Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 2 xxxxx

[barbie1]

Hello to everyone coming over from the previous thread and for all the new girls who will sadly be joining us...
You will not find a better bunch of girls to help you through such a hard time, we will get through this with the help of each other xxxx

Sorry I never got on here before, more RL drama taking over! Thanks for concern over results! Much the same as already knew, nothing found in any of the mutitude of tests and pints of blood they have taken from me.. Had one more test issued by the doc that gave results a few weeks ago, that was also clear, and wanted to ask for test for Natural Killer cells, which is only done privately. Our specialist reckons its the better option to find nothing and that gives a 70% chance of healthy future preg, which they would moniter closely, also said about taking aspirin and poss progesterone supplements, which is heartening to think we can actually do something, rather than just a wing and a prayer.. Also confirmed what Id hoped, as first 2 never grew over 6 weeks (mmc at 9) and 3rd one grew to 13 weeks, means its not the same cause each time, and most likely a diff chromosome issue last time. Thankfully our parental chromosomes are clear, we found that out the day we lost no 3.
Anyway, was pretty complacent in some ways about this visit, didnt expect much from it, as already knew they hadnt found anything from docs, so didn't expect to hear much more than we did. So official instruction is go and get preg again then have 6 week scan and arrange an apt with the specialist as soon as we see it is 'viable'! Oh just love the terminology dontcha?! Its ovulation week again, and tbh I'm thinking more recovery could be needed, mother in law said wait til this awful years out the way before you try again and I'm inclined to agree! I wont be pushing DH away, but those handcuffs I talked about a few posts back wont be coming out! What will be will be as the song says. Anyway sorry all me me me! Hope you are all bearing up? Internet ban is still on at work so am not able to be on here long enough to catch up on all your posts!

4ever glad to see you back and you really must have mixed emotions after the consultant appointment. I agree with your mil you have been thru so much that taking some time out and trying again next year may not be a bad thing. Testing really is the catch 22 you don't really want anything to be wrong but on the other hand you want something that can be treated. Sounds like you are getting some good treatment from your specialist, next year has to be our year I tell you. Take care xxx

Lionstar and jools, thinking of you both...

4ever, hello again! Sounds as if you have some of the answers you needed? Even if they're not the very specific ones you were hoping for a while back... the go-head to ttc again is a good thing though and the specialist support you would have in a future pg must be reassuring! Hope you are feeling OK. x

mm, my sweetie, you've made me smile even though I am the premenstrual Monster of Gloom today... I'm beginning to realise that my monthly low fit is probably hormone related; having been on the pill for so many years before falling pg this summer I got out of touch with what 'natural' hormones can be like - I just hate them!! Hope you are doing OK. xxx

vm if you are smiling then I am too. Hormones we either love them or hate them but they certainly do have a 'LOT' to answer for. You a monster.........never.

hello, I've dipped my toe into the conception threads, and I've come running straight back again to my lovely comfort zone. I want you all to come with me, I'm not ready to go there alone!
I've been a bit low today, it's more to do with ds's recent ASD diagnosis, than the mc's, but neither of them help.

Vjay I'm jumping right back in to TTC just as soon as I can so will join you there soon

Hopefully, as I can usually feel when I am ovulating, I can make a start soon and won't have to wait for AF to return

mm, !

VJay, sorry to hear about your ds; what does that mean in terms of changes to daily life for you and him? I'm finding that all setbacks are harder to cope with now than before my mc, so can relate to what you're saying... think we need to give ourselves a lot of time to get back to where we were before (over two months since my mc, but I still feel raw sometimes).

Jools, during my first full post-mc cycle I could feel every inch of the plumbing at work during ov! Youch! Good luck!

vm, i suppose nothing has changed really, he is still the same old ds. His autism isn't too bad, and he's getting a lot of support at school. Because we don't have any other dc's it's difficult to know whats normal for his age and what's not, plus when he got his diagnosis in September, we were told that we as parents had adapted to him so well that they didn't really need to tell us much at this stage. I don't know how we've adapted to him, it has all just happened naturally.
What has upset me today is over hearing a comment, but I suppose it's not the persons fault, they are not aware of ds's condition.

Hi guys, wishing you all lots of comfort and support in your own troubles. I still haven't read this whole thread so forgive me if I'm not responding personally.

I've had just about the day from hell today (sorry if this is TMI, but I'm hoping it will help to write it down). Was at home with DD by myself when it all kicked off. Was having the most horrendous pains, like worst AF ever. Then went to loo (had to take DD too) and started passing lots of blood then severe cramps like labour. HUGE clots and tissue with lots of pain. Seriously they were huge, I could feel stuff descending then it would stop, then get more 'contractions' before finally passing it. I just can't believe if the embryo stopped developing at 5 weeks that there should be THAT much tissue. I was on the loo for about an hour, DD fairly oblivious except she kept saying "Mummy crying" in an interested way as I howled in pain. Once the worst of the clots passed the pain pretty much subsided. Since then am just constantly leaking bright blood but fortunately not so much pain.

Surely that must be it - there can't possibly be any more? I made DP come home from work early with supplies of pads and painkillers (plus he brought chocolate). Fortunately DD is in nursery for the next 3 days, so I really hope it gets better soon. From reading your stories though it does sound like it comes and goes. Despite thinking I was prepared for what was to come, nothing could have prepared me for that .

To make this all worse I have a really bad back at the moment, although it is on the mend. Last week I could barely move, I'm at least mobile now, but struggle to stand upright and have to take my time over things - not easy to do when you feel the world is about to fall out of your fanjo.

Man, hope I haven't grossed you all out, or brought back some bad memories. Please don't feel like you need to respond to my ramblings

Sabs Hope things are better with DH. I love the idea of writing things down in a book. I think it forces you to capture what you honestly feel. It is too tempting to rewrite to the point of losing all meaning when using a computer

Jonesy I'm so glad that you had the talk with DP and that he is making an effort. How are things now? Btw, your DS sounds adorable. I used to teach kids that age to swim and it was so amazing when it clicked for them

VillageMum still loving your book. Bit curious about one thing - have you any particular attachment to Limerick or did you include it randomly. (I have a big fondness for the place just because DH and I got together there ). Hope you have got your writing room back! And I never thought I'd say this to anyone but I'm so happy for you that you are hormonal - it is good news or at least it will be once AF has been and gone

Hey VJay, I've had a sneaky peek at a few other threads. In fact when I'm feeling down, I find myself scrolling through other long threads just so I can see if it's turned out well for anyone - DH reckons I spend way too much time on Mumsnet! Sorry to hear about your DS's diagnosis. Are you okay? Overhearing someone else's insensitive comment was the last thing you needed today so please rant as much as you need to about it.

Jools, hope you had an better day today. Take your time and make sure DP is looking after you. Sounds like a bad night so I hope the physical stuff finishes soon

Scamper nice to have a neighbor on the forum - we live right beside Deptford so if you look outside your window now you'll see mad waving from curlywurly

Circular I think I was warned about ashermans but told it was a very low chance. Though having said that, we've all been the wrong side of statistics recently so not much comfort in that Given that they didn't clear everything with my procedure I'm hoping that means they went soooooo gently that ashermans isn't a risk!

Daisysmummy so sorry to hear your news. I'm sure things seem pretty hopeless at the moment but if you need to talk we are here.

Lionstar honey if you want to ask any questions, please do. I found myself obsessing on the smallest details and nothing is worse than the unknown.

Nice to have you back 4ever and I'm so glad you have got some answers. Your mother in law sounds nice - and that's not bad advice really even if you decide not to take it.

Welcome back Barbie, and MM we missed ya both

xxxx

hello again, two postings in two days, I am doing better! Had to come in again as thinking a lot about ttc and also how I will cope (or not) if this happens again. Wanted to remind myself how many brave and caring women there are out there who have come through the strange sadness of mc.

4ever its nice to have you back. Take as much time as you need, maybe your MIL is right. I agree with you about this awful year - I know its bad to wish your life away, but I will not be sad to see the back of 2008.

sabs can you post the link to your ttc page again? Can't seem to find you there! How are you?

Vjay I have been lurking on some ttc threads and also find them a bit scary! Sorry you overheard a comment which made you upset about your DS. My sis teaches at a school for children with special educational needs and she specialises in working with kids with autism, she loves her job and all the kids.

I think mc adds a poignancy (spelling??) to ttc. For some reason I am feeling very protective towards my lost angels today and want to spend time thinking about them, rather than ttc. But I also know that if I get my AF again in 2 weeks I will feel so desperate. Christmas with my pregnant and lovely sister will be so much happier if I am pg too!

Hi circular unfortunatly I've really got to toughen up where ds is concerned. He's not bothered by the comments and I just need to learn to ignore them. Also I'm really tired today, and everything seems ten times worse than it actually is when I'm tired.
Lionstar I hope you are OK, I am thinking of you, I do hope you are over the worst of it, it does sound like you are. Take it easy for the next few days.

Lionstar, I wish I could send a big hug your way. Sorry you had to go through so much. If it helps, it sounds very similar to what I had one night when I passed some major clots. For a couple of hours beforehand it felt like really bad period pain but got much more intense every few minutes.

I did bleed for a few days after this and then got the second scan. The sac was still there so I went for the ERPC. Did you see anything that could have been the sac? I think it is usually grey or yellow coloured.

Sometimes people pass everything at the same time so it may be finished for you. Fingers crossed honey

Lionstar - I can relate to the world falling out of your fanjo I know we are all different, but I'll list again what I had. I hope it eases soon - enjoy your chocolate and take it really easy. Drink lots of water - I was incredibly thirsty the day before it all happened and, with hindsight, I'm sure my body knew that I needed lots of water to prepare for what was to come.

My bleeding, after one massive gush of watery red blood, was incredibly heavy and full of large clots from around 1.30 to 3.30 on the first day, then it tailed off a bit but was still quite heavy with clots till the morning. During this time, I had bad AF pain, but nothing really painful.

I then had a reprieve of a few hours before it all kicked off again at teatime on the second day - that was when the worst pain occurred, together with back pain - that went as soon as I passed something huge.

Will be thinking of you tonight

Days 3 - 7 were very light, then a final clot last night (with pain)

crossed with lionstar and curlywurlee sorry! Am still at work, boo, but will wave at curly when I get back to Deptford!

lionstar so sorry you are in such pain, it is horrid when you pass so much solid stuff, I can remember yelling with the pain and really worrying that something was badly wrong, ended up calling 999 - the ambulance people could not have been nicer, and the gas and air was the only thing which helped with the pain, so don't feel that you are 'making a fuss' if you need to do that too. I remember also being shocked that so much was coming out if baby stopped growing at 6 weeks, but I guess maybe its cos our bodies kept growing the lining and sac for another few weeks after that? I really hope your pain is over soon (((hugs)))

lionstar sorry for what you are going thru atm. The doctor at the hospital told me after 9 weeks preg the bleeding is much worse as there is more to come out, sorry if tmi. I have went thru where you are now with my 2nd mc and that day will live with me forever, I really hope you are by the worst of it physically. Thinking of you xxx

Here's the link scamperT...nice to have you back on here...will catch up properly in a little while

Jonesy68 dont feel guilty for feeling jealous. Its perfectly natural to feel like that. Sounds like you were very brave. Hope things are looking up with DP

VM hows your room looking all freshly painted? I got DH to paint bathroom over weekend

Jools1 how did it go with your parents? I think you're allowed to spend some "me" time after what you've been through. Dont feel bad about it. Sorry to hear you had a bad night. How did it go at the cathedral? Hope it was peaceful

scamperT like i said before, good to have you back ...didnt mean to make you cry the glass angels sound lovely. btw the post about your DH clubbing the paper deliverer (?!) made me laugh!

mm and barbie so happy to hear that you both had a good time meeting each other for real...would be great if all of us could meet in the future

daisymummy hope your appointment was ok. sending you lots of hugs

4everhopeful ive started a post over on the conception boards about ttc in the NY if you want to join in there (once youre ready of course!)...its not as established as this lovely post though

VJay sorry to hear about your DS. What can we do to cheer you up??

lionstar sorry to hear about what you're going through. The clots, tissues, sounds a lot like what i went through. I remember crying to my mum when it was happening was why doesnt anyone talk about MC, because it would have helped me prepare myself for what i was going through (and not seem so alien). And you're not rambling, please post away if you feel it helps. sending you lots of hugs. DP sounds sweet bringing chocs. My DH is trying to ban me eating too many chocs...better hide the thorntons choccies b4 he gets back from footie (or jus finish eating it

curlywurlee ive made up with DH, thanks for asking. We both had a difficult weekend with each other, just winding each other up for silly reasons. I think my impatience in having to wait until the NY is getting to me On top of everything my nan's in hospital. As well as having diabetes and Alzheimer's, she's developed DVT, got a urine infection, her kidneys are not functioning properly either My mum's gone to be with her (grandparents live in yorkshire) but hoping my nana pulls through. Me and DH planned to name our girl (if we're lucky to have one) after my nan

sending hugs and kisses to everyone else...Monday's nearly over, yay! 4 more days to the weekend...and Take that are on x-factor on saturday

oh lionstar - what a day you have had, especially having to cope with your DD there. Really hope you are over the worst. Totally relate to your "world falling out your fango" comment. Hopefully your bleeding is subsiding - keep taking the painkillers x

Jools - hope you're over the worst too.

Jonesey - great to hear you and DP have been talking things through..

mm and barbie - glad your get together went well - must have been a bit surreal to begin with? I would have felt all shy like a first date and ended up overcompensating by talking drivel!

VillageMum - hope your hormones have started to chill out.

Vjay - sorry you've had a low day, give your DS an extra cuddle, its works for me!

Hey curley, Mollie, sabs,4everhopeful, scamper (I don't think we've met), mermaid and everyone else..

DH is working late tonight so I'm mooching about. About to make some of my Mum's famous 'chocolate balls' for my friends coming round tomorrow. Need to try and not eat half the ingredients as I go along x

hello all, i have finally found a few minutes to catch up with you all, a very sorry welcome to the newbies

Seems you lot had a lot going on over the weekend, i just met up with the lovely mm and had such a lovely time, we talked for ages and i think we could of talked for ages more if the time was there!
I had such bad cramps on sunday night coming home on the train, i really thought i would get up and be bleeding, sadly nothing but lots of discharge, tmi sorry! Today still the same, i really cant wait until next week to see the hospital, although mm did point out it could take weeks to get the results back
I gave in my notice to work today i still have to give it to my boss from hell that part i will be doing on wednesday yikes!

vm my books still hasnt arrived i called them on saturday and it turns out that it was my fault, i paid with my old bank card pre marriage so that account is no longer active! i will re order using the right one
next time!

I think tomorrow i might get a small tattoo, i feel like im ready to remember now, also i have the support of my mum who is still here until wednesday.....

I really do hope you are all ok and getting through everything that is being thrown at you during this time, as for me im fine, such a relief to finally talk about mc in rl and not break down but to understand you are all there for me and will not deem me silly or inappropriate.

I will be back here in full swing from thursday but ill be lurking and thinking of you all xxxx

Right, I'm off to bed in a mo after the most spectacularly unproductive sofa and choccie day ever ! I made it out of bed at 10.30 - was dressed by 2.30 Was anyone else really incredibly bone-weary post mc ? I never got the tiredness some people get in pregnancy - just now.

Sabs - I never made the cathedral - got as far as Tescos for more choc supplies and it was raining and I felt really lethargic, so that may be a destination for tomorrow.

I have spent half the evening (before Spooks of course) reading the original thread in a bid to "get to know" you all - head is spinning now !! Hopefully now the worst is over, I can stop the "me" posts and show some interest in other people

Evening... Just checking in b4 I crawl off to my bed.

It is 2 weeks since this mc began and tomorrow morning I would have been having my scan . However, am feeling infinitely better than I did last week already so am hoping things are looking up and I can start looking forward again.

Things with dp seem much better since the big fallout of Friday night. Thanks to all of you who helped me see we needed to talk. I was in the depths of my own sadness and I think, in hindsight, my despair needed the outlet his anger gave it. I hope we'll make it through this. We've yet to talk about it again since but I guess we will soon when the time's right.

Sorry - all me me me again!!! .

Bleeding seems to be subsiding now at last. Was in the docs today with ds who had a poorly tummy (nothing serious) and my doc saw me in the waiting room and came over and asked if I'd make an appt to see him to talk things thru. I am guessing the results of the analysis of the pg sac & placenta I gave them has come back. Feel slightly anxious in case it's not good news. Altho with a blighted ovum as I had, suspect it could be ok too. Fingers crossed on that. Seeing him Weds morning.

lionstar I feel for you as I remember how scary it was when I bled out like you did. I too had alarmingly big clots (whole hand size) and awful cramps and it's traumatic. I really hope things settle down for you soon.

vm how's the pmmog? I hope it subsides for you soon. Grey, damp weather never helps - if only the sun would shine for a few days, that would help lift it a bit. When will you be back in your newly painted sanctuary?

mm and barbie brilliant you both met up! And so good to hear how good it was, that was such a good positive story to read!

scamper thnx for your kind (&wise) words!

blue I like the sound of the 'chocolate balls'... ... they sound interesting! Was just watching 'I'm a celebrity' (I am queen of trash telly) and seeing them eating croc & kangaroo balls - nice...

barbie I think the tattoo idea sounds good. Do you ever watch Miami Ink? I've thought about it too. Have DS's initials tattooed on inside of my left wrist already. Where would you put it?

This is a bit of an essay - sorry... Really must go to bed as contact lenses drying up...am squint-frown-winking at the pc . Nite! x

Morning all

Good to hear from you Jonesy - you sound a bit happier - long may it continue.

I haven't bled at all overnight, so fingers crossed this is the end. Had the best nights sleep ever - DP got up for work at 6.45 and I thought it was still the middle of the night ! Could easily crawl back to sleep though

Feeling quite good today so far, but am sure that won't last - a week ago today it all started and shattered hopes, dreams and expectations for the near future

I hope everyone has a good day

Hello everyone! This is just a quickie as I must go to the bank and do a hundred other chores... but I wanted to check in with all of you first!

Lionstar, what a horrendous experience. I really hope you're over the worst now; it does sound like it... hope you're feeling OK in yourself. You've done amazingly well to cope with all of this as you have.

VJay, you're obviously great parents who are in tune with your child! Sounds as if he's a happy and secure boy; you should be patting yourselves on the back! Other people can be amazingly insensitive and are not worth worrying about - thoughtless remarks are reflections of their issues.

barbie, hello, so lovely to see one of your bubbly posts again!

Jonesy, really glad you're feeling a bit better emotionally and that the talk with dp helped; just give yourselves time to get through this - mc takes its toll so be gentle on you!

Curlywurlee, so glad you're liking the book. L was a place I knew in another life...

mm, how are you doing today my sweetie?

sabs, scamper, jools, VJay, bluesatin hello!

Well, my room is freshly painted and the paint is even dry now, but I'm still writing in the kitchen! Go figure, as they say... The room just looks too neat to use now (plus the kettle is closer from here!) Oh well, I will have to move back in later today and restore the room to its old level of mess. Have a good day everyone. xx

jonesy i love miami ink! i have been known to sit and watch 3 episodes back to back [blush} i would like this tattoo, the star on on my wrist
its here
Well what a start to the morning, woke up to dog sick at the bottom of the stairs yuk, nearly gagged cleaning it up! and then my so called best friend sent two nasty text which i received on waking also found out the my estee lauder xmas order was left with a unknown man at the local shop and now we cant trace it, over £1000 worth of stock in the three boxes dont worry i didnt spend that much i get it at half price so now im on a man hunt for the missing goods...
As for my friend maybe i was wrong ? basically another friend is on facebook, her status read go out and buy mother and baby mag as her son is in an advert on a certain page.
So in reply i wrote 'wow, did sam get his picture into the mag? can you post the pic on your page as i wont buy the mag for obvious reasons"
My friend text i was out of order to put such things aparently her words not mine 'we all know you have been through a hard time but you dont need to keep going on about it, writting that will make claire feel bad, you will have a lovely baby one day but until that day you really dont need to keep mentioning mc'

Well sorry for the me me me post but wanted to see what you thought? anyway im off to clean up and maybe venture into get said tattoo.....