Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 2 xxxxx

[barbie1]

Hello to everyone coming over from the previous thread and for all the new girls who will sadly be joining us...
You will not find a better bunch of girls to help you through such a hard time, we will get through this with the help of each other xxxx

Hey ladies sorry to add yet more doom and gloom but im another one who's having a crap day. Can't stop arguing with DH about stupid meaningless things and now he's gone and taken the car when I needed the car. I am so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have spent the afternoon just crying my eyes out cos I miss my lost angel so much. Life is so unfair

I really thought I was over the worse but obviously not

sending out hugs to everyone, especially those having a crap day like me

will catch up later properly, promise, just needed to get my frustration out

hi sabs life is so unfair sometimes, I agree, and I'm sorry you're having such a crap day too. Sending you a hug {{{{{hug}}}}}

Hey girls, am back from a walk into greenwich which lifted my spirits. Love looking at all the pretty jewellry in the market.

sabs sorry you are having a down day too hon. Arguments with DHs are not surprising I i guess...grieving does not leave much energy for being patient. Am so so sorry you lost your angel, it is horribly unfair. We just have to believe that life will get better, it will, it will.

jools you still there my lovely? Am worried about you from your last message.

Vjay thank you for thinking of us all, it so helps to know there are people reading these thoughts and really sympathising.

Just had phone call from bro-in-law, they are on their way here, could hear sis throwing up and crying in the background, she is feeling down despite being pg. Right now am feeling like I can put the whole baby thing behind us and just look after my little sis for a night.

Will most likely be in for the evening as doubt sis will want to go out, so I'm here if anyone needs to chat, and am feeling more positive (am the amazing emotional yo-yo lady today).

kisses all round xxx

scamper I've been there with the whole yo-yo of emotions, some days I sit back at the end of the day and be amazed at how one minute I was up then down then up again so many times in one day. A lot of it is down to hormones, as if it's not bad enough going through the mc, the hormones make it so much worse.

Don't worry Scamper - I'm still here ! It is lovely to know there are people looking out for me though

I ended up going out for a walk with DP then did a bit of Xmas shopping. I wasn't really in the mood and the crowds of people were driving me mad and causing tears of frustration, but I think I feel better for being out for a while.

I found out DP had turned down a (very rare) early evening meal out with some mates to stay with me and I made him go - he's been wonderful and patient, and fantastically understanding so I felt he needed some time away. I've come back home and scoffed a big bowl of fresh pasta (my treat since DP isn't keen) and am now watching Strictly for the first time this series - just trying to keep busy and actually enjoy couple of hours in on my own

I worried myself last night to be honest - the feelings of depression were very different to when the mc first happened. Will just try to keep busy and see if I can get through another week. if it is still this bad after that, then I'll speak to my GP before I get so far down that I cant get up again

Oh and Vjay - I know exactly what you mean about that cloud lifting. I thought that had happened on Tuesday but it has come back with a vengeance !

It is good to hear that you felt similar. DP had clinical depression as a teenager, so knows exactly how I'm feeling and how to "handle" me, fortunately !

Give it time jools, it is still so early days for you, and the hormones are probably still in your system. I did my test after 3 weeks, and it was neg by then, but I was only 7 weeks pg this time. What helped for me too was focusing on trying again. Don't be too hard on yourself xxx

sorry to add more sadnesss but my dad has been rushed into hospital sometimes everything comes at once...however my mum has made me promise to go out, even though im now not in the mood, he has chest pains so its best he is in there..see im trying to look on the bright side!
Do im all dressed up and wondering what the hell to do, if i stay in ill be thinking about it and if i go out ill feel as guilty as hell!

Right i have finally made up my mind, im going to go out but im having hourly updates from my mum, if anything happens im straight home and will book first flight in the morning, so if you dont here from me for a while you know what is happening.....love to all i hope you are all feeling better soon....

Sorry for not texting you mm but as you can tell ive been all over the place today, speak soon xxxx

Oh barbie I hope your dad is ok.

Oh barbie so sorry to hear about your dad......I am at work so here all night if you need to chat. Hope he is ok hun.

Hi mm, how are you, are you feeling any better after the other day?

Hi vjay feeling a bit better, still a few wobbles but work is keeping my mind off it as much as it is driving me crazy being in here tonight. Just had dd on the phone wanting me to go home so had to explain why we need to work, she does know how to tug at the heartstrings. Then again when I was talking to dh I could hear her singing along to the x-factor so maybe I am better off in here tonight after all. How is the painting coming along?

The ceiling is finished, and my neck aches so much so I've not done anymore today, I might start painting the walls tomorrow. Glad you're feeling better. Dh is away this weekend so might take the opportunity to take an early night.

My pet hate of painting has to be ceilings all that looking up.......I try and leave that part to dh if I can get away with it. Take advantage of an early night while you get the chance hun. It is going to be such a long night in here, it's just so quiet tonight and that's even after I've have had one person phoning in sick, bit sceptical on that one tbh Sat night.....

poor you mm working tonight, at least you can get on MN, but it has been quiet on here today, I've been on and off here all day, with DH away I can get on here without being moaned at for being on here too long. I hate painting ceilings too, I'm glad it's done now.

I know what you mean I normally have dh rolling his eyes at me whe I am on, one time when he complained I asked him did he want to listen to all my moans and emotions instead, funnily enough he doesn't complain too much now. Going to go for a break right now (I know it does seem like a cheek) but will be back on later if you are still about, if not sweet dreams and enjoy your early night.

barbie really hope your dad is ok babe, am sure it was better for you to go out, would be worse to be home alone worrying. Let us know how he is.

sabs have you forgiven DH for nicking the car? Hope you are feeling a bit more positive and have been able to do something nice tonight, even if its just a relaxed night with the tv like me!

vjay and mm I also get moaned at by DH for my MN time, but I said the same thing as mm and asked him if he wanted to talk through everything with me instead, which did seem to shut him up! I know its important to talk about feelings with your partner but I think men have such a different experience of miscarriage, for obvious physical reasons and less obvious emotional ones. Our DHs and DPs should be thankful we all found MN!

DH and bro-in-law are out at the pub and I just put little sis to bed after a night of x factor and chocolate. Female hormone overload in deptford tonight! We have been crying at everything - she was telling me the storyline of a sad film which had us both streaming with tears, various silly things on tv set us off, and of course talking about her pregnancy. She says she feels really guilty to be pg and that she didn't want to be before me, and was worried that I hated her for it. She has her first scan next tues and is nervous as hell. It felt good to be able to talk about how we feel and I tried to reassure her that no matter how sad I am to have lost two little ones, I am still there for her, and excited for her. Hate the fact that these bloody mcs have made her so anxious and mixed up about her own pregnancy. Have resolved to be more supportive. I also recommended MN to her, am sure there must be loads of threads for newly pregnant anxious girls

daisysmummy are you still there? Hope you are ok. Did you get to talk to a woman doctor about how you are feeling? You don't have to go through all this on your own. Sending (((hugs))) again

well that's probably my last for tonight unless anyone else around for a chat xx

jools meant to also say, glad you felt a bit better for being out and about. pasta is my favourite comfort food of all time. Hope you are feeling less raw now...go easy on yourself, it feels like an eternity but its early days yet hon. Hope you have had a relaxing evening and that you feel a bit brighter tomorrow morning xx

Hi scamper I'm here!!! Sounds as if you had a proper girly night with ds, it probably helped both of you more than you would have imagined. How brave of you to be there for her like that, it is hard but at the same time you are happy for them, life is never straightforward. I found out last week my sil is preg again and while I am happy for them having 3 mc myself it does just take the shine of off good news.

Hi mm! Am here til the boys get back from the pub. You are right, life never is straightforward. DS was talking about how frustrated she is with a friend of hers who can't understand why she isn't just happy to be pg, but that girl never had any probs with her own pg, and presumably doesn't know anyone who has been through a mc. At least experiencing difficult times ourselves makes us hopefully more aware of others pain and anxiety. I feel like I am a completely different person now, or maybe the same person, but just roughed up around the edges a bit.

What's your job that means working on a saturday night? At least you have access to MN!

meant to also say, are you close to your SIL? It has really really helped talking to my DS tonight. Your SIL probably has mixed feelings too about being pg after your losses. You are right it does take the shine off. But I am still excited about being an aunt. I want to be the best aunt in the world!

scamper I get on really well with my sil but she lives in the states so we are limited in how close we can be. It turns out she had an early mc a few months ago, none of us knew about, so is very apprehensive, I wanted to call her but I don't know how much she wants to talk about it so have left it for the moment, will drop her an email. It is kind of tricky some people don't want to talk about mc but I could not get thru this not talking. I totally agree with what you are saying about being a different person now. I look back and seem so naive before, I'd like to think the experiences have made me more thoughtful and understanding but then again the selfish part of me just wishes I was holding my baby and none of this had happened.
As for work the simple answer is we do the testing on smart chips like in bank cards etc, and thankfully we do have access to mn but shhhh don't tell anyone

P.S. scamper your niece or nephew will be so lucky to have an aunt like you.

ahh thank you mm that is a nice thought! I am going to be a naughty aunty who lets them make mud pies and always gets the icecream in

Emailing your sil sounds like a good idea, then if she wants to call you to talk, she can. I am the same as you, and would go completely off my rocker (I mean more than I have) if I didn't talk about it. In RL the two girls I did talk to, as they also had been through mc, now have little babies, so I feel like I don't want to be glum with them, when they have the thing they dreamed of so much. Other girls I am close to either don't have kids and are not ttc, or even in relationships, so i think its hard for them to relate, even tho they are sorry that I am sad. So now you know why I am on MN a lot!

Even tho none of us have met (apart from you and barbie!) sharing these awful experiences with others who really do understand helps ease the desperation for me.

Its not selfish to want to just be holding your little one, its completely natural. That need is like hunger, its so fundamental. I think that is part of why mc hits us like nothing else, because it goes against a deep seated desire for children which is as much a part of being human as the need for food and drink.

Hmmm boys still not back from pub, guess they needed some venting time too!

When I had my first mc back in Dec last year I hadn't came across mn and when I look back I was an absolute mess, the only thing that got me thru Christmas was dd. I didn't really talk about it and although it was early around 6 weeks it was the worst emotionally. I question now if it was so bad because it was the first or if it was because I didn't have mn to vent on. The answer is probably a bit of both but it has been easier talking to all of you who can just be there because you understand what is happening now. It is amazing that though we haven't all met there is such a connection between us all, it is so strange the amount of time I have read a post that I could have written. That was the wonderful thing when barbie and I met just to talk to someone going thru the same situation at the same time.

You sum up well the hunger and emptiness that mc leaves us with......but we have to believe that it will be filled and soon, feeling a positive 2009 for us all .