Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 2 xxxxx

[barbie1]

Hello to everyone coming over from the previous thread and for all the new girls who will sadly be joining us...
You will not find a better bunch of girls to help you through such a hard time, we will get through this with the help of each other xxxx

Thanks vm I guess we never react how we imagine. Off to pick up dd now but thank you so much for being there again. What would I do without you...........your ds is a very lucky boy to have such a wonderful lady as his mum. xxx

mm, 'we never react how we imagine' is spot on - just look at me; a worrywart, in spite of all my careful project planning... Thanks for your kind words sweetie; you really lift me up too. We will get there and one day this phase of our lives will be in the past, just remember that. xx

Just logging on for first time today and there's been so much support and warmth between everyone it warms my cockles

Just had three of my friend's round with their DC's (chocolate balls scoffed) and we were talking about having more DC in general, then a silenced hush descends as they remember I've had a mc. I didn't want to talk about it or my future plans today but I know they are supportive and would listen, they just don't want to spring it on me if i'm not wanting to go there. Does that make sense?

One friend did make a crass (but well intentioned I think) comment some weeks ago about how she had read that in the old days some women didn't know they were pg/having a mc and just thought they were having a late and heavy period - I felt like saying if you'd been in my bathroom you would not have mistaken that for a period!!

mm - glad you have got your appointment through x

Barbie your tattoo rocks! hope your Estee Lauder goodies turn up - I LOVE opening those sort of packages (wishful thinking...)

to everyone else x

Its 3.50pm and getting dark!!

Hi all, having just read all your posts over the last day I have to say what an amazingly supportive group of people you are. The warmth really stands out from the page (or screen). I am just at the beginning of this journey but already feel quite significantly change as some of you mentioned. I'm also so grateful for having this forum to write some things out, because I just don't think I'd be capable of talking about them yet in RL, except to DP. It is definately a taboo, in fact I really do feel like I have a big mark on my forehead and if I go outside people will just 'know'.

On the physical side things have eased off today, no worse than a standard period. DP very kindly has worked from home today and kept me company - I think he feels very guilty that I went through it all yesterday alone with DD.

Jools glad to hear that things are settling down for you too.

Barbie I'm totally outraged by your so called friends comments. Shows a complete lack of sensitivity.

Hi to everyone else, who's names I'm just learning, and thanks for all the comments that have been addressed to me personally - I find them very supportive indeed.

barbie waves her tattooed wrist at you all!!!!!

Yep i have finally had it done, walked in to the studio nad had no idea you were meant too book however being a blonde and a little dizzy obviously won the guys over and they slotted me in there and then, no time to back out!
The guy who was doing it asked the reason why i choose that design etc, so i told him the whole story, bless him....it made me feel so much better, even when it was hurting slightly i keep thinking of the baby and slowly the pain went away and i was filled with love and happiness about the future, i thought of all of your babies too....
I then went and bought two new hats, it was like i was on some kind of high
mm hun i wish i could give you another big hug, im glad you have a date now, small steps to get you through until friday...are you doing anything? How about that balloon idea?
And remember my story....no news from the hospital doesnt always mean its bad, yes i know you hope that they find something but i know you will have a baby next year regardless of your appointment outcome, and i will be the first to come to the pretty little village in scotland to visit!

Oh i found my estee goodies, it was like xmas had come early!!!! [happy] sadly most of it is for xmas presents.....i should of ordered myself some more stuff but sadly i cant order anymore I cant remember who asked about advanced night repair but its rocks, would be without it....even if i have to pay full price from now on

Hello everyone else, i promise to write to you all personally once my mum goes......

was meant to read...wouldnt be without it!!

Wow - everyone is talkative this afternoon

Vjay - everything you are saying today seems to echo what I am thinking, esp the bit about just telling everyone you are fine. I think sometimes about what I said / didn't say to people when they sadly left the antenatal threads after an m/c - I could never find the words and never really understand before now. I'm not saying I would find the right words ever because I'm not good at that, but I now feel I understand and feel kind of guilty for not feeling and saying more to you, Jonesy and others.

Lionstar - I went out this afternoon and really did feel like everyone must know - that there must be something about me. I had lunch with a friend who was lovely - she doesn't fully understand but just cares that I am OK and tried to cheer me up by buying me chocolate

I then wandered town for AGES trying to find something to remember my baby by - I was thinking teddy bears but Boots have sold out of their Pudsey bears and I wandered from shop to shop, past pregnant women and toddlers, trying to find what I needed. An assistant came over in one toy shop and tried to help - I ended up telling her I was looking for something for "a friend" who had lost her baby . Got very despondent and tried again to go in the cathedral - it was not particularly tranquil as there was a graduation service going on, but I got to light a candle, which felt right somehow. Even though I'm not particularly religious myself, I would have had baby baptised, so this felt right. They had a prayer board there aswell - you write down something you would like the chaplain to include in daily prayers and pin the piece of paper on a board - cue racking sobs as I wrote out "for my baby" - seeing it in black and white was so strange.

When I finally came out, I wandered past a shop that had exactly what I wanted - a lovely cute grey bunny with floppy ears that is now sitting next to me on the sofa

Loving the talk of tattoos (never had one but am open to the idea !) and Estee Lauder goodies.

VillageMum - I think I need to find your book as I'm mega curious now

Well done barbie on getting your tattoo, I've just scrolled back to take a look, it's ace, I really like it.
jools i'm no good at writing the right words either, I can never get down what's in my head, whereas vm is ace at writing. I often find myself reading her posts and thinking that's what I meant to say

Just found a US site that does infant loss memorial jewellery. I quite like the forget-me-not pendant.

Having a sob my heart out evening

Look here

Just got back from second acupuncture appt and thought I'd check in on you all.

barbie weldone on the tattoo! Has made me think of getting one done. I like the permanence of it, the idea that it will be there in happier times too

jools bless you honey, I hope there is some sense of release after lighting the candle and having a good cry in the cathedral - not that I mean the feelings go away, but just that it is healthy to let them all out sometimes, when we put on a brave face on the rest of the time. Give your grey bunny a kiss from me x

lionstar am glad that things have eased off physically for you, and that your DP was with you today. Keep writing here as much as you need

blue hello! It is nice to meet you altho I wish in happier circumstances. A friend of mine said exactly the same thing about 'in the olden days a mc was just a heavy period' , I guess people just don't know unless they have been here

mm remember you are taking those small steps with MN friends as well as people in RL to support you, especially when it feels like one step forward and then fifty steps back. Will be thinking of you on Friday

vm and vjay and all you lovely ladies, I was nodding my head away to your posts about not being about to talk about mc in RL. I have realised I was not a good friend to two women who had mcs before me, only now do I understand. Its so hard because we would not wish this on our worst enemies, but it does feel like unless friends have had mcs themselves, the level of understanding is so minimal, and we are expected to carry on as normal when we feel very very far from normal!

On a positive note, I seem to have stopped seeing pg women absolutely everywhere. It had got to the stage when I was counting how many I saw and got up to a record of 10 in one day. Next year those pg ladies will be us though

jools I crossed with your last post, am sorry you are having a sobbing evening Am sending you virtual ((hugs)) and hot chocolate with marshmallows xxx

im just checking up on mm hope you are ok hun???

Thanks barbie doing ok today, back at work so that stops me dwelling too much. Still feeling a bit down but tbh I don't expect to be feeling anything else this week. I was actually fine over the weekend but I guess it just caught up yesterday.

Don't worry I know where all you lovely ladies are if I need to talk. xxx

P.S. barbie well done on getting your tatttoo, I really like it.

hello mm i cant believe i had it done! i was going to text you straight after but was worried you might be in bed due to your shift pattern! I really hope you are feeling better soon, bigs hugs on its way to you.....Im off to drop mum back to the airport soon and then im working until 10pm, ill check back on you later or you can text if you need me xxx

Thanks barbie I might be back on tonight. Don't ever worry what time you text, I'll just reply when I get the chance.
I keep having to remind myself you are barbie again.

Thanks for the hot choc Scamper

Went down very well indeed, but I had to fight the cats off the marshmallows !

Still blue today - need to get off the sofa and DO something. Someone give me a kick up the backside please

MM hope you have a better day today. I had a TTC wobble too last night. How are ladies strong enough to go through 12 weeks of agonising worry, waiting to see if it all happens again ?

Hello everyone... barbie, great tattoo; you are VERY brave to have followed through!

scamper, acupuncture - another brave lady! Is it really painless? Would you recommend it? (You can hear that I'm a real wimp).

Jools, ttc wobbles are all normal (I have about 50 a day!) I'm also trying to make this a constructive day so let's get off our sofas together .

mm, thinking of you today; I'm hoping that working hard today will stabilise my mood a bit too... sending you ((hugs))

Feeling a little less raw today. Still waiting for AF but it's imminent, so maybe the hormones are starting to level out now. Ugh. Hate being at their mercy!

Hi again,

vm glad to hear you are feeling better today, I think work has been a good thing for me today. Hope AF makes her appearance very soon.

jools sorry you are having a blue day, it does gradually get better with only the occasional wobble.

Sorry I can't do a better job at keeping spirits up today. Just had a phone call from dd's school to say she fell and banged her head, they say she now seems fine and back out playing, I have left her there for the time being and asked them to call if anything changes........now I am wondering if I have done the right thing leaving her there.

hello all, was hoping to feel better after the acupuncture, as I did feel a lot better after I went for the first time 2 weeks ago, but having a down day. Its 4 months since my second mc and I'm having one of those 'I'll never get pg again' days, silly i know. Really can't work out what has happened to my cycle - I'm on day 21 but going by cervical mucus (sorry for tmi!) I haven't ovulated yet. Why does my body want to go slow just at the time I want it all the bloody well hurry up??

Hopefully will feel better. vm - ignoring todays wobble I would recommend acupuncture. There is a little prick as the pin goes on, but hardly anything really, and I felt very calm and peaceful after both sessions. Despite having a down day today, I am not so desperate as I was a few weeks ago, and do feel more balanced, if that is the right word.

jools is the sun shining where you are? It looks beautiful from my office window. Go and kick some autumn leaves in the sun for me!

work calls I'm afraid...sorry for not very cheery post...

Sun seems to have disappeared here.

Have done some basic housework that has been sorely neglected of late. May book a hair appt if there is one available - if not, maybe more cleaning to keep busy

Have never tried acupuncture - may investigate

Great ! Now someone is posting links that suggest a high BMI can be a cause of miscarriage

Talk about kicking a dog when its down

Hi all

Do you mind if I join you? I had a mmc in February at 9 weeks after 12 months ttc. Started on clomid in September, got pg first cycle. Had a scan at 7 weeks - they could see everything apart from the baby, but my hcg levels matched what they saw. Had a scan last Friday (8.5) and they could see something but it was too small for a heartbeat. Have had 3 blood tests and my hcg levels are crawling up (about 1000 a time) and the midwife confirmed to me today it is over. Need to wait until Tuesday for a scan for final confirmation and then she'll discuss options.

Last time I opted to let nature take its course, but ended up in A&E with severe bleeding and had an emergency ERPC at 2am, so I think i'll just opt for the ERPC this time...

I've read through this thread and you seem like such a lovely supportive group of people

Hello and welcome HeebeeJeebee Sorry you've had to join us - the wait for confirmation must be agonising

I've only been here just over a week but feel very at home already Pull up a chair and some choc . I have tissues but they are running out fast

Hi All
Sorry I've missed lots of posts and can't catch-up fully. I've had Molar preg confirmed and now have at least 6 month wait to try again, started blood and urine tests today, (1-15% chance it'll take longer and I'll need to have chemotherapy to remove Molar cells - but have already had BFN so hoping not). TBH it's too much to take in at the moment, I'm going to avoid babies/preg and do anything else instead. I hope to come back on here sometime after 6mth on an antenatel thread, but wanted to wish everyone else on here (and those moving to TTC threads soon), a very big good luck. xxx