you need to say tonight. I hope it works out the way YOU need it to.

Ladies - I have invited over someone I knew from the TTC over 35 thread who has recently had some bad news - if Lionstar pops her head round the door, please look after her - I know you will

VillageMum · 14/11/2008 12:21

Circular, thanks - you're so right; I think the key is to remember that having a mc or mmc is out of our hands and that we can't prevent it. A lot of my anxiety comes from feeling that I have to stop the next one from happening somehow - but of course, apart from applying basic common sense there's nothing you can actually do. Letting go and letting what will be unfold is hard though... I suspect I may feel more positive in a fortnight; a lot of this gloom is down to hormones, bless 'em.

Jonesey, here I am again - I think Circular has said yet another wise thing, above! Seems to me that a lot of the time men just go along with out relationship decisions: maybe worth finding out what dp really feels? He may not want to go at all, really... Good luck sweetheart. xx

mm1509 · 14/11/2008 12:26

jonesy my heart so goes out for you right now. In agree with vm have you talked thru both your feelings especially over the mc, men react so differently to us maybe he is just not expressing his feelings. Sorry if I am preaching but mc is such an emotional and stressful time.........maybe take some time out and see how you feel. What ever happens we are here for you hun. xxx

vm what you are feeling is entirely natural, I have been there twice remember. There no easy way to get thru those early weeks after a BFP but I guess we must focus on the end result. I am afraid there will be many more tears, both good and bad, before we all get to our goals. I am one to talk atm I am too scared to even contemplate ttc for now. My mind is all over the place both work and thinking of when we should ttc seem to be taking over most of my thoughts for now. I feel I am becoming this obsessive monster that I swore I would never become.Aaaarrggghhh

MollieMooma · 14/11/2008 12:28

Jonesy It sounds as if you have made up your mind, you alone know what is right and wrong hun, just make sure you give yourself some time to think things through.
VM Sorry to hear your feeling low today, Ive found that my low times are linked to my cycle so every 2 wks or so I feel crap, if it's not AF related it's OV related, can't win can we? Sending you a hug x
Jools We'll keep an eye out for Lionstar
Mollie waves to Circular MM & of course personal stalker Barbie

mm1509 · 14/11/2008 12:29

vm crossed posts.......what you are saying makes so much sense, my problem is that I feel I can stop another mc from happening I just don't know how to yet.

mm1509 · 14/11/2008 12:30

mollie........mm waves back

VillageMum · 14/11/2008 12:32

Oh mm thanks for being there as you always are! There's something very motherly about you that always makes me feel better!! (Even though I am the ancient one) It really does help to talk to someone who has been through this... Know what you mean about the obsessiveness; I've been there, in fact I am there. Have had a brief break from ttc obsession this last month and now I suspect it will be back in full force. I'm here for you too if it helps! xx

VillageMum · 14/11/2008 12:36

mm, crossed posts again - yes, I do believe that in your case you can stop another mc from happening; once you've had some tests done and had feedback from the specialist you'll feel empowered. And THEN you'll be ready! Though I know it seems like ages away still... when is your appointment, do you know yet? x

Mollie, thanks, this weepy gloom must be AF related, I feel. Things were never like this on the pill I tell you!

mm1509 · 14/11/2008 12:38

vm I know you are hun, you again make me smile at the motherly quote.........that's exactly how I feel about you our very own villagemum. Thats the thing we are actively tntc atm but I am still obsessive, what will I be later on, p.s. not so much of the ancient I am pretty close behind my love.

mm1509 · 14/11/2008 12:40

vm still waiting on the appointment coming thru, doctors said to give it till next week then they will begin chasing it on.........lots of crossed posting going on today.