Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 2 xxxxx

[barbie1]

Hello to everyone coming over from the previous thread and for all the new girls who will sadly be joining us...
You will not find a better bunch of girls to help you through such a hard time, we will get through this with the help of each other xxxx

Not sure yet of medical management. We have another scan on Tuesday, though the plans may change if it starts naturally in the meantime. We haven't seen the consultant yet to discuss choices - that was to happen on Tuesday. If I'm honest I would rather it ocurred naturally, but I'll be open to the consultants opinion. It all seems so open though, I'm struggling to adjust to the thought that the embryo/baby is still inside me even though it probably died 5 or 6 weeks ago. It is difficult enough to adjust to the fact that we have lost it, but that won't be an actual fact until the process is complete.

Jools1 - your cramps and pain sounded v. similar to mine (I also had natural mc at home). What I've read on here since is that your body actually goes through a mini labour(cervix dilating, feeling the urge to push) and the associated contraction pains that go with it. You can also experience shivering, shaking, sickness which is akin to the 'transitional' phase of labour (this was all new to me as ds was delivered by cs so I never experience 2nd stage labour). I wish I'd known all that when I was curled up on my en suite floor wondering what the hell was happening.

Lionstar - about you telling your DD. Hope the above also gives you an indication of what may be to come and prepare you. I left my scan with the words "it may take 4 weeks for everything to come away" ringing in my ears so was so not prepared for it all happening that afternoon.

On a lighter note, I rocked at the gym this morning - there is nothing like a bit of Meat Loaf to spur me on.

Hello everyone, a lot has happened since I was last on which was only yesterday morning!
I hope you're talk went well last night jonesy, you've had so much to deal with and now this, I do feel for you.
Welcome lionstar, I'm sorry you've had to join us. I've had a surgical management 1st time round, then my last mc happened naturally, I have no experience with medical management sorry. Am thinking of you {{{{hugs}}}}.
Big waves to everyone else, I hope you are all having good weekends.

Back from town - was nice to see my friend but I wandered round the shops afterwards and was really really fighting to keep the tears back.

DP wants me to come out with him this afternoon and watch the rugby - he would stay home if I asked him but he has been so good to me lately, I wouldn't ask. Just trying to decide whether to stay home and wallow or go out and hope it will lift my mood.

Lionstar - Please don't be scared of what is to come. It is different I think for everyone. For the most part, the pain I had was like particularly nasty AF cramps and I'd have probably saved myself some of that pain if I could have taken ibuprofen but, being totally stupid and irrational, I didn't want to take more than paracetamol until I'd had my scan

What I would do is make sure you have some heavy duty pads to hand (moist loo roll / wipes are good too) and, if you start seeing blood whenever you wipe, maybe it is better not to stray too far from home. Mine started on Mon evening with some red, then Tues morning with black / brown / red blood on wiping and I saw a small clot, so put a pad on. When it happened at around 1.30, I had a gush of watery blood that completely soaked everything in seconds, then couldn't move from the loo for an hour or more. It was terrifying for me because it was unexpected - you will know what is to come, so can prepare. I think also, it doesn't necessarily come out so quickly ? My bleeding has virtually stopped now but I think some people can go for a couple of weeks.

Will be thinking of you xx

Sorry Lionstar , I remember now your post about the scan. I hope you get the best news possible on Tuesday. Not all doctors think ERPC is the best way. It was for me - even tho it didn't work fully - but everyone is different. It's a good plan to wear a pad - horrible as they are - even if you are just spotting just so you don't worry about it. And I did find that I sort of knew before any big clots or really heavy bleeding was coming because the pain (usually in my back) got worse for a couple of hours beforehand.

Jools, you've been doing so well putting on a brave face all day. Going out is a great idea if it is likely to take your mind off things, but put yourself first and if an evening wrapped up on the couch with hot chocolate, x-factor and Mumsnet sounds more appealing, then don't pressure yourself into going out

It sounds like your MC was awful and traumatic in that it all happened so fast, but I am glad the bleeding has almost stopped and you can look after getting yourself better in other ways now

I'm looking forward to a night out which I couldn't have even imagined two days ago. Bit exciting really , how daft is that.

Big hugs everyone and talk soon xxx

Couldn't go out - just can't stop crying - I've been sobbing my heart out on and off all afternoon and just can't stop

Gonna make another attempt to get up and out the door in an attempt to distract myself

Jonesy I am so sorry to hear your bad news...hopefully things work out, i'm thinking of you.

VM I know how you feel about ttc and all the anxiety that comes with it. sometimes i feel positive and strong enough to myabe think about leaving here, but then something happens in RL and i go like 5 steps back....this place is my comfort zone! Hope you're feeling better today

mm i'm another member of the obsessive club! ...even though we decided to wait until the new year before trying again, i still think that maybe we shouldnt. But because medics told us to wait, DH is taking it very seriously and being very strong about it!

Lionstar sorry you have had to join us. I had medical management in September (was 11 weeks pregnant when i miscarried) so let me know if you need more information about it. Reading about your DD nearly made me cry

jools1 i think we all think about what we should have and should not have done, but please dont blame yourself.

curlywurlee hope things work out and you dont need to have another ERPC. Good luck for next week and have fun tonight!

molliemooma glad your broadband is fixed [smiles]

Oh Jools I really feel for you. I really think you should give youself time to grieve and cry. It helps to get it out of the system. Be kind to yourself and take your time in returning to RL

I had a massive argument with DH yesterday (Men, they are so infuriating sometimes!) but it brought everything that ive been going through in the past 2 month back again. Spent the night crying and wishing I could have my baby back . It was the first time in a week that I had cried. I really thought I was getting over it all, but i guess i never will.
A couple of weeks ago I started writing about me pregnancy and miscarriage experience into a book which is really helping me. Writing into a book (as opposed to a computer where i seem to spend all my time!) is really helping me.
DH has been spending all of today trying to make it up to me. I still havent forgiven him yet.

Evening all.... 4½ hours of talking last night and we're doing ok today altho dp has some big decisions to make and I dnt know which way it will go yet... will wait n see...

Saw my pg friend lst night for 1st time. She and I were exactly the same way along as eachother, bar 2 days. I found it really hard. Texted her beforehand (our ds's do taikwon do together on Friday eves) to ask her not to mention it and bless her she ddn't say a word. Her scan is Tues, mine was booked immediately before hers. I had to go and sit in the car feeling very tearful for a while. Feel guilty for my jealous feelings but can't help it.

Today was much better day as took ds swimming and was wonderful to see him actually swimming himself for first time ever. He gained confidence with evry minute and was managing a whole width before we left! . He is the best pick me up in he world for me!!! DP showed up and stayed to watch and encourage.

jools so sorry you are having such a rough time right now, you poor thing. I know how you feel and it's such a sad time.

I will read up properly & catch up tomorrow but gotta go help with the dinner now. xxx

Just popping in quickly ladies... Sounds like quite a few of us are having a tough time right now so here are ((many many hugs)).

Jonesey, so glad you and dp are talking it through...

Curlywurlee, great news if you can avoid a second ERPC.

Lionstar, my thoughts are with you as you go through this...

Jools, so sorry you're feeling rotten. I've had days where I've been paralysed by tears too (including one memorable afternoon of crying in my car in a parking lot - just couldn't open the door.) Just let them out...

sabs, know what you mean about this thread being your comfort zone - mine too!

VJay, bluesatin, barbie, mermaid, mollie, 4ever and last but NOT least mm, hello... I'm feeling the oppressively dark autumn (or are they now winter?) days a bit today. That plus premenstrual blues = glum VillageMum. And dh is painting my writing room (which is lovely of him) so I have lost my safety/bolt hole (and had to dust everything)! Argh - I really don't like change! Must go and play computer games with ds now. x

Boohoo, my services on ds's computer console are not needed as he is now dancing around in his room to HSM3. Dh is holed up in my office painting the walls. So here I sit in the kitchen, watching the rice boil!

Curlywurlee, meant to say thanks for your kind words about the book!

Well, let me pick myself up and go finish making supper... x

Good morning, it seems to have been a quiet night last night on here. I spent last night watching some very funny telly and laughing my head off, it was great
I'm finding it hard not to obsess about ttc again, I'm ready now, both physically and emotionally, but I've not even had 1st af after mc yet, has anyone seen her?

PS I know sabs has started a new thread on conception, but there's another one on there called 'where Emmsy's established friendships continue to support us on our journeys..'. I had a quick peek in there this morning and they all sound like us, just a few months ahead!

Morning all - seems quite today.

Glad you had your chat Jonesy and fingers crossed you get the outcome you need.

I've had a better day so far today (very very lazy - only just out of the bath . Just waiting for my parents to arrive - they wanted to come and see me but I'm not really sure if I want to talk about things with them yet.

Oh well, time for breakfast !!

Hello everyone, glad the long talk seems to have paid dividends jonesey, hope the weekend has been good for you.

I read an article today about a Five newsreader (Kate Gerbeau) who has had a baby after suffering three mcs. I wish I hadn't read the article now because I'm now aware of something called Asherman's syndrome!! Aghr, too much information is not necessarily a good thing. This condition can arise for various reasons, including after a D&C - which is what I had...has anyone else heard of this condition?

Well, had my usual leisure centre fix which always makes me feel good afterwards. It's just started raining - hope this isn't an omen for yet another wet week!

Have had quite a good day today - a surprise after the uncontrollable sobbing of yesterday. Haven't left the house today - have been mainly crashed on the sofa with the cats and the laptop ! I can't remember the last time I was this lazy

Have got a bad headache and have to hold my abdomen if anyone makes me laugh or I need the loo though.

Not going to work tomorrow - had toyed with the idea but have decided it is a bad idea

I hope everyone else had a good day.

Hello ladies, sorry to have been out of touch for so long, I've spent the last hour catching up with you all! Thought I'd cut and paste the names and details with my details too and have added lionstar and jools....

barbie age 28 newcastle no children

vm age 25 oxford one ds

mm age 36 glasgow one dd

curlywurlee age 35 greenwich no children

molliemooma

jonesy 40, Reading, one ds

mermaidspurse 40, Cornwall, 1 ds.

sabs 27 London No children

circularrainbow - age 40, hants, 2 dc

lilac - 31, Devon, 1 dd

4ever

Vjay 31 near Inverness, one ds

sausage

bluesatinsash - age 37, Falkirk, 1 DS

scamperT - age 31, Deptford, no kids yet

aspi

lionstar

jools

hello to ladies I haven't spoken to before, am really sorry for your losses but glad you found this thread.

lionstar how are you honey? You sound as if you are in the middle of things right now. It is so hard not knowing what to expect. I also had a missed mc, I went for my 12 wk scan to be told there was a 6 wk baby, was I sure about my dates etc ect. Began to mc the next day, like seeing the scan somehow sent my womb a message. I experienced what I can only describe as contraction like pain, but not having any kids yet, its hard to be sure. Am thinking of you xx

curlywurlee I am just down the road from greenwich! Read your posts about feeling empty and down, and am sending hugs up the road to you. Also, understand about not wanting to tell people, we ended up sending text messages to everyone who wasn't immediate family, because it was so exhausting talking on the phone.

Vjay both my parents were teachers and my sis is a teacher now, I am also thinking of a career change into teaching at some point. Glad your blood test came back ok.

barbie loved your posts on your escape route from would-be burglars!! I am exactly the same. DH was less than pleased to have beers with his friend interrupted a couple of weeks ago as I had convinced myself there was someone in the house and demanded he come home, and sat by the front door clutching my mobile til he got back...of course it was just the cats. We also live in an old, 3 storey house, its in a terrace, so when the neighbours go up their stairs it sounds like someone coming up ours. DH nearly clubbed the paper delivery person over the head with a baseball bat the other week as both convinced it was burglar.

jonesy how are you doing? Sorry to hear you are having tough time with dp when you must be feeling already emotionally drained and bruised by mc. Wishing you bucket loads of strength. Be kind to yourself even if others are not

villagemum am looking forward to reading your book! Am going to order it from local bookshop. Am with you and mm on the obsessive front.

sabs hello darling, sorry to hear you have been feeling empty. I too have put on weight, and am sad that its not due to pg. I know I should be trying to get fit, but hard to muster the energy sometimes. Your post about your dream made me cry

This weekend, DH and I were in York with a couple of friends for a weekend away. Went into York minster, and it was so beautiful in there. I haven't felt truly awed in a church since losing the faith a few years ago, but it is such a huge space, and the choir were singing, very inspiring and peaceful. Lit a candle for my two lost angels and smiled to think of them flying around in there, bought two glass angel xmas tree decorations, and thought how this would have been first xmas for angel who was due in Sept, then promptly burst into tears on DH outside.

Waves and hugs to you all, sorry for not saying a special hello to everyone, but DH is losing patience with the amount of time I've been on the computor now! xxxx

Welcome back scamper! Seems it's been a quiet weekend for everyone and that all you ladies have been occupied in RL today (as I have too)...

Circular, I have read about Asherman's syndrome and discussed it as a worry with the consultant who did my ERPC beforehand - just hope it's not something that materialises! Trying not to stress about each and every thing at the moment (touch wood)... as you say, too much info = not good!

jools, hope you enjoy your day off tomorrow and get plenty of rest.

And so to bed for neurotic VM. x

IM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gosh i have missed you all soooooo much...

I have learnt 5 valuable lessons this weekend that i want to share before i go to bed.

1. mm is as lovely in rl as she is on here barbie waves to her special friend! and she has the cutest dd too! such a lovely afternoon thankyou mm

2. you girls chat too much! i have to spend an hour reading to catch uo with you all!

3. NEVER have three children!!!!

4. high heels should never be the footwear of choice when looking after the three children

5. NEVER EVER let a 3 and 5 year old blow dry your hair.....unless you want it to end up looking like a head of candyfloss!!!!!

go appt tom to see what is actually happening im sure its a mc again but i dont think i can get my head around it or dont want to believe it i suppose sorry if this doesnt make much sense not alot does at the moment

daisysmummy, oh I'm so sorry this is happening to you ((many many hugs)). Come on here anytime when you need to chat and we'll all be here.

barbie, we've missed you, welcome back!

Morning all

Just got up

Had a very bad night - lots of cramps and backache and stuff - just when I thought it was pretty much done Tears at 4am but couldn't wake up DP as he is now ill I was strangely comforted when I thought about going to sit in the cathedral today. I've only been in there once in ten years, but it seems like the right thing to do somehow.

Daisymummy - hope you're ok

Lionstar - haven't seen you around - thinking of you.

Good morning ladies,

Had a lovely weekend, took dd to see the Christmas lights being switched on with some family on Saturday and then on Sunday got to meet barbie and I have a secret to share..................barbie is even nicer in rl (if that is possilbe). Thank you my love, we did have a nice time, actually even better than I could have hoped for, the only down side it wasn't long enough. It says so much for the bonds we have made on here how easy and relaxed it is when we meet up.

daisymummy sorry this is happening again, come and chat when you are ready.

vm I started your book on Sat but have a confession to make..........every time I try to read it I keep thinking my chat buddy has written this, then find my mind wandering to you on here, I end up with a big grin on my face and end up having to re-read the page. Will promise to concentrate more I just get all excited every time I pick it up...........mm slaps her wrist.

scamper good to see you back, I can see how you were moved at York Minster it is so beautiful in there.

jonesy hope it all works out for you and dp, been thinking about you over the weekend.

jools hope you are better today and taking it easy today.

circular glad you are still having your leisure fixes, you have done so well keeping it up.

4ever how did your appointment go, been thinking about you.

mollie hope you are good today, glad you see your connection is back.

barbie glad to see you and your Mum had a safe journey home. So happy we got the chance to meet, you are just as I thought you would be in rl..........only even nicer. DD has been asking all about you. Enjoy your day with your Mum tomorrow and I hope she is feeling better. Take care hun and waves back.

Big hellos to everyone I haven't mentioned vjay,blue,curly,lionstar,sabs,mermaid,lilac, sorry if I missed anyone out it is getting hard to keep up.

P.S. barbie I also learned something over the weekend, it is so much better to give real life hugs, now we just need the big meet up later so we can do the group hugs.

jools crossed posts, sorry you are still going thru this. Hope the cathedral is comforting to you today, take it easy and give your mind and body time to recover.

Still here Jools, putting plenty of sofa time in, but DD is taking full advantage of having a captive audience which makes using laptop tricky. Still it keeps me busy.

Sorry to hear you are still having a tough time of it. Hope you don't mind if I say it makes it a bit more reassuring for me to hear of what is to come so I can be more prepared. Sounds like a nice idea about sitting in a cathedral, seems like it was theraputic for Scamper too. I am tempted despite not being religious, but there is something about the quality of the space and silence in churches and cathedrals that can be quite cleansing.

I have started some heavier bleeding today. phoned the EPU and we have deferred my second scan until next week as it seems pretty certain now that I am miscarrying. They were very nice though and did their best to warn me of what is to come and recommended I have some support around and not to try and cope with DD by myself. Wise words I guess, though I'm not sure I feel up to dealing with lots of sympathy from DPs family (mine live too far, as do my closest friends)

daisymummy so sorry to hear you may have bad news, hope you are ok.

Good to hear from you Lionstar

I'm not religious either - it is the feeling of peace I am looking for I think

If my experiences can help anyone, then I am very glad. Don't let me scare you though - the worst part for me was the shock of it all happening so suddenly out of the blue, and the bleeding being so heavy and scary from the off.

Any pain I'm getting now is perfectly manageable, but just feels worse because it is a physical reminder of what has been lost. I also thought the bleeding had finished - couldn't believe there could be anything left I had an awful day on Sat and couldn't stop sobbing, felt quite good yesterday and then was in tears overnight and am somewhere in the middle right now. I seem to have no control over what I feel and when - people warned me but I didn't quite realise how strange that would be