missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

[dramaqueen72]

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

hate to tell you this bella, but i cant help you with NOT going mad...i can however go mad along with you!!

Not sure i am ready to concieve again emotionally or physically but dont want to use chemicals and mess up my body even more. I spose i am thinking that it took us so long to concieve the last 2 times that if im careful around Ovulation then i wont get pregnant but these things have thier ways! Dh doesnt know what we should do but isnt joyful about the prospect of using condoms!!

Good to hear from you bonkerz and teatime, hope all are well, bella - your posts are wonderful full of life, your optimism is contagious despite my terrible cold that is making me feel dreadful and look worse....
Hope everyone is ok and getting through, I don't feel I'm much help at the moment, a bit stuck with slight bleeding still, I keep thinking 'this will be the last day' and it isn't. my dh said breezily the other day: 'oh it could go on for another 3 or 4 weeks, I read it on the internet'. I can't remember what I've been told. Going to bed with a vat of lemsip and hope ER doesn't have anything baby related this week or I'll have to turn it off. Good night all

GFP - the mini bleed is soo depressing as it just never seems to end. I think your DH needs to be shot at dawn for the comment of it going on for weeks. You have to laugh - they just have no idea sometimes what you want to hear! The "norm" is a couple of weeks, mine was just over that. The boring wait is awful but it won't go on forever, use every week as a milestone instead of everyday, helps to make time go a bit quicker I find.
ER has the ongoing story line of Carter's baby dying so maybe give that one a miss if you are feeling wobbly.
Hope the cold eases up soon.

Good to hear from all - bella and dq - you sound positive and like you are moving on - hope i get there soon
Im having good days but also really low days - like yesterday. i know its normal and i always get a bit down in Jan anyway
Hey its 1st Feb today - thats good - that Jan is now behind us. Hopefully all get normal AFPS this month then can move on
bonkerz - glad telling children went well. Be prepared to get upset thuogh when it comes up in conversation from time to time

• it did with mine last time

Hereshopping - its been a week since op for you hasn't it? That's great, it means you are whole week better. It has been 3 weeks for me now and the difference in the last week has been amazing, I am still hurt by what has happened but I don't feel so "desperate" about it.
Just think - only 8 days to pancake day

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words and support. Its such a releif to know that other people know what you are going through. It has been 4 weeks since my D&C and I stil cannot beleive that I am no longer pregnant. I even check the books to see what stage I would be if I was still pregnant. I am desperate to be pregnant again but feel that I am going to come on in the next few days especially now that I have just reached for the chocolate. I have a hosp appt next week to get the restults if there are any results as I have been told to expect to find out that it is just bad luck. How can i have one successfull pregnancy and now this. I know there are people who do not even have one but it still feels like a massive loss.

Trix - ive had 3 successful pgs - got pg first month of trying then sailed thru. now 2 mcs in 6 months - it can happen and doesnt mean we wont do it.
know what you mean about stage of pg - my sil is pg and we would have been due at same time - v hard not to be jealous of her
look on your af as your body telling you its back to normal, healthy and ready to carry another baby

hi all,
It does sound like there's more optimism and cheerfulness on this thread so I hope that's spreading to all those grieving at the mo. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks from the scan that showed the missed m/c and so since nothing's happened I'll have to ring the nurse and get her advice. Luckily the following week is Reading week (fewer classes to teach) so I might be able to sneak a day off without it being noticed too much. Some colleagues know but I don't plan to tell any more or any students so I'd rather not have to miss classes and stuff.

Thanks for the advice dq - yes, I think it's time for closure but it feels like that will be 'it' for me till the menopause . I was so happy to have actually managed to conceive at all... I'm not devoid of all hope but just facing up to reality I suppose - 45 is a ripe old age after all.

Hope everyone is OK today. I'm through the op and seem to be OK so far. Lots of pain & blood on coming round, with a bit of an over-active uterus, but calmed down within 2 hours and raring to eat my toast so I could go home!
Scared DP with my zombie moment as he walked into the ward, apparently I looked grey, was doubled over in pain and moaning as I shuffled back from the toilet. Think he was so relieved when pain killers finally kicked in and I went back to normal. Seemed to have stopped bleeding for the time being and have been really positive so far. It's so nice to see all the positive comments from everyone, this board has been such a help. Definitely helps with the understanding and stops you feeling alone going through this. I really do feel like I'm recovering now which is amazing considering it's less than a week since I had the scan.

George, so glad all over for you. Sounds like you are on the road to recovery.
Teatime - sorry to hear you are still in limbo, time to speak to someone I think.
I am no medic but I wouldn't give up hope quite yet, try to view this as a set back not as a sign it will never happen. People on this thread have just had something awful happen to them but we can get past it, hang in there for a bit.
DQ - so many Taurus's in your life - you know how fab we are then !!!
Trix - sorry you are feeling so low about your m/c. It is so unfair I agree. Not sure if it is any comfort to know that this happens to 1 in 4 women so very common indeed and I have yet to hear a story where a women doesn't go on to have a perfectly healthy baby further down the line.
I think most people feel the urge to get pregnant again asap - hope we can all do it together

George, really glad to hear you're feeling good, i too, after the awful weeks wait between scans, felt so much more positive after the op. i seemed to bounce really quickly after that. take it easy and i'm really pleased youre 'on the other side' from all the horrible sad stuff.
teatime -hey, no gicing up yet...you just never know.
trix -af is a good thing! well, right now it is! means, just like Bella said, youre body is working properly and moving on. i felt just like you after my first m/c. - i had 2 children all fine, not even a thought about m/c entered my head , -it was something that happened to other people, then i had the m/c and fell apart. however i went on to have dd (pg within 3 cycles) and she has mde me feel better about this one, still sad, but not so.......'end of everything' you know? i know i can go on to have another baby, because i did it before. i hope i dont have to go thro any more m/c tho, before i get there. oh dont torture yourself over stages of where you would of been, just keep hanging on to 'your turn is coming'. (((hugs)))

Hi folks and thanks for the 'don't give up' messages! I'm gonna keep trying for a bit yet ... spoke to the nurse and she said it's fine to keep waiting a bit longer, but if nothing happens over this weekend I should give her a ring on Monday as she might be able to get me a slot for the op that suits my timetable. I must say she's been really good - a model of caring and sensitivity (not always much of that in the NHS!).

Gotta dash to ds's nursery open day - more later.

hi all! had abit of a relapse tonight. went to an ann summers party and sat next to me was a 17 year old who is 4 months pregnant and she was smoking and drinking and boasting about how wasted she got last weekend! There really is no justice in the world!

Oh dear Bonkerz - What a horrid woman!
Lie is so unfair - best to clear the thought from your head.

Bonkerz, women like that are impossible to understand from our position aren't they?! On another planet, how unpleasant for you. Sounds like she doesn't want to be pg at all, feel a little sad for her baby.
Teatime, a good friend of mine got pregnant at 45 and now has a lovely girl. I think it's harder for us older mums but not impossible! It's a really difficult cusp to sit on, all the best for working through this time, I don't think there's anything easy about it.
I hope all are well, I'm still bleeding a little bit, enough to think that it's been months now! Certainly enough to make me feel that ttc is a long way off! cold from hell has also made me feel grim, had a sobby day yesterday and was mean to ds who has so much energy and I'm not up to expending it. Feel a little better today. It all just feels so slow. I wonder how much feeling down is about the m/c or just the cold etc. Feels like its going on forever. Anyway, you optimists are my great tonic and contribute hugely to my occasional bursts of positive thinking! Hope all are well.

GFP - I think the still bleeding stage is the worst as it does just seem to go on FOREVER!!
I got to the stage when I was just so p**sed off as it made me think how can I move on when it is still a constant reminder!! I would just say Hang in there, it will stop anyday now.
Poor you - having a coldy thing as well will make you feel low!
DQ - come on then we want to know how the kitchen is coming along?

Am still a little upset today about last night BUT i have to learn to not let those things bother me so much. My time will come i know that and in the mean time i have to be strong and try not to blame myself! Am managing to talk lots about what happened last week with all my friends who are being brilliant and feel better each day. My bleeding has stopped completely but have still not decided about contraception! Dh and i have started our love life again so maybe we will just leave it to chance! I think no matter when i fall pregnant my life will still be on hold for 3 months regardless of weather the baby is planned or not! Does that sound stupid? Was told to wait 6 weeks before going to see my doctor but do you think i should go and see her now? Just for reassurance that concieving too soon wont run the risk of me having another mc? Im sorry about all the questions but i would really like to know what everyone else thinks and what advice they have been given etc....

Bonkerz gald you are talking to your friends, i do think it helps a lot.
Well regarding the ttc too soon, well I was told by the head honcho at Kings early gyno unit that I didn't have to wait. She told me not to worry about any future pregnancies. She also said the same had happened to her and she had conceived without waiting a month. I for one am taking her word. Does this help?

ladies.. kitchen is absolute bedlam...smell of paint knocking us all out....but never mind!! i'm loking forward to the weekend now, when apparently it will be ready for me to cart everything back in. dining room also mess.....dd and I are hiding from it all!
Girl- sorry its not over yet, fingers crossed that by next week it will have stopped for good.
and have lost you cold too. limbo is disheartening i know, but hang in there, we're all counting on you joining in ttc asap!

bonkerz, leaving it to chance for a month is fine, trust me i've asked enough Dr last time!. you will ALWAYS get a dr (usually a GP) who disapproves of ttc too early, but never mind them. the experts say its fine, so its fine they get abit narked at having to date via scans if youve not had af but tough!!!! it is a very slim chance tho in your first cycle, 2nd and 3rd are better chances anyhow. serveral of us are just where you are, i certainly am, so youre not alone.
i'm v bored and restless today, no idea whats up with me. but i simply cannot settle. sigh...

I'm excited about the kitchen dq, it's like our own thread 'soap'!
News from the Land Of the Worst Cold In The Whole World: I'm on cold turkey from lemsip which actually stopped working yesterday so I'm weaning off, still look like the Elephant Woman with red eyes and an entirely nasal voice but it is finally feeling a little better and my mood, thank god, is lifting because yesterday was a proper belljar special, glad it's over. Hope all are well and feeling like they might be moving forward. Thanks for encouragment dq and bella, hope to really feel it's over, trying to be patient

Hi all
Im back at work today - now - and have told anyone whos asked why ive been off- the sympathy has really helped
girl - im still bledding though much less so i too feel some way off ttc
bonkerz advice not to try too soon is just so they can date another preg
have you all read miscarriage - what every woman needs to know by prof lesley Regan - an excellent book though quite medical - but v reassuring that it will happen
how much better does everyone feel for it being feb? roll on those xmas/new yearbabies - great excuse to get out of cooking xmas dinner this year!

I'm so angry. i'm so fed up, i'm so unreasonable. i think i have PMT ladies. i am hating everything and everyone right now. dreadful evening out with dh, after visiting a friend of his in hospital we went for a quick bite to eat, everywhere was full and busy and ended up in ask pizza, REALLY full and so loud we couldnt speak to each other about much.
but i am SO ANGRY and tired and cross...bloated, hungry, you name it...eeek! its worth avoiding me at all costs.
i'm sorry i vented that here, just needed to speak to you guys. it seems i am -of course- not going to be pg this cycle. i already kinda thought so, but as i am this angry and cross at the thought already....its a scary insight into how i'm going to be next month when ttc in ernest.
sorry so grouchy. somebody shoot me

Hi Dq - with a name like yours we'll forgive you anything so rant away!! I'm afraid I didn't take your (good) advice about not doing a pregnancy test - just wanted a strong negative so I could mentally put it behind me but what did I get? A REALLY strong positive... not fair. I would be 12 weeks now and just want a natural conclusion to this but my body is clinging on to hope and so am I against all reason. I don't think I can go through the op unless they can reassure me (scan or something) that there hasn't been a mistake. Sorry for the folks who are moving on. I feel like I'd be prepared to wait a long time for this to happen naturally - I suppose I'm in denial. I'd like some answers as to why my body hasn't discovered the truth yet and is still pumping out pregnancy hormones - how long will that last? What happened before scans? Why isn't there more information / research done into this?

Teatime, I'm so sorry, I know exactly how you feel. I had the same thoughts running through my head; panicking in case they had the wrong dates, had missed something, wondering if I should have another scan to be sure. It made my 3 day day wait for the erpc torture so it must be agony for you waiting for the natural course.

I managed to get myself in check by talking to my DP about what he saw and heard, and double checking what the doc had said. I think if they were in any doubt they would call you back in for another scan in a weeks time. I'm sure if you call up the early pregnancy clinic they will be happy to talk it through with you. They may even offer you another scan to put your mind at rest especially if they think you should have the op if nothing happens naturally soon. I do hope so. It really is a cruel way to lose a baby with your body teasing you that it is still there.

I would have been 12 weeks today so keeping busy painting and trying to look forwards and be positive. At least I know I can get pregnant and hold on to it (too long in this case), just need to have a healthy bunch of cells to hold on to next time.

Sending you lots of calming thoughts TT, just hope everything is sorted soon for you and you can take the next step forwards.
xx