missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

[dramaqueen72]

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

Oh dear Ladies, sorry to hear you are having a bad time at the moment. Totally understandable but shite all the same!
Well I can add to the madness - I found myself on my own last night so what did I do? I took an early pregnancy test. Now my AF is not due until at least next Wed (and that is optimistic after ERPC) so what the hell did I expect to see?
No great shock when I got a -ve!!!
I felt really silly afterwards but the desire to do one was so overpowering I just had to - barking mad!
Teatime - I think you should phone the early preg unit and discuss things as it is not right that you should be going through this on your own.
DQ - yes also know that I am not pregnant this cycle - am with you on the secret thinking that I was!
I think it is safe to say we will be a nightmare ttc next month but we can do it!!
George - 12 weeks today - hugs xx

oh for heavens sake, i have just pressed the wrong button and lost my half written answer.bugger. told you NOT good day!! just when i think youre all on the other thread........youre all here! [confused dramaqueen emoticon]
teatime, i had to wait one week between negative scans, i went totally loopy that week with 'what ifs' so i do relate. I'm sure you should get a scan, explain your + pg test. explain you know the 'logic' behind why its still showing +, but that you need to SEE it for yourself. I think you should try and get some answers soon, just so you kow, one way or another, and can then decide what to do, or what not to do. the limbo is absolutely killing. (((hugs))) to you today.
George, so sorry, i would of been 12wks on feb 2nd. stupidly wrote down midwife visit planned for that day, so when i turn teh calendar over the other day, got a horrible shock and now have scribbled out midwife but can still see it not fair is it? hope you get thro today okay. keep thinking of christmas/new year babies okay? we will get there.
bella, you silly lady you. ((hugs)). i'm sorry it was negative. but you know, early days etc etc. it may well be + still this month. I cant believe how cranky i am now i'm sure af is nearly here. (neither can dh.....) I hope i can pull myself together and look forward. just need a grumble a bit, then i'll be fine.
thinking of you all today.
anyone fancy coming round and having a 'kitchen warming'? should be finished by tonight!

i would have been 13 weeks today and unfortunately have marked each week on calender so have BIG reminder of the fact.

Big hugs to you all, i am finding this thread a great support to myself and just wish i felt strong enough to offer advice but i dont, havent posted ANY advice on other threads at all since mc!!

Do any of you think that a couple could just be incompatible (sorry if thats horrid to think about) its just someone i know told me that him and his ex wife had 4 mc and split up because they were told they could never have a baby together due to incompatibility, apparently her body was rejecting his babies! He has since had a daughter with his new wife!

This has got me worried now and dh and i have already discussed the fatc that both of us want more children and wouldnt be happy to not have them!

Bonkerz - in my opinion I wouldn't let yourself go down that route of thinking. The fact is that m/c as awful as they are, are actually very common and happen to thousands of women each year. I know it is of little comfort but a lot of people have 2 in a row and it really isn't down to any major problem and they go on to have healthy children. Everybody thinks what you are talking about at some point, DH and I are trying for our first baby so have also had the thought that maybe we are not compatible. I honestly think it is clutching at straws and hearing it about someone you know just adds to your own paranoia. Hope I am making sense?

u are making perfect sense but my paranoya is getting the better of me. Mentioned it to dh last night and he siad he didnt even want to think about it! Am goign for a cup of tea now so will wish you all love and hugs and will catch up later

I think we all need to go out & buy new calendars today!!

Absolutely !

To all who would have been 12 wks in Feb (me too) (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

Teatime, that is so hard, I totally empathise with not being able to move on, it must be so odd to see a positive test and so upsetting. I agree with Bella, I think the EPAU (or someone else your gp's?) should be helping you to go through this experience, they must know how hard it is. I hope they are good to you if you call them. I had a lovely EPAU Sister at my last scan. She did everything to speed me past all the bouncing bulges and get me out of there asap.
Bonkerz, I've known exactly that logic myself too, but a dr said to me recently that incompatibility is relatively rare and generally he thinks of carrying a viable pg as similar to the predictability of throwing dice - we can't guarantee a 6 every time, and sometimes we'll throw 2s a lot and then suddenly a rush of 6s. Of course that's obvious but I repeat it to myself a lot that the real thing to celebrate is the having got pregnant, that ability is a massive positive like George said. Not that thinking this makes it easier or anything, but I am heartened sometimes by the element of randomness in fertility that it's somehow nothing personal!
Hereshoping, it's slow work getting to the nervous ttc thread isn't it?? I hang out there a bit trying to trick myself into some positive thinking.
DQ - I left you a message 'on the Other Side....'!!!

Girl - the dice thing is a great way of thinking of it
I would have been 13 weeks today
had hard time at work today - got asked to do pretty much the worst job in the circumstances - had to gp to postnatal ward and check all the new babies who were for home
thought handling a few might give me that elusive babydust but just made me feel sad
however after that found out that one of the mums at school whos 32 has just had a mastectomy for breast cancer - puts it in perspective
Bella,DQ - think how much better youll feel after AF when at last weve got a proper chance to ttc again
Bonkerz - i feel pretty incompatible with my dh at present but not from point of view of pg!
Teatime thinking of you - hope you get thru this soon

Hereshopping - that's a bit rough having to deal with the new borns, bless. Looks like you managed to hang in there though, good for you.
Yes keep having sad moments but you are right if and when AF shows her head then yes absolutely can view it as being a step closer to ttc successfully next month - hadn't thought about it that way.

hereshoping, that is so hard, I found it hard enough today in the supermarket just steering past all the tinies in their carseats.... but to have to hold them, you're a stronger woman than I am. Also a propos of the young woman with a mastectomy, I've been really thrown recently by hearing from a woman I know whose husband died entirely unexpectedly before xmas. It's so shocking - she has young children. It really makes you wonder about how nothing is guaranteed doesn't it and how much we should appreciate what we have. But not easy to sustain that appreciation sometimes.
Hope all are well and have a good w/end.

I just received a nuchal scan appointment from the ultrasound dept who've scanned me twice since I started to m/c........ I phoned and mentioned that they'd seen me twice since and could she put it on the system that I've m/c and she said "sorry,um yes I've put it in the system.". I'm sure it's just a mistake but still a little depressing!

omg, that SO thoughtless of them!!!! cant we sue them or something? i'm so sorry, you'd think they would be slightly more tactful....i think you should complain, even if just to save some other poor soul from the same thing.

Oh dear GFP - thoughtless people!!
Very unsetting

Just wanted to wish everyone a good week as I'm off on holiday in an hour. Going to spend some time relaxing (seem to be very irritable at the moment) before I have to face work again. I'm also going to scatter my Dads ashes (he died at New Year) so hopefully this will be a turning point and I can lay both him & the baby bump to rest in a beautiful place.
Hope things are OK for everyone else. Looking forward to us all moving permanently to the TTC thread by the end of Feb. xx

well happy holidays george, even tho i've missed you by now. I'm so sorry about your Dad, what a rough time its been for you lately. hope you find a beautiful place for them both ((hugs))

Girl -how are you? i so worry about you when you dont check in! hope cold is now receeding fast and youre feeling better.
big hellos to everyone.

George, what a task ahead of you. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you well.

DQ, what a lovely msg, thank you, I always look to see if you're around too. I've been at a children's party today, took my cold and ds and had a v happy day no tiny babies to make my heart ache but a glorious 18 monther with cheeks so chubby you could almost sleep on them! Also this w/end I'm getting full-on negative vibes from dh about the amount of time I'm on mn, muchos resentmos. And I probably should say some of the things I can pour out here to him I guess......
But have to admit it's more fun talking to you guys!
Thinking of you all and here's to a good a week as possible for us all...

why is it that the smallest thing sets me back so much, age old problem of 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. dsd and ds havent mentioned baby etc since we told them last friday and today dsd said that she is going to be a good sister to the babay! Out of nowhere!!! Was quite taken aback by it and had tears in my eyes and dh had to explain all over again.

Dh and i have decided to leave it to nature with the ttc thing. Its strange really cos we are now behaving like teenagers, its been ages since we had sex for the sake of having sex rather than for making a baby (sorry if tmi)

Am not going to join the ttc thread but may do in a few months! Am feeling ok aslong as i keep busy.

I do find that i keep going back to the due in august thread which isnt helping. NOTE TO SELF must stop reading the due in august thread!

Thanks everyone for all the thoughtful words, support and hugs (George, Bella, dq, bonkerz, girlfromip, hereshoping) - I was smiling wryly Bonkerz at your calendar story as I've got one or two marked up to about 20 weeks, glad I'm not the only one to regret doing that now!

About the incompatibility thing (just for info, not to disagree with what anyone has said about it being unlikely) - I picked up a book on Miscarriage in a library sale (before I knew for sure it was going to be me) which definitely had a lot to say about immunotherapy. It was published in 1990 so may have been superceded (you'd have thought there would be more info if it was proven) but it describes research into the possibilty that if both partners have very similar antigens, the mother's body might be rejecting the pregnancy as if it were 'foreign' to her. The treatment is to give her white blood cells from the father before conception or shortly afterwards to boost her immune system. I think this type of case is relatively rare and I expect treatment would only be available after n experiences of miscarriage but in the book ('Miscarriage' by Wendy Jones, published by Thorsons) they cited a high level of success with the treatment. However if you have achieved a successful full term pregnancy incompatibility is highly unlikely to be the cause of m/c and most of us are in that position I think?

I'm going to ring the Miscarriage nurse tomorrow and have a chat. She asked me to do this 'If it doesn't happen over the weekend' which sounded so confident that it would happen sometime. However I just don't know any more. The old hippy in me just wants nature to do its own thing and I'm in a real limbo while waiting. I feel as if there must be something I can do to help it along but she said there wasn't. I asked her if we might be talking about MONTHS of waiting and she didn't really answer. Meanwhile my body thinks I'm pregnant and with my resident lump (fibroid) I look it too. Just wish I really were...

Teatime, I hope you have a good chat with m/c nurse, all this waiting around must be so hard!
GFP - hope the cold is on its way out.
Well just wanted to pop in to see how everyone is and to say that I am willing everyone to be "through the other side"

Teatime, thinking of you. I don't know whether you've considered any complementary therapies in this waiting time, obviously not instead of medical intervention but something that might help a gentle shift? Some people say reflexology can be useful for prompting things that are going to happen naturally like this. I know a stupendous woman in London if you're interested.
I really sympathise with your waiting having gone thorough weeks of 'loss' now and finding it very emotionally draining and physically long-winded/unpleasant etc. Hope you find whatever you need to help you through this, it's really up and down isn't it?
Had a massive and very honest chat with dh last night about mc and everything, it was really good, there was a lot that hadn't been said and it felt great to get it off our chests.
Bonkerz that's so sad about your little one mentioning the baby, so painful.
And whoah! I know that August pull, I went once just before they started that new thread and haven't let myself since. We're right to resist, was it Bella who said put your arms in the air and back away from the computer?!
Happy Monday DQ, thinking of you all, thanks Bella and all thoughts about my cold, I've almost defeated it!

hey ladies. yes Girl- i have also stopped myself from peeking at the Aug thread now. just a tad to painful. once you get out the habit tho it does become easier. I try and remind myself how envious pg ladies/new mummies about now will be of me, when its me thats all round and glowing from being pg. sounds abit daft on paper but it helps me.
teatime hope you got some answers today. or some comfort?
Girl, good to hear the cold is almost gone, sure this will be your week to feel better and better. i have a 20mth old with chubby cheeks and big blue blue eyes...reminded me of the 18mth old you met at the party.
bonkerz, i'm sorry about the m/c cropping up with the children again. i hope it gets easier for all of you. soon it will be just steps forward ((hug))
i'm very confused about ttc. dh and i have 'left it to chance' this month. but i know if i am pg it will cause some controversy around us. my Gp for one is very disapproving of ttc so soon, my inlaws are 'concerned' about anything before three months after surgery, and i just KNOW if -god forbidd- anything awful should happen the next time, ttc too soon will be gossiped about as a possible cause (it isnt a cause medically, just amongst gossipy types) so this is clouding my feelings very much. i keep telling myself not ot care, why care about other people? dh and i are the only ones who matter in this, but thats easier said than done. i am a born worrier, esp about what other people think stupid -yes, but very very real. so abit sad now and not really able to put into words very well why. i dont want to stop ttc, but i just want to be capable of saying the right thing back to disapprovers.

Great post dq, you are the don of the double thread IMO, you and bella both. But I am sorry that you've felt down! People are so so so judgmental, particularly about everything related to fertility, don't get me started on my s.bbbb

Great post dq, you are the don of the double thread IMO, you and bella both. But I am sorry that you've felt down! People are so so so judgmental, particularly about everything related to fertility, don't get me started on my s.bbbb

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