missed miscarriage, just sat here waiting.....

[dramaqueen72]

anyone out there relate to this? this is my second missed m/c, tho i had a baby inbetween. the shock of a diasterous scan still hurts like mad i found out yesterday. i now have to wait a week for a rescan, and then choose how i want ot proceed. either a eprc (d&c), or pills to force m/c, or 'sit and wait' with poss return to surgery. absolutely crap awful choices. i feel so numb and like my life is on hold. still havent told hardly anyone but struggling to day to appear 'normal' and jolly.
bloatella if youre out there......i couldnt find your thread so am wittering away on this one.

well i had erpc on tues and only just feel normal today! I would have been 12 weeks on wed and was told my baby died t 8 weeks but have felt pregnant until today!

Geordie, after the OP the signs will go very quickly which is a relief as you are right - that just adds to the grief!
I viewed the OP very much as a sign that I could move foward. It is very sad to m/c but at least with the ERPC you know that all has happened, you don't have to wait for ages for it to be over and you can then start to come to terms with what has happened.
I started taking evening primrose and royal jelly in order to try and help my hormones as they are all over the place for a while.
You'll be fine, you will just need lots of TLC.

That could be worse I guess. Glad it's not weeks & weeks. I'm fed up of eating like I'm pregnant still, craving things. I'm tempted to eat things I really don't want just to take spite on my body for being so cruel. Think I've gone to war with my body for a bit - at least until the end of next week by the sounds of it.

Hang in there Geordie. I'll be honest it is a horrible thing to go through but I am over 2 weeks past it and it does get better. You will go through many stages - anger, sobbing etc. Just keep popping on here and listening to other people as I think it really does help with dealing with your loss.

Thanks for your help. It's good to see how balanced you seem after only 2 weeks. Hope I get to the same stage.
George

I think its all about stages. I have days when I am absolutely fine and days when I really am not. The days of not being fine just get fewer, they turn more into wobbles.
If you work I would really advice to take a few days off afterwards, you need to time to re-adjust to the outside world before you can face people.
Good Luck and remember you will come out the other side.

Bonkerz, so sorry to hear that, what a nightmare when people say things like that. Good luck tonight, people always say how buoyant and 'in the present' children can be, I hope it goes ok for you.
Also just in case it's of any use I'll mention this.. I've been told in the past that I've confused my feelings with my ds's at times and sometimes feel upset on his behalf when I might not need to feel as upset, almost as if I blur our emotional worlds which are different and have different needs. I'm not saying you're doing that! I only mention it because I felt better when the person said that to me, a bit as if the load was a little lighter. What they said was 'you don't have to have his feelings for him, that's his right to have his own feelings' a little hard but I found it a real help!
George, a huge welcome to you - so sorry to have to welcome you here, it is just too unfair and to still feel pregnant. I don't know what to say. This thread has been an enormous help to me and I hope I can contribute to supporting you too. Thinking of you and please post anytime. I feel as if two or three weeks has been as long as it took to start to feel a little like myself again.
All the best to all.

Hello all of you - I'm afraid I am another ex August thread member. DQ - I read your first posat again and that is where I am now. I had a scan today after bleeding and no heartbeat. Baby was 9plus3 and I should be 11plus1. This is my third and I had just about convinced myself the other two were just really bad luck and it happens again. I feel a bit light headed after drinking a brandy or two and not eating much today. Not so good for bf my dd but it dulls the pain a little.

I think that there have been 9 mcs on the August thread - surely that thread has had it's fair share of bad luck.

Bonkerz I am thinking of you at the moment, I remember that when I had erpc when I lost one of my babies, I couldnt go to the toilet fro 3 days, I think its prob normal, I went home and ate a whole tin of prunes in apple juice and that eventually did the trick. Chickpea I posted on the august thread, i am at a stage where I am getting lost for words, so much grief on one thread.{{{hugs}}} to you both

oh chickpea, i'm so sorry to see you here. i cant believe that number of people have ended up here, from august. i'm so sorry youve been here before too, its so unfair. you found out at the same time -date wise- that i did last time it happened to me. this time it happened to me much earlier, but that didnt make it any better. i hope this thread will help you, even re-reading our old posts. i cannot believe how far i have come -mentally- since my ERPC. feels like a life time ago. i hope you will feel like that too very soon. go easy on the brandy tho...(((hugs)))
i found that dd helped me huge amounts this time. hope you find that too. take it easy on yourself and rest alot the next few days.
bonkerz i hope your children took the news well, or like only children can; super quickly on to next subject. i hope it was easier than you were expecting, if you see what i mean.
georgie - hello and welcome. i hope we help you 'get thro this' and help you on the way to ttc successfully. i still felt sick and had that taste you spoke about too, awful cruel body tricks. they do go very quickly after the surgery i promise. and tho its scary (I was a total wimp) the surgery is not horrendously painful or anything. just give yourself time to rest and recooperate afterwards. i tried to do too much and fell apart a few days later. last time i did the surgery i also did too much (not one for sitting down me!) made myself bleed and got a very painful infection... so i cant stress enough that you must take it easy afterwards.
heres to feb & march, and awful decemeber/january being behind us all and us ttc in lovely spring sunshine, hate this cold grey weather right now, adding to any depression.
hope you ladies post during the weekend too, as cant survive without you

Chickpea, I'm so so so sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of you and hoping that you can find some of the support you need here.(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) to you and thinking of you.
I couldn't believe it when I saw your name, it's shocking how many of us there are. Please come here anytime, this thread was a real life line for me.
Bonkerz, george, herehoping, teatime, hope you're all doing ok thinking of you too. And dramaqn and bella - hope you're well too.

It really is unbelievable how many of us are frm the August thread!
Chickpea, so sorry to hear you are joining us. I know many have said it but i really do hope it helps to know you are not going through this alone.
Take the advice and be easy on yourself and we promise that that it will get easier and i think together on this thread we will move forward.
Hugs to you, will be thinking of you.
Right - as DQ has said that is it for Dec and Jan, Feb/march is going to be nothing but good!
This is out time!!

chickpea - so sorry to see you here - its really helped me theres so many of us here though also incredibly sad.Hope we can support each other and see each other through sucessfully ttc
george welcome - I felt pg right up to ERPC but it does go away quickly though be prepared for awful hormonal crash. Be very good to yourself - last time I had an ERPC in Aug I went straight back to normality and had a horrible infcn and felt really down later. This time Ive taken a week off work and am resting up and feel much better for it
bonkers - Ive had 2 in a row - Aug and Jan missed mcs and was not told to wait 6 months - in fact was told to stay on folic acid! Given same advice again - try when feel ready though waiting for a normal period helps with dating. Im not going to actively try not to comcieve but am not going to go mad as i think the emotional side is impt for me at present
on a lighter note - have spent day viewing houses - change is in the air as dh is thinking of going for job which means relocating to 60 odd miles away - been nice to have something completely different to think of!

I too have had two missed miscarriages, the first at 8 weeks - very heavy bleeding prompted me to go to the hospital. Last time was on new years eve went for scan at 14 weeks thought everything was fine as i had an early scan at 8 weeks and everything was ok. I had no bleeding so had started to feel that I was through the danger period, went for scan and there was no heartbeat. They etimated that the heartbeat had stopped at nine or ten weeks. I am so devasted, I have not had a period yet but they do say it could be up to six weeks, I do secretly hope that i am pregnant again although i am worried about another miscarriage.

Hi Trix
14 weeks is v late - how awful
hope you are pg but dont worry if you are not - it'll happen
hope you find support on this thread

So sorry to hear your news Chickpea & Trixi. I'm sure we are all wishing January away and looking forward to better times. Our luck has to improve for the rest of the year.
Terrible day yesterday, moping & crying all day. Bad idea to try to go shopping! Feeling better today from the safety of my living room and erpc day getting nearer (mon). I want that to be over so I can start moving forwards and closer to TTC. I've taken your advice and got 2 full weeks off work (all very understanding & supportive) with 1 at home then a week away in Cornwall. Nothing more certain to make me feel better than gazing out to sea.

Thank all for your lovely words - and I will say again - it really helps.

I have decided not to have a d&c or whatever they are called now (what does that stand for eprc). For my previous (at 12 and 16 weeks) I let my body deal but had to be induced for the second one. I took the little babies home and buried them under my Mum's plum tree with strips of my dd and ds's blankets. It made me feel better but we all deal with it in different ways I suppose. Some would probably say I was wierd.

I am waiting for my body to let go now. I am bleeding quite heavily so I don't think it will be long.

Bonkers - I understand that the only reason they like you to wait is to make sure your cycle has resumed normal timing so thay can date the baby more easily. I was told that by a consultant and I was pg with my dd only one cycle after my second mc and the pg was perfect. I would say go with your instinct and how you and your dp/dh feel. Good luck.

Trixi - I am a firm believer in hoping - you never know. After my two previous I remember being so desperate to fall pg again - it was quite stressful for me and my dh and a relief when it happened so quickly.

This time I am not so sure how I will feel after the baby has left me. I'm sure i'll be desparate to be pg again but I am going to be sh*t scared.

welcome to trixi, sorry you're joining us here, so so sorry for your loss and thinking of you.
Hope everyone's well on this thread and had ok w/ends and not been in too much discomfort. May we all have the best weeks possible under the circumstances.

oh i'm so sorry to read more sad news, i kinda hoped we had been the statistics and everyone else would be okay
Trixi, i'm sory you too have had 2 missed m/c. so have i. esp at 14 wks, how unfair and cruel to have seen a good scan. i wish you a speedy return to ebing pg, this time successfully and happily.
chickpea, i'm so sorry. i understand you not having surgery, i had mine as my body would not bleed or anything, just hung on to it. i'm touched at your little burial services. i never even got asked if i would like to take anything home. its a sad world. if thats what helps you cope, do it. thats the only way forward for you, go there. we all do it differently, just to get by. i hope you do want to ttc again, later on, then you can join us all obsessing ttc-ers on the other thread too
i hear you with being scared....scared is an understatement. after my first m/c i got pg in 3 cycles with dd. i cant tell you how many times i was down the early pg unit getting checked out. and hiring a dopler to help me reassure myself -every ten minutes! i absolutely didnt relax and think she would be fine until i got to about 34 wks!
george deeply envious of your week away. i'm the same at the seaside and i shall be thinking of you tomorrow, i hope it all goes really smoothly and quickly for you. if its any help,i'm 2 wks on from mine and feel like it was a long LONG time ago already. it altered my perspective (again) and i feel like a stronger person now. i hope you get a lovely rest and break away.
chickpea- ERPC stands for something like 'evacuation of products retained after conception' such a horrible name eh?
Girl. hope you had a better weekend and are feeling okay. let me know
bonkerz, are you out there? how did the meal out go? hope youre okay.
i'm feeling quite sad, but okay. i was re-reading my 'take home' notes/leaflets from my surgery and -stupidly- worked out the date my baby stopped growing (died then);christmas Eve. which made me feel v sad. i wish i hadnt done that now. And i realised today how desperately my dh wants us to be pg again, from things he said this morning. i feel bad for not remembering how much it affects him for ages too, and feel sad i cant make his day by showing him a positive pg test yet. he always gets so excited and happy. may it be very soon that i can do that.

dramaqn, xmas eve, that is so so sad. I'll leave you a msg on the ttc thread.

Hi all - I haven't posted for a while and I'm SO GLAD this thread is still here with all the refugees (and friends) from the August thread, but I'm shocked that there are still some joining us from there or from being due then - Chickpea, George, Trix so sorry for the sad news. Chickpea - you sound like me, wanting to go the natural route but my problem is that I haven't been bleeding for about 2 weeks so don't think it will happen that way. Does anyone know what would happen if I just carried on and didn't go for the op at all? I suppose I'm reluctant about that because it'll remind me of a termination 15 years ago in unhappy circumstances - I'd rather have my body deal with it in its own way if pos. However if it has to be I'll cope with it I suppose.

Been carrying on at work and feel fine really but had a bad moment today after watching the anatomy programme and being reminded of the fact that one's heart starts beating in the womb till the day you die - just wondered if my Dot got as far as having a heart beat and found myself crying. Dh was a bit surprised but very supportive and told me how much he'd wanted the baby too which was nice to hear.

Ds had his grommet operation on Wed which went fine - a completely different part of the hospital so no reminders. However wondered if it will be me for a general anaesthetic next week or so. I'm thinking of taking a pregnancy test to reassure myself that it's really over - might be mad to do that but if it doesn't show up negative I'll want them to check again. (They probably would refuse I guess?)

Tomorrow (I mean today!) is the last day of Jan and I join everyone in hoping that a new month will be a fresh start. Hope those who are ttc do so quickly so that 2005 can STILL be a year of celebration.

hi all, feel ok today! someone told me i look like my old self! Not sure about that but today is a good day, have lots of energy and not feeling so down. People are asking questions about what happened and im able to answer matter of factly and not get upset which is progress. Told DS and DSD on friday night about the baby, DH was very good and explained that the baby was very poorly and has gone to heaven so it isnt in my tummy anymore and that we will have a baby but it wont be this year. they took it well and did surprise us both. One of the hardest things we have ever had to do though. Dh and i are doing ok but the MC are taking their toll abit and we are both abit stressed etc and taking it out on each other but always have a hug and kiss before bed and im sure we will get through this tough time very soon. Bleeding has stopped but now not sure whether to go to docs about contraception or just leave concieving to chance? It took my body 16 months to get back to normal after coming off pill and not sure i want to do that again! Any advice would be great!

teatime, i would be concerned about any chance of infection, as i had an infection last time and it hurt more than anything i can think of. -fine one minute, blood and absolute agony the next rushed to hospital......awful awful experience. dont take a pg test, it will read positive (tho maybe not as strong) because until its all gone from you your body will have some pg hormones whizzing round -thats why some of us had sickness etc after a negative scan. if you really really couldnt face any surgery, but the dr want you to do something, have you thought about the medication route? I hope you get some 'closure' soon. and we are all here too. ((hugs))
bonkerz glad the conversation went well with ds and dsd. and i really hope you and dh pull together rathe than apart now. this time dh was fantastic...last time i think we were both so shocked we didnt pull together at all and it just prolonged the heartache of the m/c. i hope its all okay. as for ttc/comtraception..not sure it sounds like youre 100% ready to discover your pg again yet? sorry if i'm wrong. i would go on the pill/similar if youre not sure yet, as its very draining and such an emotional thing to do another pg if not ready. you can come and join bella and i and the others on the ttc thread if you are ready. we are freaking out over ttc too soon/wanting to be pg already you remember how it plays with your mind!
that aside i'm so glad you feel good today, i was really worried about you last time.
hope everyone has a good day. take care

Hi, just thought I Would pop into to see how everyone is. Bonkerz, I like you feel more like my "old Self" and haven't cried for 3 whole days - ye ha!
Teatime, sorry you are still going through it. I think as regard to having an op or not. Well as far as I am aware you can pass things naturally but you do need to bear in mind that sometimes not everything comes away and therefore an ERPC is necessary in order to prevent an infection.
I personally didn't like the idea of waiting for things to happen naturally and with the ERPC everything was over and back to normal by 2 weeks later.
If it helps Hereshopping I had a termination about 5 years ago and was worried that having the ERPC would bring it all back but I have to say that it didn't. The hospital staff are so very nice and the information you get is so very different that the whole procedure didn't remind me at all.
Let me know what you decide to go with
If

Bonkerz - re the conception advice.
Well to be honest I wouldn't want to go down the pill idea. I think our hormones have been through enough at the moment without artifically adding to them, but that is just me.
As for when to ttc and if straight away, well as I am one that has has jumped straight back on board and I can tell you that it is a fruit cake place to be - lots of padded cell moments! Thank God for the others on here to tell me that I am normal and not in fear of going mad.
Anyway hope it helps to have me prattling on - am trying to be helpful honestly!!