Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 2 xxxxx

[barbie1]

Hello to everyone coming over from the previous thread and for all the new girls who will sadly be joining us...
You will not find a better bunch of girls to help you through such a hard time, we will get through this with the help of each other xxxx

Hi curly at my appointment on Thurs the consultant went over my full history including my preg/ birth of dd and all 3 mc - dates they happened, how far on I was each time, had we seen a hb etc. Then he took some blood from both DH and I. No scans you will be pleased to know but he was going to pull all my files from dd birth to see if anything showed up from then, she was a c section so it would have been noticed then if there were any abnormalities with my womb. Hope your trip away with work goes well and good luck with the appointment.

sabs we could never forget you.......great news about your nan. Have a fantastic Eid with DH your new haircut.

hello all,

promise I'll think of a christmas name for my next hello, but this is just a quick one...spent quite a while as usual catching up with you all!

You all make me with your positive thoughts, which I needed this weekend, as had terrible news on Friday that of my closest friends has just lost her baby, she was around 20 weeks pg. So so sad for her... I know that her pain is just beginning, and wish I could take that away, it just doesn't seem fair. I may introduce her to our cave if that's ok? She's still in hospital at the moment though.

Sorry for lack of personal messages, but big Christmassy and Eid waves to you all. We put our tree up yesterday and I put my two glass angels from York minster up, and thought of us all...

Sorry to go AWOL for a couple of days ladies - I actually had a very good and busy day on Sat - even felt almost like my old self when I was out with friends that night

However, early hours of Sun morning, had an almighty row with DP and this kicked off mega depression and crying. I can barely see this morning and am only at work because he is off sick with a headache and I couldn't bear to stay there with him.

What makes it worse is we've been engaged ten years today. Before I got PG, I'd raised the subject of actually getting married on this day At the moment, he has closed up completely - doesn't want to go to my parents for Christams for only the second time in 9 years (so I'll go without him), doesn't want a child - that is the worst bit - if he sticks to that one, I simply cannot see a future for me or us I don't even have time to move on and find someone else to have a child with in that time and don't think I could bear to stay with him and resent him for evermore for not wanting to have children with me

Sorry, having a very low, wallowing me me me day.

Quick wave to Curlywurlee and Scamper. Barbie - I hope you have a great day today

oh Jools, what a horrible couple of days you have had . I know its been said before but men do find it hard to communicate their feelings especialy post mc so has he maybe been bottling his grief up and it's come out in this over the top way? Only you can know but I really, really hope you two can talk things through.

to everyone else. Our PC gave up on Sat. so I've been offline all weekend. Hopefully using DH's old laptop as of tonight.

Happy Eid and new haircut Sabs - enjoy all that cake !

Better get back to work... xxx

Forgot to say so sorry to hear about your friend scamper .

My friend lost her DS2 at 21 weeks when I was pg with DS and it was heartbreaking. She had to go through labour that January but fell pg in March and gave birth to healthy DS3 that November...

Hello, I'm sorry you're having a rough time jools, blue said some useful things there.
barbie, I doubt we'll hear from you today , but I hope you are having a FANTASTIC day xxx
Happy Eid sabs, save us some cake
Hope everyone else is ok

Hi guys, dh is back and has been asleep most of the day ah bless him , the 14 hour flight has seriously wiped him out, even managed to sneak out and get the shopping done! Had a lovely morning and lazy afternoon and the dog is better too, so hopefully my luck is turning...
jools im sorry about your situation hun, i really do hope that you can work things out, and you are not too old to start again if you decided to take that route, big hugs to you...
I will get around to posting to everyone else but dh is waking...love and kisses to all xxxx

Barbie I am so pleased that DH is home safe and sound with you, I'm sure you will make the most of him Glad to hear doggy is better too
Jools So sorry to hear of the crap you are going through at the moment, Blue is very right though and I think it affects men more than we realise and it seems to come out in all sorts of wierd ways, give it a little time if you can before making any decisions. Maybe consider counselling, even if it's just for you x
Sabs So pleased Nan is home from hospital, happy EID hope you have a lovely day!
Scamper for your friend, but at least she has a lovely friend like you to support her, I'm sure she will find so much love and support for her here too
Curly I've got my appt with consultants tomorrow, so thanks MM for the info, I can let you know what happens at mine too if you like so that you're well ready for next week?

Big waves to mm VM Blue Vjay and everyone else lurking

Hello ladies,

At work so need to make it quick tonight but just had to say.......

barbie what are you doing on here.....not that I am not glad to see you but don't you have other more important things pending. You enjoy having dh back home hun.

mollie good luck tomorrow and let us know how you get on, what time is your appointment? Will be thinking about you.

jools what a horrid time you are having hun, hope it all calms down and it was the heat of the moment, take care.

Don't have time atm to speak to you all but big waves to vm scamper sabs blue vjay curly and anyone else I haven't had a chance to mention. Take care everyone mm xxx

mm 3.00pm, thanks x

Good luck today mollie xxxxx

Thinking about you for today mollie, good luck xxx

Mollie, fingers crossed for you and hoping the appointment all goes the way you want!

jools, men and mc - oh dear! When they're in pain it can come out all wrong... I'd guess that him saying he doesn't want a child is shorthand for 'this situation is stressing me at the moment and I'm really hurting'. He obviously does want children with you or you wouldn't have gone down that route together already?... hope you're managing to talk it through. Many ((hugs)).

Sabs, happy Eid!

barbie, enjoy these days with dh...

mm, don't work too hard!

((waves)) to scamper, Vjay, blue.

Hi ladies, I have been awol for quite a while, RL taking over! Thought I'd have a quick check back to see how you are all getting on. See this thread is very nearly full too, you're all so chatty, I mean supportive! Liking all these Xmas names, I haven't reached any inspiration for mine -I don't think I'm a creative type.

Jools I'm really sorry you are having a tough time. I'm sure you can work things out with DP, it's just that your (and his) emotions are bound to be a bit raw at this time. It probably pains him to have seen you so upset through all this too which is colouring his feelings about trying again.

mollie hope everything goes well for you today

sabs happy Eid, hope you're treating yourself to some yummy eid sweets

Hi to all the other regulars too, I've read so many posts to catch up I can't remember who has been doing what!

Things have settled down for me, the bleeding stopped last week and although I had a couple of up-and-down days I'm starting to look forward to Xmas. DD will be 22 months and she is really starting to twig to the whole thing, which makes it more exciting. Also I'm pretty sure I ovulated over the weekend so we got a bit jiggy just in case! I'm not actually holding my breath over this one because the ov pains were on the left, and I don't have a fallopian tube on that side, but it is good to think my body is getting back to normal. I also have a pretty stinking cold/flu bug at the moment, so I'm not exactly in the peak of health for conceiving!

Good to hear from you Lionstar

How about LionstarofBethlehem ?

DP and I were at least talking last night, but not exactly communicating - just about being polite to each other

No sign of AF and it would have been due yesterday, so at least I'm not wasting valuable BD time while trying to sort this out.

Had another slap in the face this morning - a lady in my local office is now looking PG and I overheard her chatting to someone - her due date is 9 days before mine would have been I'm going to have to watch that bump growing bigger every weekday for months and know that should have been me too Strangely, I want to go up to her and ask her if she knows how luck she is

just popping in to let mollie (thinking about your hospital, hope it all went well?) and all of you other girls know that im here lurking and thinking about you all, ill be back real soon, i promise xx

Hi there, I just came in also for a quick lurk to see if mollie had posted.............barbie you are allowed a couple of days off for now, just a couple though. Missing you hun but also don't want to see you on here if that makes sense.

MM send out big waves to everyone xxx

Lionstar Lovely to "see" you back, hope your cold gets better soon
Jools about the pg lady at work, nothing like a constant reminder of what you have lost. Hope things improve with DP soon
Barbie Hey you like mm said we will let you off for a few days you know

Thanks for all the messages girls, the appointment actually went a lot better than I expected. At least we got to see the consultant this time and not the registrar, I had been warned that he was abrupt and to the point, but oh my Anyway our appt was at 3.00pm and we left the hospital at 6.00pm he is notorious for running late! Although to be fair the last hour was just trying to get blood out of me Well he info gathered and then did an internal exam, an internal scan and as he had my legs in the air a smear too Nothing showed up on the scan, that's one tick, he asked for 4 more blood tests for me and a chromosome one for DH and I, (I think that's the one I'm silently dreading!) He advised me to lose weight, so really going to knuckle down (after christmas of course) and we're going back for results in approx 10 wks. I asked if we should hold off TTC until then he said it's up to us. So now I have the dilemma of not trying to get pg just in case we can stop another m/c, but if we get the all clear it's just wasted time. I think I want to wait, but will just see how it goes. Phew think that's enough info for now

Sounds encouraging Mollie and that progress is being made

Can I ask about the weight thing ? Is there a definite conception related reason or is it just a "good" thing generally ? (ignore me if you I am prying please)

Soon after I mc'ed, there was a thread in conception with someone asking if they should lose weight before TTC - think the BMI quoted was 28 ?? Well, mine is higher than that so I kept an eye out - ended up uncontrollably violently upset for a good few hours after someone posted an article linking higher likelihood of mc to people with higher BMI's

Reading further, the stats were flawed and not necessarily relevant as it was talking about very very overweight people and also conception / fertility issues but it did make me very , especially as I have tried so hard and lost a lot of weight, though not enough Of course though, I'm now worrying that I mc'ed because I am overweight

Mollie, so glad your appointment went well and that the hospital was so thorough! Good luck for the results - sounds as if you'll soon have a lot of info to go on but I completely see what you mean about not knowing whether to wait to ttc or not... just see what feels right? Your instincts will guide you...

Lionstar, good to hear things are settling down for you a bit and that you and dd are looking forward to Christmas!

mm, thinking of you a lot and hoping you're OK.

Jools, I think you'd have to be clinically obese before weight becomes a mc risk, but that's just a guess. If you've managed to lose weight, then that's already a great start, you're probably well out of the danger zone, and you should be congratulating yourself!

((Waves)) to everyone!

hi hope all ok not been on mn for a while had to go to out of hours fri as was really not well got an infection from mc got back beginning of next week to check all ok and medication worked hope so really dont want to be in hospital for my daughters birthday which is the 18th or christmas

Hello ladies,

mollie sounds like your appointment was a good one. You should get some information one way of the other at the end of this. As for whether you ttc or not atm I agree with vm do what feels right for you and DH. DH and I said we needed a break after the last mc, the last year had took such a toll both emotionally and physically that we weren't planning on ttc until after the new year anyway..............Feb is sounding kind of good to us now. Hope you are feeling good today.

vm I have been thinking about you too, miss our little chats in the afternoon but RL or rather Christmas has been taking over lately..............I love Christmas but all the preparation for one day is exhausting. Hope you are feeling good now you are on your tww.......I think.

jools don't worry too much about the weight, sounds like you have been doing all the right things. I could do with losing a few pounds too......and that's before Christmas.

lionstar glad you are looking forward, hope your flu/cold is getting better now.

barbie

Big waves to everyone hope you are all good.

Jools My consultant mentioned that recent research showed a link to being overweight and m/c but after my two mm/c's I decided to torture myself by looking into whether my weight would have done this. I have to say all the info I found on the internet was inconclusive. I did go away feeling incredibly guilty (or even more guilty) that I had caused the m/c by being overweight. I could do with losing about 6 stone so I'm classed as clinically obese. But I had a good talk to myself and although I know I must do something about my weight for me, I tried to ease the guilt by rationalising that skinny people have recurrent miscarriages and bigger people than me have successful pg/s. So don't let it bug you, I'm trying to take the stand that I want to be healthy for the pg and the new baby and my self esteem so that' is why I'll lose weight and not for any other reason!

Thanks Mollie A good attitude I think. The need for weight loss has always been self esteem for me - I hate clothes shopping with a vengeance and got really embarrassed at looking so much fatter in early PG. I'm not sure I'd have had a noticeable bump through the fat till very close to term.

I've resolved not to google - I've been trying to lose weight for around 3 years and it has been slow going. I can't shift it any faster and can't delay TTC as I will be 40 in November

When I started losing weight, I was 5 stone overweight and very unfit. I've had some ups and downs - fallen off the weight loss wagon a few times but never put it all back. I also spent months not losing weight because I was getting fitter and developing lean muscle. At the moment, following the post MC choc fest, I am around 3 stone overweight I think but haven't weighed myself. I'm not dieting really hard any more as I don't think the Atkins diet is really conducive to TTC, but I'm walking for an hour a day, doing at least 6 hours per week in the gym and eating loads and loads and loads of fruit and veg.

We had good old fashioned sex last night, just for fun, then I got pains this morning that are very like OV pains - AGAIN but no EWCM No idea what is going on but am secretly hoping I am now on the 2WW !

Mollie, Jools, sounds as if you're both tackling the weight for the right reasons! I really admire you.

daisysmummy, hope you are feeling a bit better...

mm, I'm actually beginning to look forward to Christmas in spite of myself! Start toy shopping tomorrow. Ds has written a wish list as long as the telephone directory; I've tried to explain that Santa is also affected by the recession but he doesn't believe me! Says, 'but how can that be when Santa and his elves make all their own toys?' etc. This time next year when he's eight going on nine he probably won't believe in any of this any more... Yes, I'm on the 2WW now; am convinced one moment that I'm pg and the next know that I'm not!