Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 2 xxxxx

[barbie1]

Hello to everyone coming over from the previous thread and for all the new girls who will sadly be joining us...
You will not find a better bunch of girls to help you through such a hard time, we will get through this with the help of each other xxxx

barbie waves to vm

oh my god barbie, I cannot believe that your best friend wrote that in a text!! I expect that this message will cross with others who will all be feeling angry on your behalf and sending huge ((((hugs))))

Viewing your friend in the best possible light (but only coz you said she is your best friend and all of us will agree you are LOVELY and therefore I hope your friends are lovely too)....text messages are dangerous things, because they say very little, but you can read and re-read it, until it becomes something that the person writing it never meant it to become. In a moment of extreme thoughtlessness she wrote that text and I bet she is already regretting it.

I think what you wrote on your friend's page is very sweet - you are congratulating her on her son's piccie being in a mag, and showing interest by wanting to see the pic, but of course you are not going to buy the baby mag (unless you are into self torture).

Please please do not take your thoughtless friend's text to heart. Having a mc is a life changing experience, as all of us here will agree. Such a consuming experience will of course be 'mentioned' by you, as your friend puts it. Personally, I feel like screaming it from the roof of my house sometimes, let alone 'mentioning' it on a facebook message.

Am sending this now altho I could write much more but wanted you to get some support asap!!

waves and ((((hugs)))) again xxxx

Wow barbie some friend you have there, I am so angry for you, sadly unless people have been through stuff they just don't get it, but her remarks are so insensitive. I also came to realise after my mc's, that there are some people you can talk to about it and some you just can't.
Thanks vm I will learn to ignore these insensitive remarks, it's their problem not mine. And yes,my ds is a very happy and secure little chappy, he has made me see the world in such a different light. I sometimes try and see how he sees the world, and hard though it may be it's also quite fascinating.

Barbie - I agree with the others - don't think you said anything wrong at all. I am coming to realise too that some people I can talk to and others have no clue - they think once you've had a few days to physically heal, that is the end of it I just hope your friend (and some of mine) never have the misfortune to realise at first hand how hurtful their platitudes and comments can be - if I hear one more person belittling what I'm going through by listing the impossible number of mc's her friend / neighbour / relative / colleague had, I'll throttle someone !!

Vjay - not having had the pleasure of children yet, all I can do is offer support and say that you sound like a fantastic mum with a great connection to your ds

barbie, I'm speechless - what an awful thing to get as a text message, and from a so-called friend too! It's completely OK for you not to want to buy a mum and baby mag at the moment and I'm sure that Sam's mum will be totally understanding - pity about the other officious cow!

scamper, I also tell everyone about my mc - it's been well over two months now, but it's still a reality for me, and always will be.

VJay, any child is a journey of discovery, I feel, and no child is completely 'normal'. My ds is 7 and a half now and I can truly say that it's he who has taught me to be a parent; I've taught him very little. Enjoy your lo; he sounds lovely!

thanks for the support ladies, just spoken to the mother of the baby in the pics, sadly she also thinks there was no need to write that i wont be buying the mag her argument was she never meant that i had to buy the mag just go into the local shop and have a look! I did tell her that i dont like looking a the magazines without first paying for them. Sadly i have also come to understand that only a few special people will understand about mc, and for others its still a very taboo subject....off to town with pictures of tattoo.....

Oh barbie, I'm so sorry she's taken that line - it must be because she (like your other friend) has never suffered the agony of mc herself. May it never happen to them... Just focus on you today; that tattoo sounds like a wonderful (and assertive!) thing to do! Many ((hugs)). xx

barbie just logged on and at your 'friends', you have just summed it up when you say only a few people really understand about mc. We are 'allowed' by others to be sad for a few days, pick ourselves up and get back to normal, if only they could see that our definition of normal has now changed. Like jools said I guess there are people we can talk to and others that will never understand mc, it's like the conversation we had on Sun while we would never wish mc on anyone at times it would be good if they could know in some way how it affects you. Excited for you getting your tattoo, looks good btw.

vm what a beautiful thing to say "any child is a journey of discovery", you have almost moved me to tears........dd will get an extra cuddle when she comes home from school now.

vjay you are obviously doing a fantastic job with ds, always remember that and to hell with anyone who is too small minded to accept this.

jonesy good to hear that you and dp have started working things out, mc takes larger toll on us that we expect. Glad we could be there for you and remember we are not going anywhere.

scamper I also want to shout from the rooftops at times.

sabs sorry to hear about your nana, hope she begins to recover soon.

blue I know what you mean about feeling shy meeting barbie but in practice it was actually very relaxed and easy...........just like meeting an old friend.

lionstar hope you are better today, thinking of you.

mollie don't stay away too long again hun.

Well I hit the shops this morning planning on doing some Christmas shopping but ended up just wandering around seeing lots of pregnant women. I just dawned on me that subconciously I may have been avoiding the shopping centre for this reason. This and added to the fact that my 2nd due date is later this week (Friday) has kind of brought me back to earth with a bang. I thought I was doing really well but I guess it is back to small steps for now. When I am finished I think I will give the doctors a call to chase up my obstetrician appointment.................trying my best to think positive and focus on the future but instead of preparing for our baby coming we are left in this limbo.

Big hellos to 4ever,curly and anyone else I have missed.

mm, funny you should say that about avoiding the shops; reading your words I've just realised that I've been avoiding getting ready for Christmas altogether - it's as if I've been trying to keep everything in a bubble of 'now'. Small steps, small steps... just keep on taking the small steps... Every time we face the world out there it does make us a little stronger, even though it's painful. Go and call your doctor and chase that appointment: that's something really concrete you can do and you'll feel much better afterwards! Limbo will end! Many many ((hugs)).

barbie I agree with everyone on here about your friends - what you wrote was perfectly acceptable and I think they've reacted incredibly insensitively.

Tattoo looks fab - I like the simplicity. I will photo mine and put on my profile soon. Here is the pendant I bought and I am thinking of having something similar as a tattoo - possibly on the side of my right hand... www.azendi.com/site/product.php?plu=21555

DP and I love watching Miami Ink and like you, often watch a few in a row - they're addictive! I always feel inspired to go get more after a session!!! I have three already! I know an awesome tattooist in Brighton - she did the one on my wrist and is qt well known. She did 2 for me. I had to book weeks in advance but it was worth it.

Thanks vm I just called and when I explained I was waiting on my appointment for the obstetrician the receptionist asked how many weeks preg I was. Once I explained she could not apologise any more but it was probably the worst thing to say to me today. On the plus side she is chasing up the appointment and calling me back later.

mm agree about avoiding shops - I did/do same with our local Costa as it's always full of mums with babies & lots of groups of post natal mums getting together for coffee mornings with their new babies. It's a really emotive one for me and I've been forcing myself to go as I normally go in there quite a bit. These things will get easier for us all in time I guess. As you and vm both say... small steps...

Oh mm... how these words can hurt! Even when we know it's an honest mistake... When I went to see my GP with suspected retained tissue and infection after my ERPC he asked me how many days it had been since my termination. I was struck dumb. I'm really glad the receptionist is chasing the appointment for you - you will be pregnant again soon, I just know it! xx

The receptionist just called back, my appointment will be the beginning of Dec and I should have the letter thru soon...I guess she did feel bad. I thought this would give me a lift but just feel so sad and scared about the future, this is going to be a very long week...........small steps mm, small steps.

mm, completely normal to feel scared and sad - because now it's becoming real. Just breathe deeply. You don't have to ttc until you feel ready, remember - and next time you'll have the answers you need to go ahead and have a successful pg! Lots and lots of ((hugs)) sweetie. If it's any comfort I'm scared too and will be here to hold your hand whatever happens. xx

As with autism I think there is a lack of understanding (on the emotional impact side of things) with miscarriage too. I am experiencing it with both at the moment. These subjects seem to be a taboo, but why? MC is very common, but why can't we talk openly about it? I'm so grateful to you ladies on here in enabling me to talk about it whenever I need to. I have talked about it to a handful of people in rl, but there view now is its over, get over it, there's no need to keep going over old ground etc... but it's not over, and nor will it be, so I only talk about my mc's on here now.

vm I think that's it, it is now becoming very real and it scares the life from me. At times like this I question do I want to do this again but deep down I know the answer, just trying to protect myself from more pain. After the last two mc I have been desperate to fall preg again but this time is so different. Maybe I just need to stop thinking so much. I will be taking you up on the hand holding offer, works both ways you know. Thanks for being there again. xxx

VJay, I don't know why so many people can't talk openly about mc. I think it's a mixture of pity and fear - people sometimes have the same reaction to fatal illness. It's a great shame: in both cases a suffering human being could be immensely eased just by a simple acknowledgement of how things are for them. When asked now how I am in RL I just say 'I'm physically fine again but the heart takes a bit longer to mend' - that seems enough for most (except for other women who have been through the same thing.)

mm, crossed posts... I so know what you're going through: even though I've only had one mc the fear at ttc again is there - just the fact that I'm risking this pain all over again - and it must be even more so for you. But we will try again and we will get through whatever lies ahead, and maybe gradually - as things go right for us this time, because at bottom I really believe that's how it will be - our fears will begin to ease off. Let's see what happens... I predict that by this time next year you will be mum (or about to be mum!) to another dc, I really do! xx

On the subject of talking about mc (and autism) I am trying to think of how I would have been when I'd not experienced mc myself. I think oblivious is the best way to describe it. I recall one of my good friends at my old work had one and I felt devastated for her but it passed quickly out of my radar although now I realise not for her (coincidentally am seeing her tomorrow for chat & hugs about my latest one!). Like with anything I guess, until you've experienced it, you don't appreciate what it's like or how bad it can be for someone and most people I guess don't want to talk about it too much to people who can't relate to them. I suppose this is exactly why these chat rooms are so busy!! I for one and SO grateful to have such an outlet and somewhere to come to talk things through that I really can't with anyone else.

I know what you mean vm, I just tell people I'm fine, mainly to save them from any embarrassment. They ask us how we feel, but they only really want to hear that we are ok. I suppose we can all be like that, human nature!
mm, I really want to be pg again too, but when I really think about it and what it could mean, I get so scared, but then I weigh up what I really want, another child, so I will have to keep on trying. We will get there xx
Gosh I sound so peed off today, i'm not though, promise

X-posts there jonesy, you are so right, unless you've been there, you don't really get it!

Jonesy, VJay, you're both right... unless something's happened to you, it's hard to grasp what the reality is. I've realised as a result of my mc how complacent I once was about health generally and how oblivious I've often been to other people's agonies. Now of course I'm just a weeping, spouting basket case, but that's another matter!

vm I am sure after this week is over I will be able to feel more positive, just kind of struggling to see it right now. You are saying the things I need to hear but my belief is wavering atm, I know it will come back. Back to small steps again.

I hope this time next year we can change your name to psychic mum as we chat about how all of your predictions came true.

Oh yes, 'Psychic Mum' sounds good to me! Just take it very slowly. You've opened up a whole new window in your mind now and it's going to take a few days to adjust to this new reality - but you will, I promise. xx